FA+
Shop
418
Views
Views
1
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120
File Size 44.2 kB
Report this content
More from Ryota
Last one, I promise. Yet another ridiculous tale from the deepest, silliest corners of my mind... a parody of Sailor Moon. With some... modifications. Bunny Eyres was a normal teenage girl... until she met a talking cat from outer space with magical kitty cat powers, and became... pretty much the same, unimpressive girl, but in a sexy Sailor Scout... suit.
Read here, I know some of you don't like downloading.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… wait, wrong intro.
Sixteen year old Bunny Eyres was just a normal teenager. She was unintelligent, overweight, pimple-ridden, and had never been kissed, unless you count having your mouth licked by your dog. One day, while walking home from school, she came across a black cat with a bandage on its head. Bunny knew better than to get close to a stray cat, but she approached it anyway, forgetting that she never got her rabies shot.
The cat meowed at Bunny, and started backing up when she approached. Bunny knelt down once she was close enough, trying to meow like a cat but failing pitifully. She reached over to the wounded kitty, wondering how it got hurt, and pulled the bandage clean off. Underneath, she found that the cat had a birthmark shaped like the middle finger of an angry Polish man. Bunny smiled idiotically, and was about to stand up and walk away when she heard the cat say, “Thank you.”
“Wh… you can talk?”
“Yes. My name is Mike, and for some reason, putting a bandage over my birthmark makes me act like a normal cat.”
“Mike? Funny, you sound like a girl.”
Bunny picked up the cat in her arms, and checked underneath. After discerning that there was nothing of interest in the crotch area, she put the cat down and said, “I was right, you’re a girl! What’s your real name?”
“…Melody. But keep that info to yourself, Your Majesty, my operation’s in a few weeks.”
“Umm… Your Majesty? Have you been huffing catnip, Mel?”
“Mike. And no. I’m not just any talking cat, I’m a talking cat… from the moon. And you’re my owner, Your Majesty.”
“…I’m still confused by the Your Majesty part, Mike.”
“Stupid gir- ahem, Your Highness. You are the queen of the moon!”
“Queen…? Whoa. Does that mean I know Kung Fu?”
“Pretty much.”
“Whoa…”
Bunny whoa’ed herself into a coma, and woke up several days later in her bed, with Mike laying on her stomach. In her hand, Bunny found some weird brooch type of thing shaped like a crescent moon. Mike opened one eye, and stared at Bunny’s bewildered expression. “Good, you’re awake. Now I can teach you how to fight crime.”
“If I’m the queen of the moon, why the heck should I be the one fighting crime?”
“Because this story is based on an anime, these things never make sense. Now, transform into Sailor Moon.”
“…Huh?”
“Squeeze the brooch and shout ‘MOON PRISM POWER MAKE-UP!’”
Bunny rolled her eyes, and got up from her bed, after shoving the cat off of her belly. She stood in the center of the room, squeezed the brooch, and shouted, “FRED FRED BURGER!” Immediately, Bunny’s clothes evaporated, leaving her completely naked for a second. Before she could scream, a bunch of random ribbons shot out from the brooch, changing color as they wrapped around her body. After posing unnecessarily for a few seconds, Bunny found herself in ridiculous jewelry, tight armor that looked suspiciously like a bustier, a tiny miniskirt, and white hooker boots.
Mike purred, and leaped onto the windowsill. “Good. Let’s go.”
“Whoa, wait. What am I supposed to do now? Do I have superpowers? Can I fly?”
Mike merely shook his/her head, and jumped off the windowsill, landing quietly on the ground. Bunny smiled to herself, and jumped out the window as well. Though she flapped as hard as she could, Bunny found out the hard way that she could not, in fact, fly. She did find that she held the power to leave craters in her yard, however, and decided to leave the scene before her parents noticed.
In a dark alley, twenty minutes later, a man holding a leather Coach purse walked in the shadows, searching in the bag for something. Suddenly, he heard a loud crash coming from behind him, and turned around to see what was going on. He started backing up slowly when he noticed the fat, pimply girl in a miniskirt rising up from the steaming crater. She glared at the man holding the purse, and asked, “What did you do with the woman you stole that from?”
“What? Miss, are you feeling okay?”
“Sure am. Answer the question.”
“You just fell out of the sky…”
Bunny gave up on trying to talk to the man, and decided to use the new trick that Mike had taught her before pushing her off the building. She grabbed her tiara, and threw it towards her enemy as hard as she could. The gold tiara flew three yards, and landed at the man’s feet. He backed up, clearly scared, and pulled a taser out of the purse he carried. “Look… I don’t want any trouble…”
“You got it.”
Both the purse-snatcher and Bunny looked around for the source of the voice. A young man that looked exactly like Taylor Lautner stepped out of the shadows. He bore a faux-hawk, a hideous tan, Kanye sunglasses, and seven separate popped collars. The mystery man grinned, and said, “Don’t worry, bunny ears. I, Douche Mask, will save you!”
Bunny blushed, and wondered how this man knew her name. It wasn’t until much later that she realized her hair actually resembled a pair of bunny ears. The man with the purse backed away from both assailants, trying to reason with them. “Why are you people after me? My name is Gerry, I’m on my way home… I work at Bone Shakers, the ladies’ club downtown, and…”
The criminal’s explanation was cut short by the crack of Douche Mask’s whip. “Enough! Either return the purse, or drop it and run away before I have to get rough.” Gerry dropped the purse where he stood, and ran in the opposite direction, screaming, “HELP! I just got mugged by a douchebag and some fat chick!”
Douche Mask smirked, and said, “Voila, you’ve been saved. That’ll be $10.99.”
“Eh? First of all, I didn’t need your help. Second, I’m not about to pay you.”
“How about just a kiss then?”
Before she could object, Douche Mask stepped closer to Bunny, and pressed his Corona-flavored lips to hers. A shiver ran down Bunny’s spine to the tips of her fingers, and her eyes closed against her will. In an instant, it was over, and when she opened her eyes again, Douche Mask was gone.
Bunny passed out ten seconds after the kiss, and woke up at six in the morning in her own bed. She realized that she had school, and ran around her room in a frenzy, searching for clean clothes. She miraculously found a pair of pants and a shirt hanging from the ceiling fan, threw them on over her Sailor Moon outfit, and bolted out the door. Mike, who had fallen asleep on the windowsill, trotted in Bunny’s wake, mumbling something about a giant, carnivorous mouse from his/her dream.
The whole day, no thought other than the kiss entered Bunny’s mind. Even during chemistry, while she sat next to a boy who looked suspiciously like Taylor Lautner with a faux-hawk, seven popped collars, and a hideous tan, she could only think about Douche Mask. As a result of her daydreaming, the concoction they were working on wound up becoming a new disease instead of a stink bomb, and was used in World War III to completely obliterate Canada.
During lunch, food consumed Bunny’s thoughts long enough to push out Douche Mask, and she stepped into the cafeteria line with a tray in her hand. As she tried to decide between fried squid and raccoon flavored Pocky, she was tapped on the shoulder by someone from behind. Bunny spun around, and beheld a deranged looking girl with blue hair that stood straight up. The girl offered her hand to shake, and mumbled in a manly voice, “Hi there. My name is Amy Winehouse, I’m a fellow Sailor Scout.”
“Aren’t you too old for this school? And still in rehab?”
“No, no, no. That’s my evil, older twin. She’s still in rehab, I patrol the streets at night as Sailor Mercury.”
“Wouldn’t you rather discuss that kind of thing in private?”
“Meh. Everyone in this place is a superhero or something.”
Just as she spoke, a guy dressed up like Spiderman swung over Amy’s head, carrying some random redhead in one arm. Bunny looked around, and finally noticed that almost everyone was in costume, and those that weren’t bore a brooch similar to hers. Amy played with her own blue brooch, and asked, “Why is yours white?”
“I dunno. According to my talking kitty, I’m some kind of queen of the moon.”
A hush fell over the entire cafeteria, and several girls bowed their heads in respect. One in particular, wearing a red kimono and holding a frying pan, stepped towards Bunny and knelt on the ground. She set down the pan, and said, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Your Majesty. I’m Rachel Ray, and I am Sailor Mars.”
Some other girls began walking towards Bunny, when suddenly, the cafeteria shook, and the roof caved in. Most of the children died; all but Bunny, the guy that sat next to her in chemistry, Rachel, and Amy. Only the hot cafeteria workers remained, and all of them ripped off their uniforms to reveal that they were really hot demons. A black circle appeared on the ground some distance away from the human survivors, and expanded slowly. A dark, feminine figure rose from the inter-dimensional hole type thing, and cackled in a high pitched voice. “Well, now… looks like I’m even uglier than I thought. All those poor children…”
Bunny shrank back against one of the few walls that hadn’t come down, crying her eyes out. “Wh… who… WHAT is that?,” she wailed, as Mike hopped down from his/her hiding spot. He/she licked his/her paw, and said, “That’s Queen Marrill… no relation to the Pokemon. For some stupid reason, she wants to collect the energy of young Japanese schoolgirls.”
“But… we’re not in Japan. I don’t even know anyone who speaks Japanese!”
“Well, we’re in a parody based on an anime, so I guess that’s close enough. Now transform into Sailor Moon so you can beat her and I can take all the credit!”
Somehow not hearing that last part, Bunny squeezed her brooch, and shouted, “FRED FRED BURGER!” When nothing happened, Bunny cried harder than ever, until she realized that she had thrown on clothes over the costume. She ripped off her clothes, revealing that she was wearing a Supergirl outfit. Bunny looked confused for a second, then remembered that she had thrown on this costume over her Sailor Moon outfit, and ripped it off.
Meanwhile, Amy and Rachel had already transformed into Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars, and had their hands full distracting the hot demons. Sailor Mercury pulled a bottle of Crystal out from under her ridiculously tiny skirt, and took a few sips. Then, thoroughly inebriated, she hopped up on the counter and started attempting to sing. When the demons began to boo at her, Sailor Mercury leaped off the counter, and swung her liquor bottle at them, screaming like an angry Viking. At the same time, Sailor Mars took the liberty of pan-frying a salmon with her fire powers. She explained how to season the salmon just right, and her audience of demons clapped at the end of every one of her sentences. Most of them paid attention to her just long enough to be struck on the head by Sailor Mercury.
Bunny, being utterly useless in a fight, sat in a corner sobbing. Queen Marrill began stepping towards her, but was stopped in her tracks by the boy from Bunny’s chemistry class. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a familiar pair of Kanye shades. Suddenly, the little hamster running on the metal wheel in Bunny’s head began working its legs furiously, and she realized out loud, “HEY! You’re Douche Mask!”
“Yep. Now get off your gynormous butt and help me fight!”
Queen Marrill’s fingers stretched out into sharp claws, and she began swiping at Douche Mask’s face. He dodged the attacks, and threw a rose at Queen Marrill, who was utterly unaffected by girly things. Douche Mask then tried whipping her, which just made her more excited. Queen Marrill moaned loudly every time she was whipped, and lashed out at Douche Mask with her claws as often as she could. Once he was backed into a corner, he shouted, “Sailor Moon! Get up and help me!”
Bunny, who’d managed to stop crying for a few seconds, tried to stand up. After a few tries, she remembered how to use her legs, and stood up, trembling. Finally, she asked, “H… how do I help…?”
“Use your moon powers!”
“My WHAT?!”
“…You’re joking, right?”
The hamster in Bunny’s head worked double time, almost killing itself in its attempt to come up with a good idea quickly. Finally, the hamster collapsed on the wheel, twitching slightly, and Bunny was left to her own devices. Suddenly, she had a very large think, and stood forward boldly.
Queen Marrill cackled, and asked, “Is the puny Queen ready to fight me herself now?”
“No… I’m ready to kill you.”
“Hah! How do you propose to do that.”
“You’ll see in a second, Marrill. Behold; the Dark Side of the Moon!”
Bunny spun on the spot, bent over, and lifted her skirt, showing off her shiny, pale butt. As if that sight didn’t have enough of an effect, the sun’s rays were both reflected and intensified by the shining surface, and showered Queen Marrill with ultraviolet radiation. All over her skin, the evil queen grew tumors the size and shape of Wyoming, and she screamed, “WRYYYY?!,” as she failed to show up for chemotherapy, and died of advanced melanoma.
Their leader vanquished, the hot cafeteria demons disappeared, leaving Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars with no opponents to be useless against. They rushed to Sailor Moon’s side just as she was pulling her skirt back down, and watched as Douche Mask re-revealed his secret identity as that kid in Bunny’s chemistry class. Bunny stepped closer to him, and asked, “What’s your real name?”
“It’s Jacob. Or Jake, whatever floats your boat.”
“Jake… so, we kissed the other night, and I thought we were gonna be together forever.”
“Yeah, okay. Smell ya later.”
With that, Douche Mask walked off, checking his seven separate popped collars to see that they were still popped. Bunny watched him walk away, with a dreamy expression on her face. While she stood there, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus popped out of nowhere, followed closely by a white cat. On his head was a birthmark resembling the raised middle finger of an angry Scottish woman. Mike noticed him, and fell in love instantly, walking over quickly and introducing himself/herself. The white cat purred, and said, “The name’s Oreo. How can I help you?”
“Umm… wanna go out some time?”
“Psht. No. I’m not into guys, and especially not girls that think they’re guys and try to seduce guys. Get out of here.”
Utterly dejected, Mike ran away, crying and threatening to kill himself/herself. And so, the day was saved, thanks to the Sailor Scouts!
~THE END~
Read here, I know some of you don't like downloading.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… wait, wrong intro.
Sixteen year old Bunny Eyres was just a normal teenager. She was unintelligent, overweight, pimple-ridden, and had never been kissed, unless you count having your mouth licked by your dog. One day, while walking home from school, she came across a black cat with a bandage on its head. Bunny knew better than to get close to a stray cat, but she approached it anyway, forgetting that she never got her rabies shot.
The cat meowed at Bunny, and started backing up when she approached. Bunny knelt down once she was close enough, trying to meow like a cat but failing pitifully. She reached over to the wounded kitty, wondering how it got hurt, and pulled the bandage clean off. Underneath, she found that the cat had a birthmark shaped like the middle finger of an angry Polish man. Bunny smiled idiotically, and was about to stand up and walk away when she heard the cat say, “Thank you.”
“Wh… you can talk?”
“Yes. My name is Mike, and for some reason, putting a bandage over my birthmark makes me act like a normal cat.”
“Mike? Funny, you sound like a girl.”
Bunny picked up the cat in her arms, and checked underneath. After discerning that there was nothing of interest in the crotch area, she put the cat down and said, “I was right, you’re a girl! What’s your real name?”
“…Melody. But keep that info to yourself, Your Majesty, my operation’s in a few weeks.”
“Umm… Your Majesty? Have you been huffing catnip, Mel?”
“Mike. And no. I’m not just any talking cat, I’m a talking cat… from the moon. And you’re my owner, Your Majesty.”
“…I’m still confused by the Your Majesty part, Mike.”
“Stupid gir- ahem, Your Highness. You are the queen of the moon!”
“Queen…? Whoa. Does that mean I know Kung Fu?”
“Pretty much.”
“Whoa…”
Bunny whoa’ed herself into a coma, and woke up several days later in her bed, with Mike laying on her stomach. In her hand, Bunny found some weird brooch type of thing shaped like a crescent moon. Mike opened one eye, and stared at Bunny’s bewildered expression. “Good, you’re awake. Now I can teach you how to fight crime.”
“If I’m the queen of the moon, why the heck should I be the one fighting crime?”
“Because this story is based on an anime, these things never make sense. Now, transform into Sailor Moon.”
“…Huh?”
“Squeeze the brooch and shout ‘MOON PRISM POWER MAKE-UP!’”
Bunny rolled her eyes, and got up from her bed, after shoving the cat off of her belly. She stood in the center of the room, squeezed the brooch, and shouted, “FRED FRED BURGER!” Immediately, Bunny’s clothes evaporated, leaving her completely naked for a second. Before she could scream, a bunch of random ribbons shot out from the brooch, changing color as they wrapped around her body. After posing unnecessarily for a few seconds, Bunny found herself in ridiculous jewelry, tight armor that looked suspiciously like a bustier, a tiny miniskirt, and white hooker boots.
Mike purred, and leaped onto the windowsill. “Good. Let’s go.”
“Whoa, wait. What am I supposed to do now? Do I have superpowers? Can I fly?”
Mike merely shook his/her head, and jumped off the windowsill, landing quietly on the ground. Bunny smiled to herself, and jumped out the window as well. Though she flapped as hard as she could, Bunny found out the hard way that she could not, in fact, fly. She did find that she held the power to leave craters in her yard, however, and decided to leave the scene before her parents noticed.
In a dark alley, twenty minutes later, a man holding a leather Coach purse walked in the shadows, searching in the bag for something. Suddenly, he heard a loud crash coming from behind him, and turned around to see what was going on. He started backing up slowly when he noticed the fat, pimply girl in a miniskirt rising up from the steaming crater. She glared at the man holding the purse, and asked, “What did you do with the woman you stole that from?”
“What? Miss, are you feeling okay?”
“Sure am. Answer the question.”
“You just fell out of the sky…”
Bunny gave up on trying to talk to the man, and decided to use the new trick that Mike had taught her before pushing her off the building. She grabbed her tiara, and threw it towards her enemy as hard as she could. The gold tiara flew three yards, and landed at the man’s feet. He backed up, clearly scared, and pulled a taser out of the purse he carried. “Look… I don’t want any trouble…”
“You got it.”
Both the purse-snatcher and Bunny looked around for the source of the voice. A young man that looked exactly like Taylor Lautner stepped out of the shadows. He bore a faux-hawk, a hideous tan, Kanye sunglasses, and seven separate popped collars. The mystery man grinned, and said, “Don’t worry, bunny ears. I, Douche Mask, will save you!”
Bunny blushed, and wondered how this man knew her name. It wasn’t until much later that she realized her hair actually resembled a pair of bunny ears. The man with the purse backed away from both assailants, trying to reason with them. “Why are you people after me? My name is Gerry, I’m on my way home… I work at Bone Shakers, the ladies’ club downtown, and…”
The criminal’s explanation was cut short by the crack of Douche Mask’s whip. “Enough! Either return the purse, or drop it and run away before I have to get rough.” Gerry dropped the purse where he stood, and ran in the opposite direction, screaming, “HELP! I just got mugged by a douchebag and some fat chick!”
Douche Mask smirked, and said, “Voila, you’ve been saved. That’ll be $10.99.”
“Eh? First of all, I didn’t need your help. Second, I’m not about to pay you.”
“How about just a kiss then?”
Before she could object, Douche Mask stepped closer to Bunny, and pressed his Corona-flavored lips to hers. A shiver ran down Bunny’s spine to the tips of her fingers, and her eyes closed against her will. In an instant, it was over, and when she opened her eyes again, Douche Mask was gone.
Bunny passed out ten seconds after the kiss, and woke up at six in the morning in her own bed. She realized that she had school, and ran around her room in a frenzy, searching for clean clothes. She miraculously found a pair of pants and a shirt hanging from the ceiling fan, threw them on over her Sailor Moon outfit, and bolted out the door. Mike, who had fallen asleep on the windowsill, trotted in Bunny’s wake, mumbling something about a giant, carnivorous mouse from his/her dream.
The whole day, no thought other than the kiss entered Bunny’s mind. Even during chemistry, while she sat next to a boy who looked suspiciously like Taylor Lautner with a faux-hawk, seven popped collars, and a hideous tan, she could only think about Douche Mask. As a result of her daydreaming, the concoction they were working on wound up becoming a new disease instead of a stink bomb, and was used in World War III to completely obliterate Canada.
During lunch, food consumed Bunny’s thoughts long enough to push out Douche Mask, and she stepped into the cafeteria line with a tray in her hand. As she tried to decide between fried squid and raccoon flavored Pocky, she was tapped on the shoulder by someone from behind. Bunny spun around, and beheld a deranged looking girl with blue hair that stood straight up. The girl offered her hand to shake, and mumbled in a manly voice, “Hi there. My name is Amy Winehouse, I’m a fellow Sailor Scout.”
“Aren’t you too old for this school? And still in rehab?”
“No, no, no. That’s my evil, older twin. She’s still in rehab, I patrol the streets at night as Sailor Mercury.”
“Wouldn’t you rather discuss that kind of thing in private?”
“Meh. Everyone in this place is a superhero or something.”
Just as she spoke, a guy dressed up like Spiderman swung over Amy’s head, carrying some random redhead in one arm. Bunny looked around, and finally noticed that almost everyone was in costume, and those that weren’t bore a brooch similar to hers. Amy played with her own blue brooch, and asked, “Why is yours white?”
“I dunno. According to my talking kitty, I’m some kind of queen of the moon.”
A hush fell over the entire cafeteria, and several girls bowed their heads in respect. One in particular, wearing a red kimono and holding a frying pan, stepped towards Bunny and knelt on the ground. She set down the pan, and said, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Your Majesty. I’m Rachel Ray, and I am Sailor Mars.”
Some other girls began walking towards Bunny, when suddenly, the cafeteria shook, and the roof caved in. Most of the children died; all but Bunny, the guy that sat next to her in chemistry, Rachel, and Amy. Only the hot cafeteria workers remained, and all of them ripped off their uniforms to reveal that they were really hot demons. A black circle appeared on the ground some distance away from the human survivors, and expanded slowly. A dark, feminine figure rose from the inter-dimensional hole type thing, and cackled in a high pitched voice. “Well, now… looks like I’m even uglier than I thought. All those poor children…”
Bunny shrank back against one of the few walls that hadn’t come down, crying her eyes out. “Wh… who… WHAT is that?,” she wailed, as Mike hopped down from his/her hiding spot. He/she licked his/her paw, and said, “That’s Queen Marrill… no relation to the Pokemon. For some stupid reason, she wants to collect the energy of young Japanese schoolgirls.”
“But… we’re not in Japan. I don’t even know anyone who speaks Japanese!”
“Well, we’re in a parody based on an anime, so I guess that’s close enough. Now transform into Sailor Moon so you can beat her and I can take all the credit!”
Somehow not hearing that last part, Bunny squeezed her brooch, and shouted, “FRED FRED BURGER!” When nothing happened, Bunny cried harder than ever, until she realized that she had thrown on clothes over the costume. She ripped off her clothes, revealing that she was wearing a Supergirl outfit. Bunny looked confused for a second, then remembered that she had thrown on this costume over her Sailor Moon outfit, and ripped it off.
Meanwhile, Amy and Rachel had already transformed into Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars, and had their hands full distracting the hot demons. Sailor Mercury pulled a bottle of Crystal out from under her ridiculously tiny skirt, and took a few sips. Then, thoroughly inebriated, she hopped up on the counter and started attempting to sing. When the demons began to boo at her, Sailor Mercury leaped off the counter, and swung her liquor bottle at them, screaming like an angry Viking. At the same time, Sailor Mars took the liberty of pan-frying a salmon with her fire powers. She explained how to season the salmon just right, and her audience of demons clapped at the end of every one of her sentences. Most of them paid attention to her just long enough to be struck on the head by Sailor Mercury.
Bunny, being utterly useless in a fight, sat in a corner sobbing. Queen Marrill began stepping towards her, but was stopped in her tracks by the boy from Bunny’s chemistry class. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a familiar pair of Kanye shades. Suddenly, the little hamster running on the metal wheel in Bunny’s head began working its legs furiously, and she realized out loud, “HEY! You’re Douche Mask!”
“Yep. Now get off your gynormous butt and help me fight!”
Queen Marrill’s fingers stretched out into sharp claws, and she began swiping at Douche Mask’s face. He dodged the attacks, and threw a rose at Queen Marrill, who was utterly unaffected by girly things. Douche Mask then tried whipping her, which just made her more excited. Queen Marrill moaned loudly every time she was whipped, and lashed out at Douche Mask with her claws as often as she could. Once he was backed into a corner, he shouted, “Sailor Moon! Get up and help me!”
Bunny, who’d managed to stop crying for a few seconds, tried to stand up. After a few tries, she remembered how to use her legs, and stood up, trembling. Finally, she asked, “H… how do I help…?”
“Use your moon powers!”
“My WHAT?!”
“…You’re joking, right?”
The hamster in Bunny’s head worked double time, almost killing itself in its attempt to come up with a good idea quickly. Finally, the hamster collapsed on the wheel, twitching slightly, and Bunny was left to her own devices. Suddenly, she had a very large think, and stood forward boldly.
Queen Marrill cackled, and asked, “Is the puny Queen ready to fight me herself now?”
“No… I’m ready to kill you.”
“Hah! How do you propose to do that.”
“You’ll see in a second, Marrill. Behold; the Dark Side of the Moon!”
Bunny spun on the spot, bent over, and lifted her skirt, showing off her shiny, pale butt. As if that sight didn’t have enough of an effect, the sun’s rays were both reflected and intensified by the shining surface, and showered Queen Marrill with ultraviolet radiation. All over her skin, the evil queen grew tumors the size and shape of Wyoming, and she screamed, “WRYYYY?!,” as she failed to show up for chemotherapy, and died of advanced melanoma.
Their leader vanquished, the hot cafeteria demons disappeared, leaving Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars with no opponents to be useless against. They rushed to Sailor Moon’s side just as she was pulling her skirt back down, and watched as Douche Mask re-revealed his secret identity as that kid in Bunny’s chemistry class. Bunny stepped closer to him, and asked, “What’s your real name?”
“It’s Jacob. Or Jake, whatever floats your boat.”
“Jake… so, we kissed the other night, and I thought we were gonna be together forever.”
“Yeah, okay. Smell ya later.”
With that, Douche Mask walked off, checking his seven separate popped collars to see that they were still popped. Bunny watched him walk away, with a dreamy expression on her face. While she stood there, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus popped out of nowhere, followed closely by a white cat. On his head was a birthmark resembling the raised middle finger of an angry Scottish woman. Mike noticed him, and fell in love instantly, walking over quickly and introducing himself/herself. The white cat purred, and said, “The name’s Oreo. How can I help you?”
“Umm… wanna go out some time?”
“Psht. No. I’m not into guys, and especially not girls that think they’re guys and try to seduce guys. Get out of here.”
Utterly dejected, Mike ran away, crying and threatening to kill himself/herself. And so, the day was saved, thanks to the Sailor Scouts!
~THE END~
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 44.2 kB
Comments