
Do I owe anything that has been paid previously? that I can be direct contacted with? please note me or DM in any of my social medias.
Its not that I dont want to do them, it feels like I dont have the energy to do them. I feel like I want to be freed and be gone to not owe anything to anyone and dont have to worry about people being bothered or let down by my lack of speed and spirit to do things. If anyone knows me for some time now they will know I do not do this kind of stuff, refunds or even addressing my current mind state. I long ago chose not to bother my followers with my emotional side, I thought it was irrelevant and bothersome to those who only wanted to see art.
I dont have money currently, so I considered selling my ocs, some because as far as I know there isnt much/many payments that would exceed 15 dollars.
I stare at my canvas somedays not knowing what I want to do, sometimes I doodle stuff and by the time I am done i feel like I wasted time doing something for no particular reason. It feels now days like I have to do art to feed my follower's desires for content. Its a new type of job and not a fun hobby sorta. Its not that I do not want to take commissions or trades, but my current state of mind feels like I am not capable of handling too much without having it spill like a jar full of coins and not being able to pick them up at all nor know which one goes first.
I am a responsable individual or at least used to, but it now feels like I make promises out of charity by not being ''mean'' (declinning) rather than investing my feelings into doing it.
Life is boring currently to me, or at least I see it all as gray, I dont want to cause discomfort, impatience, bad experiences because of my currently missing personality so I have to force myself to do action. People keep asking me about commissions in private notes, prices, queues, and I keep saying ''I can contact you later'' but honestly it all feels like its just summing up to a ticking bomb.
I am really sorry everyone, but I do not want to be a bad experience to anybody hoping, or seen me as this good thing, or this ''wow I really want cool art from this person'', ''I look up to this person'', etc I dont deserve it. Some years ago I had feel that as a big compliment, shy away, but be entirely happy about it. Now its kind of loosing its meaning, its hard to explain. Its not an ungreatful reaction, but its hard to reach there for a logical explanation.
I dont know if anyone has noticed my lack of activity, everyday I feel ultra sleepy too, I dont get it. I sleep around 6 am and wake up at random times of the day and feel sleepy all the time (I am currently feeling it). I just want to sleep and everything feels short lived, games, ''fun'', people, drawing, etc. Maybe its part of the pandemic? maybe I am not the only one feeling it too? When the pandemia fell upon us all, I thought this would be a good excuse to spend time drawing and gainning money to help my family, I havent done a single selling since. There hasnt been any income for the same. And I keep telling my family and friends I will get some money, but I dont end up working for it, I just feel tired and sleepy. Its strange how my art seems to be more vivid, colorful, bigger, somewhat something now, but in reality it just feels grey to me.
I want to feel like the normal individuals that can work fast and nice, that have fun doing what they do, that they build a good relationship with their followers, that do this many raffles and gifts, that speak with uterly sugar coat and positiveness, that do memes, trends and over all be normal, but I close my eyes and know thats not me, I cannot be that. Not only that but I have to re do my whole thesis again because back then it wasnt accepted by my own teacher so the whole raffle from last year was pointless and I cannot focuse on that because school is closed still so I am not out of school technically. It all feels like being stuck on a fucking limbo, and the worst case is that you welcome it, you sit in it and stare.
Paypal is playing a bigger role of a problem again with the new fees at Mexico and new limits settled on us to the point I dont think about them much. I havent even logged into paypal in months wow, my friend does since we share the same Paypal but I had left it there rusting.
Sorry I ended up just ranting, I know people dont want to read crap like this on top of the already problems everyone carries. I just wanted to state my lack of motivation as a sort of alabi.
Bla bla bla I know its crap, but if I owe you anything please DM me, please do it I want to reach an agreement, refund if better, if dont want a refund focuse into trying to get it done as best and fast as I can. I dont think I can do or take art after some time and if I do would mostly be just small YCHs and with DA points because paypal is still kind of useless, everything feels useless sorta. I am really sorry.
You dont have to reply to this, I just wanted to show I am alive here still, just not on the best of moments to be what everybody wants me to be.
Its not that I dont want to do them, it feels like I dont have the energy to do them. I feel like I want to be freed and be gone to not owe anything to anyone and dont have to worry about people being bothered or let down by my lack of speed and spirit to do things. If anyone knows me for some time now they will know I do not do this kind of stuff, refunds or even addressing my current mind state. I long ago chose not to bother my followers with my emotional side, I thought it was irrelevant and bothersome to those who only wanted to see art.
I dont have money currently, so I considered selling my ocs, some because as far as I know there isnt much/many payments that would exceed 15 dollars.
I stare at my canvas somedays not knowing what I want to do, sometimes I doodle stuff and by the time I am done i feel like I wasted time doing something for no particular reason. It feels now days like I have to do art to feed my follower's desires for content. Its a new type of job and not a fun hobby sorta. Its not that I do not want to take commissions or trades, but my current state of mind feels like I am not capable of handling too much without having it spill like a jar full of coins and not being able to pick them up at all nor know which one goes first.
I am a responsable individual or at least used to, but it now feels like I make promises out of charity by not being ''mean'' (declinning) rather than investing my feelings into doing it.
Life is boring currently to me, or at least I see it all as gray, I dont want to cause discomfort, impatience, bad experiences because of my currently missing personality so I have to force myself to do action. People keep asking me about commissions in private notes, prices, queues, and I keep saying ''I can contact you later'' but honestly it all feels like its just summing up to a ticking bomb.
I am really sorry everyone, but I do not want to be a bad experience to anybody hoping, or seen me as this good thing, or this ''wow I really want cool art from this person'', ''I look up to this person'', etc I dont deserve it. Some years ago I had feel that as a big compliment, shy away, but be entirely happy about it. Now its kind of loosing its meaning, its hard to explain. Its not an ungreatful reaction, but its hard to reach there for a logical explanation.
I dont know if anyone has noticed my lack of activity, everyday I feel ultra sleepy too, I dont get it. I sleep around 6 am and wake up at random times of the day and feel sleepy all the time (I am currently feeling it). I just want to sleep and everything feels short lived, games, ''fun'', people, drawing, etc. Maybe its part of the pandemic? maybe I am not the only one feeling it too? When the pandemia fell upon us all, I thought this would be a good excuse to spend time drawing and gainning money to help my family, I havent done a single selling since. There hasnt been any income for the same. And I keep telling my family and friends I will get some money, but I dont end up working for it, I just feel tired and sleepy. Its strange how my art seems to be more vivid, colorful, bigger, somewhat something now, but in reality it just feels grey to me.
I want to feel like the normal individuals that can work fast and nice, that have fun doing what they do, that they build a good relationship with their followers, that do this many raffles and gifts, that speak with uterly sugar coat and positiveness, that do memes, trends and over all be normal, but I close my eyes and know thats not me, I cannot be that. Not only that but I have to re do my whole thesis again because back then it wasnt accepted by my own teacher so the whole raffle from last year was pointless and I cannot focuse on that because school is closed still so I am not out of school technically. It all feels like being stuck on a fucking limbo, and the worst case is that you welcome it, you sit in it and stare.
Paypal is playing a bigger role of a problem again with the new fees at Mexico and new limits settled on us to the point I dont think about them much. I havent even logged into paypal in months wow, my friend does since we share the same Paypal but I had left it there rusting.
Sorry I ended up just ranting, I know people dont want to read crap like this on top of the already problems everyone carries. I just wanted to state my lack of motivation as a sort of alabi.
Bla bla bla I know its crap, but if I owe you anything please DM me, please do it I want to reach an agreement, refund if better, if dont want a refund focuse into trying to get it done as best and fast as I can. I dont think I can do or take art after some time and if I do would mostly be just small YCHs and with DA points because paypal is still kind of useless, everything feels useless sorta. I am really sorry.
You dont have to reply to this, I just wanted to show I am alive here still, just not on the best of moments to be what everybody wants me to be.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Animal related (non-anthro)
Species Feline (Other)
Size 1280 x 837px
File Size 51.5 kB
Listed in Folders
ive totally felt everything you've described here. it almost feels like drowning or being crushed by a big heavy rock. the queue that refills as much as you finish off of it. something that really helped me was publically writing which drawings I would do every day, so it's clear to everyone how much work there is and they can anticipate the day in which their art will be worked on. another thing I would do is schedule personal work, it felt good knowing I had free time at the end of a tunnel. when you do a hobby for money its hard to remember to give yourself a "weekend". hell, a lot of the time I wouldn't even draw on my "weekend", it was just fun having a break. hang in there ziboe, I'm glad you're clearing your slate, being honest and open, and taking a break to focus on yourself :o)
I am going to have to start writing it down indeed. I didnt even bother doing a commission price sheet because of the ups and downs of the dollar price here, the constant new adds of fees that just screws up all the pricing and I tend to do complex stuff and not half assed page sheets with prices. I kept telling myself not to accept more but I kept doing it, not for the money but the want to return the favor, give back, to not deny someone's big expectations. Sometimes I worry to even do personal art over all, people will go ''HEY, what about my stuff?'' and I know it, I know money paid goes first which arent even expenssive things but still they are there as first priority. I keep trying to set myself new side goals, I am currently learning a third language, doing different stuff etc to keep my creativity alive and working to function properly but it feels like a dried sponge and i feel like i am repeating myself ton.
Thanks for your honest answer, I will take it fully, I really appreciate it for real! I thought nobody would comment to this to be honest, as people now days dont tend to worry/understand the life behind the art and this would all sound like poor excuses to avoid doing art, or maybe been on this art generation for some long time now to start thinking that. Its ironic also how I spend so much time always being a psychologist to my friends but when it comes to dealing with myself I cant seem to do it the way I help others. I am also getting tired of that bit too, being a helping tool to others but not on myself.
Thanks for your honest answer, I will take it fully, I really appreciate it for real! I thought nobody would comment to this to be honest, as people now days dont tend to worry/understand the life behind the art and this would all sound like poor excuses to avoid doing art, or maybe been on this art generation for some long time now to start thinking that. Its ironic also how I spend so much time always being a psychologist to my friends but when it comes to dealing with myself I cant seem to do it the way I help others. I am also getting tired of that bit too, being a helping tool to others but not on myself.
ugh yes that “i can do it, i wont let anyone down, they depend on me”. i know i can physically do it but the stress slowly builds until its unbearable. i also worry about personal art looking like im ignoring responsibility. ill hold on to art for months just so i can say its “old sketchs i forgot to upload” lol. i feel like thats gotta be a bad coping mechanism or something but atleast i dont have the guilt haha. i bet people are just happy to see an upload so they dont even care. frankly i just saw the really cute picture and then a long description so i was curious and then everything was so dang relatable i had to let you know youre not alone lol. its tough talking about this stuff cuz when i do it to commissioners they always blame themselves. like “im so sorry i commissioned you i didnt know you were so stessed” and then i feel bad for making THEM feel bad lol..
also omg thats awesome that youre pursuing a third language! i was never good at language lol so that blows my mind 😲
also omg thats awesome that youre pursuing a third language! i was never good at language lol so that blows my mind 😲
Hello, I feel what you're going through a lot.
Just a head's up- when I was experiencing constant sleepiness, I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with depression. Your description of 'life is gray/boring' sounds like you're going through something similar.
I'm facing a huge burn out in terms of art, and everyday, what I owe hoovers in my mind, gives me pressure and guilt- and I am lucky to have the most patient commissioners, but I have the anxiety that one day, people will just be fed up and lash out, and it would be warranted.
I have a hard time wanting to draw and I get little enjoyment out of it.
I hope you can find some help and peace, and if you need to take a break, I would encourage you to do so for your own mental-wellbeing and also to eventually return to loving to draw for yourself and people.
Take care! I love your work and would be happy to see more eventually when you're ready.
Just a head's up- when I was experiencing constant sleepiness, I went to the doctor and she diagnosed me with depression. Your description of 'life is gray/boring' sounds like you're going through something similar.
I'm facing a huge burn out in terms of art, and everyday, what I owe hoovers in my mind, gives me pressure and guilt- and I am lucky to have the most patient commissioners, but I have the anxiety that one day, people will just be fed up and lash out, and it would be warranted.
I have a hard time wanting to draw and I get little enjoyment out of it.
I hope you can find some help and peace, and if you need to take a break, I would encourage you to do so for your own mental-wellbeing and also to eventually return to loving to draw for yourself and people.
Take care! I love your work and would be happy to see more eventually when you're ready.
totally understand your feelings, problems do exist and sometimes just beats all the hell out from you and you feel like a nothing.
Guess your watchers more than understand your problem and ranting and saying out the negative parts of live are fine, at least you're here and talk to us.
My work schedule and day schedule is chaotic too and I don't feel ok because of this. ;.;
Anyway, hope you'll be better soon *hugs*
Guess your watchers more than understand your problem and ranting and saying out the negative parts of live are fine, at least you're here and talk to us.
My work schedule and day schedule is chaotic too and I don't feel ok because of this. ;.;
Anyway, hope you'll be better soon *hugs*
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