Another chapter in your coming improvment. Let me give you another little tip to help you out. :3

before you post a story,(and sometimes Im bad about this) proof read your work. Read it though as you never wrote it. Pretend you just some guy who decided to glacé at your story. Your work should roll of the tounge smoothly and every sentense should be precise and, in my own opinion, sharp and minimalist.

It's very difficult at times to pick certian words that have the same meaning and shorten up a sentence. I have trouble at time and the best advise to fix this dilemma is to use a Theasarus.

Just remember that every sentence has to add up to develop a whole point of he chapter.

Your getting better and I strongly advise to just take your time with things. Writing can vary from person to person. It's hard to place ridge guidelines on such a fluid art of storytelling.

I hope you take this advise with stride. :)

I will my frend!