I have no idea if you will ever see this.

I don't care if people find this melodramatic or llamaing or whatever. This is my FA to which I choose to upload and make these comments. Frankly if you do think that you can fuck off and stop watching me right now, you obviously don't know me.

To those who do: you know that I am not the best person in the world for emotional words (needless, any words at all). I tend to just come fetch you and get you drunk or buy you a present or try and keep a level head. For me my escape is not weed or booze or getting angry ... it's my piano and my work. At work I can just sit there and create & build things that I know will make everyone's life that little bit easier, discover insights we never knew and it makes me feel good that I am lucky enough to posses the ability to do such things.

I don't think I could live without my piano. No, I'm not the best player in the world. I'm probably not even the best player you know. But I don't do it for that. I play because I can transport myself to another world, rules in a world that I create and become a reflection of me. I can express my world in ways I never can through programming or talking or writing an e-mail. My music stays with me a long time, much longer than anything else. I still play my easy piano books because I can remember how it felt to learn them, how school was, who my friends were.

And now I am writing this for someone who has been very special in my life, for whom my heart is bent and broken.

Know that whatever happens I will always be there for you and I just want whatever makes you happy.