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Artwork (Digital) / Transformation
Species Pig / Swine
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You may kiss the BRIDE!"
(They kiss. Round of applause and cheers.)
"Well, Sugar, we DID it!"
"YEAH we did!"
"UH-oh! What's that FACE again? What's WRONG?"
"It's NOTHING. I just had this sudden flash, like, what if this was like a fairy tale, and you turned HUMAN again after I KISSED you?"
"Didn't HAPPEN, did it Sug? You DISAPPOINTED?"
"HELL, no! I WOULD'VE been, though!"
"Oh, REALLY…?"
"REALLY! I fell in love with a BEAUTIFUL SOW! That's who and what I wanted to MARRY!"
"Ohhh… Sug… you're SO SWEET!"
***
"Well, Clem, they DID it, by God!"
"*S-SNIFF* Y-yeah they did…"
"What's the MATTER? You CRYIN'?"
"Ohhh… SPIT! *SOB* I ALWAYS cry at WEDDINGS!"
"You KNOW, Clem… a LOT of guys meet their WIVES at weddings!"
"WH-WHAT?"
""WHAT' NOTHING! The ladies haven't exactly been pounding down YOUR door of late!"
"YOU'RE batshit CRAZY, Elmo!"
"Hey, I would've said the same THING six weeks ago! But look how HAPPY our boy is up there! He worships the MUD that sow WALLOWS in! Maybe there's something TO this!"
"But we ALREADY…"
"I KNOW we already! But have either of us tried just treatin' these pigs like LADIES? We might just find them worth getting' to KNOW."
"Well… I don't KNOW… I'm not so good at THAT…"
"Just give it a SHOT! LOOK! There's EMILY all alone over there by the PUNCH TROUGH! She's a GOOD OL' GAL! Come ON! Make your MOVE, you LADY KILLER, you!"
"What'll I SAY?"
"I don't know… tell her what a purdy MAID OF HONOR she makes! Ask her about her favorite movies! Tell her you love the way she eats her SLOPS! IMPROVISE!"
"Oh-okay… I'm goin' OVER there… wish me LUCK!"
***
"So YOU'RE Penny's DOCTOR? Or are you a VET?"
"No… I'm a Medical Doctor. Got an unusual SPECIALTY, but I'm a Medical DOCTOR."
"I'm the groom's MOTHER. I TELL you, if anybody ever told me he'd be marrying a PIG, I would've said they were NUTS!"
"Don't BLAME you, Ma'am!"
"But my boy is so HAPPY! She's done WONDERS for him! And I never saw such a WELL-MANNERED pig! She EXCUSES HERSELF after she FARTS! More than his last five GIRLFRIENDS ever did!"
"Well, as I'm sure you KNOW… she was HUMAN until six months ago. I did the OPERATION!"
"Wh-why would ANYBODY want that DONE to themselves? THAT I just don't GET!"
"Well, the thing IS… nobody actually ever DOES want precisely THAT done to them. They want to be ANTHRO pigs, and sashay around town on TWO LEGS! I figure, someone wants to be a PIG, they should contribute to SOCIETY, and birth some PIGLETS for the MEAT INDUSTRY! So I do strictly QUADROPED procedures."
"That's kind of MEAN, isn't it?"
"You know, it kind of IS, now that I say it out loud. I've kind of been having some REGRETS about what I do of late. There's no way in God's Green Earth to REVERSE the procedure, but I've been learning about guys like your son, and I work with a psychiatrist who's been sending her patients like him MY way for some… I just have to call it this… MATCHMAKING!
"So THAT'S how they met!"
"Yep. They're the first couple. But you can bet your bottom dollar they won't be the LAST! I mean LOOK at those two yahoos chatting up the swine over there! I might have started a MOVEMENT here!"
"Maybe. Hey, what about that poor PRIEST? He's gonna be DEFROCKED SOOOO FAST…."
'Oh, not necessarily. This is St. Francis' Day, after all. He just told the Diocese he was coming over here to bless the ANIMALS. They never check up on these things… yeah… Father Flotsky’s a good egg!"
"Yeah, but what if they find OUT! I mean, the R.C.C. isn't even down with SAME-SEX weddings yet!"
"Well, this is hardly a same-sex wedding! That IS a MALE and a FEMALE over there. And I know for a FACT she was brought up a good Catholic girl! Still has her saddle shoes from Parochial School! They don't FIT anymore, but she still HAS them!"
"Well, my son was brought up BAPTIST, but if he wants to CONVERT, I won't stand in his way. You got to think of the KIDS!"
"Yeah… ummm… ABOUT that…"
"What, you mean I won't have GRANDCHILDREN?!"
"Ohhh… that you WILL… but… let's just say… when you have them over for DINNER… they'll be the MAIN COURSE!"
***
"Ohhhhhh…. Penny… we're going to MISS YOU! *BAWWWWWWWWWW!*
"Where are you guys GOING, anyways?"
"Oh, we're buying the old DOUGLAS place, out in Hooterville! The whole PLACE is a sty, really, so I'll feel right at home!"
"We're going to fix it up, and then Penny's going right back to WORK!"
"WHAT!? You're STILL going to be birthing PIGLETS? I thought you HATED the whole *OINK*ing* IDEA!"
"ACTUALLY, Girls, raising piglets is kind of FUN! I just always hated that I never got any of the PROCEEDS when they got SOLD!"
"So are you guys getting a BOAR, or what? Watch OUT, Kermit! He might beat your TIME!"
"HELL no! We'll just order boar SEMEN online from PigJizz4U.com! It comes all frozen from FedEx, then I just let it thaw and get out the ol' TURKEY BASTER!"
"Ohhh… and you're so *OINKing* GOOD with that TURKEY BASTER, Sug. He has MAGIC HANDS! *WREEEEEEEEET!*"
"So… WHOSE idea was this, ANYWAY?"
"Oh, PENNY'S! Absolutely! She's a TAKE CHARGE GAL! AREN'T you, Hon!"
"And you LOVE every MINUTE of it, Sug! DON'T you!? *SNUFFLE SNUFFLE SNUFFLE!*"
"STOP, Hon! Hee hee hee hee! Not HERE!"
"Well, she never wears a STITCH, but I can already see who's gonna wear the PANTS!"
***
"…so you SEE, Mrs. DeFrogge…"
"Ohhh… PLEASE! Call me Edna!"
"…there's no WAY we could physically change a bipedal human to a quadrupedal PIG! Not if we did multiple operations over the course of YEARS! Yet these people wake up in almost complete PIG bodies after SIX HOURS of SURGERY and don't think to QUESTION it! I REALIZE they have other things on their MINDS, but STILL…"
"So how do you DO it, Doctor?"
"We just take some samples of their DNA, some BONE MARROW, a couple pints of BLOOD… and we clone HYBRID PIG bodies with big brain pans, with just enough of THEIR DNA so the new body doesn't reject the human implants. All that's left of their bodies is their BRAINS, their OPTIC NERVES and EYES, and part of their SKULLS from around the EYES and up to the BROW line. For all intents and purposes, PHYSICALLY, they're PIGS! Their old bodies went to the organ bank and now they're medical CADAVERS. So there is NO GOING BACK! PERIOD!"
"OOOH, it must be such an INTERESTING line of WORK, Doctor! Tell me… is there a MRS. Moreau?"
"No… Edna, was it? No, you could say I'm married to my WORK. But, I guess, if the right lady came along…"
"Let's put a PIN in that, Doctor. Buy a lady a DRINK?"
***
So LONG, Penny! So LONG Kermit! Have fun in *GRUNT* NIAGARA FALLS!"
"Just remember to stick to the CANADIAN side! They're MUCH more SOCIALLY PERMISSIVE there!"
"I DUNNO, Clem. D'you think tying empty SPAM cans to the bumper might've been in BAD TASTE?"
"HELL, Elmo, it was EMILY’S idea! Wasn't it, you little HAMHOCK?"
"*OINK* STOP it, Clem! That TICKLES! *WREEEEEEEEEEEEET*
And as we bid a fond farewell to Penny and Kermit, we can only with them the BEST, and repeat the theme of the wedding:
LOVE KNOWS NO SPECIES!
THE END
(They kiss. Round of applause and cheers.)
"Well, Sugar, we DID it!"
"YEAH we did!"
"UH-oh! What's that FACE again? What's WRONG?"
"It's NOTHING. I just had this sudden flash, like, what if this was like a fairy tale, and you turned HUMAN again after I KISSED you?"
"Didn't HAPPEN, did it Sug? You DISAPPOINTED?"
"HELL, no! I WOULD'VE been, though!"
"Oh, REALLY…?"
"REALLY! I fell in love with a BEAUTIFUL SOW! That's who and what I wanted to MARRY!"
"Ohhh… Sug… you're SO SWEET!"
***
"Well, Clem, they DID it, by God!"
"*S-SNIFF* Y-yeah they did…"
"What's the MATTER? You CRYIN'?"
"Ohhh… SPIT! *SOB* I ALWAYS cry at WEDDINGS!"
"You KNOW, Clem… a LOT of guys meet their WIVES at weddings!"
"WH-WHAT?"
""WHAT' NOTHING! The ladies haven't exactly been pounding down YOUR door of late!"
"YOU'RE batshit CRAZY, Elmo!"
"Hey, I would've said the same THING six weeks ago! But look how HAPPY our boy is up there! He worships the MUD that sow WALLOWS in! Maybe there's something TO this!"
"But we ALREADY…"
"I KNOW we already! But have either of us tried just treatin' these pigs like LADIES? We might just find them worth getting' to KNOW."
"Well… I don't KNOW… I'm not so good at THAT…"
"Just give it a SHOT! LOOK! There's EMILY all alone over there by the PUNCH TROUGH! She's a GOOD OL' GAL! Come ON! Make your MOVE, you LADY KILLER, you!"
"What'll I SAY?"
"I don't know… tell her what a purdy MAID OF HONOR she makes! Ask her about her favorite movies! Tell her you love the way she eats her SLOPS! IMPROVISE!"
"Oh-okay… I'm goin' OVER there… wish me LUCK!"
***
"So YOU'RE Penny's DOCTOR? Or are you a VET?"
"No… I'm a Medical Doctor. Got an unusual SPECIALTY, but I'm a Medical DOCTOR."
"I'm the groom's MOTHER. I TELL you, if anybody ever told me he'd be marrying a PIG, I would've said they were NUTS!"
"Don't BLAME you, Ma'am!"
"But my boy is so HAPPY! She's done WONDERS for him! And I never saw such a WELL-MANNERED pig! She EXCUSES HERSELF after she FARTS! More than his last five GIRLFRIENDS ever did!"
"Well, as I'm sure you KNOW… she was HUMAN until six months ago. I did the OPERATION!"
"Wh-why would ANYBODY want that DONE to themselves? THAT I just don't GET!"
"Well, the thing IS… nobody actually ever DOES want precisely THAT done to them. They want to be ANTHRO pigs, and sashay around town on TWO LEGS! I figure, someone wants to be a PIG, they should contribute to SOCIETY, and birth some PIGLETS for the MEAT INDUSTRY! So I do strictly QUADROPED procedures."
"That's kind of MEAN, isn't it?"
"You know, it kind of IS, now that I say it out loud. I've kind of been having some REGRETS about what I do of late. There's no way in God's Green Earth to REVERSE the procedure, but I've been learning about guys like your son, and I work with a psychiatrist who's been sending her patients like him MY way for some… I just have to call it this… MATCHMAKING!
"So THAT'S how they met!"
"Yep. They're the first couple. But you can bet your bottom dollar they won't be the LAST! I mean LOOK at those two yahoos chatting up the swine over there! I might have started a MOVEMENT here!"
"Maybe. Hey, what about that poor PRIEST? He's gonna be DEFROCKED SOOOO FAST…."
'Oh, not necessarily. This is St. Francis' Day, after all. He just told the Diocese he was coming over here to bless the ANIMALS. They never check up on these things… yeah… Father Flotsky’s a good egg!"
"Yeah, but what if they find OUT! I mean, the R.C.C. isn't even down with SAME-SEX weddings yet!"
"Well, this is hardly a same-sex wedding! That IS a MALE and a FEMALE over there. And I know for a FACT she was brought up a good Catholic girl! Still has her saddle shoes from Parochial School! They don't FIT anymore, but she still HAS them!"
"Well, my son was brought up BAPTIST, but if he wants to CONVERT, I won't stand in his way. You got to think of the KIDS!"
"Yeah… ummm… ABOUT that…"
"What, you mean I won't have GRANDCHILDREN?!"
"Ohhh… that you WILL… but… let's just say… when you have them over for DINNER… they'll be the MAIN COURSE!"
***
"Ohhhhhh…. Penny… we're going to MISS YOU! *BAWWWWWWWWWW!*
"Where are you guys GOING, anyways?"
"Oh, we're buying the old DOUGLAS place, out in Hooterville! The whole PLACE is a sty, really, so I'll feel right at home!"
"We're going to fix it up, and then Penny's going right back to WORK!"
"WHAT!? You're STILL going to be birthing PIGLETS? I thought you HATED the whole *OINK*ing* IDEA!"
"ACTUALLY, Girls, raising piglets is kind of FUN! I just always hated that I never got any of the PROCEEDS when they got SOLD!"
"So are you guys getting a BOAR, or what? Watch OUT, Kermit! He might beat your TIME!"
"HELL no! We'll just order boar SEMEN online from PigJizz4U.com! It comes all frozen from FedEx, then I just let it thaw and get out the ol' TURKEY BASTER!"
"Ohhh… and you're so *OINKing* GOOD with that TURKEY BASTER, Sug. He has MAGIC HANDS! *WREEEEEEEEET!*"
"So… WHOSE idea was this, ANYWAY?"
"Oh, PENNY'S! Absolutely! She's a TAKE CHARGE GAL! AREN'T you, Hon!"
"And you LOVE every MINUTE of it, Sug! DON'T you!? *SNUFFLE SNUFFLE SNUFFLE!*"
"STOP, Hon! Hee hee hee hee! Not HERE!"
"Well, she never wears a STITCH, but I can already see who's gonna wear the PANTS!"
***
"…so you SEE, Mrs. DeFrogge…"
"Ohhh… PLEASE! Call me Edna!"
"…there's no WAY we could physically change a bipedal human to a quadrupedal PIG! Not if we did multiple operations over the course of YEARS! Yet these people wake up in almost complete PIG bodies after SIX HOURS of SURGERY and don't think to QUESTION it! I REALIZE they have other things on their MINDS, but STILL…"
"So how do you DO it, Doctor?"
"We just take some samples of their DNA, some BONE MARROW, a couple pints of BLOOD… and we clone HYBRID PIG bodies with big brain pans, with just enough of THEIR DNA so the new body doesn't reject the human implants. All that's left of their bodies is their BRAINS, their OPTIC NERVES and EYES, and part of their SKULLS from around the EYES and up to the BROW line. For all intents and purposes, PHYSICALLY, they're PIGS! Their old bodies went to the organ bank and now they're medical CADAVERS. So there is NO GOING BACK! PERIOD!"
"OOOH, it must be such an INTERESTING line of WORK, Doctor! Tell me… is there a MRS. Moreau?"
"No… Edna, was it? No, you could say I'm married to my WORK. But, I guess, if the right lady came along…"
"Let's put a PIN in that, Doctor. Buy a lady a DRINK?"
***
So LONG, Penny! So LONG Kermit! Have fun in *GRUNT* NIAGARA FALLS!"
"Just remember to stick to the CANADIAN side! They're MUCH more SOCIALLY PERMISSIVE there!"
"I DUNNO, Clem. D'you think tying empty SPAM cans to the bumper might've been in BAD TASTE?"
"HELL, Elmo, it was EMILY’S idea! Wasn't it, you little HAMHOCK?"
"*OINK* STOP it, Clem! That TICKLES! *WREEEEEEEEEEEEET*
And as we bid a fond farewell to Penny and Kermit, we can only with them the BEST, and repeat the theme of the wedding:
LOVE KNOWS NO SPECIES!
THE END
Category Artwork (Digital) / Transformation
Species Pig / Swine
Size 936 x 1298px
File Size 825.2 kB
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