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Story / Fat Furs
Species Mammal (Other)
Size 120 x 120
File Size 33 kB
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A short story featuring YOU the reader enjoying a day out in the park, relaxing on a bench when OH NO a big elephant boy comes along to sit on the bench too!
First time writing out a short kink story so any and all critique is welcome since it'll be fun to improve and try writing stories more
If you prefer a PDF version I've uploaded one to Weasyl https://www.weasyl.com/~splitperson...../bench-sharing
First time writing out a short kink story so any and all critique is welcome since it'll be fun to improve and try writing stories more
If you prefer a PDF version I've uploaded one to Weasyl https://www.weasyl.com/~splitperson...../bench-sharing
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Mammal (Other)
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 33 kB
It seems like you're trying to write formally, but don't know the rules, so your sentences aren't quite right. That said, it's a very enjoyable story and I'll be sure to read more from you.
I really like the phrase "and assure the embarrassed elephant": it's a nice piece of alliteration. But at other times it seems, again, like you haven't studied formal writing. For instance-
"Another idea comes to mind though a rather embarrassing one you feel, but one you must desperately try."
Maybe change it to "...but you're desperate, so you must try it."
I really like the phrase "and assure the embarrassed elephant": it's a nice piece of alliteration. But at other times it seems, again, like you haven't studied formal writing. For instance-
"Another idea comes to mind though a rather embarrassing one you feel, but one you must desperately try."
Maybe change it to "...but you're desperate, so you must try it."
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