Lately ive been lacking of communication with clients, notes and comments, and also with online friends, i know it's very bad and I understand it, I really dont like ignoring everyone of you... and it's not even good to talk about it here in furaffinity, it sounds unprofessional, so I will slide it in scratches eventually, and I guess I'll give a bad image of me.
My lack of responses is not what I desire to do, actually I want to reply everyone everytime I get contacted, but lately it has been pretty rough for me, I'm facing various issues with family, and all their members and generally with all comes with it... plus theyre coming with various heavy changes that has to come which perturbs me, and idk if they'll be worst.
I actually have to handle everyday some people(family) that can be so bad and they did so much as well, theyve been sharing so much anger negativity and hate that i reached a point of being very tired, psychologically tired and depressed that I'm losing the courage of speaking with clients, so I needed to take a break and some thinking about some stuff and also how stupid I am.
I'm stupid cause I'm so lucky of having a hobby that is wanted from you and that I have lot of amazing people that are happy to talk and commission me, and I can only be thanking so much about this, and lowering performances like now, in art and communication, really kills me inside, I hate it SO MUCH and I would just stab myself for this.
Although at the same time trying to get in touch with everyone everytime is drying me out, and it makes me wanna isolate more than I did almost all my life, especially when everything outside the furry fandom is just my family and dogs and all i get for servicing family and dogs by renuincing a good side of my life is phsycological abuse, manipulation and extorting.
So after years I'm starting to feel pretty empty and questioning if I wanna go on, I don't mind death and I dont deserve pity, I did some mistakes with this art hobby and I did not forgot them, neither i have a problem to face them.
I'm sorry for all of this, I'll try to reply to whoever is trying to commission me, already commissioned me or wanna talk with me with this post, cause being always so active and trying to show myself happy and excited with every convo is hurting me a lot, cause i want to share happiness, even if I dont have almost any, but I never wanted to be a cold and far artist from the beginning.
The important thing is that I'm still working on current commissions, and everyone who is wanting to commission me will recive the art, and I'll reply the note in the moment I'll have progresses, I just cant keep replying over replying, it makes me feel like an unproductive and untrustable trash, and you got all the right to complain, but please do know that I do not enjoy ignoring people, neither being absent and slighty unproductive.
Sorry again for all I am, I'll try my best to get on the rail or productivity and communication, but I needed a bit of time of staying alone, so this is not a goodbye at all, but explain my current situation.
This sketch is very roughly made cause it's all I really I can permit to do with the commissions in main focus.