The Rise of the Raccoon Queen
Or The Big Grey Fluffy Butt Matter

A Story of Faerie
© 2021 by M. Mitchell Marmel


(Additional characters by E.O. Costello and W.D. Reimer.)


Thumbnail art by  tegerio, color by  marmelmm

Part Four.


Wolf Queen:

“By the Pantheon, I’m glad we managed to get out of there in one piece,” I said. I dug a finger into one ear and examined the results.
No, no brains leaked out, thankfully.

[Appended note: “Nothing can leak out if it wasn’t there in the first place.”]

[Appended note: “Shaddap, you fat-arsed ringtailed hussy.”]

[Appended note: “Please, girls! Girls! You’re both pretty. Now, let the wolfess finish what she has to say. You’ll get your turn, Tessie.”]

I occasionally wonder if I’ll go as crazed as most of the inhabitants are in Elfhame if I stay here too long. Fortunately, I have Ooo-er and my Regalia to keep me grounded (figuratively) and sane.

I glanced aside at the feline femme walking beside me. Pretty. “What were you doing in there, anyway?” I asked.

“Having lunch,” she replied, and I remembered her now. One of the women who escaped from Eastness, yes; we parted ways outside of the city, and the Master and I took that wretched Fred Mealworm with us. Even after all this time, I still shudder at the memory of that place and the fell beast that King Alistair was summoning.

And of my own shame.

“What was that old fart Silverbrush doing in there?”

The femme shrugged, and the movement of her body under that shapeless gray garment she was wearing was . . . quite nice. I wondered if she was consciously practicing Wiles on me. “He was giving me an argument,” she said, “telling me that my use of technology was un-Elfly.” She did the shrug again.

Very nice.

“So, you’re not an Elf?” I asked, and she nodded. Introductions followed.

“’The Wolf Queen?’” Tali asked. “That’s a title. What’s your name?” I then explained why I had cast off my name. When I was finished, Tali shook her head prettily. "You can't run away from it forever, you know."

"I can damned well try," I stated flatly. "Netherhells, to hear Silverbrush tell it, that old fart’s changed his name hundreds of times.”

“Mels, eh?” She gave me a knowing look.

I nodded. “You said it, sister. Besides, thanks to being chosen by my Regalia, I met my wife. So no regrets on that score.” There; I’d put it out in the open, and we’ll see just which way this young feline swings.

Tali grinned at me. “Lucky girl.”

Oho! I grinned back at her, but my smile faded. “Much as I’d love to – “

“Yes?”

“I’m married,” I reminded her, “and I have promised that I’d be faithful to her.”

She smiled. “That’s very sweet, Wolf Queen.”

“Thank you.” We walked on for a moment, and I saw that ringtailed indefinite, Tessie Ring, hanging up the laundry. She was very busy, and it surely wouldn’t do to distract or anger her. Why, her laundry might fall to the ground and have to be washed again.

“I noticed you were admiring my Regalia at the pub.” Tali allowed that she had.

I stuck my chest out proudly. “The Wolf Queen’s Regalia is ancient, and imbued with powerful magicks,” I said loudly enough for Tessie to hear me. She almost dropped the bed sheet she was hanging up as I went on. “There have been several Wolf Queens since the Long Ago, dedicated to the cause of justice and to the aid of the oppressed.”

Tali looked interested by this, so I started telling her about all the Unseelie Elves who had fallen to the Wolf Queen, from Carillion and Mountjoy to the Winged Lord and many others. I also told her about how I saved the Gypsy Wolves, who now lived here most of the year, under the Master’s protection.

For some strange reason, what I had to say seemed to anger Tessie.

Oh, well.

[Note appended to manuscript: “Sarcasm, Wolf Queen?”]

[Note appended to manuscript: “Shaddap.”]

We were now a casual stone’s throw away from the Lodge, and I saw that Tali was heading in that direction. “Where are you going?”

“Hm? Oh, I have some more work to do.” She glanced at me, and glanced up at the sky. “The weather seems awfully nice to be cooped up indoors, though.” She sighed and started toward the front door.

She paused when I gently rested a paw on her shoulder. “Need any help?” I asked.

Tali grinned. “A problem shared is a problem halved, they say, so if you’re offering,” and she lowered her eyelids just ever-so-slightly, in a way that made my blood run warm, “I’m accepting.” She reached and patted my paw on her shoulder, and her tail twitched just so.

Cooped up with her in a room full of musty old books and scrolls? If I wasn’t married, I’d be happy to share a Frozen Snows ice-house with her.

An hour later, I wasn’t so certain.

I used to razz the Master for being a scroll-sniffer and a book-hoarder, but I never quite appreciated the sheer size of his library. Tali had us both going over every book in the room, looking for certain specific words and phrases, like ‘gap’ or ‘frozen air.’ Using her spectacles, she had to go page by page, while all I needed was a simple formulation of Gramerye to pick out the right words. Nevertheless, it was slow going, but Tali was good company – apart from being very easy on my eyes.

I caught her looking at me a few times, as well, or her tail would slide over mine. All the while, the short stack of books that might relate to the subject at paw grew.

We finished going through the library, leaving less than a score of books and scrolls behind. “Well, that’s that for the first step,” Tali said. She glanced at another book’s title before flipping through it. “Hm. Here's Corporal Winterbough's report about Kahonomuku. Why is the last half blank?”

I gave her a disgusted look. “Ask HIM.”

She shrugged and returned the book to its shelf, and looked at the short stack for a moment before putting her paws at the small of her back and arching backward. There were a series of soft pops and she moaned, “Ohh, that feels good . . . “

My ears went straight up and my tail started raising a breeze. “I suggest we take a break and get out of here for a while. Rest our eyes and relax a little.”

“Oh?” She waggled her eyebrows and ran her fingers through her dark headfur. “What do you suggest, Wolf Queen?”

I smiled. “Well, you know, I know this place . . . “

“Oh?” She chuckled. Nice laugh. “Soft lights, checkered tablecloths, raffia-wrapped bottles?”

I had to pause and think about that for a moment, but decided that, from the look on her face, she was just teasing. “No, but a very nice pond, perfect for swimming or for a picnic,” I said. “You can meet Ooo-er, and we can all go swimming.”

“I didn’t bring a suit.”

My smile widened. “What do you need that fur – er, for? Those clothes come off, don’t they?”

Tali laughed. “There are those who might say I spend more time out of uniform than in it. It’s really easy to remove, actually,” and she grasped a small metal tab near her collarbone and drew it down a few inches, revealing a nicely fluffy expanse of brown fur and a gentle swell of her cleavage.

“I can certainly see that,” I said, my tail swishing back and forth. “Shall we?”

“I thought you were being faithful.”

“I meant go swimming, Tali.”

“Oh! Sure. These books will still be here when I get back.” She grinned. “Lead on, O Big Bad Wolf.”

And off we went to the pond.


***


Tali:

We trooped down the stairs and the Wolf Queen went to the kitchen to sort out a picnic basket, leaving me standing in the foyer. I worked out a few more kinks while I waited.

“Going somewhere?” I turned and saw Tessie standing there. She was tapping one foot and giving me a suspicious look.

“Taking a break,” I told her.

“Uh-huh.”

I gestured upstairs. “The easiest part’s done. Tomorrow, the really hard work starts.”

“Suuure it does.” She turned, flounced her ringed tail at me, and strode away. I shook my head and thought that maybe the raccoon could do with a jolly good –

Bang!

My ears went flat as the kitchen door came open and a brown-furred blur came barreling toward me. Before I had time to really react, thank Koschei, she had me wrapped up in her arms and was giving me a warm, tight hug. I naturally returned the gesture, painfully aware that this woman, an otteress, wasn’t wearing anything but a few ropes of pearls.

The Wolf Queen came out of the kitchen with a picnic basket. “I see you’ve met Ooo-er,” and the wolfess explained who the otteress was and where she’d came from. “She doesn’t know Standard,” the Wolf Queen said, “but we seem to get along just fine.”

“I’ll just bet,” I teased, and managed to disentangle myself to get a good look at her.

Oh, yes. All otter, and all woman too. She grinned happily at me, said, “MIAOW!” and conjured a paw full of water that she flicked at me with the fingertips of her free paw. I waggled my whiskers at her, ever so slightly, and she giggled.

“It’s a welcome,” the Wolf Queen explained. “Here, hold out your paw.” I did so, and she passed her paw over my cupped palm –

And there was water in my paw.

Well, no sense in looking up a gift horse’s chassis. I flicked the water at Ooo-er, who laughed and clapped her paws. “Shall we go?” I asked.

“Yes, we should,” the wolfess said. She linked arms with her wife and led the way, and I followed.

And now, this is where the story really starts . . .






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