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Deth learns the hypnotizing dog he had become so enamored with may not actually be what he'd expected.
Another chapter of some rough emotions coming through.
Prologue - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823434/
Chapter 1 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823481/
Chapter 2 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40880819/
Chapter 3 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397400/
Chapter 4 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397446/
Chapter 5 - You are here
Chapter 6+ - On the Way
_____________________________________________________________
Deth wouldn’t have been able to tell you such at the time, but he was going to remember that party for the rest of his life.
Everyone seemed to have a story of the one big party, where you just had to be there to understand what the experience was actually like. If you ever found yourself in a social circle where more than a pair of people were at the same place, they’d be able to spend seemingly endless time going back and forth about the details and reminiscing about the incredible time, quietly wishing they could go back.
Though there were always going to be people in his life that would remember that party, whether it was the catastrophic way that the pair of social circles clashed, or the decisions he made that only made matters worse, Deth was glad that people didn’t bring it up anymore when their years at the university were all said and done.
“…You really invited me to a party with all these guys around?”
Zack had the social tact not to throw a fit in front of the crowd, but as his friends forced their way into the dorm and stuffed it to the gills, the first pair in the bathroom was the Doberman and the lion…and already, people were making catcalls from just beyond the door, implying what they thought Zack was trying to do.
It was in his nature to go in for the kill much earlier than he had, in the instance of Deth…but whether he felt a genuine attraction to his feline companion, or if he was just trying to turn over a new leaf, he wasn’t quite the better person he might become, nor was he breaking hearts with the pace and vigor he once had.
If Deth’s was going to be the last heart he broke, however, he’d be sure to shatter it into pieces, and their heated argument was the first crack to be revealed.
“Okay, y-you…you did not just refer to my friends that way,” Deth replied, his voice hushed.
The subtle quiet in his voice did nothing to hide the lack of peace in his tone, and the subtle growl that laced his every word.
“I know some of them are your friends, but I’m pretty sure they don’t like me, and I’m damn sure that they don’t like the people I hang out with,” Zack explained. “And you didn’t consult me about that at all when you invited me over!”
“I also didn’t think you were going to invite every single jock in the quad, dude!”
Zack cocked a brow. “First off: I didn’t. Second: I’m sorry if you guys got bullied a lot when you were in high school, but not every guy who played sports growing up is inherently a douchebag, and I’m getting really tired of being profiled as one before I even have a chance to prove otherwise!”
Sometimes, progress made itself known in smaller, smoother ways: for Deth, it was feeling the brief onset of a panic attack, but having the wherewithal to recognize it and take a slow, long breath.
He’d been quick to judge Zack, but he accepted that he might not have been clear about the nature of his invitation, and getting angry wasn’t going to solve the problem.
All told, the lion was proud of himself when he lifted his paws and exhaled. “Okay, okay; there may have been some crossed wires here, and you’re right that it’s wrong of me to stereotype, but…you did exactly the same thing in your response, and you didn’t consider my feelings at all when you invited that many people over.”
It was a much calmer response than Zack expected, and one calmer than he was capable of giving, himself.
“Of course I didn’t consider anything else,” Zack admitted. “When you gave me the invite, I didn’t figure there’d be so many other conditions!”
There was already a crack forming in Deth’s expression, but it wasn’t something that Zack showed any concern for, even when he was able to clearly see it.
Smart as the Doberman was, he knew better than to take such a quivering smile at face value, but he knew he had the lion right where he wanted him, and old, bad habits were hard to kick.
“You…y-you know what? You’re right,” Deth stumbled through his words as he tried to save his smile and his relationship with the Doberman all at once. “I’m being a little unreasonable here: I’m sure this evening is gonna be fine as long as we try to keep the noise down a little bit.”
It was a paltry excuse, and once more, Zack could tell that the lion didn’t really mean what he was saying, but as long as that fragile smile continued to force its way to his muzzle, the canine wasn’t going to argue with the results.
“Thanks, babe. I knew you’d understand if I just gave you a moment to come around.”
The warm, tender press of talented lips upon his own had stirred something in Deth, before, but this time, when their lips met, he felt as though he was just a target, being struck over and over again for the bliss of the one holding the weapon.
Like so many targets before him, he was learning to love the fact that someone was still willing to take a shot at him, instead of considering how important it was not to be a target in the first place.
**
The morning came and greeted most of Deth and Zack’s respective friends with a lack of sleep and a terrible hangover, but to the credit of the Doberman, he was rather cautious about his drinking.
Deth wasn’t too concerned with imbibing that night, and when he stirred awake in the grip of the musclebound canine, feeling something firm pressing against his lower back, he felt a recollection of what had occurred the night before washing over him, as though he’d been pushed into the icy rush of a waterfall, fed purely by the chilling memories.
They should have been delightful chills: he could remember moments that flashed with passion in the back of his mind, but the clarity of sunlight upon his face gave him a moment to be honest with himself…
…The act was mechanical, at best, and though it was hard for him to decide in the aftermath, Deth wasn’t sure if he’d call what he did consenting...troubling as that should have been, he thought he felt a happiness at the arm that was curled around his side in the morning, and the layer of ice that had formed over his heart thawed just slightly when a sleepy, eager smile greeted him, pressing into his cheek.
“Hell of a party last night, wasn’t it?” Zack asked, looking as dreamy as he ever had: he wore every outfit with a handsome style, and even sleep-matted fur and half-lidded eyes looked good on him. “Told you things were gonna be just fine…”
Deth had yet to hear the complaints from his friends about the way they were treated as the night carried on.
Rude comments, drinking games that came with greater volumes even when people protested their drinks, and a complete and total drowning out of the sound of their favorite video games were just the tip of the frustrated iceberg, but right then, Deth was allowing himself to be taken in by the milk chocolate stare of the man spooning him.
“Were…t-they…y-yeah,” Deth stumbled about his words as if he was drunk, but it was just a lack of sleep that left him dangerously close to saying something he worried he might regret. “They were fine, weren’t they?”
“Probably a little better than that,” Zack answered with a brief wink. “And as much as it pains me to say it, I’ve gotta get outta here.”
“…What?”
“Got an appointment across town today,” Zack explained, as he stood up, only taking time to pull up his boxers and cover his shame when the sheets fell away from him. “And I’m probably already late for it, so I’d bet-
“You were supposed to help me clean this up, dude,” Deth groaned. “And your friends never help, and they never leave…not until the food is all gone, at least.”
“They won’t do it this time,” Zack hurriedly yanked his jeans back on and tugged his shirt over his head, hurried in every one of his motions. “I talked to them about it the last time we left, and they’re totally gonna help you clean the place up and be on their way. Seriously.”
Even if he wasn’t sure what connection he felt from snuggling up to the canine, right then, Deth thought he was enjoying the sensation of having a body so close to his own…he wasn’t ready to give that up, but Zack was able to leave so casually that it brought the entire act into question, and right then, the lion was afraid to ask just how important that time really was to his boyfriend.
When he couldn’t even call Zack his boyfriend in public yet, he knew he should have been asking those kinds of questions all along, but he wasn’t quite ready to stand up for himself just yet, if it meant sitting down alone in his bed for the rest of the week.
“Promise?”
His question was simple enough to answer, but Zack’s hasty “Yeah!” wasn’t quite what he wanted to hear in response.
He wanted a slow, tender kiss on the forehead, and a whispered “Promise,” with feeling in the word to back up the gesture.
What he received instead was the start of a terrible pattern of no peck on the cheek when Zack left in the morning, and no form of change whatsoever…but a good support network wasn’t going to sit by idly and let him be dragged down by that kind of behavior.
They knew better than to expect change and improvement overnight, but the most profound moment of that party was the door slamming after Zack carefully tiptoed his way through a host of bodies, leaving everyone to look back at the half-naked lion on the bed with a knowing gaze: some were grinning, others were appalled, but those closest to him could only gaze upon him with worry.
None of them knew it right then, but that party was the one that set off the worst kind of pattern in Deth’s life.
**
If you were to ask Deth to tell you about the highlights of his freshman year at college, he would have told you that the aforementioned party probably was the biggest get together they’d ever done, and it set a standard that was the stuff of legends around the campus for years to come.
In that regard, he would have called the party a success, and naturally, almost everyone wanted to repeat that feat on a weekly basis, but with his name on the door, Deth made it clear from the beginning that such large celebrations needed to be limited in their frequency; that was the last huge get-together of their freshman year, and in that time, the boys felt a bit like they were back in high school again.
The transition from a freshman to a sophomore wasn’t that big of a deal, but what lost the spark even more than that was the change from sophomore to junior year.
In high school, Deth and company remembered feeling as if they were leveling up in a video game when they became upperclassmen, but in college, there was a loss of punch to the act: there weren’t as many new experiences to be had, nor the excitement that came with the freedom of being able to have lunch at home.
Getting older was diluting a lot of the experience, but in the midst of it, Deth was the one who felt like he was being strained as he waded through the rivers of uncertainty.
Changing majors, making new friends, staying up late constantly and fighting a difficult diet; these things were all parts of the whole, but the constant that remained was Zack.
“Dude, are you fucking kidding me?”
Of all the things in his life that needed to change, his friends were ever present to remind him of that one, but in the ocean of change that was life away at the university, Deth needed an island of consistency to return to.
The Doberman was already there, waiting for him, and consistency was his nature: that he was consistently problematic for the lion was a price he was willing to pay…
…How much longer he could afford to pay it was becoming the next big question to be answered.
“What did I do this time…?” Deth asked, his voice so dull that there was hardly the inflection of a question to his response. “Something out of stock that you should have bought yourself in the first place?”
“Your loser friends keep stealing my Poweraids, and I need those after a workout…why don’t any of them treat me with any respect?”
It would have been easy for Deth to use that as the jumping point: to finally tell Zack off and let him know that it was his own toxic personality that was the problem.
Truth be told, Deth hadn’t restocked the drinks, but as far into his own hole as he was, even the lion didn’t know for sure if he was being forgetful, or passively spiteful to his longtime boyfriend.
“I don’t know, babe,” Deth answered, his voice remaining entirely dry at the idea. “Have you tried asking them?”
“They only talk to me when we’re having a party…which, speaking of, we’re still on for the one tonight, right?”
The one benefit to being an upperclassman was that Deth didn’t have to live within the rules or confines of the dorm anymore: he had his own bedroom, the same as his friends, but the shared kitchen was always a source of conflict, with Zack coming in and acting like he owned the place.
He didn’t even pay rent, and when everyone else did, that made his accusations that much more insulting…and though it was a fair thing to be asked, Deth was getting tired of fielding questions about if Zack was ever going to move in and pay his fair share.
“Yeah, we…w-we’re still having a party tonight,” Deth groaned as he leaned over his desk, burying his face further into the pages of his workbook. “Totally fucking forgot, but we sure are having a party, aren’t we?”
The scent of bodily warmth and plentiful musk distracted him that much further as Zack came to stand right behind him, resting his paws on the shoulders of the exhausted lion.
“We are,” Zack reiterated. “And I know we talked about having a little party of our own…you know…the real action, before we have guests to entertain?”
Deth hated making promises that he couldn’t keep: he was very deliberate in not using that word when he offered something, just in case plans changed or a situation didn’t work out.
In this instance, he was staring down exactly such a problem, exhausted from a week of part time work and full-time classes…but he knew that Zack wouldn’t take that for an answer.
“While I’m thrilled that you remember the offer,” Deth paused, trying to smile, “I’ve barely got energy to entertain the other guests later on…much less provide an extra party for you beforehand. I’m really sorry, dear, but…can it at least wait until the end of the night?”
Their sex life was such that Deth never had to worry about whether he was putting out enough to keep Zack satisfied, but the more he thought about it, there were plenty of times in the past two years when a series of “no’s” was ended by a flimsy “yes,” usually with some kind of condition or bribe that left him feeling a little scuzzy in the aftermath.
After almost three years of putting up with that cycle, Deth was trying to stand his ground, even if it was just this once.
“I’m about to get completely ripped, dude…do you really want to do it then?” Zack asked, snickering at the idea. “Like, I’m not worried about whiskey dick or anything, but it feels like you’ve been turning me down a lot lately. Is something the matter?”
It wasn’t the fact that Zack was showing a hint of sympathy and concern that stuck out to Deth, so much.
It was that, as he heard those words and thought them over, he couldn’t recall another time in almost three years of dating that Zack had ever asked him such a thing…and if this was really how long it took for the Doberman to develop any sense of empathy, he wasn’t sure he was ready and willing for Zack to make further progress.
He couldn’t trust a word of it, and he felt his chest getting a little tight as the canine stepped in closer, making his intentions obvious with the weight of his body against the back of Deth’s neck.
“You just…you don’t seem to appreciate everything that I’m sacrificing for you,” Deth tried to explain, but his words were intentionally vague, as if he needed to grab onto a trope response to make sure he’d get his point across. “I’m exhausted, Zack. I don’t know if I have the energy; I’m definitely not in the mood, and I’ve still gotta make sure things are stocked for this evening.”
“Just a quickie, then?”
“I barely get anything out of sex with you now,” Deth confessed. The lion didn’t realize what a large gash the request left on him, but now that the wound was bleeding, he was struggling to cauterize the internal flood. “Rushing through a quickie just for you doesn’t really do anything for me.”
The importance of self-worth in a relationship and establishing it early on was something Deth had never learned, and that far along was a scary time to come to that realization.
Societal pressure was going to keep him from cancelling the party, but right at that moment, he simply couldn’t be asked to be intimate, in any sense of the word.
“…Fine, fine. Suit yourself,” Zack muttered. Sadly, that was the Doberman’s own form of progress, as he dropped the subject instead of pushing the envelope until it nearly broke the mailbox. “Hopefully I’ll be in the mood later on when you decide you are.”
That wasn’t how it worked: that wasn’t how anything worked in Deth’s life, and just thinking about that was enough for old scars to fester with an unsettling truth…
…Whatever had gone wrong in high school with Aurora still wasn’t fixed, and by then, he wondered if it ever would be.
**
Deth didn’t need another shower before the party, but he took one anyway, as if there was a film of disappointment that he needed to wash away with the warmth and suds of a moment of privacy.
He was determined not to let his weekend be ruined by what he thought was just a small tiff, but he’d come to underestimate Zack one too many times already…in this instance, he was keeping mostly away from the Doberman as people started flooding the common area of the student apartment, just off the central reaches of the campus.
“Cheers to another hard week down,” Red tapped his bottle with his friend as he emerged from his bedroom. He was pregaming the event, and a couple drinks put him in a fantastic mood already…but his smile faltered when he saw his fellow lion doing a thousand-yard stare. “…Another fight with the boy, I assume?”
“Less a fight, more a…I don’t know what that was, really,” Deth confessed. “But I think I’m glad it happened.”
Nimbus wasn’t intending to eavesdrop, so when he came up from the other side with Flair in tow, he gave Deth a gentle nudge on the shoulder. “If you need to talk about it, you know we’re here for you, dude. If not…that’s fine too.”
It was a profound moment for the lion to be standing in the middle of an apartment that they all split the cost of, in a living room surrounded by people that they barely knew: they’d stuck by each other, more or less through thick and thin, and in that moment, Deth wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle the gravity of his recent realization without them around.
Sipping his beer and letting out a longer sigh, he gave a nod to each side. “Let’s just make the most of the night, hm? Goodness only knows we’re gonna turn around one day and wish we’d done that more often.
By the time they were out of college, they’d all agree that they made the most of their time, but there was no such thing as a drama-free experience when it came to navigating the treacherous waters of young adulthood…and the early 20’s were little more than crags beyond the shore.
“Don’t look now, but…your boy toy is giving you eyes from across the room,” Red teased, nudging Deth in that direction; he was caught off guard by the firm stance of the lion. “Don’t you wanna…you know…go talk to him?”
“Not really.”
It was a level of defiance that was meant to help Deth feel stronger: to feel assured in himself, but once more, the pressure of keeping up appearances was forcing him to struggle. Cracks had been forming in his smile for the better part of three years, and the fact that he was still able to hide them with such a brave face was a testament to just how well he’d been managing his stresses.
To keep it all inside for so long, however, was creating a powder keg, with his own patience burning away as fast as the fuse.
“Huh. Okay!” Red shrugged it off, knowing in an instant that this was a scab that he shouldn’t be picking at. “Shots, then?”
Nimbus and Flair nodded eagerly at the idea.
“Come on into the kitchen whenever you’re ready for yours,” Red gave Deth one more pat on the shoulder; it wasn’t his intention to leave the lion alone in the party, but unspoken rules of social interaction created an even more awkward situation.
Deth wouldn’t want his friends to delay their good time for him, meaning that the brave face put up an even greater front of strength…and at that, one that he didn’t really have, at the time.
The greatest test of that strength was still to come: as Deth surveyed the party and saw more guests flooding in, he tried to zone in on the friendlier looking faces that came through the door, or those he could recognize from any place on the campus.
If he didn’t have to talk to Zack, he wasn’t going to, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole party without such an occurrence.
He wouldn’t have kicked himself for that.
If he’d known then what he knew after the fact, however, he would have kicked himself for ignoring the obvious weight of feline eyes as they followed him around the apartment: a handsome jaguar was always at a distance, keeping Deth in his sights, but refusing to make any sort of move, even when a host of opportunities presented themselves.
Whether it was when the pizzas arrived, when the gang was in the kitchen pouring out shots for whoever wanted one, or even in the line to use the bathroom at the far end of the party, Deth never seemed to notice his admirer, even when the jaguar was mere feet away from him.
The presence of a Doberman was occupying his thoughts, instead, reaching such a point that by the end of the night, no one was sure if Deth was passed out on the couch, or slumped under the weight of his own thoughts.
By then, everyone was too drunk to do anything about it, regardless.
**
“No.”
“Seriously? Again?!”
“You couldn’t even come through for me last night when I felt like I was drowning…and then the only reason you talked to me at all was to try and get laid when everyone was passed out…and you didn’t even bother trying to get me back into my room!”
“Well, like you said, they were all passed o-
“I’m not fucking you, Zack.”
Despite the obvious excitement of the canine poking Deth in the middle of his back, the lion remained defiant in his slumped, exhausted posture.
“Look, I’m trying to be cool and understanding here, but you’ve been saying ‘no’ so much lately that I’m starting to feel really unattractive, dude.”
“How positively awful for you to feel ugly for a day…”
Deth would have rolled back over and tried to capture even an hour or two of restless sleep, but the obvious and forced huff from behind would have kept him awake, even if Zack wasn’t shifting around in the bed.
“Just because you don’t give a shit about your appearance doesn’t mean we can all get away with looking like a slouch everywhere we go,” Zack shot back, rolling with the punch so easily that Deth could have pried about where he took such heavy expectations from.
As hurtful as the canine’s words were, however, there was no sympathy left in Deth, and the final, massive cracks in his façade were falling away from his face in the form of long, heavy tears.
He’d known this moment was years in the making, but that didn’t make it any less painful to know that the first time he truly stood up for himself and pushed Zack aside, he was going to be pushing the Doberman completely out of his life.
“I…I g-get it, dude. You’re plastic,” Deth muttered. “You need to look like an alpha male, like y-you’re fucking untouchable, while getting to have your little playthings…but I’m not just a plaything, Zack!”
“I’ve never tr-
“Shut up! I’m so tired of you talking over me…s-so tired of you acting like your needs are the only ones that matter…so fucking tired of you degrading me in front of your friends and pretending that we’re not a couple just to save face!”
“I was gonna tell them the truth after we’d graduated! You don’t…y-you’ve got no idea how much pressure there is on me to be a certain person and look a certain way!”
“Where does that even come from? Why does that appearance matter more to you than my literal feelings?!”
Zack hailed from a rich family, and if he didn’t behave and act a certain way, there was a chance that he’d miss out on more in life than a college education.
If he’d ever mentioned that to Deth, even once, the lion might have had a little more sympathy for his situation in life…but the Doberman chose instead to treat his boyfriend as an emotional punching bag.
For just a moment, Deth thought about giving Zack that chance to open up: to confess to whatever past issues made him the person he was then, but in the very same moment, the lion felt a chill within him that easily pierced the warmth of the canine against his back, and the blanket wrapped around his front.
It was such a jolt that he jumped out of bed and shivered in place, worried that he might pass out if he allowed himself to sit back down.
“Dude, what the fuck is the matter with you?”
Zack sat upright in the bed, but before he could lift the blanket from his naked body, Deth threw his jeans at him.
“Please leave.”
“Great…just great. Guess I’ll get in the shower and take care of this myself,” he groaned, but he wasn’t able to guilt Deth as easily as he had in the past. “I’ll see you when I get out.”
“No, you won’t. Leave.”
If Zack wasn’t so shocked by the fact that the lion was standing up to him, he might have been impressed.
“And come back, when?”
“Don’t come back.”
“Are you seriously trying to break up with me right now?” the canine asked, dragging out the experience far longer than Deth could ever be comfortable with. “What the hell is your problem?”
“I’m not doing this anymore, Zack. Get out.”
His voice was monotone; to give his words emotion felt impossible anymore, but there was more than enough rage in the response of the Doberman.
Standing up from the edge of the bed and gritting his fangs, Zack gave off more emotional energy than he had at any point in the three years of their forced romance. “I am not fucking leaving until you give me an explanation. Who the fuck do you even think you are, standing me up like this?!”
“I’m a…a living thing,” Deth stammered his way through a weak explanation, having lost the capacity to handle his boyfriend’s fury. “And you treat me like an object. You think I exist just to be whatever you need me to be.”
His voice was so hollow and emotionless that even Zack was put off by the lack of tone.
“That doesn’t even…y-you’re not making any sense!” Zack snarled, but even as spittle rained from his lips and stained Deth’s ear, the lion didn’t budge. “What kind of fucked up, basket case, prude, pain in the ass kind of loser are you?”
He could hurl insults all day if he wanted to: Deth wasn’t changing his mind, and all the way out the door, Zack was cursing up a storm…but the words were distant and faded.
Deth didn’t know what was being said.
He didn’t even notice his friends coming out of their rooms and ushering Zack out the door of the apartment as his rage stirred their other guests awake.
Crumpled to the floor, draped in a blanket of fabric and another of his own slow, leaking tears, the lion tried to sob, but he could scarcely breathe.
The last piece of the mask had fallen away, and with it removed, he held his own paws to his face, feeling as though he didn’t recognize his fingertips anymore; even the back of his hand, despite how the old saying went, was an unfamiliar sight.
He didn’t know how long he’d been sobbing into it when his friends finally rushed into the room to check on him, but they’d come a moment too late to stop the inevitable.
**
Why did I even come here?
What was the point?
Did I really think I would find myself here?
What am
I even
Doing
Help
Hearing one’s own thoughts was a surreal experience: though everyone claimed to have a voice in the back of their head, it was rare that the voice felt unfamiliar and discordant.
For Deth, it was the amplification of a voice that he thought he’d done away with, but trying to rush through the healing process was a foolhardy move.
It was one nigh impossible to avoid, however, when you weren’t sure that you were hurting, and harder still when you thought you were better from whatever had gone wrong.
Don’t breathe
Don’t think
Thinking hurts
It all just
Hurts
So
Much
There was no literal, physical pain running through his body, but it felt as though someone placed a weight at the ending of every nerve, forcing his mortal coil into a state of constant exhaustion and near paralysis.
Just getting out of bed took hours, and classes took twice as long to reach: there was no pep in his step, and even those steps that he could take, he was nearly being dragged around.
Some part of him knew that his friends were looking out for him, if only for the fact that he hadn’t failed out of the university yet.
He couldn’t recall doing his classwork, but he was still doing just enough to get by.
He didn’t remember eating most days, but there was still a tiny, pooch belly forming at the base of his stomach from the sheer lack of activity.
His room would have looked and smelled awful if not for the extra help, but the depression was as deep as it was powerful: he never washed his sheets, rarely changed his clothes, and only showered when there was a party to be had that weekend…but he almost never came out of his room.
At most, he would grab a beer and take it back into his bedroom with it, seeing if he could manage to drink it before his tears would get in the way of slurping down the ambrosia of college drinks.
How many more days
Or weeks
Years
Maybe
I’m not sure
Graduation?
Party?
Conversations were happening all around him, but he couldn’t retain anything that was said. Even when he was addressed, he stared straight ahead with dull, lifeless eyes.
It was such that his inner circle was quietly glad that he wasn’t going out on his own. It was a dark implication and they knew it, but they weren’t sure that they could trust him to be left alone until something in his demeanor changed.
As helpful as it had been to him to arrive at the college in the first place, the presence of one canine had tainted the entire campus for him to such an extent that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to return.
He had to finish; that was just what society expected of him, it seemed.
His friends wanted him to get help.
His parents were looking forward to doing just that for him when he finally arrived back home, and move-out week of their junior year was in full swing before Deth had any idea that the semester was over.
He had the option of staying in the apartment over the summer, and Flair and Nimbus were doing exactly that so they’d be able to finish their college years in the apartment together, but Deth and Red were packing out their things to head home for some rest and relaxation before the rigors of their senior shift.
What had been an exhausting month for the group of friends, taking turns keeping an eye on Deth and making sure he was still getting to class was coming to a slow end, as Red was doing more of the work with Deth’s own things than he was…but they had a little extra help on site to move things along.
“You guys have already been out for a whole week? Lucky,” Red murmured. “I would have gladly given up a week of needless study to be home already.”
“Just an exhausting time?” his cousin asked, as they set another pair of cardboard boxes near the front door. “Last time I was out here, it seemed like you guys were at the best party school in the state!”
“Things…things happened,” Red mumbled, not wanting to concern Deth with the nature of the conversation.
What’s the matter, you little bitch? Honestly can’t find the gusto to make me feel better first thing in the morning? What good are you?
The voice was only in the back of Deth’s mind, but as he sat in the corner of the kitchen and held his head, he heard footsteps approaching: he shivered in place, worrying that the Doberman might have somehow returned.
He couldn’t curl into himself any tighter, but one eye peered through the cross of his arms and saw a person that he couldn’t quite place a name to.
Like the bud of a flower that he’d seen on a daily walk, the petals were finally in bloom…but the same as that rare flower, Deth didn’t know the name of it anymore than he did the jaguar that was leaning over him.
“Let us carry that one for you, Deth. It looks a little heavy.”
Another chapter of some rough emotions coming through.
Prologue - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823434/
Chapter 1 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823481/
Chapter 2 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/40880819/
Chapter 3 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397400/
Chapter 4 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397446/
Chapter 5 - You are here
Chapter 6+ - On the Way
_____________________________________________________________
Deth wouldn’t have been able to tell you such at the time, but he was going to remember that party for the rest of his life.
Everyone seemed to have a story of the one big party, where you just had to be there to understand what the experience was actually like. If you ever found yourself in a social circle where more than a pair of people were at the same place, they’d be able to spend seemingly endless time going back and forth about the details and reminiscing about the incredible time, quietly wishing they could go back.
Though there were always going to be people in his life that would remember that party, whether it was the catastrophic way that the pair of social circles clashed, or the decisions he made that only made matters worse, Deth was glad that people didn’t bring it up anymore when their years at the university were all said and done.
“…You really invited me to a party with all these guys around?”
Zack had the social tact not to throw a fit in front of the crowd, but as his friends forced their way into the dorm and stuffed it to the gills, the first pair in the bathroom was the Doberman and the lion…and already, people were making catcalls from just beyond the door, implying what they thought Zack was trying to do.
It was in his nature to go in for the kill much earlier than he had, in the instance of Deth…but whether he felt a genuine attraction to his feline companion, or if he was just trying to turn over a new leaf, he wasn’t quite the better person he might become, nor was he breaking hearts with the pace and vigor he once had.
If Deth’s was going to be the last heart he broke, however, he’d be sure to shatter it into pieces, and their heated argument was the first crack to be revealed.
“Okay, y-you…you did not just refer to my friends that way,” Deth replied, his voice hushed.
The subtle quiet in his voice did nothing to hide the lack of peace in his tone, and the subtle growl that laced his every word.
“I know some of them are your friends, but I’m pretty sure they don’t like me, and I’m damn sure that they don’t like the people I hang out with,” Zack explained. “And you didn’t consult me about that at all when you invited me over!”
“I also didn’t think you were going to invite every single jock in the quad, dude!”
Zack cocked a brow. “First off: I didn’t. Second: I’m sorry if you guys got bullied a lot when you were in high school, but not every guy who played sports growing up is inherently a douchebag, and I’m getting really tired of being profiled as one before I even have a chance to prove otherwise!”
Sometimes, progress made itself known in smaller, smoother ways: for Deth, it was feeling the brief onset of a panic attack, but having the wherewithal to recognize it and take a slow, long breath.
He’d been quick to judge Zack, but he accepted that he might not have been clear about the nature of his invitation, and getting angry wasn’t going to solve the problem.
All told, the lion was proud of himself when he lifted his paws and exhaled. “Okay, okay; there may have been some crossed wires here, and you’re right that it’s wrong of me to stereotype, but…you did exactly the same thing in your response, and you didn’t consider my feelings at all when you invited that many people over.”
It was a much calmer response than Zack expected, and one calmer than he was capable of giving, himself.
“Of course I didn’t consider anything else,” Zack admitted. “When you gave me the invite, I didn’t figure there’d be so many other conditions!”
There was already a crack forming in Deth’s expression, but it wasn’t something that Zack showed any concern for, even when he was able to clearly see it.
Smart as the Doberman was, he knew better than to take such a quivering smile at face value, but he knew he had the lion right where he wanted him, and old, bad habits were hard to kick.
“You…y-you know what? You’re right,” Deth stumbled through his words as he tried to save his smile and his relationship with the Doberman all at once. “I’m being a little unreasonable here: I’m sure this evening is gonna be fine as long as we try to keep the noise down a little bit.”
It was a paltry excuse, and once more, Zack could tell that the lion didn’t really mean what he was saying, but as long as that fragile smile continued to force its way to his muzzle, the canine wasn’t going to argue with the results.
“Thanks, babe. I knew you’d understand if I just gave you a moment to come around.”
The warm, tender press of talented lips upon his own had stirred something in Deth, before, but this time, when their lips met, he felt as though he was just a target, being struck over and over again for the bliss of the one holding the weapon.
Like so many targets before him, he was learning to love the fact that someone was still willing to take a shot at him, instead of considering how important it was not to be a target in the first place.
**
The morning came and greeted most of Deth and Zack’s respective friends with a lack of sleep and a terrible hangover, but to the credit of the Doberman, he was rather cautious about his drinking.
Deth wasn’t too concerned with imbibing that night, and when he stirred awake in the grip of the musclebound canine, feeling something firm pressing against his lower back, he felt a recollection of what had occurred the night before washing over him, as though he’d been pushed into the icy rush of a waterfall, fed purely by the chilling memories.
They should have been delightful chills: he could remember moments that flashed with passion in the back of his mind, but the clarity of sunlight upon his face gave him a moment to be honest with himself…
…The act was mechanical, at best, and though it was hard for him to decide in the aftermath, Deth wasn’t sure if he’d call what he did consenting...troubling as that should have been, he thought he felt a happiness at the arm that was curled around his side in the morning, and the layer of ice that had formed over his heart thawed just slightly when a sleepy, eager smile greeted him, pressing into his cheek.
“Hell of a party last night, wasn’t it?” Zack asked, looking as dreamy as he ever had: he wore every outfit with a handsome style, and even sleep-matted fur and half-lidded eyes looked good on him. “Told you things were gonna be just fine…”
Deth had yet to hear the complaints from his friends about the way they were treated as the night carried on.
Rude comments, drinking games that came with greater volumes even when people protested their drinks, and a complete and total drowning out of the sound of their favorite video games were just the tip of the frustrated iceberg, but right then, Deth was allowing himself to be taken in by the milk chocolate stare of the man spooning him.
“Were…t-they…y-yeah,” Deth stumbled about his words as if he was drunk, but it was just a lack of sleep that left him dangerously close to saying something he worried he might regret. “They were fine, weren’t they?”
“Probably a little better than that,” Zack answered with a brief wink. “And as much as it pains me to say it, I’ve gotta get outta here.”
“…What?”
“Got an appointment across town today,” Zack explained, as he stood up, only taking time to pull up his boxers and cover his shame when the sheets fell away from him. “And I’m probably already late for it, so I’d bet-
“You were supposed to help me clean this up, dude,” Deth groaned. “And your friends never help, and they never leave…not until the food is all gone, at least.”
“They won’t do it this time,” Zack hurriedly yanked his jeans back on and tugged his shirt over his head, hurried in every one of his motions. “I talked to them about it the last time we left, and they’re totally gonna help you clean the place up and be on their way. Seriously.”
Even if he wasn’t sure what connection he felt from snuggling up to the canine, right then, Deth thought he was enjoying the sensation of having a body so close to his own…he wasn’t ready to give that up, but Zack was able to leave so casually that it brought the entire act into question, and right then, the lion was afraid to ask just how important that time really was to his boyfriend.
When he couldn’t even call Zack his boyfriend in public yet, he knew he should have been asking those kinds of questions all along, but he wasn’t quite ready to stand up for himself just yet, if it meant sitting down alone in his bed for the rest of the week.
“Promise?”
His question was simple enough to answer, but Zack’s hasty “Yeah!” wasn’t quite what he wanted to hear in response.
He wanted a slow, tender kiss on the forehead, and a whispered “Promise,” with feeling in the word to back up the gesture.
What he received instead was the start of a terrible pattern of no peck on the cheek when Zack left in the morning, and no form of change whatsoever…but a good support network wasn’t going to sit by idly and let him be dragged down by that kind of behavior.
They knew better than to expect change and improvement overnight, but the most profound moment of that party was the door slamming after Zack carefully tiptoed his way through a host of bodies, leaving everyone to look back at the half-naked lion on the bed with a knowing gaze: some were grinning, others were appalled, but those closest to him could only gaze upon him with worry.
None of them knew it right then, but that party was the one that set off the worst kind of pattern in Deth’s life.
**
If you were to ask Deth to tell you about the highlights of his freshman year at college, he would have told you that the aforementioned party probably was the biggest get together they’d ever done, and it set a standard that was the stuff of legends around the campus for years to come.
In that regard, he would have called the party a success, and naturally, almost everyone wanted to repeat that feat on a weekly basis, but with his name on the door, Deth made it clear from the beginning that such large celebrations needed to be limited in their frequency; that was the last huge get-together of their freshman year, and in that time, the boys felt a bit like they were back in high school again.
The transition from a freshman to a sophomore wasn’t that big of a deal, but what lost the spark even more than that was the change from sophomore to junior year.
In high school, Deth and company remembered feeling as if they were leveling up in a video game when they became upperclassmen, but in college, there was a loss of punch to the act: there weren’t as many new experiences to be had, nor the excitement that came with the freedom of being able to have lunch at home.
Getting older was diluting a lot of the experience, but in the midst of it, Deth was the one who felt like he was being strained as he waded through the rivers of uncertainty.
Changing majors, making new friends, staying up late constantly and fighting a difficult diet; these things were all parts of the whole, but the constant that remained was Zack.
“Dude, are you fucking kidding me?”
Of all the things in his life that needed to change, his friends were ever present to remind him of that one, but in the ocean of change that was life away at the university, Deth needed an island of consistency to return to.
The Doberman was already there, waiting for him, and consistency was his nature: that he was consistently problematic for the lion was a price he was willing to pay…
…How much longer he could afford to pay it was becoming the next big question to be answered.
“What did I do this time…?” Deth asked, his voice so dull that there was hardly the inflection of a question to his response. “Something out of stock that you should have bought yourself in the first place?”
“Your loser friends keep stealing my Poweraids, and I need those after a workout…why don’t any of them treat me with any respect?”
It would have been easy for Deth to use that as the jumping point: to finally tell Zack off and let him know that it was his own toxic personality that was the problem.
Truth be told, Deth hadn’t restocked the drinks, but as far into his own hole as he was, even the lion didn’t know for sure if he was being forgetful, or passively spiteful to his longtime boyfriend.
“I don’t know, babe,” Deth answered, his voice remaining entirely dry at the idea. “Have you tried asking them?”
“They only talk to me when we’re having a party…which, speaking of, we’re still on for the one tonight, right?”
The one benefit to being an upperclassman was that Deth didn’t have to live within the rules or confines of the dorm anymore: he had his own bedroom, the same as his friends, but the shared kitchen was always a source of conflict, with Zack coming in and acting like he owned the place.
He didn’t even pay rent, and when everyone else did, that made his accusations that much more insulting…and though it was a fair thing to be asked, Deth was getting tired of fielding questions about if Zack was ever going to move in and pay his fair share.
“Yeah, we…w-we’re still having a party tonight,” Deth groaned as he leaned over his desk, burying his face further into the pages of his workbook. “Totally fucking forgot, but we sure are having a party, aren’t we?”
The scent of bodily warmth and plentiful musk distracted him that much further as Zack came to stand right behind him, resting his paws on the shoulders of the exhausted lion.
“We are,” Zack reiterated. “And I know we talked about having a little party of our own…you know…the real action, before we have guests to entertain?”
Deth hated making promises that he couldn’t keep: he was very deliberate in not using that word when he offered something, just in case plans changed or a situation didn’t work out.
In this instance, he was staring down exactly such a problem, exhausted from a week of part time work and full-time classes…but he knew that Zack wouldn’t take that for an answer.
“While I’m thrilled that you remember the offer,” Deth paused, trying to smile, “I’ve barely got energy to entertain the other guests later on…much less provide an extra party for you beforehand. I’m really sorry, dear, but…can it at least wait until the end of the night?”
Their sex life was such that Deth never had to worry about whether he was putting out enough to keep Zack satisfied, but the more he thought about it, there were plenty of times in the past two years when a series of “no’s” was ended by a flimsy “yes,” usually with some kind of condition or bribe that left him feeling a little scuzzy in the aftermath.
After almost three years of putting up with that cycle, Deth was trying to stand his ground, even if it was just this once.
“I’m about to get completely ripped, dude…do you really want to do it then?” Zack asked, snickering at the idea. “Like, I’m not worried about whiskey dick or anything, but it feels like you’ve been turning me down a lot lately. Is something the matter?”
It wasn’t the fact that Zack was showing a hint of sympathy and concern that stuck out to Deth, so much.
It was that, as he heard those words and thought them over, he couldn’t recall another time in almost three years of dating that Zack had ever asked him such a thing…and if this was really how long it took for the Doberman to develop any sense of empathy, he wasn’t sure he was ready and willing for Zack to make further progress.
He couldn’t trust a word of it, and he felt his chest getting a little tight as the canine stepped in closer, making his intentions obvious with the weight of his body against the back of Deth’s neck.
“You just…you don’t seem to appreciate everything that I’m sacrificing for you,” Deth tried to explain, but his words were intentionally vague, as if he needed to grab onto a trope response to make sure he’d get his point across. “I’m exhausted, Zack. I don’t know if I have the energy; I’m definitely not in the mood, and I’ve still gotta make sure things are stocked for this evening.”
“Just a quickie, then?”
“I barely get anything out of sex with you now,” Deth confessed. The lion didn’t realize what a large gash the request left on him, but now that the wound was bleeding, he was struggling to cauterize the internal flood. “Rushing through a quickie just for you doesn’t really do anything for me.”
The importance of self-worth in a relationship and establishing it early on was something Deth had never learned, and that far along was a scary time to come to that realization.
Societal pressure was going to keep him from cancelling the party, but right at that moment, he simply couldn’t be asked to be intimate, in any sense of the word.
“…Fine, fine. Suit yourself,” Zack muttered. Sadly, that was the Doberman’s own form of progress, as he dropped the subject instead of pushing the envelope until it nearly broke the mailbox. “Hopefully I’ll be in the mood later on when you decide you are.”
That wasn’t how it worked: that wasn’t how anything worked in Deth’s life, and just thinking about that was enough for old scars to fester with an unsettling truth…
…Whatever had gone wrong in high school with Aurora still wasn’t fixed, and by then, he wondered if it ever would be.
**
Deth didn’t need another shower before the party, but he took one anyway, as if there was a film of disappointment that he needed to wash away with the warmth and suds of a moment of privacy.
He was determined not to let his weekend be ruined by what he thought was just a small tiff, but he’d come to underestimate Zack one too many times already…in this instance, he was keeping mostly away from the Doberman as people started flooding the common area of the student apartment, just off the central reaches of the campus.
“Cheers to another hard week down,” Red tapped his bottle with his friend as he emerged from his bedroom. He was pregaming the event, and a couple drinks put him in a fantastic mood already…but his smile faltered when he saw his fellow lion doing a thousand-yard stare. “…Another fight with the boy, I assume?”
“Less a fight, more a…I don’t know what that was, really,” Deth confessed. “But I think I’m glad it happened.”
Nimbus wasn’t intending to eavesdrop, so when he came up from the other side with Flair in tow, he gave Deth a gentle nudge on the shoulder. “If you need to talk about it, you know we’re here for you, dude. If not…that’s fine too.”
It was a profound moment for the lion to be standing in the middle of an apartment that they all split the cost of, in a living room surrounded by people that they barely knew: they’d stuck by each other, more or less through thick and thin, and in that moment, Deth wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle the gravity of his recent realization without them around.
Sipping his beer and letting out a longer sigh, he gave a nod to each side. “Let’s just make the most of the night, hm? Goodness only knows we’re gonna turn around one day and wish we’d done that more often.
By the time they were out of college, they’d all agree that they made the most of their time, but there was no such thing as a drama-free experience when it came to navigating the treacherous waters of young adulthood…and the early 20’s were little more than crags beyond the shore.
“Don’t look now, but…your boy toy is giving you eyes from across the room,” Red teased, nudging Deth in that direction; he was caught off guard by the firm stance of the lion. “Don’t you wanna…you know…go talk to him?”
“Not really.”
It was a level of defiance that was meant to help Deth feel stronger: to feel assured in himself, but once more, the pressure of keeping up appearances was forcing him to struggle. Cracks had been forming in his smile for the better part of three years, and the fact that he was still able to hide them with such a brave face was a testament to just how well he’d been managing his stresses.
To keep it all inside for so long, however, was creating a powder keg, with his own patience burning away as fast as the fuse.
“Huh. Okay!” Red shrugged it off, knowing in an instant that this was a scab that he shouldn’t be picking at. “Shots, then?”
Nimbus and Flair nodded eagerly at the idea.
“Come on into the kitchen whenever you’re ready for yours,” Red gave Deth one more pat on the shoulder; it wasn’t his intention to leave the lion alone in the party, but unspoken rules of social interaction created an even more awkward situation.
Deth wouldn’t want his friends to delay their good time for him, meaning that the brave face put up an even greater front of strength…and at that, one that he didn’t really have, at the time.
The greatest test of that strength was still to come: as Deth surveyed the party and saw more guests flooding in, he tried to zone in on the friendlier looking faces that came through the door, or those he could recognize from any place on the campus.
If he didn’t have to talk to Zack, he wasn’t going to, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through the whole party without such an occurrence.
He wouldn’t have kicked himself for that.
If he’d known then what he knew after the fact, however, he would have kicked himself for ignoring the obvious weight of feline eyes as they followed him around the apartment: a handsome jaguar was always at a distance, keeping Deth in his sights, but refusing to make any sort of move, even when a host of opportunities presented themselves.
Whether it was when the pizzas arrived, when the gang was in the kitchen pouring out shots for whoever wanted one, or even in the line to use the bathroom at the far end of the party, Deth never seemed to notice his admirer, even when the jaguar was mere feet away from him.
The presence of a Doberman was occupying his thoughts, instead, reaching such a point that by the end of the night, no one was sure if Deth was passed out on the couch, or slumped under the weight of his own thoughts.
By then, everyone was too drunk to do anything about it, regardless.
**
“No.”
“Seriously? Again?!”
“You couldn’t even come through for me last night when I felt like I was drowning…and then the only reason you talked to me at all was to try and get laid when everyone was passed out…and you didn’t even bother trying to get me back into my room!”
“Well, like you said, they were all passed o-
“I’m not fucking you, Zack.”
Despite the obvious excitement of the canine poking Deth in the middle of his back, the lion remained defiant in his slumped, exhausted posture.
“Look, I’m trying to be cool and understanding here, but you’ve been saying ‘no’ so much lately that I’m starting to feel really unattractive, dude.”
“How positively awful for you to feel ugly for a day…”
Deth would have rolled back over and tried to capture even an hour or two of restless sleep, but the obvious and forced huff from behind would have kept him awake, even if Zack wasn’t shifting around in the bed.
“Just because you don’t give a shit about your appearance doesn’t mean we can all get away with looking like a slouch everywhere we go,” Zack shot back, rolling with the punch so easily that Deth could have pried about where he took such heavy expectations from.
As hurtful as the canine’s words were, however, there was no sympathy left in Deth, and the final, massive cracks in his façade were falling away from his face in the form of long, heavy tears.
He’d known this moment was years in the making, but that didn’t make it any less painful to know that the first time he truly stood up for himself and pushed Zack aside, he was going to be pushing the Doberman completely out of his life.
“I…I g-get it, dude. You’re plastic,” Deth muttered. “You need to look like an alpha male, like y-you’re fucking untouchable, while getting to have your little playthings…but I’m not just a plaything, Zack!”
“I’ve never tr-
“Shut up! I’m so tired of you talking over me…s-so tired of you acting like your needs are the only ones that matter…so fucking tired of you degrading me in front of your friends and pretending that we’re not a couple just to save face!”
“I was gonna tell them the truth after we’d graduated! You don’t…y-you’ve got no idea how much pressure there is on me to be a certain person and look a certain way!”
“Where does that even come from? Why does that appearance matter more to you than my literal feelings?!”
Zack hailed from a rich family, and if he didn’t behave and act a certain way, there was a chance that he’d miss out on more in life than a college education.
If he’d ever mentioned that to Deth, even once, the lion might have had a little more sympathy for his situation in life…but the Doberman chose instead to treat his boyfriend as an emotional punching bag.
For just a moment, Deth thought about giving Zack that chance to open up: to confess to whatever past issues made him the person he was then, but in the very same moment, the lion felt a chill within him that easily pierced the warmth of the canine against his back, and the blanket wrapped around his front.
It was such a jolt that he jumped out of bed and shivered in place, worried that he might pass out if he allowed himself to sit back down.
“Dude, what the fuck is the matter with you?”
Zack sat upright in the bed, but before he could lift the blanket from his naked body, Deth threw his jeans at him.
“Please leave.”
“Great…just great. Guess I’ll get in the shower and take care of this myself,” he groaned, but he wasn’t able to guilt Deth as easily as he had in the past. “I’ll see you when I get out.”
“No, you won’t. Leave.”
If Zack wasn’t so shocked by the fact that the lion was standing up to him, he might have been impressed.
“And come back, when?”
“Don’t come back.”
“Are you seriously trying to break up with me right now?” the canine asked, dragging out the experience far longer than Deth could ever be comfortable with. “What the hell is your problem?”
“I’m not doing this anymore, Zack. Get out.”
His voice was monotone; to give his words emotion felt impossible anymore, but there was more than enough rage in the response of the Doberman.
Standing up from the edge of the bed and gritting his fangs, Zack gave off more emotional energy than he had at any point in the three years of their forced romance. “I am not fucking leaving until you give me an explanation. Who the fuck do you even think you are, standing me up like this?!”
“I’m a…a living thing,” Deth stammered his way through a weak explanation, having lost the capacity to handle his boyfriend’s fury. “And you treat me like an object. You think I exist just to be whatever you need me to be.”
His voice was so hollow and emotionless that even Zack was put off by the lack of tone.
“That doesn’t even…y-you’re not making any sense!” Zack snarled, but even as spittle rained from his lips and stained Deth’s ear, the lion didn’t budge. “What kind of fucked up, basket case, prude, pain in the ass kind of loser are you?”
He could hurl insults all day if he wanted to: Deth wasn’t changing his mind, and all the way out the door, Zack was cursing up a storm…but the words were distant and faded.
Deth didn’t know what was being said.
He didn’t even notice his friends coming out of their rooms and ushering Zack out the door of the apartment as his rage stirred their other guests awake.
Crumpled to the floor, draped in a blanket of fabric and another of his own slow, leaking tears, the lion tried to sob, but he could scarcely breathe.
The last piece of the mask had fallen away, and with it removed, he held his own paws to his face, feeling as though he didn’t recognize his fingertips anymore; even the back of his hand, despite how the old saying went, was an unfamiliar sight.
He didn’t know how long he’d been sobbing into it when his friends finally rushed into the room to check on him, but they’d come a moment too late to stop the inevitable.
**
Why did I even come here?
What was the point?
Did I really think I would find myself here?
What am
I even
Doing
Help
Hearing one’s own thoughts was a surreal experience: though everyone claimed to have a voice in the back of their head, it was rare that the voice felt unfamiliar and discordant.
For Deth, it was the amplification of a voice that he thought he’d done away with, but trying to rush through the healing process was a foolhardy move.
It was one nigh impossible to avoid, however, when you weren’t sure that you were hurting, and harder still when you thought you were better from whatever had gone wrong.
Don’t breathe
Don’t think
Thinking hurts
It all just
Hurts
So
Much
There was no literal, physical pain running through his body, but it felt as though someone placed a weight at the ending of every nerve, forcing his mortal coil into a state of constant exhaustion and near paralysis.
Just getting out of bed took hours, and classes took twice as long to reach: there was no pep in his step, and even those steps that he could take, he was nearly being dragged around.
Some part of him knew that his friends were looking out for him, if only for the fact that he hadn’t failed out of the university yet.
He couldn’t recall doing his classwork, but he was still doing just enough to get by.
He didn’t remember eating most days, but there was still a tiny, pooch belly forming at the base of his stomach from the sheer lack of activity.
His room would have looked and smelled awful if not for the extra help, but the depression was as deep as it was powerful: he never washed his sheets, rarely changed his clothes, and only showered when there was a party to be had that weekend…but he almost never came out of his room.
At most, he would grab a beer and take it back into his bedroom with it, seeing if he could manage to drink it before his tears would get in the way of slurping down the ambrosia of college drinks.
How many more days
Or weeks
Years
Maybe
I’m not sure
Graduation?
Party?
Conversations were happening all around him, but he couldn’t retain anything that was said. Even when he was addressed, he stared straight ahead with dull, lifeless eyes.
It was such that his inner circle was quietly glad that he wasn’t going out on his own. It was a dark implication and they knew it, but they weren’t sure that they could trust him to be left alone until something in his demeanor changed.
As helpful as it had been to him to arrive at the college in the first place, the presence of one canine had tainted the entire campus for him to such an extent that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to return.
He had to finish; that was just what society expected of him, it seemed.
His friends wanted him to get help.
His parents were looking forward to doing just that for him when he finally arrived back home, and move-out week of their junior year was in full swing before Deth had any idea that the semester was over.
He had the option of staying in the apartment over the summer, and Flair and Nimbus were doing exactly that so they’d be able to finish their college years in the apartment together, but Deth and Red were packing out their things to head home for some rest and relaxation before the rigors of their senior shift.
What had been an exhausting month for the group of friends, taking turns keeping an eye on Deth and making sure he was still getting to class was coming to a slow end, as Red was doing more of the work with Deth’s own things than he was…but they had a little extra help on site to move things along.
“You guys have already been out for a whole week? Lucky,” Red murmured. “I would have gladly given up a week of needless study to be home already.”
“Just an exhausting time?” his cousin asked, as they set another pair of cardboard boxes near the front door. “Last time I was out here, it seemed like you guys were at the best party school in the state!”
“Things…things happened,” Red mumbled, not wanting to concern Deth with the nature of the conversation.
What’s the matter, you little bitch? Honestly can’t find the gusto to make me feel better first thing in the morning? What good are you?
The voice was only in the back of Deth’s mind, but as he sat in the corner of the kitchen and held his head, he heard footsteps approaching: he shivered in place, worrying that the Doberman might have somehow returned.
He couldn’t curl into himself any tighter, but one eye peered through the cross of his arms and saw a person that he couldn’t quite place a name to.
Like the bud of a flower that he’d seen on a daily walk, the petals were finally in bloom…but the same as that rare flower, Deth didn’t know the name of it anymore than he did the jaguar that was leaning over him.
“Let us carry that one for you, Deth. It looks a little heavy.”
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
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