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Charlotte's Web Audition Hopeful
by Campto
6 years ago
IN A WORLD... where human-to-animal surgery is both legal and commonplace, even the most unlikely of animal characters are being played by formerly human actors in their new form. It's a regular gold rush! Starving actors get themselves transformed on just the off chance they will get to play these coveted roles. All at the risk of being pegged a "one-trick pony." Literally.
One such dedicated trouper is Arachne Tarantella (formerly Susan Jones) who, upon hearing from her agent/landlord Murray that a remake of “Charlotte's Web” is supposedly in the works, figured NOBODY else would have the nerve to undergo the intensive, painful, traumatic and downright ghastly course of medications and surgery involved.
Unfortunately, upon arriving at the casting call, she finds that that is not the case at all. DOZENS of other hopefuls have done the same thing! "The town is literally crawling with them!" buzzes Variety. She still holds out hope, but realizes her chances are slim. Murray is hedging their bets, though. He has taken out an option on a new production of “Kiss of The Spider Woman”, regrettably without reading the script first.
"Okay, Sweetheart, so it needs a rewrite! But if we can get that guy, What's-His-Name, who's starring in the road company production of Kafka's "Metamorphosis," for your leading man/meal, we'll really HAVE something! I’ve got a whole scene written where you invite him to dinner!"
"I'll believe that when I see it," says Arachne, munching on her fifth cockroach In a row.
”ANOTHER one, Arachne? Where do you put them all?”
”I know. I’m BAD! But they’re SO-O-O GOOD! It’s like a flavor explosion in my MOUTH!
You know, I guess I’m lucky this house you rented me when I was human is such a bug infested dump. My food budget has been, like ZERO since my ah... procedure.”
”Well, with what you’re saving me in exterminators fees, Doll, I can’t bear to charge you rent anymore. Not that I’m sure how a spider is going to PAY rent...”
“Well, Murray, I’m about to save you a little MO-O-O-ORE! CRUNCH!! MMM-MMMM! GOD, Murray, you don’t know what you’re MISSING! Delicious isn’t the WORD!”
”I’ll go along with that...”
”Oh, especially when they’ve been eating rotten garbage or fresh dog sh...”
“ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH! You’re making me SICK over here!”
“I don’t know... what’s with you, Murray?You’ll sit and talk with a giant spider all day, but you get all squeamish when she makes a little small talk about cuisine.
"For that matter, why are you so supportive of me anyway? This whole transformation was my call, not yours.”
”Well, Arachne, I don't know how to say this, but I.. I dunno, I... kind of LIKE you this way. I’ve dated man eaters like you all my life, but they all had two legs. I mean, I know you have an agenda. I know if you were just a little bigger, or I was just a little smaller, you wouldn’t think twice about eating me alive. Literally.”
”Well, tee-hee... MAYYY-be...”
”But you’re so TRANSPARENT about it, it’s refreshing! I know where I stand! You’re just endlessly fascinating! I mean, like the way you scuttle across the ceiling when I turn on the light”
”Flatterer...”
”Or like when I come over, and you drop down right in front of my face and yell ‘BOO!” as soon as I come in the door!”
”Hee hee... We do have our fun, don’t we?”
”You know it! Remember last week I took you out for lobster to cheer you up? And you ordered it served live and dripping from the tank?”
”And I stuck my fangs in it to paralyze it, wrapped it in silk from my abdomen...”
”And sucked it dry in ten seconds? I never went out with a girl who would even eat the tamale!
No wonder I’m crazy about you! Anyway, I thought the waiter would PLOTZ!”
“It almost made up for later, when I went to the ladies room, and that one bitch tried to pick me up with some toilet paper and flush me down the john. I hated to bite her, but she left me no choice!”
”She should be out of the hospital next week, I hear.”
”Let’s send her a card. NOT!!”
They both laugh.
“Later on, my little spidey-widey, you should practice writing with your webbing again. Last time you wrote DOME FIG. You’re getting MUCH better! At least those are English words.
Stick with me, Kid. We’ll NAIL this audition!”
“Oh, Murray! Sometimes you’re so sweet I could just eat you up!”
(Waggling a phantom cigar like Groucho) "I KNOW! That's what I'm afraid of!"
THE END
One such dedicated trouper is Arachne Tarantella (formerly Susan Jones) who, upon hearing from her agent/landlord Murray that a remake of “Charlotte's Web” is supposedly in the works, figured NOBODY else would have the nerve to undergo the intensive, painful, traumatic and downright ghastly course of medications and surgery involved.
Unfortunately, upon arriving at the casting call, she finds that that is not the case at all. DOZENS of other hopefuls have done the same thing! "The town is literally crawling with them!" buzzes Variety. She still holds out hope, but realizes her chances are slim. Murray is hedging their bets, though. He has taken out an option on a new production of “Kiss of The Spider Woman”, regrettably without reading the script first.
"Okay, Sweetheart, so it needs a rewrite! But if we can get that guy, What's-His-Name, who's starring in the road company production of Kafka's "Metamorphosis," for your leading man/meal, we'll really HAVE something! I’ve got a whole scene written where you invite him to dinner!"
"I'll believe that when I see it," says Arachne, munching on her fifth cockroach In a row.
”ANOTHER one, Arachne? Where do you put them all?”
”I know. I’m BAD! But they’re SO-O-O GOOD! It’s like a flavor explosion in my MOUTH!
You know, I guess I’m lucky this house you rented me when I was human is such a bug infested dump. My food budget has been, like ZERO since my ah... procedure.”
”Well, with what you’re saving me in exterminators fees, Doll, I can’t bear to charge you rent anymore. Not that I’m sure how a spider is going to PAY rent...”
“Well, Murray, I’m about to save you a little MO-O-O-ORE! CRUNCH!! MMM-MMMM! GOD, Murray, you don’t know what you’re MISSING! Delicious isn’t the WORD!”
”I’ll go along with that...”
”Oh, especially when they’ve been eating rotten garbage or fresh dog sh...”
“ALL RIGHT! ENOUGH! You’re making me SICK over here!”
“I don’t know... what’s with you, Murray?You’ll sit and talk with a giant spider all day, but you get all squeamish when she makes a little small talk about cuisine.
"For that matter, why are you so supportive of me anyway? This whole transformation was my call, not yours.”
”Well, Arachne, I don't know how to say this, but I.. I dunno, I... kind of LIKE you this way. I’ve dated man eaters like you all my life, but they all had two legs. I mean, I know you have an agenda. I know if you were just a little bigger, or I was just a little smaller, you wouldn’t think twice about eating me alive. Literally.”
”Well, tee-hee... MAYYY-be...”
”But you’re so TRANSPARENT about it, it’s refreshing! I know where I stand! You’re just endlessly fascinating! I mean, like the way you scuttle across the ceiling when I turn on the light”
”Flatterer...”
”Or like when I come over, and you drop down right in front of my face and yell ‘BOO!” as soon as I come in the door!”
”Hee hee... We do have our fun, don’t we?”
”You know it! Remember last week I took you out for lobster to cheer you up? And you ordered it served live and dripping from the tank?”
”And I stuck my fangs in it to paralyze it, wrapped it in silk from my abdomen...”
”And sucked it dry in ten seconds? I never went out with a girl who would even eat the tamale!
No wonder I’m crazy about you! Anyway, I thought the waiter would PLOTZ!”
“It almost made up for later, when I went to the ladies room, and that one bitch tried to pick me up with some toilet paper and flush me down the john. I hated to bite her, but she left me no choice!”
”She should be out of the hospital next week, I hear.”
”Let’s send her a card. NOT!!”
They both laugh.
“Later on, my little spidey-widey, you should practice writing with your webbing again. Last time you wrote DOME FIG. You’re getting MUCH better! At least those are English words.
Stick with me, Kid. We’ll NAIL this audition!”
“Oh, Murray! Sometimes you’re so sweet I could just eat you up!”
(Waggling a phantom cigar like Groucho) "I KNOW! That's what I'm afraid of!"
THE END
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General
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Category
Sub-Category
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Artwork (Digital)
Transformation
Arachnid
720 x 588
326.7 kB
hulksmash31
~hulksmash31
Pretty impressive
