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pride, wrath, anger, hatred, loneliness, sadness, despair and nothingness this is all i really feel anymore now a days, why do you ask? i don't let many in to let them know most by fear on being turned upon, getting to know who i am is not a easy task, and knowing what i been through is not for the faint of heart, hell you may even be disgusted for some of the things i did or had to do just to see another day, which you have the right to think how ever you see fit i'm not going to change your mind.

now you have to realize too is that i was nothing more then a child and even looking back at everything it was not my intent for things to end like that and the many things that i did and have happen i still feel guilt, shame and sin in my heart and soul.

if you are willing to listen to this madman's tale of his past then listen close because i will tell you of what i seen, what i have done, what i experienced and the love that i lost, and i am referring to one girl in particular that i felt that i failed her in more ways then one and it was all my fault and i deserved everything that has happened to me and what was to come for not protecting her and trying to save her....... her name was Eliana but i call her eli for short.

this story of my past will be about how i met her, the horrible experiences we had and the tragedy that fell between us and a little bit of the aftermath i went through that drove me into insanity.........