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Lost in Regression- Page 28 !!(CW: Scars/self-harm)!!
The next couple pages are available to read on my Patreon. Page 29 is available for $5+ Patrons, and Page 30 is available to $10+ Patrons. If you'd like to help keep me and my cat Haru fed, please consider subscribing!
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I tried to upload a custom thumbnail with a content warning, but FA just doesn't accept custom thumbnails anymore... I tried
CW: Self-harm, suicide:
The weeks after Elly's death were the only times I've ever harmed myself in my life. My first suicide attempt would have involved a knife to my wrist, too, but I was saved before I could muster up the courage. I'm honestly still in shock that not only did I feel hopeless and powerless enough to attempt it (I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 7, but this was only the first time I'd ever attempted it), but also the sheer amount of people who tried to save me damn near immediately after sending my... notes is just staggering.
I'm normally INCREDIBLY averse to pain. I typically go out of my way to avoid anything that could bring me potential physical pain. But back then, I genuinely didn't feel in control of my actions during all of this. It was as if my mind had been hijacked by someone else, and that someone wanted to hurt me. They wanted to stop the intense emotional distress I was experiencing through any means necessary.
I still have the scars from my self-harming. They're faint, but they're still there. And seeing them scares me, sometimes. They remind me that there's another person inside of me who's capable of hurting me. Someone who's willing to take drastic measures to quell my trauma. Someone who genuinely believes what they're doing is for my own good.
I've been doing a lot better this year, though. That other person hasn't shown up since my last suicide attempt on Thanksgiving. But I'm still scared of what the future could bring that would bring that person back.
Sammy © SammyRainbowCat
Pandora, art, and Lost in Regression © Me
Font used with license from K-Type
www.patreon.com/babypandora
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I tried to upload a custom thumbnail with a content warning, but FA just doesn't accept custom thumbnails anymore... I tried
CW: Self-harm, suicide:
The weeks after Elly's death were the only times I've ever harmed myself in my life. My first suicide attempt would have involved a knife to my wrist, too, but I was saved before I could muster up the courage. I'm honestly still in shock that not only did I feel hopeless and powerless enough to attempt it (I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 7, but this was only the first time I'd ever attempted it), but also the sheer amount of people who tried to save me damn near immediately after sending my... notes is just staggering.
I'm normally INCREDIBLY averse to pain. I typically go out of my way to avoid anything that could bring me potential physical pain. But back then, I genuinely didn't feel in control of my actions during all of this. It was as if my mind had been hijacked by someone else, and that someone wanted to hurt me. They wanted to stop the intense emotional distress I was experiencing through any means necessary.
I still have the scars from my self-harming. They're faint, but they're still there. And seeing them scares me, sometimes. They remind me that there's another person inside of me who's capable of hurting me. Someone who's willing to take drastic measures to quell my trauma. Someone who genuinely believes what they're doing is for my own good.
I've been doing a lot better this year, though. That other person hasn't shown up since my last suicide attempt on Thanksgiving. But I'm still scared of what the future could bring that would bring that person back.
Sammy © SammyRainbowCat
Pandora, art, and Lost in Regression © Me
Font used with license from K-Type
Category Artwork (Digital) / Baby fur
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1082 x 1400px
File Size 1.69 MB
Listed in Folders
Grief is a time when all depressed people should be considered in danger.
I lost my grandma who i cared for daily with increasing dependence for 10 years, this was back in January... covid.....
I'm not okay. And it haunts me. It is killing me slowly inside.. but I had to care for my mom who was also sick with covid. I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't had to keep going, keep moving, keep eating...
Grief can literally kill you. Not just self harm there's a physical response that can basically cause the body to flip into shock and die as well. It's what they mean when they day dying of a broken heart.
I lost my grandma who i cared for daily with increasing dependence for 10 years, this was back in January... covid.....
I'm not okay. And it haunts me. It is killing me slowly inside.. but I had to care for my mom who was also sick with covid. I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't had to keep going, keep moving, keep eating...
Grief can literally kill you. Not just self harm there's a physical response that can basically cause the body to flip into shock and die as well. It's what they mean when they day dying of a broken heart.
I had an attempt that landed me in the hospital about 12 years ago. I have lots of freckles on my arms but you can still see my stripes when I get very tan. The ones on the under side of my arms healed up with almost no scars but some times the light hits just right and I know they are there. You are not alone in this.
I can't say anything without sounding like a broken record of lies people have told me they say things will get better but I've yet to see it
My last attempt was 3weeks ago my depression goes them comes back each time coming back stronger
I'm sorry to hear about your story
My last attempt was 3weeks ago my depression goes them comes back each time coming back stronger
I'm sorry to hear about your story
I have been there too... multiple times. I won't say I know how you feel, it hits different people differently... but you're definitely not alone.
I won't give you the details of how I tried to..... it's not what this is about, this is about you... I just wanted to say I'm thankful you're still here. I don't have the honor of knowing you personally which is probably for the best but you're a beautiful person and you make the world a better place by being in it.
Thank you for sharing your artwork, and for sharing your story, I'm sure it was very hard.
I won't give you the details of how I tried to..... it's not what this is about, this is about you... I just wanted to say I'm thankful you're still here. I don't have the honor of knowing you personally which is probably for the best but you're a beautiful person and you make the world a better place by being in it.
Thank you for sharing your artwork, and for sharing your story, I'm sure it was very hard.
I can't say I ever reached this point, but I lost someone I dated back in 2017 early due to her having a seizure. She had someone that made her unable to walk, so she was wheelchair bound. I loved her dearly but she didn't make it and...it crushed me. I was able to cope with friends I knew online and IRL [lived in another town WAY far, so we talked online] and I drew a picture...but man, it crushed me.
Harming yourself, I get that. And when you do so, scars remain and will be apart of you till the day we die. Its hard, trying to find some hope that is constantly shrowded by the real world. And I know it sounds cheezy but hang in there and talk to those you believe genuinely cares for you. Harming yourself does not fix the problem. The solution comes from dealing the problem head on with people close to you by your side.
your're not the only one who feels that way..that there's someone else inside you capable of taking you over.
he'd come out whenever i frustrated with something and I'd have to fight him to keep from losing control in school. it might sound cheesy but I genuinely felt like Bruce Banner turning into The Hulk. It's why I listened to heavy metal so much, because the screaming mirrored his roaring within. I've gotten better now, but I can still sense him, sitting in a cage in my mind...
just remember to surround yourself with all that is good in your life, it'll let you know how much you matter to others and how they matter to you.
*offers a virtual hug*
he'd come out whenever i frustrated with something and I'd have to fight him to keep from losing control in school. it might sound cheesy but I genuinely felt like Bruce Banner turning into The Hulk. It's why I listened to heavy metal so much, because the screaming mirrored his roaring within. I've gotten better now, but I can still sense him, sitting in a cage in my mind...
just remember to surround yourself with all that is good in your life, it'll let you know how much you matter to others and how they matter to you.
*offers a virtual hug*
as someone who self harmed for a good portion of their life and is now (mostly, everyone can have their relapses, and that's ok) clean, i'm happy to hear you're doing better with them. never be ashamed of your scars. i got mine tat'd over for safety of mind and to reclaim my skin, but i also have some that just exist on me. watching them heal reminds me i'm in a better place
the future is scary, but focus on the fact you've overcome it right now and know that you do have the power to do that, and that's amazing. <3
the future is scary, but focus on the fact you've overcome it right now and know that you do have the power to do that, and that's amazing. <3
This hit pretty hard for me. I’ve never cut myself, but I have had thoughts about it. And I have a friend who cuts themselves. I was horrified when I saw those scars, and I had to talk with them. I told them that life is too important to throw away, and that people will miss them.
I’m sorry for what happened to Elly. And please understand, other people will miss you if you die too soon.
I’m sorry for what happened to Elly. And please understand, other people will miss you if you die too soon.
Trust me I've wanted to harm myself when my pop pop died from cancer November of 2019 it but me hard especially since his birthday was that month I'm just happy he had one last b-day....but I just couldn't I did not want to end my life and give up my dreams and dream career and even if I did not have those dreams and dream career of being a police officer I just would not be strong enough to do it. Greief takes the best of us at times remember were all here for you.
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