Do you mind if I tell you to end it once and for all?
I'm just tired of being a dog. In the sense that I always find a special person and run after him like a faithful dog, and this is not needed by anyone. Personally, my love, attention, support (I'm not talking about friendship).In one half of my life I was simply hated for love, in the second - I was left alone. Just damn it. It's my own fault that I love someone, but ... it hurts. I love people very much, most of all I love people. But I refuse to give my heart to someone now, knowing that it really is not needed by anyone or anyone. I'm sorry that by the age of 20 I broke down in love. I am really unhappy because I have no one to take care of in my life, and ruining my life because I don't want people anymore. Now I will be that cold person who is friends with you, but closed access to my heart. I know my words sound like a twelve year old with a broken heart, but damn it is too painful and difficult to describe. I hate this faithful dog inside me, I myself can kill her once and for all. I don't want this to exist. Let it be in the trash heap. I never understood how people can be so spit on the feelings of others, but now I want that I would not care too, my feelings are emptiness.
I will help others without opening my inner world.
Forgive me for being so unpleasant. I hope I am a good friend for someone. Now I will just draw, paint and paint while helping others. But trying to deal with the faithful dog inside I no longer want. I don't want to feel any more emotions. Although I experienced joy very rarely, almost all the time I looked like a dead person, because I was fading away, but I refused to believe that all this is not needed by more than one person on Earth, although there are a lot of people. Perhaps after 10 years someone will help me become alive, but while I don't even look at it, I am dead. When I cool down and accept all this, I'll just delete the post, it won't make sense.
I'm sorry if I ruined your mood