So, this is where I'm at with this art block right now. I can barely get anything done at all, and the only art I've actually completed are Bonna's first pics on my other account and this stupid piece.
And it's all because I'm so frustrated and pissed off by all that stuff there. Here's the big ol' explanation.

I do want to do art. I shouldn't care about how to do it, I should be wanting to do it the way I want. As long as it's the shit I love, I shouldn't care about how it looks, Especially if it's just my art for myself. That's why I decided to actually start art back in December, so I could make my own art of the things I like. Put simply, I'm feeling a little selfish.

The problem is, I'm also a fucking perfectionist. Even if I half-ass my art, I still want it to look great. It's why my art usually several hours total and several days in general to make. For fuck sake, this piece here was a rush-job in a single evening, and I still had to draw the arms and ears twenty times until I was satisfied!
And then there's all of you! Only recently, I passed 100 watchers. All into different things, some of them are even better artists than me!
Basically, I have this psychological worry about disappointing and upsetting people, and that's the case here. I just can't give you shitty art, even if you'd be fine with it, and especially when it comes to your requests and gift art!
So that's one part of why I'm stuck; I'm torn between taking it easy for myself and doing my best for both me and you!

Another part of the problem is my time available to do it now. Because the lockdown is easing off here, I'm back to doing my volunteer work at two charity shops, and I'm now more obligated to search for an actual paid job. Add in family stuff on the days I'm not volunteering, and once again my thing about saying disappointing people by saying no, and I have a lot less time than I did a couple months back. Not just less time for art, but for my other pastimes too! And with the other issue, it sucks even more for my motivation.

And speaking of motivation, we come to the last big thing that's part of the problem. The point of my latest journal; my really old art I've been posting.
I started off doing it so that you'd still have something from me that was actual art and not just Gmod stuff, and because I thought it'd be fun to go down Memory Lane, look at and show off my old stuff.

But this art is all around and over ten years old. Some of it is even close to twenty years!
And ever since whatever the "newest" one was, I had done NOTHING until December last year. Only the occasional, tiny, now-lost doodle.
Then, looking at this old art, I've realized aside from the limits of traditional drawing, some of the later stuff is extremely close to how I do it now. Like, the only real improvement is the fact that it's digital now so I can edit it easier.

So now on top of my conflict of selfish laziness and unselfish perfection, and my stress about my free time, I've also got major regret over not doing my art for a whole-ass decade. I could have kept going past college and actually improved and gotten better at it. Maybe still not as good as my favorites, by still better than what I have now!
For fuck sake, my mum actually got me some sketchbooks and specialized art pencils and tools because I was into it back then, and I never used them! They were still sitting there with the old art!

So, all my motivation right now is being sapped by all this shit. God, it's so fucking stupid. I'm so fucking stupid.

Okay, sorry for the long-winded speech, I'm done venting now.
But yeah, because the last point pissed me off, I'm moving the old stuff to Scraps and holding off on uploading what's left. I'll come back and do something more with it later - I had some ideas before I got annoyed - but for now it's just there.

Hopefully, I'll get some quality of new art done soon, and manage my time better for it. Sorry again.