Okay. Fine. Maybe you bastards don't want humans, how about Tieflings? I got this deal on a tiefling you won't wanna pass up. I got pulled dis bitch out of a dumpster somewhere, I forgot where. It might have been one of my vegas trips, all I remember is this stupid fuckin' unicorn covered in dumpster garbage and dripping with mayonaise. You can't prove it was mine, I ain't like that, I don't fuck horses. I don't care what my wife says, she's mad I don't fuck her enough. I'll fuck you if you disagree. And your wife. Shut up.

So got this dumb unicorn, right? And she's screaming at me in her dumb fuckin' unicorn language and throwing shit with magic. Yo I thought she was gonna burn the whole hotel down! Frankly I don't care much about it, but I want my deposit back at the very least. I want my money back! So I did what I could, turned the bitch into this weirdo red skinned elf thing. I don't know, man, it just sorta happened. Look, I'll cut you a discount on her. One, slightly used Tiefling, easy payments, very affordable. What do you say?

Art by  Young_Intellegent_Furry_Friend