why does it feel so frightening to feel these things
i feel sick over the thought of being touched or looked at, known or considered, i dont even want to be in the mind of another
why wont my body just feel okay
it doesnt feel fucking fair it makes me want to kill myself so much it makes me feel so ill id rather feel the plummet from a high rise or the impact of traffic than this, id rather feel my arms and wrists split wide and splayed open but i know if i do i just feel the blood dry onto my skin and tug at hairs and hurt more than the cut itself, i will still feel fear, and disgust, and nauseous, and i will have a fucking wound i dont even really want
this is fucking terrible
whenever i feel this i scream that i dont want to feel it ever again
why wont anything hear me