hugs

*hugs tight*

-hugs and sighs-

? why sigh?

It sorta how i feel right now, so i understand it

*huggles tight*
im glad that people can understand <3
why are you all... like... (for lack of a better way of puttin it) messed up?

i guess just really feeling ingored by the guy i like the last few weeks mor s the last few days

awww *hugs and holds tight*

- hugs and lays head on his shoulder-

you'll never have too be ignored by me <3
its not in my nature to do so
*cuddles*

^.^ thanks it sucks to care for someon so much an he ingores you or is "to" busy to talk to me :/ cause hes playing a game -sighs-

i kinda kniw what thats like...
when sarah broke up with me, she completely avoided me... actually avoided me. every time she saw me in the halls or anything, she'd run the other way or pretend she didnt see me... that was so unbearably painfull... because... i love her so so much...

*whimpers and sobs*

are you alright? i forgot that you were watching me, i didnt think you'd see this... im sorry

*shaking in rl*
..... TT-TT

...im sorry...

this is the pains of my heart (extreamly shortened)...
im sorry, i didnt know you would see this... im sorry :'(

*huggles you and sobs*
i'm so so so so so so so so sorry i did this too you ;_;

its not all you and you shouldnt be sorry...
you were just doing what you thaught was best... its fine...

how are the nightmares by the way?

they're gone....
they stopped... a day after... i.... you know > >

so it was my fault...

dont think of it that way D:

...its clear it is....
*sobs*...

please, please dont cry T-T

you cant tell me not to, i have full right to cry

it makes me sad though ;_;

im sorry... please dont be sad...
i cant kill myself, so you dont have to be all nice!
i talked to my friend linda and she reminded me that i promised sarah that i wouldnt kill myself... im someone that cant break his promises... im not aloud to kill myself, no matter how badly i want to! not unless sarah says that i no longer need to keep it...
*sobs harder (IRL)*...

*gasps*
i can be nice if i want! i dont want to be a bitch to you, because trust me, i can be the biggest fucking bitch once i get pissed D<
im worried about you, that's all .... :C

dont be... im not worth it...

*twitches*
please... sorry if this hurts you... but

when will you goddamn fucking LEARN?!
you are worth everything. YOU ARE. you just dont fucking see it!
my god, i do hate myself, but i know im worth a tons!
try to think of what will happen once you leave!
my friends will never talk.
i wont be able to study animals like i wont too.
no music.


Just.... when will you.... FUCKING LEARN?!
D<

...
...i know just who i am and what i am... to a hand full of people i have worth, but to myself... i have no worth... people keep saying 'its what you think that matters'... to me, i am worthless...

no...*puts your heart back inside you*..dont rip it out..

twas not i that tore it out... im the victom, not the mutilator... i have no controll of those who chose to steel my heart and leave with it... i wish those who hold my heart would treasure it rather than crush it....

oh..i see...*hands are blooody from holding your heart* dont worry..someone who realy loves you..will take great care of it

i dont want anyone else to have it... i dont want people to keep harvesting my affection! im sick of love! if i grow a new heart, i will guard it! i will let no one touch me in such a way again!
*breats deep and tries to calm down a bit*
... im sick of the pain that goes with having a heart... i dont want anyone else to make me grow one, nor will i allow anyone else to take it...

but ian!...

im sorry... friends is fine, close friends is fine... but... im not looking for another mate... im not looking for another girl (nor a guy!)... im sorry...

not all people all the same! im sure there is someone out tthere for you! please! you cant give up forever! you just cant! *looks at him with tears*

im not giving up forever... just... temporarily...
i know not everyones the same... though it doesnt really seem like it if you dig deep enough...
i... i just... dont really want to deal with this crap again... at lest not for a while...

okays ian..

im sorry...
all this emotional 'turbulence' has been going on since mid summer (09)... its been killing me...
...im sorry, i dont want any more of this heartache...
i mat be all sad and lonely, but i dont really want anyone either...
...if either of the girls that have been doing this to me said they wanted me... id probobly go with them... though thats different... they both still hold a heart of mine... i still love both of them... its wrong to love more than one, but... i love both... and right now... i want to love none...

...im sorry...

i loved more then one person once..she loved me too..but it all went wrong

... things always seem to go wrong...
...theres no such word as 'loved'... there is no past tense of it because if it stops, it wasnt love......

true..

was it love?

(not saying this is you)
i hate when people mask their lust or greed with the word love...