Basic Info: The pinnacle of incompetence in New Tale, in the Police Department you can give them your suspicions all you want but they'll do nothing until you have all the evidence and have already done something about it. In each adventure you can find them somewhere early on just dicking around while very close to criminal or strange activity, they'll state that they want a very specific donut and that if you bring it, they'll give some advice on how to acquire a new token, items you've been searching for along your adventures, and if you give every one a donut in every chapter, they'll reward you . . . with one more token.


Name: Chief Gristleruff
Title: "The Chief"
Bio: For a chief he certainly isn't very engaged or involved with most matters, at his desk you can find him mainly sleeping with a big ole snot bubble and waking him up will just result in some incoherent groggy half-loud mumbling before he goes back to sleep. Why is he so tired you ask? Easy, he's a complete night owl who spends every night partying, being a sugar daddy and hanging out with hot girls who're younger then him and are looking for old guys with lots of cash, aka him. His favorite kind of donut happens to be a coffee and donuts donut, which is just a coffee soaked donut with little bits of smaller coffee soaked donuts inside, weird.


Name: Barnaby Borbnaich
Title: "The Brash Cop"
Bio: You know those "shoot first, ask questions later" cops? Yeah Barnaby would be one if this town didn't have the strictest gun laws around. With a thick irish accent and an excessive amount of no-nonsense and sass, Barnaby prowls around town with his good friend and equally incompetent partner Swinely, together they . . . don't do much most of the time and seem more concerned with what matters they're currently on, such as taking a lot of breaks and waving their badges around to get people to either leave them alone or listen to them. If you piss him off he's bound to yell something so irish sounding that you can't understand a word of it. His favorite donut is a wheat grass donut, which has bits of trash sticking out, tastes like lawn shavings, disgusting.


Name: Swinely Cornwall
Title: "The (Non-Derogatory) Pig"
Bio: This nasily voiced pig is Swinely, the over-confident and high horsed brother of your co-worker Hammy. Swinely shows off his badge a lot and brags frequently to others about his work on the force, which isn't much. He'll use it in attempts to be above others and is annoyingly prideful about a job where he mostly gets coffee and yells at people with megaphone because "It's kinda funny when they get surprised by it", what a favorite character among hoodlums and small-time thugs. His favorite donut is a corn donut which is a wheat donut stuffed with corn kernels, disgusting.


Name: Benjamin Bonechow
Title: "The Self-Proclaimed Sniffer"
Bio: The Colored Bonechow brother with a knack for being sarcastic, sporting a very thick boston accent and a slight inability to accept the fact he lacks some qualities. He has a firm belief that he makes for a good sniffer, but each time he takes a whiff of something and attempts to follow the scent, it just leads him somewhere like a steak house, not because said something is at a steak house but because they're near a steak house and he's a dog. His favorite kind've donut is a bacon donut, which is a donut with bacon on it, of course.


Name: Mittens
Title: "The Cutiepie"
Bio: You wanna know how Mittens got his badge? He came in one day and said "Pweeeease?" and instantly he got a badge. Mittens has no training, no qualifications and it's hard to tell if he's even an adult due to his very child like voice and personality. He's obnoxiously oblivious and handsy, is sickenly adorable and always spouts off the most groan-inducing of cat puns. His partner Benjy loves the little guy and always makes sure to look out for him, acting as a parental figure or big brother at times, even taking him down to Crikey's sometime because they like the food and the basketball arcade machine, even if Mittens never gets a shot. His favorite donut is of course a tuna donut, disgusting.


Name: Benny Bonechow
Title: "The Bobbie"
Bio: Why's the very tiny police force in Inkblot Alley so british? Beats me man, I guess cause it's all old-timey? Benny here is the Ink of the Bonechow Brothers, being forced to live on this side of town and guard the border with Benjy on the otherside, they hate eachother and will constantly not-ignore eachother in passive aggressive snarky manners. Benny knows the guy isn't very qualified, but it's not like he is either as his go to solution for solving a problem is mainly just whacking it with his giant classic police dog bone baton, he's a little terrified of modern batons, way too "authoritarian" looking for his taste. His favorite kind of donut is a dog treat donut, with hard doggy bones sticking out of it, how nice for someone who likes dog bones.


Name: Cadel Carrots
Title: "The Competent Cop"
Bio: Imagining being the one competent cop on your force and having little to no one either believe you or treat you with much respect due to how "fun at parties" you seem. Cadel has just gotten out of the academy and is very unhappy with his position much like you. You both can relate to the fact that due to your sizes and the weird stuff you pick up on, no one takes you seriously and that has lead to Cadel being the one cop who actually believes you, not that he can do much without proper hard evidence, he has to stick to rules afterall. He'd probably be able to do a lot more if he allowed himself to and maybe one of these days the other officers will take him more seriously. His favorite type of donut is of course a carrot donut, did you know carrots actually aren't that good for rabbits? They're like candy for rabbits seriously look it up.