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The year of 2017 was a doozy. I did a lot of steep learning curves and it fundamentally changed me as a person.
This is a sketch I did sitting in a 24 hour lobby of a McDonalds after having been awake for three days and waiting on a Lyft to pick me up and return me to my apartment at roughly 4 in the morning.
At the time I had gotten involved with someone I had met when CL personal ads were still a thing. We'd hit it off initially very well, but it's only after the fact that I'm able to understand it was because this person was a predator, and was looking for any way that they could connect with someone and then use them. This person had me convinced for the entire duration of our encounter (about 6 months) that they were dying of cancer (this is false). The feelings associated with potentially losing this person (who had put on a very good show and I had grown very attached to the person they portrayed) became very overwhelming and I had to put it all out in some way. By the end of this entire ordeal, my car would have broken down, I'd be convinced of several terrible things about myself and the people around me and that I was somehow responsible for things that were random acts of god. I'd ultimately lose my job, be catfished out of a $2000 loan, have a dear friend threatened at gun-point and ruin more than one friendship for a period of time, and at least one permanently.
I still have a hard time with this piece of art. For all intents and purposes, it's perhaps one of the best pieces I've ever done. It's expressive, and raw, and for having had no references at the time, it's pretty damn well put together. But I still struggle with the memories it brings with it, and the emotional roller coaster attached to it. I've kept this in a sketchbook that I've mostly avoided using since it was done so that I wouldn't accidentally flip to this set of pages. I'm still trying to pick up pieces of the aftermath psychologically, and a big part of that is me putting this out into the world so I can acknowledge and deal with it.
I may have been through one hell of a lot, but I'm still breathing, and that's a good thing.
This is a sketch I did sitting in a 24 hour lobby of a McDonalds after having been awake for three days and waiting on a Lyft to pick me up and return me to my apartment at roughly 4 in the morning.
At the time I had gotten involved with someone I had met when CL personal ads were still a thing. We'd hit it off initially very well, but it's only after the fact that I'm able to understand it was because this person was a predator, and was looking for any way that they could connect with someone and then use them. This person had me convinced for the entire duration of our encounter (about 6 months) that they were dying of cancer (this is false). The feelings associated with potentially losing this person (who had put on a very good show and I had grown very attached to the person they portrayed) became very overwhelming and I had to put it all out in some way. By the end of this entire ordeal, my car would have broken down, I'd be convinced of several terrible things about myself and the people around me and that I was somehow responsible for things that were random acts of god. I'd ultimately lose my job, be catfished out of a $2000 loan, have a dear friend threatened at gun-point and ruin more than one friendship for a period of time, and at least one permanently.
I still have a hard time with this piece of art. For all intents and purposes, it's perhaps one of the best pieces I've ever done. It's expressive, and raw, and for having had no references at the time, it's pretty damn well put together. But I still struggle with the memories it brings with it, and the emotional roller coaster attached to it. I've kept this in a sketchbook that I've mostly avoided using since it was done so that I wouldn't accidentally flip to this set of pages. I'm still trying to pick up pieces of the aftermath psychologically, and a big part of that is me putting this out into the world so I can acknowledge and deal with it.
I may have been through one hell of a lot, but I'm still breathing, and that's a good thing.
Category Artwork (Traditional) / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 1212px
File Size 429 kB
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