My god, this is incredible. The emotion POPS from this image. and i can definitely relate to this...you never know in life, so it is worth to just take a lil bit more stress and anguish to see what life has in store for you <3

This may sound, dumb [ couldnt think of anything better] coming from someone you never really talked to before....but i know how you feel. This probably not being much because everyone perspective on how they feel is different and even if we went through the same thing we may not feel the same way in the end....but.


...I know how this feels.

It's some thing that I think about a lot myself, I end up settling on "I'll get there eventually anyway" and figure I can bear to just keep the gears in motion until that day comes.
Life is short.
This piece is gorgeous, the glow on the knife, the chunky shading. You have real talent, it'd be a crime to waste it.

That's what I've been thinking all this time - death is 100% guaranteed anyhow. Sometimes I just fail to see the optimism in that.
Thanks.

I think it's just a start, optimisim needs to be found elsewhere.

Part of how I derail that chain of thought is by forcing new chemicals. It sounds cheesy but sunshine and exercise really did help make it possible for a new line of thinking to occur.

I'm sad for you. Your artwork is beautiful, though... I hope you find peace.

You have an amazing talent

But seriously
I went through near suicidal depression, i can totally relate. it's awful but can be overcome. I did therapy and had a psychologist and it pretty much amounted to accomplishing fuckall aside from the brief gratification of feeling like someone cares. If you ever want to talk if that's something you would actually want to do or consider doing im free to help out.

This, really.

Thanks. Really, thanks.

Could you tell something about how you overcame yours? I think that would be alot of help.

Tremendous feelings of loneliness and worthlessness. I could be surrounded by people and included in things and still feel outcasted, shit, and just felt it was pointless in letting them try to include me in shit. Partially I moped and made myself feel like more shit to make an act of it to garner more of the attention i craved to brush off to make me reaffirm my sad state of being an outcast

at one point i realized it was a self-destructive cycle and that i only made my self feel bad and worthless because i wanted to be in a way, it almost was comforting in a perverted manner. all the help people went out of their way to give and assist with was proof of my worth and value in society - one day i literally started to force myself to be social and talk to people, to try and befriend and give back

and it was a long while, a year or so more before i killed my depression with sheer will power where two psychiatrists, drugs, and anti-depressants had previously failed.

your strength is always something that inspires me prost

it was so good to read this

Oh, haha

Thank you.

I just realized I wrote this horribly - I CANT EVEN FOLLOW MY OWN TRAIN OF THOUGHT.

GODDAMN WHAT WAS I THINKING HNGGGGG

Very well captured there. I went through a bad spot in 2001, but it DID get better.

Firstly, your work never ceases to amaze.

If by thesis, you mean for school. What are you going to school for exactly?

Often times feelings of hopelessness and desperation can actually come from a poor diet. I'm not saying a diet change magically makes problems go away, but it can alter how you feel about them. I used to get horrible paralyzing fear at random moments throughout my day even though nothing particularly bad was going on in my life. I've since greatly changed my diet and even though I have some troubles that would completely mortify some people now I just "go with the flow" so-to-speak and find a way to enjoy things.

Honestly, no one person is useless. Life is complicated and sometimes strange so things can get blurry, but there is always something worth living for, even if it's not immediately apparent.


If you ever need someone to talk to, note me. I may be a stranger, but the offer is there if you want or need it.

I'm studying applied graphics. It's a "jack of all trades and master of none" bachelor degree involving traditional printmaking, graphic design (posters, advertising, packaging), illustration, layout, typography, calligraphy, drawing and fine art. I am (or should be) making a hypercomic about fragmentation.

I guess changing died is worth a try. Right now it's made up of assortment of "random things that magically appear in the fridge".

Thanks.

What an interesting degree, I'll have to look into that.

That's actually pretty cool. The less target specific art degrees seem to be the ones that are truly useful. I can see why a thesis would be challenging, I'm glad you have a friend that's offered to help.

Mostly simple stuff: whole grains instead of white carbs, cutting back on sugars (especially in liquid form), making sure to drink a decent amount of water every day, making sure to get a decent amount of vegetables/greens of some kind. I know it's pretty much basic stuff, but it can help a lot some times. I also find an apple and a walk first thing in the morning can help the rest of the day seem more spirited.

Sorry that I don't have more specific or grand advice. I am very glad, at least, to see that so many people on this are trying to be supportive and helpful.


I hope things get better and that you begin to feel better. You're an inspiration and I always find your work touching. You remind me of what many of my personal works are missing and it makes me want to strive to take hold of that again.

Usually I don't get too deep in these kind of things... I don't deal with with depressed people. But hey.

Nothing worth living for comes easy. Finding your peace, your purpose, that requires a lot of hard work. Many disappointments. Battling through depression. Therapists can't help you get over this, only you yourself can.

When you die, what you leave behind to the world will be what made you, you. You have just earned yourself another watcher because your artwork is amazing and if nothing else, you inspire others to express their emotions in what is for artists usually the only way to express themselves. You may not realize it, but these 'animal people' have allowed you to deal with your feelings in a special sort of way.

You are unique... that's why you don't 'fit' in this world. Everyone thinks what you're thinking. "How do I fit in with these people when I'm so different?" That's because you have a general idea of what life should be, and everyone around you seems to have that besides yourself. But the funny thing is that just about everyone around you thinks the same of you... that they are the weirdo because they have all these ideas and feelings that nobody understands or knows, which makes them unique.

I hardly have anything of value to tell you that might make you reconsider how you feel. But the fact you exist and communicate with people through your art means you have accomplished more than quite a few people do. I'm sure many people would feel sad if you were gone.

I don't know you personally, but I would miss you and your work. I'd be sad that someone who is very likely a great person died.

Dude, if I could, I would smack you upside the head right now. Seriously. I know we've never met, and never even spoken before, but you need to stop degrading yourself like this.

You are a wonderfully talented artist with an amazing gift. Your artwork is unique, refreshing, and it's a breathe of fresh air to see work that is so raw, rough and dares to go where all the cartoonists fear. No one is meant to "fit" in this world. Sure, we're supposed to find niches to associate with but if you stand out, you're already better than most. Why would you want to be a part of the cookie cutter drone society? Why not embrace your uniqueness, your individuality, your talents? You have a purpose in life. We all do. Whether it's great or small, we're all here for some reason. Some of us will spend our entire lives searching for what our purpose is and that's fine. Our purpose is to search and to inspire others to search for theirs as well.

For your thesis, why don't you share with us what it is exactly? There are tons of writers on this site, and each and every member has an idea and can offer you plenty of input on a subject. Don't think you have to do this alone because you DON'T. I guarantee you, if you reach your hand out and ask for some assistance, people will come to your aid. Do it. I'm daring you. I'll give you my 2 cents worth and then some. (= You'll get that thesis done and it will inspire you. Accomplish one thing, and you'll feel on top of the world. A thesis is a huge deal and I know if you finish it, you'll find the motivation and inspiration for tackle bigger and greater things because you know you CAN.

Listen, I apologize if I sound rude, crass or mean spirited in any sort of way. That was, nor is, my intention. I hate when people approach a serious subject such as this with flowery responses of "oh you'll be ok!". You WILL be fine, but you need more than just a whimsical thought to propel you past these dark thoughts and into clarity. If you want or need to talk, I would like to be there for you. I don't claim to be an expert on the situation but I've been in the same predicament as you before. I'll share everything I know with you, if you're willing to talk. Please, don't disregard this. Give it some serious thought. Even though I'm a stranger to you now, I'm a friend waiting to happen.

You're going to be ok. I promise. <3

Thanks.
It's ok, there's no need to be all gentle all the time.

I don't know how to do that... I'm working on a hypercomic about fragmentation. It has become so complex and cumbersome I don't even know how to explain what it is about, not even sure what I want to say, I don't think I actually have anything to say. It's a mess.

Talking just makes me feel like a whiny ass. I feel ashamed of wasting other people's time and attention... I hope it passes on its own.

Talking to other people isn't a waste of their time. I for one don't mind listening and talking to others about their problems, and offering up advice.

For your hypercomic, have you done a rough storyboard for it? I know, they're a pain in the ass to make, but even if you write out the dialog in the panels it helps LOADS. If you haven't tried that, go for it. Another thing that helped me in my storywriting classes was to just sit in front of the computer and type whatever stream of thought came to mind. Don't bother with correcting your spelling, just write like a fool and in a few pages, pull out the best material and run with it. Fragmentation in itself sounds like its way over my head, but I'd be willing to sit down and do a little research and see if I couldn't help you out at all. (=

Your work is amazing. A lot would be lost if you were to cease to be and stop producing it. :c

Like this? This is incredible. Thank you for sharing it with us.

That aside, life always flips around eventually, and it's the little moments of spark and happiness that are worth living through the rest for.

If you can't hold on... hold on. c:

Thanks. I'll try that.

I know the feeling (I'm working on my thesis too, and graduating soon. The anxiety is overwhelming). Something that's helping me is actively seeking out learning opportunities instead of relying on school alone to provide me with an education. I've just popped into a class each week and sat down and got great advice and critique from teachers. I'm doing this event called "Gallery Girls", where each week I go to a bar and models are there posing for artists. It's great practice and I feel like I'm the one steering my education rather than some mysterious administrator deciding what's important for me. Because I have the fundamentals, now I want to strengthen that foundation and start building on it.
Also I got a pet, and while it's easy to write off what your family and friends might think if I disappeared (people move on)*, I can't excuse my pet. She has no ulterior motives for me to question or become confused over. If I'm gone, what will happen to her?
Physical activity helps too since you get this very very obvious reminder that you're ALIVE with a positive outcome to the exertion (namely exercise). I did a charity walk a year back and just walked around this track at midnight for about an hour while jazzing to music on my ipod. I could've gone another hour or more, I enjoyed it so much.






*I'd remind anyone reading this that I KNOW the thought isn't rational and of course people would be effected if I were to disappear, but logic isn't the problem. The problem is your own brain generating doubts that shouldn't or have little reason to exist. I'm not interested in getting into an argument about irrationality, that's not the point of the comment.

I wish I could do that, but there aren't any opportunities here, people just aren't interested in learning to draw. I remember back when we had drawing classes I felt alot better. Nothing of the sort for more than a year. Furthermore, this depression completely cripples my ability and motivation to learn, I'm terrified of trying new things, that worries me alot, makes me feel doomed...

I heard physical activity helps. Hope the weather improves and i can ride my bike.

Thanks.

When you're on your bike, take your sketchbook with you. It's not just about finding a learning environment, but creating one. Everytime I go to the grocery store, I try to fill a page or two with people. I create my own exercise.

Psychologists only collect rent for our castles in the sky. Fukken live, or God forbid, I'll come and drag you out.

Bring a shovel, just in case.

If I really must, so be it. :D Keep drawing, dammit.

I'm going to assume you forgot how much worth you have to me.

There are plenty other, much better artists around. Why should I be worth antyhing to anyone? =/

You're my favourite artist on the site. Even in your depravity, even when you create things you feel are superficial or foolish you underestimate their worth. You've had a very positive impact on me and the few close friends of mine that have been shown your work.

Do you really believe your worth decreases as an artist if there are "better" artists than yourself?

Thanks... I.. I'm touched...

Well, in a way... yes. If something can be done better, why go for the inferior... That leaves only a position of a second-grade artist.

But, nobody can be a better you than you are. And if you truly are yourself, I believe, your potential is absolutely infinite.

And that is why you mean something to me. Your ideas are authentic and candid, and they are yours. How can any artist see that and not adore you? :)

surely art is subjective and thus there is no "better"... if this dude likes your stuff above all others then that's just how it is, you may as well try and convince him that he has a different favourite colour

Forgive me for breaking in, but... better?

Skill is something you can learn. Anyone can learn. It's just a matter of sitting on your ass doing one thing until you become good at it.

What you can't learn, and can't be judged, is the INSIDE, the PERSON, the ARTISTand his MINDSPAN. No one else does what you do, nowhere. No one will ever BE you, that makes your works unique. Not the skills. If you have enough cash, you can flesh out a bunch of drafts, give it to, I don't know, Craig Mullins? and tell him "man I want this done so and so", and work with him till you get the thing just as you desire.

But the point is, the image will never, EVER become reality without YOU. And that's what you're doing. You're not here to show off your pimping skills of ZOMG I CAN DRAW FUR SO WELL IT PULLS YOUR COCK OUT BY ITSELF AND FAPS YOU TO DEATH, are you? Because anyone can do that, anyone can be schooled to do that. I saw it happen. That's the reason you get so many -good- artists these days, people incapable of thinking outside of their own frame of abilities, who learned some cheap effects from Gnomon dvds, who can do only homogenous, hi-quality pulp.

You're not one of these, so don't attempt to use them as a frame of reference.

Well, I don't know what to say, so I'll just be honest.
Somewhere, I really envy all these comments.

So, please, when it will be due, tell what were those things that actually helped you in the end.

*what to say anymore

Bro, this is freaking amazing,
the visual contrast between the bright veins and dark body and background is just gorgeous
and the angular quality of your brushstrokes just gives it that much more force and emotion! :o

And on the thoughts of suicide, this subject hits me pretty hard, and I'd like to share what I've experienced.
we've all likely been there at some point. I for one have had a .357 in my mouth or a knife to my neck, exactly like this, many times; and usually thoughts of my mother and sister and who would protect them kept me from pulling the trigger.
but after the third or fourth time, I really started just not to care about anything anymore
people fade, memory is lost, and grief and pain all heal in time; and so to is it with each of our lives.
but after a contemplating it for a few hours (because a life is not something to throw away in an instant) I realized that, though suicide might solve the immediate problem, its not really beneficial at all in the long run.

the way I saw it, was that if I killed myself then I would be missing out on all the awesome things in life!
sure. I might not do them all, but I still wanted to try and skydive, get in a gunfight, or have a 3-way with two Asian chicks.... and how could I do that if I was dead?
yes all these things are silly, from the perspective of someone who has nothing to live for, as I was, but if the world is filled with magnificent things, don't you want to try and get a big piece of that before you try find out what it's like on the other side?
I don't think whatever is waiting for us in the afterlife is a certainty: but life here on earth is a concrete truth.
you are living.
you are able to do fantastic things as long as you still live
why not do them while you know you can, instead of hoping on a solution that has such an ephemeral destination?

Even if you are living as a bum, you can still find joy in the world. you can appreciate the warm caress of a summer's breeze, the silent beauty of a snowy wood, and the infinite complexity of the natural and man-made world around you. You can travel the earth with nothing more than your body, and live as humanity has for eons in nature, and still be happy if you appreciate that life is an amazing thing and everything should be experienced as much as possible!

remember
life might not be the best at the moment,
but that just means that there is room for improvement! :D

Thanks.

You may not realize it, but your creative drive has influenced a lot of people positively, and encouraged a lot of them to pick up the pencil and create.

For what it's worth, I think you are important.

I don't know your whole situation, but...you must believe me when I say I would be very sad the day this much talent leaves this earth.

The only point is to have fun. If you are not having fun, rearrange your life - assess, sort through, organize, dispose of, create anew the varied elements that compose you and your condition until you find a configuration in which you're having fun. It can be tempting to opt out of the game altogether - but if you do that you'll never be able to have fun again. And that wouldn't be fun at all.

Don't worry about us, what we think, how we'll react. We don't fucking matter. Don't worry about them (whoever the shit they are, those cocksuckers). They don't matter. Worry about you. You matter. Go have fun. Whatever you need to change for it to happen. It might be a difficult process, it might necessitate the abandonment of things you thought were fun but never were or now aren't or the adoption of new things that don't seem fun at first - but it is definitely a possible one.

Thanks. I'll try and find this elusive "fun" you speak of.

brilliant concept!

I was going to attempt something inspirational, but other people have better words than me. Might as well add my voice to the chorus, though, for the small good it'll do.

Anyway, you're the biggest artistic inspiration I've ever come across, if that counts for anything. I mean it.

I honestly don't have anything useful to say or complementary about this wonderful piece :[ I just wish so bad that there was some way for you to be happy. Please dear god hang on. There is good out there and theres a lot of people here that want you to live and experience it. The people that care (and there are people that do care for you here) want you to know happiness.

Thanks. I'll try...

Good <3 Never stop trying. Keep finding something, or someone that gives you hope, and keeps you sane somehow.

Also, just wanted to say you're anything but weak. The fact you have survived this long feeling the way you do proves it. I can understand how happiness and fun can seem so elusive when you've felt this way for so long...I've been feeling so much of what you seem to be feeling and last week I was hoping to end my life :[ but I got some help and I'm still here. The battle is definitely not over but I'm trying with all I've got, as I hope you will. Like Prawst said, suicidal depression is horridly awful but can be overcome.

I don't know how much help I'd prove to be but I'm here if you want to talk.

Ah, so we're in the same boat, it seems.
I do believe it's overcomeable. Let's crawl out of this black hole, it's just no fun in here...

Same to you: even though I'm a stranger, if you feel like you need someone to talk to - drop me a line. I'm prolly not much use, texting *hug* can't be as good as the real thing, but I'd like to help whichever way I can.

Thanks <3

Your work and journals always meant a lot to me. You make my studies in art much more awesome.

Therapy can kind of suck - These days I think of my depressions as random. There's something reassuring in chaos and fate, there's no searching - it just happens like a cold.

When I'm in it though, I like to take a step back from everything. Forget whatever's hanging over your head, it can't be worth a life.

Thanks.

Random, hmm... seems to be. Atleast when it's not taking so damn long.

I don't have an answer either man. I'm kinda in the same spot. I can only wish you the best.

Let's hang in there, then. Can't last forever...

FURFAG!!!!!!!
:D

DO FUNNY FUR FAG THINGS FOR ME!!!!!!!!

(lol, i just watched your drawing, read the description, and i only remember that)

you're one of the most talented and intelligent people i've come across on this site. first of all, this work is gorgeous. i love the very minimal use of colour to bring attention to the subject matter, and it just amplifies the intention within the piece with the otherwise monochromatic colours. LOVE the ribs and shoulders. gosh!

secondly, depression is a very serious illness. suicide is not the answer! it is far too final and extreme to take your own life. you're not alone either, many individuals have suffered those feelings you've described, the hardest part is overcoming them of course, but it's not impossible. if you really want the change to happen, you have to want it to happen. you're a pretty cool dude, and i think thus far you've left a solid imprint on a lot of people on this site through your work and intellect. that's something to really feel good about, you've touched a lot of people in good ways with how you approach and present your work, and how meaningful and raw it is. you have a really natural talent! i guess what i'm trying to say is anyways, hang in there, you have a lot of support at least from the community, i can only hope that you have, or will seek the support you need around you to overcome your personal challenges and hardship through these dark periods in your life.

Wow! Thats crazy.

I'm sorry to hear psychological help did not help, but at the same time the most mental health pros can really do is make one aware of their own thought processes and how they may be destructive. You sound like someone with excellent introspection qualities, so I can understand how professional help could not find anything else about you than what you already could dig out on your own.

I think no one can really read your mind and come up with an appropriate, simple, magic solution. Fortunately, you yourself can have the capacity of identifying what exactly it is you want ; judging from your self-analysis capacity, whatever answer you may come up with is likely to actually be true.

You see, if there is something you can identify as lacking in your life, something you think is cruelly missing, then it most likely is what you really need.

Some would dismiss what I'm saying, thinking that this thing one wants is too often an "unrealistic dream" that cannot be the solution to depression (perhaps because we've become too used to learn that depression is unthinkably complex, and infer its solution must therefore also be). But I'll ask of you; if what one feels is dearly missing really is that unrealistic, why would one be missing it so much in the first place?

For instance, no one will feel not being a cosmic super-deity is missing from their life so much they'll have a mental breakdown over it. However, one may feel so deeply detached from a true friendship and love life it will eat them away slowly. That is simply because the kind of things we will miss dearly are actually what all human beings need to have, but the warped state of mind depression brings us into can lead us to think fulfilling this actually very basic need is nothing but fantasy (or even worse, that we are not worthy of it). And it has been proved time and again; somewhat complex impressions like a feeling of belonging, a sense of security, a feeling of importance or heck, stimulating sensitive input is as human to human life as food and water.

Sadly, when we are depressed, we seem to hold all the (contradictory) thoughts that those impressions are unecessary, or too complex to be the problem, or too simple to be the solution, etc. And it doesn't help that we are unconsciously trained to see depression as a problem that stems from childhood/the past in general rather than being a missing piece in the present. Neither does the same inferred belief that it is to be cured through a uniformized solution rather than our own, self-defined, personal one, even though each case of depression is highly personal (moreso than any other mental health issue).

I myself had long felt like what I needed was someone to love me. I know it sounds cheesy, and if by chance it also is your problem, it will also simultaneously come to you as impossible (believe me, at first, it also seemed to be to me). Whether or not you have the same issue or it's something else you think is missing, I'm sure you can relate - so for the sake of simplicity (and because it's easier for me), I'll go on with my post as if the issue at hand was feeling unloved.

In any case, I will tellyou to coldly ask yourself. Is it really demanding so much to, say, feel loved? Is it really that high up in the clouds, that self-aggrandizing?

It's not. It just isn't. And I took years to figure that out. It's a normal human need to feel loved, everyone is worthy of it, it is not normal to be lacking that feeling, and when one does lack it, something has to be done about it. Sadly, it's a VERY long-term process, but when a depression is as long-lasting and deep as yours, I am convinced its roots are a problem of more or less this nature. And thus, that is the problem that must be fixed for the depression to go away, even if it takes a long time. On the bright side, it's not a "sudden release"; it gets gradually better, and the positive changes will keep you going.

You may ask of me, how do you even fix such a problem? My answer : take steps. The first is to convince yourself that yes, it is a problem you actually can fix. That might imply convincing yourself you really do deserve better, accepting that your mindset is warped and fighting that off. Then the more personalized solutions enter the stage; think really hard about how you can get what you want, and occasionally realistic solutions will come to mind. In my case, this solution was to open up to an increasing amount of people. It started off awry (I scared some people off by clinging to them too much) and there were lots of bumps in the road even much later on, but gradually, I managed to keep in touch with ever a little more people who genuinely cared about me. That was a first in my entire life, and soon enough I had enough people in this safety net to be able not to constantly spew all my problems over on the same person. In the end, I had a bunch of close friends I was able to explain my problems to and have fun, random talks with, depending on the times.

As the days passed, very slowly, my mindset changed. First, I no longer felt the obligation to necessarily express all my frustrations; instead I just needed to hang around the people I trusted, because I felt the soothing empathy even when I just claimed to be feeling bad without explaining my problems, and sometimes even when they had no idea I was down at all. Weird how that works, but some people eventually come to hold that kind of presence over you just from all the positive associations there are of them in your brain.

Second, I would dwell on my problems for only a fraction of the time I used to. Again, this is mostly unexplainable (post-depression "unwarping" of my mindset, I guess), but I know the mere feeling that someone would understand if I took the time to explain to them (which I often didn't even need to!) helped me overcome my negative thoughts FAR more easily.

Now, in my case, it actually took a far more random event for me to recover *entirely*, and that was my first steady boyfriend. But believe me, even though love is far more random than friendship and can't quite be forced as much, my efforts on building strong friendships are the only reason I actually ended up having enough confidence to start a love relationship. I was actually still a bit shaky, but not a fraction as much as I used to - and by the end of my relation, I came to understand many things about the nature of relationships in general, and that helped me retain a relatively stable mood even through a hard breakup and my ensuing extended stay as a single man. It's amazing to think that I am currently lacking half of what I was seeking in the first place, but just because I am no longer feeling depressed, I have such an entirely different perspective on things that I feel all of a lot more hopeful about finding what I miss again, a lot more patient about it maybe being far away and a FUCKTON less concerned about it maybe not happening soon.

Tl;dr: Take steps to find what you think you deeply lack. Your efforts will gradually help you despite the inevitable setbacks that will hit you. Depression warps your mind; as you'll get better, you'll see things from an entirely new perspective. Again this may sound cheesy, but it is very true ; you'll come to realize things you wouldn't have thought about, and that will accelerate your healing process even further. The closer you are to your goal, the easier things become. Even a partial success is an improvement and increases your chances of reaching full success later, and thus nothing is ever done at a loss. Plus, any setback there might be in the same department where you had problems earlier in your life will not trouble you even a bit as much as it used to, if only because you'll have acquired experience and confidence in how to deal with it and fix it.

Now, all this must seem highly theoretical and you must be thirsting for short-term solutions. Fortunately, there ARE some changes you CAN apply in the short term ; after all, it is true we human basically run on chemical compounds, so yes, a better diet, exercise and humor will *always* help us. Of course, getting better life habits will not solve all your problems if they are more complex (which they probably are), but going from "blazing pits of hellish depression" to "feeling like crap" is still an improvement and can be done quickly and efficiently. Plus, making your mood less worse that way will probably prevent you from getting demotivated at your long-term goals, so that could be where you could start at while you work on your introspection to get ready for your first moves.

Sorry for the long post, and I hoped this made sense.

Wow, that's one hell of a reply.

I does make sense, lots of it. Thank you very very much for taking the time to write it, it's alot of help, lots to think about. Thanks!

Any time!

Sigh. I am in Las Vegas with nothing but a dumb phone to type on but when I get home again we'll talk, okay? You need to write me up at least 300 words about the theme of your thesis. Ido not care if you think they are total crap or if it's contradictory- just write it. That'll at least give us a place to start from. :) and keep breathing. It goes a long way.

Okay... But promise you don't let this distract you from your work until then.
Makes me feel ashamed I'm still whining and throwing tantrums after all the help you've given me... Thanks so much, you're so kind.

I will let it distract me as much as it needs to distract me You worry about yourself; I am fine.

You shouldn't feel ashamed. Dude, these aren't quick fix situations. They take time - a lot of time. You get a little bit of distance and then you slip right back down again. But do it enough and you'll slip a little less, get a little higher. :) We'll find a good spot eventually.

Poke me on Skype or AIM when you're ready, k?

First of all, I love your art and this piece. It's raw and full of emotion, and thus, full of life (depsite the dark context).

As for your feelings, all I can say is hang in there because the only constant in life is CHANGE. If things are shitty right now, it's only a matter of time before they'll be positive for you again. You WILL find your balance again.

In the meantime, take pleasure and solace in the little things in life. Take pleasure in the miracle of life itself - in just "being." Don't focus on what you aren't or what you don't have because life isn't always about direction, dreams, goals or self-worth. Sometimes it's just about existing. Enjoying the sunshine, the way light shimmers through the leaves of a tree, the stars, the moon, clouds, animals, a walk in the woods, the way a cup of coffee (or insert beverage of your choice) tastes, etc.

In short, when times are tough, I find it helps to just sit back and become an observer. To shift your focus away from yourself (to the extent possible), cast your cares aside, and look for and appreciate the good in this world. Take some time for yourself, look for and do things that make you happy and inspire you. Sometimes we need to take time out to reset ourselves - to gather up inspiration once again before giving thought to things like direction, goals, self-worth. Don't worry. Just keep surviving, and look for what makes you happy today at this point in your life (even if it seems hard to find). Things WILL get better.

It really does hurt me to hear this. It's clear to me that many people really really do value you as an artist and as a person. I am one of these people. I've gone through my own share of mental tribulations, I took the psychologist route at one point as well. Bottom line is no one but yourself can really help you. You can put it on someone and say "fix me please" but it's a fantasy scenario. In my experience, overcoming depression has been tremendously dependent on figuring out when to care and when to not. Another huge factor for me was having good people whom I could trust, some of who empathized with my situation. If I was honest with myself, I knew that suicide truly would be a selfish act, and that I would hurt the people I love. I could not live with that. Even in death I could not live with that. There are good people out there that you can rely on. Though, sometimes that is hard to believe.

It's just not worth it really. To give up an opportunity at life. Even the bad things are valuable to me. They are an experience and at some point I know I'll feel lucky to have had them.

You know, the last time you disappeared, I saved all the art of yours I could find. I was more than a little convinced you may have really followed through on your suicidal musings. I'm pretty sure I cried even. This is the kind of impact you had on me, even as sort of a virtual internet person. I hope you beat this thing. Best wishes.

I guess I've felt this way too. Sounds like a lot of people have, so at least you're not alone there. I mean I think about death and suicide a lot but I know it can't be an option.. I care too much about people and I know they care about me. I have to try my best at life because it's the best gift I've been given, even though I never asked for it. You're amazingly talented, and you never know what life might throw at you - it could be something really great that you find motivating, or it could be very de-motivational. But we live to get over those rocky parts of life, and to feel good about learning from them.
My words feel pretty meaningless but.. I hope somehow you'll find a time when you feel good about your life and good about yourself.
Love the art.

Been reading through this, and I'm never sure how to respond. I have gone through much of this crap my whole life, and come out the side feeling very angry with myself at all the time I wasted being pathetic. I guess that's proof that I'm not very sympathetic to my own needs. I also get annoyed at people tiptoeing around me. Sometimes I need somebody to actually tell me "you're being an idiot" possibly with the accompanying smack to the back of the head. I know I am, but I guess I secretly hope nobody else will notice, or that my brain damage will look more profound from the outside. People think that they need to treat me with kid gloves, and I think less of them for putting up with my drama.

I am a bad one to give uplifting advice, because I haven't seen much uplifting. I could probably talk a perfectly sane person into committing suicide just by sharing my worldview. I cope, I survive, and I have done since I was seventeen and my life went to shit, emotionally. That was thirty years ago. I thought my life was over at nineteen. I was delusional. I thought it was over at twenty-three. I was still delusional. Ditto at thirty-one. I have accepted that I am often delusional. I am rarely in a frame of mind where I can trust my own decision making, but I'm aware of that, and I try to be patient with the cracked gears and missed shifts jumping cogs in my brain. I'm crazy, and I am the last person in the world I can trust with my judgment. Despite that, I still have to make decisions. That's a fucked up world, where I'm anybody's guidance, I tell you.

I wander to strange territories when I'm in black moods. I found a website about suicide methods that I found practical and hilarious. It certainly put me off of my theoretical oleander milkshake (they're common around here--five leaves can kill a horse, but it's evidently extremely horrible) I find other websites written by suicide survivors, that left me thinking. Some fatalities were unreachable despite being surrounded by friends. Some were left on their own too long, or isolated themselves. It leaves a hell of a hole in the ones left behind, though. I have had three friends kill themselves, including one who was very important to my artistic life. The world got smaller, meaner and uglier with their loss. That's one reason I'm dumping in your face, now; I failed to do that for people I cared about before. I don't know if it would have changed anything, but not having at least tried will haunt me.

Talking with Donna Barr, I once likened art to being addicted to a drug that has a very unreliable supply. When a shot of it would make life bearable, that's when it's nowhere to be found, or somebody has cut it with cheap fake junk. It's not a horse that responds well to flogging. It needs kindness and understanding, even when it's being obstinate. If you can't be kind to yourself, you can at least be kind to your talent.

The notion of being the "best" artist is ... hmm, what's the best way to put this... "bollocks" comes to mind.

My wife sometimes feels like she should quit because she'll never be da Vinci, her idol. I have helped her be a lot better artist than she used to be, taught her some of the tricks I know, though I'm hardly a worthy teacher. She is more skilled than she used to be, but she still compares herself to things that she is not. Is Rodin "better" than Steadman? Is Boris Vallejo just a cheap Frazetta knock-off? Should Delacroix have packed it in because he wasn't Gericault? Who's better: Frank Miller or Simon Bisley? Are you a better artist than I am?

Well yes, actually, and that pisses me off, because I should be the BEST! No excuses! Wham, wham, wham! Flog that muse. Oh, wait, that's the sound of my muse whacking me on the back of the head again for being stoooopid. But if you and I were going in for a job interview for an art position, I would know that I didn't stand a chance. Working in a sign shop is about the only chance I'd have to make money at something art related. You've got a shot at more. I believe a lot more. You toss off ideas like a horse tosses off flies, and even the simple ones are better than 90% of what I come up with, you bastard. Even your pain is artistic, and how unfair is that?

If a project isn't working, it's not worth beating yourself up over it. Sometimes it's just not the right time. Sometimes it isn't turning into what you thought it should be. You can finish it out of sheer bloody-mindedness, but it won't feel right, because it wasn't. Other people will tell you it's wonderful, and you won't feel it, and you'll think they're idiots. But it's a funny thing... come back to see that ugly dog in a couple of years, when your hatred of it has softened, and it won't look quite so hairy. Might even have some things you like about it. Who knows, it might even impress you. It's probably the same story with a lot of aspects of life. Try to be as patient with yourself as you would be to others. You're worth as much kindness as they are.

If any of this is any use, I'm gratified. If not, well, it won't be the first time I've annoyed someone.

I can relate alot, my trains-of-thought are quite the same way.

Except the part about me being a good artist... I wouldn't manage to get any art-related job, atleast not anytime soon. (Alot of my anxiety is about me not being able to sustain myself. I'm so dumb, there's like 0 jobs I'm capable of working.) I've failed that plenty of times. And my ideas are ridiculously limited to expressing what I feel like in ways that are repetitive, I can't come up with ideas when I need them, creativity is my curse - I don't have any. I envy people who can be creative.

It's good to be reminded of some things I forget. Thanks.

Originality and creativity is valued in the art school world. Not so much in the "real art" world. What's valued there is consistency, productivity, punctuality and reliability. I know an artist who cleared over a million dollars in one year painting nothing but garden gates. Another has made an entire career out of bedroom scenes--some with a woman in them, some not. Sara Genn paints circles. Grids of circles. Lots and lots of circles. I've seen a picture of one of her gallery exhibits, and it was mind numbingly repetitive (though looking at her recent work, she seems to be branching out into diagonal lines). Five points if you can name the one distinguishing feature of almost all of Georgia O'Keefe's work. And then there's Andrew Wyeth and all the Helga pictures.

Galleries love repetitive, because they can sell many versions of the same thing to different people. Artists who want to show a little variation in their work often have to work with more than one gallery (this is especially true in the US art scene, but I know it holds true in Canada, and from what I've seen from an artist I know in South Africa, there too). So don't get too tied in knots about every idea having to be completely unlike anything else that has ever been done. At least you don't suffer from this: http://michellepainteroflight.ytmnd.com/

Failing is good. Failing means you are still trying. Only those who never attempt anything never fail.

With all that's been said...

These are just chemical reactions inside the brain that are responses to how we are brought up, how values are assigned to us by the society, how all the world makes us fit itself. This happens when your disillusionment with the world hits the set of values given to you by the world itself. Safety switch from anti-social, anti-group behaviours. But it's bullshit, really. None of this matters in the long run. Although these are the things that can give you most pressure most efficiently, and, unfortunately, throughout most of your life.

Having been disillusioned about people, nature, society and so on far too many times, I bathe in my own escapism, and it's wonderful.
I have a story to tell, and that's the only purpose I have. Nothing is worth more than this.

Value yourself.

In the past, I've replied to you with anger at your self-deprecating statements, but I can't do the same now because the happiness of my life makes it hard for me to be angry with an artist of skill and vision.

But I would like to tell you about that happiness.

In my twenties, I felt all the self-loathing and uselessness that you've described here, and although my spirits picked up in my early thirties, it fell apart again soon afterward when I lost two central people in my life. I did more than contemplate suicide, I prepared for it.

Yet oddly enough, knowing that life had an exit, knowing that I could leave at any time, gave me the strength to keep on living. Perhaps I no longer felt trapped in life, and so I found the willingness to live another day, and another, and another.

Now, in my fourties, my life is not only better, it is vastly better. I have love, I have a warm and supportive relationship with a wonderful woman, I have friends, I have definite achievements, I have a life immersed in beauty.

My point is very simple: none of us can predict what life will bring. We might be certain of success or failure, of fulfillment or emptiness, yet life itself will deal with us on its own impersonal, unmotivated terms. But that unpredictability can work as much in our favour as against us... and before we know it, overnight, we can find ourselves living under different circumstances.

If I had killed myself in my twenties or thirties, I would not be living now, in my fourties, as a happy man.

If you had asked me, in my twenties or thirties, that such happiness was likely for me, I would have said no.

And I would have been completely wrong.






Mark Usk

I don't know man but why not try things you never thought would help you...

In all likelihood, you are the most qualified person to help you.

I’d suggest trying to express yourself, (and if that includes your pain) in everything you can. The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you dress, any way you can think of. Don’t be afraid to live more, even if its a little outside your comfort zone.

You shouldn’t go through anything like this without letting the people around you know. Especially the people you care about. Don’t be afraid of ruining other people’s day with your tale of tragedy. Life is meaningless without sincerity.

I’m a big fan of your art. It speaks to me. Please keep making it as it helps me through my days.

So sad... Both your text and your picture éwè
Well I don't pretend to understand you but I really hope you will succed to get through this wrong moment and become stronger.
I suppose words aren't really usefull to help you but... well, be strong :3'

We hear you often say you're not worth anything... Well, as a starter you might want to take a look for the current stats of this picture:

Favorites: 108
Comments: 75
Views: 568

People look at your art, and people fave it. But in addition they throw comments, and by the looks of it not just about the art but they direct it to you as a person, encouragement and advice. I have never been depressed so obviously I don't know much about it, but saying you're worthless and nobody cares about you is bullshit. It seems that you're not worth anything to yourself and that's the biggest problem here. But I'm sure all the professionals have already told you everything there possibly is to tell, so it's all really up to you now. All I can say is don't give up!

As for your art, it's unique and your style is beautiful and I'll probably never grow tired of looking at it.

::hugs:: I know everyone here is trying to help and support you but all I can say is...I hope everything works out. I have no better knowledge than the people but I did want to say that I support ya, and I hope that your life improves from this point.

I regret not checking my submission sooner but I've been dealing with senior responsibilities as well. I'm glad to see the number of responses you're getting. You have talent as an artist, and that alone is a reason to keep pushing forward. No, it's not always bright and happy. Sometimes you lose sleep over things and it looks like it can't get any worse. If you push through it though, it -will- get better.

It's two weeks from when you posted this, and I have 390 submissions to go through still and you may have posted something else, but I reply to the oldest first. Your work is inspiring. I wish I could learn to paint like you do. There's a lot of emotion in your brushwork, compared to the all-too-common hyper realism of so much art today. Your style is painterly, rough, minimalistic in a sense, and I love that about it. Do not stop what you're doing, you have at least one person who enjoys your art, and judging from the rest of these responses, many more. If nothing else, live for that until you can sort out your problems and work out a plan to tackle them. That helps me a lot - working out a solution to the issues I'm dealing with. It makes me feel like I have control even though it may be rather obviously chaotic. Try it.

From one artist to another, keep living. There will be brighter days ahead, I promise you.

~ Flare

I regret not checking my submission sooner but I've been dealing with senior responsibilities as well. I'm glad to see the number of responses you're getting. You have talent as an artist, and that alone is a reason to keep pushing forward. No, it's not always bright and happy. Sometimes you lose sleep over things and it looks like it can't get any worse. If you push through it though, it -will- get better.

It's two weeks from when you posted this, and I have 390 submissions to go through still and you may have posted something else, but I reply to the oldest first. Your work is inspiring. I wish I could learn to paint like you do. There's a lot of emotion in your brushwork, compared to the all-too-common hyper realism of so much art today. Your style is painterly, rough, minimalistic in a sense, and I love that about it. Do not stop what you're doing, you have at least one person who enjoys your art, and judging from the rest of these responses, many more. If nothing else, live for that until you can sort out your problems and work out a plan to tackle them. That helps me a lot - working out a solution to the issues I'm dealing with. It makes me feel like I have control even though it may be rather obviously chaotic. Try it.

From one artist to another, keep living. There will be brighter days ahead, I promise you.

~ James

It is a sin to commit suicide, because it is a sin to waste talent.

Don't get hurt, you are one of my favorite artists and speaking of "stupid animal people", yours is original. Not many "stupid animal people" are deers, let alone very expressive, emotional ones.

Speaking of medication, I am a bit embarrassed to suggest this to almost everyone that I come across who has emotional issues, but this really worked for me at least.
Try Bach Flower remedies. I myself scoffed and thought they were mere "hippy shit" but when I took my first one, they lifted me out of my disturbing thoughts. I believe they are quite cheap compared to other medications too.

So ja, please don't do anything to yourself, okay? Because there really are people who look up at you, believe it or not.

There's a lot I could say in reply to this, but more eloquently spoken people've already done that, so I won't parrot what's already been communicated. But I will say this: you decide how much you and your work is worth to the world. Nobody else does.

This is a powerful piece, and beautifully done, but the comments beneath it are beyond my ability to address. It seems many others have done it before me anyway. All I can say is that I hope you've found your way through this dark time. I've been there before, and I know how hard it is.

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU :3 *saves him*

I usually don't care for "thoughts of suicide" pictures, but this is really beautiful. The highlighted vessels add a lovely splash of color to this.

Bwah ha ha ha. Humans can be so amusing. Hearing the same exact words come out of someone else's mouth. And of course you have the typical good samaritans who showed up.

If you continuously devalue empathy, chances are you will not have it shown to you when you need it most.
Perhaps I just do not understand you, because I would never laugh at upset people (no matter who they were) or those trying to help them.

I'm laughing more at myself really. At the fact that those same exact words came out of my own mouth just a few years/months ago.

You scream, you cry, you bleed, and you hate; and when you realize you can't do anything, you laugh.
And don't worry friend, I'll make sure I bleed for you tonight. *hug*

>>"At the fact that those same exact words came out of my own mouth just a few years/months ago."

Oh, sorry, my bad. It's just that the demonstrative insensibility seems to be too widespread...
Even though far less widespread than the people who actually feel bad and need nothing more than a few kind words, it still causes only damage, and makes people not trust and hate each other, and that's not how people are ment to live.

>>"and when you realize you can't do anything, you laugh."

Laughter is said to be good in times of stress. But I doubt any kind of laughter is. If it makes you indifferent to yourself? What's the use in that?

The part about not being able to do anything - it's not objectively true, is it? I know that feeling, but it seems to be all about perception at that time. Usually it's fear of the unknown, doubt of own abilities, too much risk, too much change or clinging to past experiences and imagined workings that make the doors look locked, while actually they're just closed, rattle the handle and they'll give way.

>>"I'll make sure I bleed for you tonight."

I hope it means something else than I imagine... Please, don't bleed, bleeding hurts. :(

Oh my good sir; what could be done? Can stop eating (and expect to live X3)? Can I stop human emotion/the allusion of human emotion? Can I stop lies with a truth that I myself do not know or understand, and possible have no way of knowing or understanding? Can I stop hate? Can I stop disease? Can I stop all crime in general from happening? Futhermore if I could change anything, would it be right to change it?
How can I be sure about what is right and wrong? How can I be sure about what is real? Would it be true to say that I care? Whould it be a lie to say that I didn't? The allusions I hid behind are broken, and the reality we live within I find to be incredibly disgusting.

And don't worry, my worst fear is pain (experiencing something I can't handle) so my cuts are rather pathetic compared to the "pros". And I doubt I'll ever kill myself due to my insecurities. I myself don't really deserve any empathy; if you really want to be a good samaritan I'd suggest you go helping Bradley Manning, or the Japanese, or anyone really. =3

The reply is down below. FA forgets it was replying to a post if the writing takes too long.

>>"Can stop eating (and expect to live X3)?"

Not for long. However getting enought money for food isn't as complicated. Even when having no money, in case of emergency there are places where you can get food.

>>"Can I stop human emotion/the allusion of human emotion?"

You don't have to. And why would you want to? World would be a pretty dry place without any emotions. If you bottle things up, it just boils under the surface, unseen. It is much better to listen to them and calm them down. Intellect and emotions aren't opposites, they're two kinds of wisdoms that are ment to complement each other, and attempt to work together despite their differences. It could seem impossible to do when emotions are shouting and screaming, but when the rude ones let the steam down, other, positive, voices get to be heard.

>>"Can I stop lies with a truth that I myself do not know or understand, and possible have no way of knowing or understanding?"

This one I really don't know how to counter. That's why i'm still mizanthropic and pessimistic concerning wider public and humanity. There's no way of stopping lies and people believing in them, but it's relatively easy to undermine them and make critically thinking people doubt and think, and that may be enought to make a difference. Absolute knowledge is not attainable, but skills of measuring uncertainty and dealing with it and making decisions in the face of it - are.

>>"Can I stop hate?"

Turn it into anger. Hate is passive, anger is active. Anger supplies energy that can help solve problems in a productive way. And I don't mean violence, that's a misuse of anger, it never solves anything.

It's a bit abstract to tell. Hate of what?

>>"Can I stop all crime in general from happening?"

No. Why the hell are you supposed to be solely responsible for it?
Ofc there are things to do to make it slightly better.

>>"Futhermore if I could change anything, would it be right to change it?"

If it caused less suffering, allowed everyone to live happier and safer and in a more sustained way in the long run, would it be bad?
The truth is, noone can make drastic changes for that to be an issue, the word "stop" you're using is cathegorical to the unrealistic, noone can do that. But slight improvements are within each person's power and that should be cherished and not devalued.

>>"How can I be sure about what is right and wrong?"

Should you? Right and wrong are human concepts, no "rights" or "wrongs" exist from the point of view of the indifferent universe. We people have our own rights and wrongs, different people have different expectations of how things should be to be "better" or more "right", and they're not set in stone and change over time, finding what "right" means for you takes thinking, you decide what is "right" based on your own experience and worldview. Since there is no absolute "right" to measure against, the question is irrelevant, sort of like "how can I be sure that this cake tastes absolutely delicious". You do what you can, and that's all-right.

>>"How can I be sure about what is real?"

Common sense and informed assumptions should be enought if you're not a physicist (or any scientist, actually). There isn't any particular useful reason to doubt the real-ness of the chair you're sitting on or the mass objects have, is it? Even if everyting turns out non-real in some matrix-like way, this reality we live in has been shown to be consistently predictable in certain ways, and acting on those predictions is enought, because no other reality concerns us. Reality is our own model. Why should we bother with the question?

Lies are a different matter, you can learn to recognise some of them, but it's not entirely your responsibility when acting based on lies that slip through the bulshit detector, those offering lies are also responsible. Garbage in, garbage out.

>>"Would it be true to say that I care? Whould it be a lie to say that I didn't?"

Would it be inaccurate to say that it's a scale between the two and not a black and white answer? With the threshold also slipping more one way or another based on circumstances.

>>"The allusions I hid behind are broken, and the reality we live within I find to be incredibly disgusting."

Allusions tend to be replaced by allusions that are their opposites. The world is full of suffering, but it is also full of overcomming of it.

>>"I myself don't really deserve any empathy."

I call the bullshit on this one. You impose upon yourself unrealistic expectations and then punish yourself for not living up to them? Empathy is not something you have to deserve, it just is, it is innate to us. You don't have to deserve to exist, you just do. Noone anywhere requires you to present paprework and a resume for judgement whether you deserve a dose of empathy or not. Empathy has nothing to do with achievements. You're a person and people care because of that (those who don't are either too busy to stop and think or are the kind of jerks who think this will never happen to them and that it's ok to kick people when they're down). Only you yourself can be sticking warning labels on yourself and building walls, digging ditches and stretching barbed wire around yourself to "protect" yourself from people (and empathy, that usualy comes with them), just because someone hurt you before. When the defences have done their job, they should be cleared, slowly and painstalkingly disassembling the mental mines one after another, who knows, someone bringing you a cake and a "get well" card could stumble uppon one and get hurt. There are vastly more people who wish you good despite not knowing you, than there are people willing to hurt you just for amusement.

>>"if you really want to be a good samaritan I'd suggest you go helping Bradley Manning, or the Japanese, or anyone really."

Why? There's like next to nothing I can do for those people. To you I can atleast talk. "Anyone" sort of includes you, you know...

I'm afraid I may have been to vague. X3

1. Money is not the issue. I do not like the system that nature devised, one in which humans must kill other living organisms in order to survive. I'm a vegetarian, but that really isn't enough. Why should anything have to die for me (or anyone else for that matter)? You also have to take into account while we're eating our wonderful meals (plate full of murder X3) within our gluttonous country other people around the world are starving to death. Give as much money as you want to any charity, it will only have so much of an impact and the starving will continue.

2. Ehhhh, that's really more of a pessimistic argument brought up by a cult that I ador. It's still a cult, but I love some of their ideas. It also has to do with my (pessimistic BS) opinions on "love". So whatever... X3

3. Ehh, I don't know anything. *hides*

4. This isn't just about me, even if it should be. Hate is something that exists that I do not like and I can't do much about it. It's just something that adds to my disgust of reality.

5. Again, it isn't as if I'm expecting myself to stop all crime, it's just something that exists that I can't really do a whole lot about.

6. Alas, I have already devalued it. *shrugs with a smile*

7. The point I was making with that question is what you said, so... we agree. =3

8. That was sort of dealing more with religion. I mean hell, there was a time in which I thought I was hearing the voices of God, Jesus, Satan, Sin (a demon), in my head; among other imaginary friends. Hence the "broken allusion". I don't even think I want to get into this topic though. I'm not religious, just brainwashed and paranoid.

9. I think that was more directed toward myself. X3

10. I'll give you the first part just because I think it could be humorously accurate. But for the second part I'll just give the expected pessimistic reply; why bother trying to overcome it? None of this really matters, there's no real point in doing it, unless you just want to.

11. Yeah, but you know self loathing is such a good motivator for statements like that.

12. Well you could sign the online petition in support of Bradley. And regardless of what I said earlier you could always donate money or promote charities that support Japan. And excuse me, "anyone else really."

Eventhough I love a good debate, and this little venting of views has been fun; I doubt will get anywhere from it. I believe the issue is just that I've lost hope in this world, I don't feel that the good aspects outweigh the bad. I've replaced love and understanding for mankind with hostility. I don't see a good enough reason to go back to the mindset that I had though. The fucked up news stories that come out everyday, the "eating system", that fact that people seem to show such little concern for things like the suffering of others and the enviornment. It certainly isn't an original feeling, but I can't help but feel like I don't belong here. Lately I've just been trying to avoid the whole thing; playing video games and sleeping tend to be the things I do most now. I've even been neglecting to do my exercise routines. Even asking myself once again, why am I waking up? I don't think I want to die, I just don't want to live within this disgusting reality. This isn't about being depressed, or hating myself; if I feel anything it's frustration.

I'll end with one of the best quotes ever (even if I don't feel like I can agree with it anymore I think it would be good to end on a "happy" note): "I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you." - V for Vendetta

World is inperfect, as a result - much more interesting and fascinating than utopias. It's true, you'll never make the world into an utopia, but how does that make everything in the world pointless?

(If Plato was alive, I'd do such horrible things to him that I'd never wish on any animate or inanimate object. That lunatic of a philosopher did more damage than all the wars ar diseases put together.)

There isn't really a need to live as far as I'm aware; we live because we choose too. Life, like everything else, only has as much meaning as you give it; to some, life is worthless. The things we enjoy in life such as love, friendship, etc. are what give us incentive to live; if you are not satisfied with these incentives and you feel that they don't make life worth living, you don't have much of a reason to live. It's like doing a job you don't like for no pay, that has no real greater good coming from it. "Pointless"

I'm fine with imperfection; I understand the flaws of a utopia. I do have my own ideas of a "better world", but that's irrelevant. The issue is that I simply see the glass as half empty, while you see it half full.

I've never really studied Plato's work...

what worked for me?

quit school.

this deeply affected me. genius.
I have showing this picture in others resources/forums and people feeling strong emotions the fact of it makes me feel to think about our lifes, many why's...

I love the "blocked" feel your art has in this. It's like all it's volumes are...poping out, like an sculpture. Really well done!

I'm sorry, I just read your description on this. I really do get you. I'm also going through a very long and annoying phase. It's like...we really need to prove something for ourselves. What sucks the most is that the help totally needs to come from us and not other people.

This image speaks to an enormous sense of the fragility of life and the soul. You aren't just another anything, I can see directly through this image to that truth. You are yourself, and to lose you, humanity would lose what is obviously a unique and irreplaceable part of our whole. I admit that all people are irreplaceable, but you could not even be remotely synthesized. You are incredibly unique in the sensitivity of your vision. Your immense sincerity is something the majority of our species never achieves.

here's something to live for, your art, just keep drawing and something will come your way, press on. there were days I've felt the exact same way.

I hope you are doing a little bit better now. This image is extremely powerful.

I feel the same way.

niiice!

Those who seek death only value the prospect of it's release because they have the option to embrace it at their choosing. Only when you have that option of death taken and mandated upon you do you realize the value of life with all of it's joys and miseries.

I may not know you but if you ever want to talk, let me know. I am a note away.

This has such a strong/powerful meaning. ;A; I really really love it, and although I don't know you/you've posted this 3 years ago, I'm really glad to still have you with us today, haha. I hope it's not weird for me to say that!