So writing involves something called the rhetorical triangle.
You the author versus the story versus audience.
Ethics versus emotional soundness vs. logic.

These things need balanced for a work. So thinking on them and asking questions on how do things see, look to audience, make sense, etc.


Formatting is important. You do not have any paragraphs in this; it makes it difficult to read. Paragraphs allow readers to follow action and speakers easier. Every new speaker and every new action gets its own indented paragraph.

Besides the radio description there is no description of character or place. Lead description through your character’s actions. Have them interact in the world. Every action has a reaction much like In real life.

Beginnings are important they serve to draw an audience into the work. Here we have a he saying something mundane. Provide us scene and this may work or provide us the he.

You have repeating tags of he and she doing. Break these up with actions and other ways to frame a conversation.

Though a pretty picture, reality with nuclear arsenals are a bit heavier if they were in the zone of radius they would not be able to do these actions at all. If you wanted to keep this agency of acting in this poetic manner a radio or tv message would be more appropriate. As far as out ring of the blast, than they would have 14 days at the most about of severe radiation poising.

A lot of this story is told. It would be far stronger shown through the characters actions.

“People rushed to ….passing by.” These sentences are all telling paragraphs and areas that could be turned into showing. For example show us the character's actions instead of telling us that.


The secret to good writing is rewriting and lots of it and there is no shame in rewriting it is what writers do.

Thumbnails can go a long way for aiding a piece, public domain images are ok. Putting what a story is about in the description will help readers to.

So a lot of room and areas for developing, practice makes perfect.

Unfortunately, I’m reading this on my phone, so I can't give you a through criticism. But it does have promise. That being said, it definitely needs an overhaul for punctuation, tense agreement usage and verbiage.