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Here continues the tale of Lamont and Candace, as conceived by DigitalCirce: https://www.deviantart.com/digitalc.....rt-2-509417336
and previously illustrated by Yours Truly: https://www.deviantart.com/campto/a.....t-Go-866007133
“Say that AGAIN, Son!?”
“I said, ‘IT’S THE BEST SEX OF OUR LIVES!’ Jesus, Ma, are you DEAF?”
“What… what have I done to deserve this, Son? How can you sit there and tell me you want to be with that white girl even NOW?”
“I’ll TELL you what you’ve DONE, Ma! You don’t just disapprove of Cadence, and it doesn’t MATTER whether she’s white or not! You’ve sabotaged EVERY relationship with EVERY woman I’ve ever brought home to you!”
“I.. I don’t know what you MEAN, Son!”
“Oh, will you KNOCK it OFF, Mom? We BOTH know what you mean! This isn’t my first rodeo! EVERY GIRL I ever DATED somehow wound up as a sow! THERE! I SAID it!”
Cadence oinked in shock. Lamont squeezed her even harder than before. Yes, dear. It’s true.
“Lamont! That… that’s a VICIOUS LIE!”
“Oh YEAH? What about little Letitia Magruder? She kissed me on the playground one day in KINDERGARTEN! Next day, she’s nowhere to be found, but this strange PIGLET is running around the neighborhood squealing ‘MAA! MAA! HELP!’ The girl was FIVE YEARS OLD, Ma!”
“We AGREED, Son! That was a BAD DREAM you had!”
“Oh, right. A bad dream. How about Bessie Lopez? Becky Johnson? Lakesha Worthington?”
“Those were all CHEAP HUSSIES that weren’t worth your time!”
“And all those funny looking pigs that just appeared in our back yard? All coincidence, right? You know, Ma, I never put two and two together until PROM NIGHT! Here I go, like a SAP, showing up at Shawna Pinkerton’s house in my tux, with her corsage in my hand, and her PARENTS come out, all HYSTERICAL, telling me Shawna’s out back rooting through the GARBAGE!”
“HA! I’m not SURPRISED! That girl WAS garbage!”
“She was HEAD of our CLASS, Ma! She was slated to be VALEDICTORIAN! But anyway, I go out back to see what they were TALKING about. She’s ALMOST completely changed into a PIG! But she can still TALK, and she spills the BEANS on you, Ma! And I REALIZED that was what had happened to ALL of my girlfriends! And ALL these girls were BLACK, mind you!”
“Lamont… Honey… I was just trying to teach you that Mama knows best!”
“You taught me SOMETHING, all right, Ma. I’ll TELL you what you taught me! So, I see Shawna in the garbage, crying and squealing in a single breath, and I… just got down on my hands and knees and started hugging and kissing her all over! She was STILL Shawna, Ma! So… one thing led to another… and… well… we never made it to the Prom, but suffice it to say we had one hell of a PROM NIGHT! Right there in the GARBAGE, Ma!”
“Oh, Lamont, no… NO!”
“What you TAUGHT me, Ma, was to enjoy having sex with PIGS! I’d STILL be a VIRGIN, otherwise! That whole summer, when I kept coming home smelling like garbage, and told you I had a temp job with the DPW? That was from me and Shawna!”
“That… SLUT of a sow! With my SON!”
“And I guess it was just COINCIDENCE that she just disappeared one day, Ma.”
“No comment.”
“So…. I go away to college… sorry Cadence, this has to come out… I meet Virginia Smithson. She’s EVERYTHING any young man could want… Intelligent, talented, committed to social justice… I figure even MA couldn’t object to HER! So I FOOLISHLY bring her home on Spring Break. And just for the record, she was Black, too!”
“She was TRASH!”
“MA! For CHRIST’S SAKE! She had a Doctorate in Economics! She took BALLET! She worked at the U.N.!”
“She SNAPPED HER GUM! My son is NOT going to be stuck with some CHEAP TROLLOP who SNAPS her GUM!”
“So anyway, the next day I show up at her place, and I find Virginia Smithson, Assistant to the U.N. Ambassador from Dominica, transformed into the most beautiful EBONY SOW that ever drew breath, running around on all fours and oinking and squealing to beat the band! I almost burst out of my JEANS! We went at it all afternoon and half the night! I SWORE I’d never leave her, and we made plans to wed. The HELL with society!”
“So what HAPPENED, Son? What happened to your ETERNAL LOVE for your ‘ebony SOW’?”
“Wunk wonka UNK?” chimed in Cadence.
“Well, like you SAID, Ma; she snapped her GUM. That’s annoying enough when a HUMAN does it. When a PIG does it, it’s enough to make you SICK. See, Ma, if you had just left well enough ALONE, I probably would’ve gotten over most of those girls on my own. Even if you had changed one into a KANGAROO or something, it might’ve broken the CYCLE! But what you’ve done has made your baby boy into a dedicated PIGGY PERV!”
“What the oinks snuffle GRONK!?” asked Cadence.
“Yes, Cadence. This was all premeditated. When I met you, I KNEW you were the ONE! But the sex was just… okay. I couldn’t STOP envisioning you as a SOW! I KNEW the sex would be OUT OF THIS WORLD. For YOU, TOO! You can’t deny you’re loving every minute of it, can you?”
“Week… snorfa snuck…”
“I KNEW it! And I also KNEW Ma would NEVER accept you the way you were! So… I set this whole thing UP. That whole song and dance about how I was being so broad-minded and accepting? I was in my GLORY! The more piglike you became, the HOTTER you looked to me! If… if I first met you as you look NOW, I would’ve been on my knees with a ring in a HOT MINUTE!”
“Unka wonka gronk…”
“It’s TRUE! I don’t think I’ve ever been HAPPIER in my LIFE! Sleeping together in the sty… eating from our trough… rutting in the mud… and poop…”
“EWWW YUCK, Son… you’re making me SICK over here! I CAN’T see you living like THIS the rest of your life! And now I feel bad for CADENCE! She shouldn’t have to stay a SOW so YOU can get your jollies!”
“Snork snicka SNOCK!”
“You’ve got THAT right, girly girl! My Lamont’s got a SCREW LOOSE! Tell you what, son… the way I worded the curse, I can’t change her back COMPLETELY, but I can fix it so she’s ALMOST human. She’ll just have a snout, floppy ears, and a curly tail.”
“Aw, GEE, Ma! That’s ALL?”
“What do you MEAN, that’s all,? What more do you WANT?’
“Well, can she keep that wonderful bristly hide? And her black patches? And her cute piggy ASS? And… could she still OINK sometimes?”
“Yeah… yeah… yeah… okay, Lamont. OY, what have I done? And while I’m at it, I’ll change all your OLD girlfriends back to that form too.”
“They… they’re still AROUND!?”
“Oh, yes… we’ve got them all on a game farm out near Port-de-Paix.”
“WE!?”
“Oh, you think I’m the ONLY mother has to keep slutty girls away from her son? I belong to a whole SISTERHOOD of priestesses who can change people to animals. There’s a whole MANAGERIE of sow girls, cow girls, dog girls, goat girls… but we treat them WELL! We’re not MONSTERS!”
“So can you even pick them OUT now?”
“I’ll have you know I visit them REGULARLY. You might not BELIEVE it, but we’re all on a pretty friendly basis now. You’d be SURPRISED how much good will you can build up with pigs when you bring TREATS every time you visit. You know, I’d be willing to bet, if you two want to renew your vows, some of them would be your bridesmaids!”
“What do you THINK, Cadence? Sound like a PLAN?”
“Oink onka wonka SNORT!”
“Oh, I’m sure they DO have some stories to tell. Should be an INTERESTING ceremony.”
“Kids… It’ll be the highlight of the season at Cap Haitien!”
— SIX MONTHS LATER—
“Letitia! Shawna! Thank you for doing this! You look GREAT!”
“Oh, we wouldn’t *OINK* miss this for the WORLD, Lamont! I tell you, though… getting used to walking on two legs again was a BITCH!”
“Cadence could tell you about THAT. She was still bumping into walls until about a WEEK ago. But I haven’t seen VIRGINIA yet. She can’t STILL be sore over that GUM SNAPPING thing, can she?”
“Looking for *OINK* ME?”
“VIRGINIA!? You… you STILL look like that? Didn’t Ma offer to change you BACK!?’
“Oh, she did. I just didn’t *OINK* WANT to change back.”
“Wh… why NOT!?”
“I’ll TELL you *OINK* why not! This was the best thing that *OINK* ever HAPPENED to me, career-wise! I’m on the *OINK* executive board at PETA now! I make speeches on *OINK* animal rights around the WORLD! I go undercover and *OINK* report on farm and *OINK* slaughterhouse conditions! And… besides… I wanted to come here to see *OINK* you EAT YOUR HEART OUT! I KNOW you. A TWO-LEGGED sow will *OINK* NEVER cut it for you!”
“That… that’s just not TRUE!”
“Oh it’s *OINK* TRUE. ‘Once you’ve had PORK, you’ll never go BORK!’ Or *OINK* words to that effect. You could have *OINK* had ALL THIS, Lamont, my love! ‘Snapped my GUM…’ SNORT! Give me a *OINK* BREAK!”
“NO! Cadence is the one and only for me!”
“We’ll SEE… We’ll *OINK* SEE!"
And so, as you can see, Lamont and Cadence renewed their vows in front of guests from both families, plus earlier paramours of Lamont’s of various degrees of pigginess. Here they the couple look utterly enamored of each other. But our Virginia looks on as if she knows better. Of all the members of the wedding party…
…she is one Candid Chimera.
Ba-DOM-dom!
and previously illustrated by Yours Truly: https://www.deviantart.com/campto/a.....t-Go-866007133
“Say that AGAIN, Son!?”
“I said, ‘IT’S THE BEST SEX OF OUR LIVES!’ Jesus, Ma, are you DEAF?”
“What… what have I done to deserve this, Son? How can you sit there and tell me you want to be with that white girl even NOW?”
“I’ll TELL you what you’ve DONE, Ma! You don’t just disapprove of Cadence, and it doesn’t MATTER whether she’s white or not! You’ve sabotaged EVERY relationship with EVERY woman I’ve ever brought home to you!”
“I.. I don’t know what you MEAN, Son!”
“Oh, will you KNOCK it OFF, Mom? We BOTH know what you mean! This isn’t my first rodeo! EVERY GIRL I ever DATED somehow wound up as a sow! THERE! I SAID it!”
Cadence oinked in shock. Lamont squeezed her even harder than before. Yes, dear. It’s true.
“Lamont! That… that’s a VICIOUS LIE!”
“Oh YEAH? What about little Letitia Magruder? She kissed me on the playground one day in KINDERGARTEN! Next day, she’s nowhere to be found, but this strange PIGLET is running around the neighborhood squealing ‘MAA! MAA! HELP!’ The girl was FIVE YEARS OLD, Ma!”
“We AGREED, Son! That was a BAD DREAM you had!”
“Oh, right. A bad dream. How about Bessie Lopez? Becky Johnson? Lakesha Worthington?”
“Those were all CHEAP HUSSIES that weren’t worth your time!”
“And all those funny looking pigs that just appeared in our back yard? All coincidence, right? You know, Ma, I never put two and two together until PROM NIGHT! Here I go, like a SAP, showing up at Shawna Pinkerton’s house in my tux, with her corsage in my hand, and her PARENTS come out, all HYSTERICAL, telling me Shawna’s out back rooting through the GARBAGE!”
“HA! I’m not SURPRISED! That girl WAS garbage!”
“She was HEAD of our CLASS, Ma! She was slated to be VALEDICTORIAN! But anyway, I go out back to see what they were TALKING about. She’s ALMOST completely changed into a PIG! But she can still TALK, and she spills the BEANS on you, Ma! And I REALIZED that was what had happened to ALL of my girlfriends! And ALL these girls were BLACK, mind you!”
“Lamont… Honey… I was just trying to teach you that Mama knows best!”
“You taught me SOMETHING, all right, Ma. I’ll TELL you what you taught me! So, I see Shawna in the garbage, crying and squealing in a single breath, and I… just got down on my hands and knees and started hugging and kissing her all over! She was STILL Shawna, Ma! So… one thing led to another… and… well… we never made it to the Prom, but suffice it to say we had one hell of a PROM NIGHT! Right there in the GARBAGE, Ma!”
“Oh, Lamont, no… NO!”
“What you TAUGHT me, Ma, was to enjoy having sex with PIGS! I’d STILL be a VIRGIN, otherwise! That whole summer, when I kept coming home smelling like garbage, and told you I had a temp job with the DPW? That was from me and Shawna!”
“That… SLUT of a sow! With my SON!”
“And I guess it was just COINCIDENCE that she just disappeared one day, Ma.”
“No comment.”
“So…. I go away to college… sorry Cadence, this has to come out… I meet Virginia Smithson. She’s EVERYTHING any young man could want… Intelligent, talented, committed to social justice… I figure even MA couldn’t object to HER! So I FOOLISHLY bring her home on Spring Break. And just for the record, she was Black, too!”
“She was TRASH!”
“MA! For CHRIST’S SAKE! She had a Doctorate in Economics! She took BALLET! She worked at the U.N.!”
“She SNAPPED HER GUM! My son is NOT going to be stuck with some CHEAP TROLLOP who SNAPS her GUM!”
“So anyway, the next day I show up at her place, and I find Virginia Smithson, Assistant to the U.N. Ambassador from Dominica, transformed into the most beautiful EBONY SOW that ever drew breath, running around on all fours and oinking and squealing to beat the band! I almost burst out of my JEANS! We went at it all afternoon and half the night! I SWORE I’d never leave her, and we made plans to wed. The HELL with society!”
“So what HAPPENED, Son? What happened to your ETERNAL LOVE for your ‘ebony SOW’?”
“Wunk wonka UNK?” chimed in Cadence.
“Well, like you SAID, Ma; she snapped her GUM. That’s annoying enough when a HUMAN does it. When a PIG does it, it’s enough to make you SICK. See, Ma, if you had just left well enough ALONE, I probably would’ve gotten over most of those girls on my own. Even if you had changed one into a KANGAROO or something, it might’ve broken the CYCLE! But what you’ve done has made your baby boy into a dedicated PIGGY PERV!”
“What the oinks snuffle GRONK!?” asked Cadence.
“Yes, Cadence. This was all premeditated. When I met you, I KNEW you were the ONE! But the sex was just… okay. I couldn’t STOP envisioning you as a SOW! I KNEW the sex would be OUT OF THIS WORLD. For YOU, TOO! You can’t deny you’re loving every minute of it, can you?”
“Week… snorfa snuck…”
“I KNEW it! And I also KNEW Ma would NEVER accept you the way you were! So… I set this whole thing UP. That whole song and dance about how I was being so broad-minded and accepting? I was in my GLORY! The more piglike you became, the HOTTER you looked to me! If… if I first met you as you look NOW, I would’ve been on my knees with a ring in a HOT MINUTE!”
“Unka wonka gronk…”
“It’s TRUE! I don’t think I’ve ever been HAPPIER in my LIFE! Sleeping together in the sty… eating from our trough… rutting in the mud… and poop…”
“EWWW YUCK, Son… you’re making me SICK over here! I CAN’T see you living like THIS the rest of your life! And now I feel bad for CADENCE! She shouldn’t have to stay a SOW so YOU can get your jollies!”
“Snork snicka SNOCK!”
“You’ve got THAT right, girly girl! My Lamont’s got a SCREW LOOSE! Tell you what, son… the way I worded the curse, I can’t change her back COMPLETELY, but I can fix it so she’s ALMOST human. She’ll just have a snout, floppy ears, and a curly tail.”
“Aw, GEE, Ma! That’s ALL?”
“What do you MEAN, that’s all,? What more do you WANT?’
“Well, can she keep that wonderful bristly hide? And her black patches? And her cute piggy ASS? And… could she still OINK sometimes?”
“Yeah… yeah… yeah… okay, Lamont. OY, what have I done? And while I’m at it, I’ll change all your OLD girlfriends back to that form too.”
“They… they’re still AROUND!?”
“Oh, yes… we’ve got them all on a game farm out near Port-de-Paix.”
“WE!?”
“Oh, you think I’m the ONLY mother has to keep slutty girls away from her son? I belong to a whole SISTERHOOD of priestesses who can change people to animals. There’s a whole MANAGERIE of sow girls, cow girls, dog girls, goat girls… but we treat them WELL! We’re not MONSTERS!”
“So can you even pick them OUT now?”
“I’ll have you know I visit them REGULARLY. You might not BELIEVE it, but we’re all on a pretty friendly basis now. You’d be SURPRISED how much good will you can build up with pigs when you bring TREATS every time you visit. You know, I’d be willing to bet, if you two want to renew your vows, some of them would be your bridesmaids!”
“What do you THINK, Cadence? Sound like a PLAN?”
“Oink onka wonka SNORT!”
“Oh, I’m sure they DO have some stories to tell. Should be an INTERESTING ceremony.”
“Kids… It’ll be the highlight of the season at Cap Haitien!”
— SIX MONTHS LATER—
“Letitia! Shawna! Thank you for doing this! You look GREAT!”
“Oh, we wouldn’t *OINK* miss this for the WORLD, Lamont! I tell you, though… getting used to walking on two legs again was a BITCH!”
“Cadence could tell you about THAT. She was still bumping into walls until about a WEEK ago. But I haven’t seen VIRGINIA yet. She can’t STILL be sore over that GUM SNAPPING thing, can she?”
“Looking for *OINK* ME?”
“VIRGINIA!? You… you STILL look like that? Didn’t Ma offer to change you BACK!?’
“Oh, she did. I just didn’t *OINK* WANT to change back.”
“Wh… why NOT!?”
“I’ll TELL you *OINK* why not! This was the best thing that *OINK* ever HAPPENED to me, career-wise! I’m on the *OINK* executive board at PETA now! I make speeches on *OINK* animal rights around the WORLD! I go undercover and *OINK* report on farm and *OINK* slaughterhouse conditions! And… besides… I wanted to come here to see *OINK* you EAT YOUR HEART OUT! I KNOW you. A TWO-LEGGED sow will *OINK* NEVER cut it for you!”
“That… that’s just not TRUE!”
“Oh it’s *OINK* TRUE. ‘Once you’ve had PORK, you’ll never go BORK!’ Or *OINK* words to that effect. You could have *OINK* had ALL THIS, Lamont, my love! ‘Snapped my GUM…’ SNORT! Give me a *OINK* BREAK!”
“NO! Cadence is the one and only for me!”
“We’ll SEE… We’ll *OINK* SEE!"
And so, as you can see, Lamont and Cadence renewed their vows in front of guests from both families, plus earlier paramours of Lamont’s of various degrees of pigginess. Here they the couple look utterly enamored of each other. But our Virginia looks on as if she knows better. Of all the members of the wedding party…
…she is one Candid Chimera.
Ba-DOM-dom!
Category Artwork (Digital) / Transformation
Species Pig / Swine
Size 1280 x 698px
File Size 248.6 kB
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