After driving us crazy for a good two weeks with inconclusive tests and ultrasound shyness, we finally got word from the OB what our kiddo will be.

Imma have a son. ^^;

It’s wild to think about. Being a dad. I grew up without one, for the most part, and I think I was better for it, seeing dad as he is now. I always felt hollow, like I was missing the MAN part of my upbringing, and chafted horribly at being called ‘strange’ ‘femme’ or just flatly accused of being gay. I’m almost 40, and where I grew up, these labels were ostracizing and othering, even though as far as I felt, I was straight. I’m not saying there was anything wrong with being so, in fact, all the suspicions made it easier to find great and lasting friends who were, but it wasn’t who I was. I always harbored a bit of a chip on my shoulder for not having that father figure in my life for showing me how to ride a bike (my gf taught me at 17), throw a ball, or physically defend myself when the bullying got pretty bad.

But all that said…I’m happy with who I turned out to be. I’m glad adversity taught empathy, and while I don’t want the same stress and hardship for my child, I’m not going to try and overcompensate with the whole ‘YOU GOTTA BE A MAN, SON’. No matter who they are on the inside, who they love, I’m going to love and support this kid. I’ll be happy if he makes it onto the football team, performs in piano recitals, loves math or all the above. I just want them to be happy and healthy.

So enough about that all…just can’t wait to meetcha kiddo.