* Have you ever had one of those days where you find yourself on your bed, half dressed, watching TV and playing video games while there are other stuff to do with your time?
* Do you ever feel like life is slowly slipping by your fingers and you do not have the urge or sometimes the desire to grab it and mold it into something useful?
* Have you ever had those days where you think to yourself "What am I doing with my life? What am I supposed to be doing? Why has nothing happened to me while other people I know are already doing their dream jobs?"

I was thinking this when I got home from working at Starbucks, dropped on my bed with the Wii controller in one hand, the remote in the other with my sketch book on the other side of the bed. I flipped back and forth from watching movies on VHS tapes and playing the Wii. I felt my lift slowly slipping away as I did this and I wondered what I am doing with myself. I worked 8 hours at a crummy job and now have the night to do what I want to do with my artwork, but I find my face glued to the TV.

When your in college, you expect( or more or less taught ) to jump from school into a high paying job or your dream job. All your teachers and parents expect you to go through that quick transition very quickly and make something form your life, putting your degree in whatever into good use, making yourself "someone" out there. A lot of parents and teachers expect that from almost every student, no matter what their background is in college. "Make the money, live your life."

This really does put a lot of pressure on young student's back because they want to please their parents; they want to show them that they are up for any kind of challenge from the world and they will not hesitate to put their foot down and make something out of it. To many students, this is somewhat impossible to do. They go through four or more years of college, trying to ace in their major and graduate with a degree. But sometimes, they get sick of what they were doing for four or more years in college that they just want to do something else with their lives and maybe step away form what they were taught in school. They want to expand their mind and not jump into a career they would secretly inside hate doing for so long. They want to work in a job that would best fit their speed in life and hopefully enjoy doing as long as it pays the rent and their loans. Heh.

I graduated from Mass College of Art with a degree in Animation. I spend almost 5 years doing animation in school and 3 years doing Illustration. I couldn't do both majors so I picked Animation with one or two classes of Illustration. I was strictly a traditionalist Animator ( old-school animation that does not deal with computers ). I did cell animation, cut outs, even clay animation, and I enjoyed it. Throughout my college life, my parents ( who are both artists ) kept pushing me to go out and do something with animation. My father wanted me to submit all my works around the world, even to Aardvark studios ( where Wallace and Gromit animations are made ), even go to Nick Park himself when he was in Boston and give him my animations. I said I was not ready for something like that and he was very disappointed at me. I felt inside that I was not ready to work in an Animation studio yet because I miss doing Illustrations. I had to stop doing Illustration classes when I went into Animation and I really missed it. When I graduated with my degree, I was not that happy with it. I wanted to stay in school and learn more, both in Animation and Illustration. But I couldn't and I was kicked out into the real world where I now work at Starbucks for $9 an hour while doing ( barely ) any commissions on the side. To many, I am now labeled as a Freelancer, not an Animator or Illustrator. I don’t know how to really handle that.

I watched my fellow students go off in different directions and become something. Many went to work for Animation companies, even video game companies and are getting paid very well. Sometimes, I feel like being a Freelancer is a very poor job. As a Freelancer, you try to pick up small wondering jobs, just to pay your bills, not your rent. Sometimes I am glad I am a Freelancer. I feel free with no restrictions tied to me. I can draw whatever the hell I want to.

Graduating college is a once in a life-time experience. It is a passing form being a student into being a full working adult. For a lot of people, they are glad as hell that they are done with school. For others, they still want to learn with people they trust and been with for over four years. They are not ready to face the real world because they know that they are not ready for it yet. They don’t know what they really want to do and fear that they will end up broke and homeless on the street or doing a dead end job for the rest of their lives. Artists fear this most of all because the world now does not look to art anymore. It looks towards computers.

That’s my two cents.

- Ookami Kemono

Mid-Life Ponder © 2007 Alex Cockburn