awesome!!!! I can't wait to see what you come up with next for this. It really looks like a good story. I'm not a huge fan of foul language, but hey ... You had to show how he was mistreated right? Once again, great story.

thx dude i'll try and get chapter two next week at the latetes

hey got chapter two and am b'out to post it

Hmmmm... I like the plot so far and you left a nice little cliffhanger at the end there. Something you might wanna practice though is seperating your paragraphs a bit. Spelling was pretty good and your grammar was good enough where I could keep up with what all was going on so that's a plus. Aside from the spacing, the only complaint I have is you might have gone just a little fast with this one. My reccomendation if you decide to do a revision of this one day is seperate this into paragraphs, usually by the scene and between people talking, and add a few details here and there. Otherwise, not bad. It made me laugh in spots, the main character is an interesting guy, and it has me heading for the next chapter.

thx riolu and yhea i do need to practice my paragagraphs and thx you fur reading