This is vent art

Whenever someone gives me compliments or gifts from the internet it often feels hollow. Like I really don't want what they give me. I have personality dysphoria. People try to get to me but you must realize. I am not really a person. I am an artist. Just an artist. A fetish artist. People need to understand that.

While I meet extroverted color haired people who want to communicate with me and go "rawr XD" I am not quite there. They are manic depressive. And I am just depressive. You see. I don't feel like I belong here. I don't always want to draw furry diaper porn art because I feel like it's abusive and weird. Torturous. Like associated with zoophilia and pedophilia. And the thought of the mix of diapers and zoophilia is really stomach churning. Probably why everyone hates us. I don't always feel interested in it. I mean it's not real. It's just a drawing but I am just not always into it. I am not adamant about it.

Here are 3 depressing examples of what I am going through.

1. On my 23'd birthday my friend gave me a drawing of my fursona in a diaper. They thought it was cute. But then I felt distant about it because I was on another account where I felt oppressed and pushed around associating with a bunch of weird furries who think they are better than everyone else

2. I was on Kik at my hospice I volunteered at. I was yiff role playing with a famous furry girl. She was cute and hot. She loved diapers. She thought the same thing about me. But apparently we weren't in a relationship. So I showed her some sexy pics of myself (diaper pics) don't ask. And she liked them. Hopefully she forgot about me. I did not feel the connection because at the time I basically hated furries at that point. I thought they where doing many "things" I did not approve. Mainly because I made an anti furry comic from 10 years prior. https://imgur.com/a/F56E4No

3. One time a person made me a drawing of a Winnie the Pooh character on Instagram. But I felt bad about it since this is basically my first payed commission I wanted. And it was a diaper one. I wanted something I could show to my parents. Something more substantial.

People give me gifts sometime but I produce no love and that's truly truly sad. Normal people give me love. When they call me cute. And that's special. But often I can not give mutual love back. This was more so the case back then.

Could this be my all or nothing personality coming out?

Overall I am basically shy. I don't want people to know the real me. To look up my unique real name.

Really. It's not what other people think It's what you think. I love making art for myself and from no one else because its by me and no one else. It's mine. My baby. If I give my love to others. Then surely, things will be more mutual.