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Story / Abstract
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More from Altair Canopus Kyesdom
Listed in Folders
... As 14 are also the years probably, I've feared this moment to eventually come.
May the 3rd will be indeed the 14th month since a queen has departed,
leaving her knight with his blank story all to write...
And thus, so long from that unavoidable moment, I lost in a dream with her,
questioning things I always wanted to ask her...
Italian version here.
Hope you appreciate it: good reading, everybody .
May the 3rd will be indeed the 14th month since a queen has departed,
leaving her knight with his blank story all to write...
And thus, so long from that unavoidable moment, I lost in a dream with her,
questioning things I always wanted to ask her...
Italian version here.Hope you appreciate it: good reading, everybody .
IN MEMORIAM - Tina
11-11-1999 / 3-3-2019
“Marino, here I am…”
“Tina…”
“Marino, so nice to see you again… It’s been fourteen months…”
“It is…”
“Marino, I know there’s many things you always wished for us to speak about…
Ask me now everything you want. Let me grant you the answers you’ve so longed for from me.”
“Tina… I…”
“Don’t fret: ask me anything that comes to your mind. Everything you want.”
“Tina… How are you now?… Where are you… How’s it like where you are?...”
“Pretty disappointing as a first question, honey… Let me answer this later: ask me something else, now…”
“I…”
“Marino, everything. Even if you think you’d offend me, say it.”
“Tina… I… Tell me then… What happened that day? The day you…”
“Love, you already know, deep inside… You already knew what was to happen, years before I left you,
and turned into one thing with yourself… We suffered together, inside of yourself, Marino…
You welcomed my soul in you, as you prepared for, in years, so that I could keep walking at your side
along your path…
I couldn’t leave you alone, you knew it… I couldn’t walk away from you… Which I never did.
You suffered with me that day… You nearly died with me, such was your love for me…
You took my agony on your shoulders, yet you knew you couldn’t, you couldn’t come with me.
You knew there’s people in this world that need you, and that you couldn’t leave them.
You know where I am now. In the one place I can be close the most to you, more than I ever could.
Inside yourself. ”
“I miss you, Tina… I miss you like crazy…”
“I know, love. I do know. And if you really knew me, just imagine how I’m missing you…
Think you’re the only one lost in memories of afternoons and evenings strolling together through that crumbling palace,
which we metered step by step in every everlasting walk of ours?
I still remember every single day… Every step in there with you, following me from a bit afar, granting me security;
your eyes always heaped with that unquenchable thirst for love… And comprehension…
Nothing in the world made me happier than the company of you, if you recall how I used to run at you…
Under the sun and under the rain…”
“Tina… I loved you. I loved you to the death… And this haunts me… Tortures me inside…
I long for something that no more is there… I despair when I realize how impossible a love as ours was…
And then I shame myself… I could I possibly love you so hard!?
How dared I making the center of my whole existing around yourself for so many years?
Finding a mom, a daughter, a muse, an angel, a goddess, a queen to serve as a knight,
my only rest away from despair, the purest and highest idea of love I sought for in the world, among my kin,
while meantime couldn’t afford myself to love your skin too?
How could such an absurd love exist!? Where’s the truth!?
… And most of all… You. What did you have for me…?”
“Marino… All your life long you’ve been at war with yourself, split between your human reason
and your covert nature… That which has to account to none for what it is…
You’ve simply followed your purest and most innocent nature, uncaring of the grief and uncertainty
it would’ve struck you… During sixteen, long years…
You had a courage that’s rarer and rarer in this world among your kin.
You’ve chosen to heed a voice only you could hear: yours, the most intimate, true and free.
You’ve chosen to abandon yourself to a nearly impossible feeling, which still grated you salvation,
and which still now defends you against the darkness in your heart…
You’ve chosen, rather than surrendering to the opacity of a despair without escape,
to love a cat to the very death… To seek in her for all the love they always refuted to grant you.
And even accepted to fall in love with her skin as much as with her soul…
Wishing ever to own them.
… This needs to be clear to you, Marino: for how atrociously you loved me…
For how you felt my flesh, loving my fluffy tail, my fur, my eyes, my face…
For how beautiful you’ve seen me, even in my guise…
You would never hurt me.
You would never force me to something like that, well aware of what it would’ve meant to me.
Of the agony you’d have inflicted me.
I know somewhere deep inside of you has longed for me… But even then, can you really blame yourself?
How many years of your life has gone, before you knew the pleasure of the flesh for your first time…
And you loved my so desperately…
… And still the fact remains: what matters is what you didn’t do.
You always had such respect for me, to tame even your fiercest and relatable instincts,
and I couldn’t but grant you all the love I could in exchange for that…
Striving to counter all the misery you’re through, because of myself too, with all the kindness I had…
Even now you suffer because of me, Marino… You suffer for my absence, for our memories…
And I do along with you…
But you don’t forget: I’ve never left.
I’m with you there. In you.
Where else could I go, if not where I’d have found my place in who loved me more than his life itself?
Seek nowhere else, dear… I am there, right where you are.
And I’ll be ‘til your last moment, like you’ve been with me in mine.”
“Tina…”
“Marino, you’ve been brave. You’ve been since the first day we met,
and you managed to use our love as a lifeline all throughout the troubled time of your most important years…
Now a new age of your life lies ahead, a whole new chapter…
And I left you now, because you’re ready. And you’re alone no longer.
You didn’t need my eyes anymore… You don’t even need my presence in you, to be honest…
It’s me, I don’t want to walk away from you… I can’t do without you, not even now.”
“Tina… Will I ever see you again?… What must I do to earn it? To deserve your smile?
To earn that you’ll be finally proud of me?…”
“Marino… What in the world could I ever ask you, for you to make me prouder than I already am of you?
That’s all I say to you, my fervent knight… The code you’ll heed is written in your hidden nature itself.
Find your true nature, your dreams most absurd and concealed, and most wondrous…
Chase them, reach them… Live them…
Find your joy. Find your Eden in this world as you found it with me, wherever that will be.
Behind every person it lies for you.
Do it: seek who you are. None could possibly ask you anything more honorable and greater than this.
Especially I couldn’t.
… As for seeing me again… Again try to think how hard I miss you…
And try to figure if the very first thing I’ll do, when the day comes, won’t be running at you
like thousands of times I did, whether there was sun or rain…
Marino, rest assured… When your time comes, I’ll be there, like you’ve been there with me.
Now go, precious… Back into the world, and seek for yourself… Seek your very own heaven.
Do it for yourself, for me, and for all the ones that do love you.”
Category Story / Abstract
Species Housecat
Size 85 x 120px
File Size 312.9 kB
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