FA+
Shop
427
Views
Views
7
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / General Furry Art
Species Dog (Other)
Size 50 x 50
File Size 55.3 kB
Report this content
More from Aresues
Reloaded as .txt for easier viewing (advanced apologes for the punctuation screwups. If anyone knows how to fix that, I'd love to know)
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Dog (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 55.3 kB
Hi Aresues!
When you started your first Shayde story it was good but not perfect. This chapter for example you have reached perfection.
We now see another side od shade character he selfless stoped the blade from entering Xani! at the cost of his live. For a bounty hunter ( i think i am correct please correct me if wrong ) to do this it is totally out of character.
Shayde thought about it. He really did. But there was only one thing he could do. He ran, faster than he had ever run before. He crossed the void between then in a little under a second, and stood in front of Xani.
---
Xani saw the blade. She could do nothing. Then, suddenly, Shayde was there. He seemed to pop out of the ground, and grabbed her shoulders. She felt, as much as heard, the thud as the blade hit. Shayde staggered slightly, but remained standing, an odd smile on his face. His blue eyes glittered and a tear slid down his face, looking down into her eyes.
�Sorry...� he mumbled.
( this is my favorite paragraph you have written yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
"but remained standing, an odd smile on his face. His blue eyes glittered and a tear slid down his face, looking down into her eyes.
�Sorry...� he mumbled. "
There is now some chemistry going on between Xani and Shayde the way you have written this fits the moment perfectly.
I must know what will happen next! ( i wished i read this earlier )
thank you for writing this
Ant
When you started your first Shayde story it was good but not perfect. This chapter for example you have reached perfection.
We now see another side od shade character he selfless stoped the blade from entering Xani! at the cost of his live. For a bounty hunter ( i think i am correct please correct me if wrong ) to do this it is totally out of character.
Shayde thought about it. He really did. But there was only one thing he could do. He ran, faster than he had ever run before. He crossed the void between then in a little under a second, and stood in front of Xani.
---
Xani saw the blade. She could do nothing. Then, suddenly, Shayde was there. He seemed to pop out of the ground, and grabbed her shoulders. She felt, as much as heard, the thud as the blade hit. Shayde staggered slightly, but remained standing, an odd smile on his face. His blue eyes glittered and a tear slid down his face, looking down into her eyes.
�Sorry...� he mumbled.
( this is my favorite paragraph you have written yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
"but remained standing, an odd smile on his face. His blue eyes glittered and a tear slid down his face, looking down into her eyes.
�Sorry...� he mumbled. "
There is now some chemistry going on between Xani and Shayde the way you have written this fits the moment perfectly.
I must know what will happen next! ( i wished i read this earlier )
thank you for writing this
Ant
Thanks for that, buddy.
You are correct...Shayde is indeed a bounty-hunter, even if that is just his job. Remember, he grew up learning all about honour, so he's kind of an almonst ninja in bounty-hunter's clothing, so to speak.
I don't think my writing is 'perfect'. I just write what I feel might fit the story. But that you think it is so good, means a lot to me. Thank you.
You are correct...Shayde is indeed a bounty-hunter, even if that is just his job. Remember, he grew up learning all about honour, so he's kind of an almonst ninja in bounty-hunter's clothing, so to speak.
I don't think my writing is 'perfect'. I just write what I feel might fit the story. But that you think it is so good, means a lot to me. Thank you.
Comments