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nishi
Dori, of 'Finding Nemo' fame coined the phrase, "Just keep swimming.". It brings me to take some time to reflect on another matter I, and perhaps others, may be coping with. This being loss.
To set up what got this discussion started, I must first tell of today's events. This being having woke up at 3:30 AM (EST) to the sound of my ex-wife's cat, Peter, meowing like he has never meowed before. I thought he was just grumpy over wanting water straight from the sink. However this was not the case as, when my mom awoke to investigate, she noticed Peter could no longer use his hind legs.
Flashing forward to 6:30 AM, my ex-wife arrived to take Peter to the vet. We then got confirmation of his passing around 10:00 AM.
What does this have to do with a duck Yosh swimming in a pond? Well it is how Dori had stated so profoundly, "Just keep swimming.".
To be quite honest, I felt more worried about Peep than the 16 year old cat. I then had time to look back on all the loss and hurt I've gone through in the past 15 years. There has just been so much "Just keep swimming!" that I feel genuinely numb to the sadness brought about by loss.
* My jobs were lost and I kept on swimming.
* My eyesight was lost and I just kept swimming.
* My marriage was lost and I just kept swimming.
* People think negatively of furries. In particular the type of furry I am, which is a 'Baby Fur', and I just keep swimming.
* The Brony / MLP: FiM fandom has become more known for its toxicity and I just keep swimming.
* My efforts to be an author have gone by without much notice and I just keep swimming.
* I am struggling to feel valid outside of being Yosh and I keep on swimming.
* I am a Mr. Nuthatch who feels that his future is of no consequence and I just keep swimming.
Have I gone through so much trauma that anything negative just rolls off me like water off a duck's back? Have I lost the feeling of sorrow as a result of having psychologically been beaten down so many times that I simply accept it as something to be expected?
What is really notable is how, if any emotion over the passing of the cat is that he was another hold over from my failed marriage. Perhaps he was just serving as another string keeping me tethered to what was and will never be again?
It is not healthy to just have no emotion over loss. Though that is just how I feel. It happens, I think of the impact outside of me, and just keep swimming.
Perhaps I will take this up with my therapist at some point? It is bothersome to feel so unemotional over such a loss. It worries me that, as time continues to pass, I will become less-and-less impacted by loss. It'll just come, wash off my back, and I'll keep on swimming as I have come to just do for over a decade.
Is there a solution to this? I would like to think of it being where I can feel a true sense of accomplishment that is not tainted by outside views. I was very proud of what I did with my friends at BronyCon between 2013 and 2019. However it is not much of a positive to bring up given how people have come to see Bronies and/or fans of My Little Pony. I know I did something great, but it really can't go much further as the majority would be more questioning as to why I am so proud of being active in such a fandom.
Next is being a furry. Furries have terrible reputations in mainstream society. The view only gets worse for Baby Furs / Littles as, often, they are viewed as pedophiles. If not as pedophiles, they are seen as disgusting and easy targets for people to troll for just having a kink that, to them, is worse than having a liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals.
Then there is being blind. There is not a whole lot I can really do that does not require eyesight. Certainly there are things, but those parts of the world you want to interact with just can't be interacted with in a similar way. In some cases one with no eyesight can't interact at all.
Though I just keep swimming. I just keep kicking and peddling my little duck feet in hopes that, one day, I can no longer feel hidden away from the world. To have a time where I can use my wings and fly beyond my pond would be so delightful. However, until then, I shall just keep swimming.
Your Pal,
---Yosh E. O'Ducky ;)
nishiDori, of 'Finding Nemo' fame coined the phrase, "Just keep swimming.". It brings me to take some time to reflect on another matter I, and perhaps others, may be coping with. This being loss.
To set up what got this discussion started, I must first tell of today's events. This being having woke up at 3:30 AM (EST) to the sound of my ex-wife's cat, Peter, meowing like he has never meowed before. I thought he was just grumpy over wanting water straight from the sink. However this was not the case as, when my mom awoke to investigate, she noticed Peter could no longer use his hind legs.
Flashing forward to 6:30 AM, my ex-wife arrived to take Peter to the vet. We then got confirmation of his passing around 10:00 AM.
What does this have to do with a duck Yosh swimming in a pond? Well it is how Dori had stated so profoundly, "Just keep swimming.".
To be quite honest, I felt more worried about Peep than the 16 year old cat. I then had time to look back on all the loss and hurt I've gone through in the past 15 years. There has just been so much "Just keep swimming!" that I feel genuinely numb to the sadness brought about by loss.
* My jobs were lost and I kept on swimming.
* My eyesight was lost and I just kept swimming.
* My marriage was lost and I just kept swimming.
* People think negatively of furries. In particular the type of furry I am, which is a 'Baby Fur', and I just keep swimming.
* The Brony / MLP: FiM fandom has become more known for its toxicity and I just keep swimming.
* My efforts to be an author have gone by without much notice and I just keep swimming.
* I am struggling to feel valid outside of being Yosh and I keep on swimming.
* I am a Mr. Nuthatch who feels that his future is of no consequence and I just keep swimming.
Have I gone through so much trauma that anything negative just rolls off me like water off a duck's back? Have I lost the feeling of sorrow as a result of having psychologically been beaten down so many times that I simply accept it as something to be expected?
What is really notable is how, if any emotion over the passing of the cat is that he was another hold over from my failed marriage. Perhaps he was just serving as another string keeping me tethered to what was and will never be again?
It is not healthy to just have no emotion over loss. Though that is just how I feel. It happens, I think of the impact outside of me, and just keep swimming.
Perhaps I will take this up with my therapist at some point? It is bothersome to feel so unemotional over such a loss. It worries me that, as time continues to pass, I will become less-and-less impacted by loss. It'll just come, wash off my back, and I'll keep on swimming as I have come to just do for over a decade.
Is there a solution to this? I would like to think of it being where I can feel a true sense of accomplishment that is not tainted by outside views. I was very proud of what I did with my friends at BronyCon between 2013 and 2019. However it is not much of a positive to bring up given how people have come to see Bronies and/or fans of My Little Pony. I know I did something great, but it really can't go much further as the majority would be more questioning as to why I am so proud of being active in such a fandom.
Next is being a furry. Furries have terrible reputations in mainstream society. The view only gets worse for Baby Furs / Littles as, often, they are viewed as pedophiles. If not as pedophiles, they are seen as disgusting and easy targets for people to troll for just having a kink that, to them, is worse than having a liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals.
Then there is being blind. There is not a whole lot I can really do that does not require eyesight. Certainly there are things, but those parts of the world you want to interact with just can't be interacted with in a similar way. In some cases one with no eyesight can't interact at all.
Though I just keep swimming. I just keep kicking and peddling my little duck feet in hopes that, one day, I can no longer feel hidden away from the world. To have a time where I can use my wings and fly beyond my pond would be so delightful. However, until then, I shall just keep swimming.
Your Pal,
---Yosh E. O'Ducky ;)
Category All / All
Species Duck
Size 1000 x 1000px
File Size 201.1 kB
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I guess you've encountered so much sorrow, it just doesn't seem to phase you much now. I'm not sure how to restore your emotional sensitivity to normal, but the fact you are showing concern about shows you still have feeling. Perhaps this may be good for a time, since it will help things go a bit smoother. As for the furry and brony things, I sometimes feel uncomfortable with those as well, but without them, I wouldn't have made as many friends.
Thank you, Leon. There are 'Bad Eggs' in everything our society takes a part in. I just wish I could talk more openly of my accomplishments through MLP and Furry without feeling like I get an immediate, "You what?" instead of, "Tell me more about it as I always thought X?". *Shrugs*
Pony is what allowed me to meet you. I'm eternally grateful for that. (Still keep Spyro with me everywhere I go. Epic keychain.
I hope that, one day, I feel more emotion towards things. I can get Super Happy over positives. Unfortunately, with negatives, I just feel at a loss and, in my head, I appear like I have no care for the sorrowful situations.
*Plops down on his padding and sighs* I'm hoping time will heal my wounds so I can be who I know I am instead of what I have become from multiple psychological traumas.
Pony is what allowed me to meet you. I'm eternally grateful for that. (Still keep Spyro with me everywhere I go. Epic keychain.
I hope that, one day, I feel more emotion towards things. I can get Super Happy over positives. Unfortunately, with negatives, I just feel at a loss and, in my head, I appear like I have no care for the sorrowful situations.
*Plops down on his padding and sighs* I'm hoping time will heal my wounds so I can be who I know I am instead of what I have become from multiple psychological traumas.
What you say here is, I think, what is my core concern. I never want to come off insensitive to the world around me. However, when bad things happen, I tend to just feel like moving past it. I want to show more emotion, but I struggle to really feel that degree of sadness nowadays. *Sighs*
Considering that you're more worried about Peep, that shows that you still have emotion. It sucks to lose a family pet, but considering they were suffering and they had lived a long life, maybe your body is just carefully regulating the negative emotions you may be feeling as a result of all the other crud you've had to deal with lately?
In either case, you're still a good egg Yosh. I have always admired you and your personality and I have no doubt that you will take flight and find a new pond sooner or later. I'm glad you're getting help and have access to a professional that can possibly help you.
Also feel free to note me if you want any of my thoughts or feelings in a more private space. I will do my best to answer as soon as possible.
In either case, you're still a good egg Yosh. I have always admired you and your personality and I have no doubt that you will take flight and find a new pond sooner or later. I'm glad you're getting help and have access to a professional that can possibly help you.
Also feel free to note me if you want any of my thoughts or feelings in a more private space. I will do my best to answer as soon as possible.
*Snugs* Thank you, Tacki. Now that my mom is visiting for awhile, I am able to keep more on top of all the extra stuff that has bogged me down since starting my new job.
I have seen you doing more posts as of late. I am excited to see them as I continue to have more time to dig out from the pile I got myself buried under. (I have always loved your work and find checking it out a great incentive for any day.)
*Extra snugs* I appreciate your kind offer. Maybe I will send you a note. Even if it is just to say, "Hello!". :)
I have seen you doing more posts as of late. I am excited to see them as I continue to have more time to dig out from the pile I got myself buried under. (I have always loved your work and find checking it out a great incentive for any day.)
*Extra snugs* I appreciate your kind offer. Maybe I will send you a note. Even if it is just to say, "Hello!". :)
As I noticed with my dad everyone grieves differently in different cases. Some get emotional right away, some like me it doesnt hit right away and instead hits randomly (and in my case often) later on. Theres also the fact that that is old for a cat so you know he had a long and healthy life. That likes helps with coping
As for what your proud of..your pride is for you..who cares what outsiders think about it? Same with being a furry. You are you and your friends all love that. Who cares what anyone else thinks
As for what your proud of..your pride is for you..who cares what outsiders think about it? Same with being a furry. You are you and your friends all love that. Who cares what anyone else thinks
*Hugs* Thank you, saphy. You make some great points and I am ever grateful for you in staying my friend despite how I have been poor in communication over the past few months. *Pouts*
With my mom now here for a few weeks, I am eager to have more ability to keep in contact with everyone. (My new job affords me extra money that I am investing in having my apartment professionally cleaned so my mom can focus on enjoying her time with Peep and I have no super-duper chores after my day shifts.)
***
Have you been able to get your COVID-19 vaccine? I got my first one on Sunday, April 25th. I get my second on May 16th.[/i])
With my mom now here for a few weeks, I am eager to have more ability to keep in contact with everyone. (My new job affords me extra money that I am investing in having my apartment professionally cleaned so my mom can focus on enjoying her time with Peep and I have no super-duper chores after my day shifts.)
***
Have you been able to get your COVID-19 vaccine? I got my first one on Sunday, April 25th. I get my second on May 16th.[/i])
If people stopped being freinds with people because of poor communication over a period of time about a years and a half ago I would have lost most of my friends. Dont worry about it I understand life comes first.
Super glad to hear you are close to fully vaccinated. By my math with those numbers I'm guessing Pfizer?
I'm not fully vaxxed yet but I cant wait to be
Super glad to hear you are close to fully vaccinated. By my math with those numbers I'm guessing Pfizer?
I'm not fully vaxxed yet but I cant wait to be
Thanks for all your patience, saphy. *Hugs* I forget what vaccine I got. Though, once I can get my e-mail back up right, I can look up the exact one I got put in me.
***
New computer is amazingly fast with my screen reader! This, hopefully, will remain and, with it, the ability to write and do things will only grow. :)
***
New computer is amazingly fast with my screen reader! This, hopefully, will remain and, with it, the ability to write and do things will only grow. :)
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