This is a story based off of a funny idea I thought of~

Enjoy!

[Heres to all the poor saps who'd rather not download the file]


The Dragon of Ferniland
The meeting of a mercenary and a dragon.

My name is "Rando Gardi'' and I'm a wandering mercenary. My job is to slay monsters which cause towns and kingdoms trouble. My name is well known throughout the land and I am considered a top of the line merc for hire. My skills on offer are that in the expert field of fencing. I wield a scepter and I expertly pierce my foes until their life force is drained. For a while now I've been getting jobs that could've been fulfilled while I was dreaming of roses and a true lover. A true challenge like in my good old days was all I've wanted and most recently I received a job from a messenger that promised my most challenging target yet. Almost instantly I made haste on my noble steed to the kingdom of Ferniland.

Upon my arrival I was surprised to get a personal audience with the king himself. The rundown on the situation was that there was a nearby cave atop the mountains hosting a fearsome dragon whom many fear will cause untold havoc upon the kingdom if left unslain. The reward for completion of the job staggered even me; ¼ of the kingdom's treasury and a hand at marrying the princess if one would desire in inclusion to any treasure acquired in the dragon's lair. If the promise of actual danger wasn't convincing enough to me then the reward most certainly tempted me. I made haste but as I left the king left a stern warning that he has already sent three other mercs into the dragon's cave and they have yet to return. The warning did not concern me as it merely peaked my interest more in finding out just what this mighty foe was capable of.

Not long after my meeting with the king I found myself scaling the Ferniland mountains. The terrain was rocky but for the most part I was able to get up without much issue. The cave was not too far now but just as I began to approach a mighty roar came from the cave causing a sudden rock fall. I took evasive action and dodged two falling rocks before cutting through a rock that hurled itself at me. But they were merely feathers compared to the humongous boulder that followed. I strategically retreated and sprinted as fast as I could from the rolling stone looking for a safe place to take cover. Unfortunately the boulder was much faster than I had anticipated and it quickly swallowed my legs and body.

SQUUIIISH!!!

This would've been my end if it weren't for a very special amulet I was wearing around my neck which was passed down from my father; wearing it protects the user from all deathblows. In this specific case my body was reduced to a paper thin state. I was left very dizzy but eventually found the strength to pick myself up. I found it quite tricky to wobble around like a sheet of paper and was thankful that no soul was around to witness my embarrassing blunder. I soon returned to my normal shape with a quick pop and I was back to the task at hand. I approached the beast's lair and scouted the interior. The first thing I noticed was a giant rug which said "Welcome" on it. This wasn't uncommon in the villages I come from but why here of all places? And that wasn't all; inside the cave lied all sorts of interior acquaintances I would normally find in a village plus a bunch of strange oddities I have never bare witnessed to. "What kind of foe am I facing?" I thought as I proceeded to enter the dragon's lair.

As I continued to investigate I came to realise that this "Cave" was more like a residence than a monster's den. My mind ran wild with speculation over what all this could mean. Before long my brainstorming was cut short by a sudden and loud STOMP!!! Almost immediately I hid, looking forward to laying eyes upon my target. The STOMPS!! grew closer and closer until-

I- I was left completely baffled as I bear witness to a humongous Red dragon wearing a giant white cooking apron saying "Barbecue time!!" And he spoke as he stomped across the living space "Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum! I wonder if the hotdogs are done!" The red dragon then exited into what I can only assume is the kitchen. It took me a few seconds to collect my thoughts as I exited from my hiding place."A civilized dragon?!! But how and why in a place like this?" My thought process was cut short by a faint whistling sound above me. I proceeded to look up but I barely had any time to react before-

SPLAT!!!

A large heavy book would've been my demise if not once again for the amulet. The mission was beginning to become more of an annoyance to me rather than a true test of skill. "Welp, no time to be a bookmark" I told myself as I crawled out from under the heavy book. Once again my body was reduced to a paper thin state but due to the heavy impact it took a little more effort to reform, thankfully a nearby bellow helped greatly in the reforming processes.

After a few good pumps I was back to my regular normal self. I took a moment to assess the situation "The king mentioned that he sent three other mercs to this cave and just a few moments ago that dragon mentioned hotdogs" I suddenly realised that the other mercs could be in danger or worse. I suddenly rushed towards the kitchen in an effort to maybe save them.

When I arrived in the kitchen I was astonished; not only were the three mercs alive and well but they were being served the aforementioned hotdogs. Suddenly I realised what was going on and I jumped up onto the table and pointed my skelpter at the dragon "Dragon! Your Merc munching days are over! I, Rando Gardi, shall stop you!" The dragon looked at me for a few seconds before pulling out a sheet of paper and reading off it "If uninvited guests come to your lair then it is your immediate responsibility to see to their immediate barbecuing and ensure the protection of the treasury" The dragon then put down the sheet of paper "Sorry new guest, I just ran out of freshly grilled hotdogs but your welcome to-" I interrupted him mid-sentence "I don't want your horrible hot dogs you monster!" The dragon gasped and then tears began to form in his eyes "B-BUT YOU NEVER TRIED THEM!!! HOW CAN YOU SAY THEY'RE BAD!!!" "I don't need to try them to know that you're fattening up your so-called "guests" for later consumption!" The dragon then proceeds to pull out a book about healthy lifestyles "But it says here that a daily dragon's diet should be 10000 calories a day! It also says that if you're cooking for smaller fellas you should use around 9000 less calories!" Suddenly another merc spoke behind me "This dragon means no harm! If he wished to harm us we would've slain him by now. This dragon is merely incompitent in his role as a guardian" "Daww, you guys are so sweet. Would you care for some dessert?" It took my brain a few moments to process the situation but after a little more convincing from the other mercs I sat down amongst them and the dragon continued to enlighten us with its cooking and civilized nature; it was honestly quite fascinating. But whatever would I tell the king if I decided not to slay this dragon?


[Whatever will Rando do? Is the dragon really innocent? What about the other mercs? Find out what happens in the next episode! Coming out whenever Johnny stops eating my pre-packed sandwiches!]