Beep

thank goodness! ngl, seeing this was a little cathartic.

This is adorable... and yet oof man memories of when I was still new to this sort of stuff in high school. >w<

There are asshats out there who do this out of malice, but I'd like to imagine that most people who ask those questions do so more out of... well... simply not knowing any better, like Star.

This page is funny

on reading this page, all i could picture is that bit from guardians of the galaxy when drax asked will's dad if he had a peinis XD

I want to see everyone naked, but that's just me.

Yeah, that's not a topic you talk about to a person, not unless you're the doctor that did the actual operation. Nevertheless, it's still one that you don't just bring up in pleasant conversation.

Pretty sure I’ve made this mistake. Also asked for someone’s dead name before I knew about the term dead name.
C R I N G E
So clueless :/

But you learned now! :D

You bet!

Thank you Kim! Really appreciate your sharing.

clever little misdirection there on her part. clever girl.

Well certainly didnt expected this page today. That kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Lucky Kim saved Star by saying. Now. U Dont ask your other friends about that. Now do u?. Just... A Really unexpected page.

Same. Rubbed me the wrong way too. Like damn....

It's not a rare thing for a trans person to have to deal with, unfortunately. As someone who's MtF TG I'm really digging how Gem's handling the topic of someone who doesn't know any better stumbling over this stuff. It's a very realistic depiction.

*Makes notes on hoe to reply to people asking me this in the future*

Honestly I'm loving the route Kim took with this, and if I ever have friends (people I actually care to explain things to) who ask me this, I 100% want to use it now.

To be fair, I do ask my fellow trans friends about SRS, but mostly as "do you want it done or not?" Kinda question after I make it clear I want it done to me, so ah? But it really doesn't matter when we all wear thick nappies over it anyway...
We all wear thick nappies right?

i really loved the last few pages (including this one) for being such a good, real experience of meeting a trans person and how to talk to them. nobody ever really brings up these issues when it comes to including trans people in comics (and usually when they do it's handled,, awfully) so i just really appreciate this, it's so nice to see <3

This is not "toying", this is the socratic method; asking questions to guide to a conclusion. It's an ancient technique that's more effective than just telling people what to think.
Even if she did skip some steps here.

also I think this plays into the story perfectly where the little girl needs to be taught some lessons hehehe

Daww... the kitten is learning. Such a clever little girl. I'm sure her new parents are going to teach her lots of things... except maybe potty training^^

Oh Star...

Humiliating someone who is curious about you and who is trying to understand you is the best way to get them to respect your differences.

I think it depends on the person. In this context she's not humiliating Star she's just teasing her and Star responds well to teasing.

This approach will definitely not work on everyone but for Star, it's a really good way to help her come to the answer on her own. Typically, when you come to an answer on your own it's much more powerful than when you're simply told something.

That is true. I suppose I hadn't considered the context well enough in this particular instance.

Still, Star and Kim's conversation is one that I think needs to be handled with the understanding that, someone who encounters something new for the first time is going to be curious and also unfamiliar with what is appropriate to ask. That needs to be handled delicately or someone like Kim could run a high risk of leaving a terrible first impression about others in her situation.

I suppose it all depends on how well the two individuals know one another.

Yep! When you're the first person of a particular group that someone meets you become an ambassador for that group.

Personally, I think Kim is doing a really good job in this situation because she doesn't take offense and she took a question that Star asked and turned it around to show her how inappropriate it is in this context.

That approach works really well when you've got someone who is mild-mannered and compassionate. It wouldn't work so well if you're speaking to someone who has a hard time empathizing with others.

Yes! That.

I'm still not sure I agree with her response but maybe that's because it's not one I would personally respond well to. But like it was mentioned, context matters.

Im starting to wonder why Kim even felt it was needed to explain she was trans in the first place? I mean Kim obviously does not want to answer these sorts of questions and that is fair but it also seems that Kim wants to build a deeper relationship with Star maybe these responses were not the best way to go about it.

I couldn't put my finger on it at first but I think you pointed out what is bothering me here.

I expect because of the previous relationship, it's implied pretty heavily that it went south because that person discovered she's transgender. It isn't unreasonable for her to want to ensure Star isn't also a bigot.

If they care about my genitals, but not anyone else's, they aren't respecting me in the first place. Shame is the quickest way to make someone understand they fucked up. And I'd be worse than Kim here, I'd have this conversation in public so that if they still asked me, I could ask about THEIR genitals. Loudly. Because, like, it's pretty fucking embarrassing for strangers and acquaintances to ask me about my junk all the time, so I'm gonna make them feel what they make me feel so that they understand why it's wrong.

Like, someone I'm already in a relationship with asking me? Sure, that's appropriate. It's relevant. But said partner's mother asking me? All her friends? All his friends?

Or to put it less aggressively. Would you ask a random cis person you just met that day about their junk? Little intimate, little forward, isn't it? If that doesn't apply to trans people for you, then you have a weird idea of what respect is. I don't need to talk about what's in my pants to be respected, nobody does.

"Would you ask a random cis person you just met that day about their junk?"

almcay ownday ou'reyay openingyay upyay ethay oodflay atesgay . isthay appenshay oremay anthay ouyay inkthay .

Cause putting someone on the spot while you ask about their genitalia definitely isn't humiliating for trans people. You don't need to know what my junk looks like to understand me as a person.

that’s a weird misconception. In this comic it makes sense, but in reality, by shaming people, you push them away instead and make them dislike you (and your kind as well for that matter). This even could be making the issue worse by dividing communities and everyone being in their own bubble disliking the other side, never causing a change of mind to happen

That's my point exactly.

Just thinking about the fact that Star incidentally saw Lure's junk very early on in their friendship XD

So on the one hand: not important for others, so shouldn't be important here.
On the other hand: I think it's at least something to consider if you're planning a sexual relationship.

I don't know if that's how this is going to go, but I think there are certain things partners should know before they get to the bedroom together. But, overall: not important information, unless you're like... buying gifts that actually relate to the topic (IE: sex toys).

Whilst I get what people are saying with the ‘it’s a fair question if there’s a relationship on the cards’ yeah but they JUST met that night. xD Like, take a girl out to dinner first loool xD

Oh, certainly, far too early for such a question, but it is something that should probably be discussed at some point if they plan to engage in a more... physical relationship.

That said: The first night they meet isn't the time or the place for it though, on that we can easily agree.

Maybe as a later conversation once Star has gotten to know Kim and maybe if the relationship heads towards the bedroom then its probably an important convo to have but in stars case its been like "Hi nice lady I've only just met You've driven me back to my local area and just bought me chicken nuggets perchance do you have a lack'o'wang" Probably not the convo to be having really

Im really glad you put it that way cause thats the part i was spacing out on. At first i was like nono thats a fair question considering the subject of the over all conversation is being open and honest before taking the relationship further. being a little and trans myself i thought of it as well if youre my big chances are youre gonna see mine so why not be honest. People are not the same we all view things differently, ive been lucky to have great support, but some havent some have had to go through hell to get to where they are so i understand being defensive about it to. Keep up the amazing work Star <3

Oh of course, it shouldn't be a question on the night they meet (unless things move very quickly towards the bedroom), just saying that if sex is something that they plan to engage in, and I honestly have no idea what the future of these characters holds, it is something that should be discussed eventually.

But yes, Star (the character, not you) is a bit premature in asking this one.

It is a bit too soon for that type of question, but given her recent history it is very understandable for Star to be asking. Things have been moving so quickly for her. On her very first sleepover at Mandy's she walked in on something she was woefully unprepared for(I think that was a canon scene and not a bonus but I might be wrong). Add to that the fact that Kim has already engaged in light play with her twice since they met only a few short hours ago and the fact that with how new she is to the kink scene and all these strange new emotions are flooding here psyche after being repressed for such a long time, this might be the only opportunity for her to be thinking clearly enough to ask before she goes all subby. A poorly timed question is so much better than a gut reaction of shock because she has preconceptions of one thing and it turns out to be the other.

I edited too much and it won't let me edit anymore. Meant Manda's instead of Mandy's

Right? At some point it might become important to you, but probably a rough conversation no matter when you have it

Hmmm ... Problem is that the focus is on the trans person and comes off a bit transphobic. Especially when done so soon. If you have a prefer on genital types, I feel like it's on you to speak up about that than to just ask the other person. Because the issue is about making assumptions anyways based on. I get that it's tricky, but it just feels so wrong to put the trans person on the spot when it's not them who has an issue or not with whatever they have.

As I elaborated in my other comments: I totally agree that this is a faux par on Star's part. I think that, as the comic points out, this isn't something that Star should be asking right now.

That said, as I've also stated: I believe this is something that should come up at some point if the two intend to have any kind sexual relationship, if only so that Star can properly plan out what she'd like to do.

I personally don't have a preference either way (ah, the joys of being bi), but if I was with someone that was trans, I like to think I'd be within my rights to know before any sexual activities took place. There's "It's not important", a sentiment I largely agree with in this situation, and then there's "This is probably something I should have known before now", which my second point from just before runs closer to.

TLDR: Star shouldn't ask now, but I believe that the question in and of itself is not bad, it's just a matter of context/time and place.

Oh yeah, at some point this might need to be a discussion. I just disagree on the focus of it. The gentials of the person I'm with isn't a big deal to me, so I don't ask about it. If it were, I think it would be on me to state that I have a preference and for the other person to decide to continue or not. I think that goes for this as well as if I had a preference for circumcised or not (Which apparently is a thing?). I've had play partners in not knowing their genitals before hand and it wasn't an issue because I don't have a preference. There wasn't a "should have known before" because it wouldn't have made a difference. And if I did have that thought, I'd just note it to ask about it next time.

I'm not saying I disagree with the discussion. But it just seems really unfair to put a lot of it on the trans person. Like, it feels really transphobic to ask them to talk about their genitals ahead of time because someone else has issues with it. Especially with the expectation that the other person doesn't have to. It does with the assumption of "well, I'm a girl so of course I don't have to explain I have a vagina" and vice versa when that's just not really true.

But by that point, it may be easier to ask without it being so tactless because you know the other person and know how to approach it. I've literally met people, though, who think that Star is in the right and that when you very first meet them, the trans person needs to tell you or it's a sexual consent violation. That's the stimga that people face, which makes the whole thing so incredibly messy and complicated. Because some people are out there thinking that being trans alone is immoral and violating the consent of other people just by existing. :C

TL:DR - It's super complicated and the issues of transphobia in a lot of people make it really harder. This probably needs to be a discussion closer to time of it being relevant, but hard to navigate due to biases we have about gender and genitalia that is really unfair to trans folk.

Oh of course, this is a bit of a tricky thing to navigate. As you say: the genitals of the person you're with don't matter, they're not important. Who they are, their personality, their wants and fears, the person is what truly matters.

I think it would come up as part of a larger "We're getting serious" conversation? A safe time for them to make sure that the other person knows all they have to before the relationship goes beyond "I come around and you baby me".

"I should know", to me, may not be quite the right phrase on reflection. As someone who's only knowledge of these details is just having a few trans friends, I think that my thought process would be more on the fact that, for all I may not think it's important to who the person is, it's still a big part of their life (especially if they're planning to get bottom surgery and haven't yet). If the relationship is serious, I'd hope that they'd trust me enough to tell me about stuff that impacts their life like this, if only so that I can support them better.

"Ahead of time", to me, would literally be "Any time before we get to the bedroom for sex". It's not important to who they are, but I know myself well enough to know that my mouth can sometimes run faster than my brain, and as such I would like to know when we're not in the heat of a passionate moment when my self control is even worse. I'd hate to ruin a good moment/relationship because I didn't think before mouthing off something really dumb.

Yeah of course, I'd never even dream of asking before we got to know each other better. It's a private matter, and I'd only want to know to A) make sure I don't say the wrong thing, and B) help support them in whatever way I can.

Those people are dumb. If you're not their doctor, it's none of your business. Just let people be, them existing is not bothering you in any way.

And yeah, it's a tricky topic to approach well, for all the reasons that you listed.

Very well stated for all of that. :)

Yeah as a fellow trans girl I know this all to well unfortunately

What a thoroughly foxy way of addressing that question.

Yup, can confirm as someone trans, this is a real question I get asked. I might uh adopt this way of answering that question haha.

Kim is an angel, putting up with these questions so well. Honestly, her patience is admirable

Yea, that's a VERY private question (for anyone ofcourse but especially trans people) and sadly yea, something used allot as ammo by transphobic people >_<. Not to mention can be a huge dysphoria trigger.

But Star is still new to learning about trans people and is a curious little kitten. There's a reason "curiosity killed the cat" is a phrase we use, because sometimes innocent curiosity can lead us down bad paths without us meaning to ^^;. Just glad Kim is being a good teacher :3.

I think both you and Kim are giving a very good education to those who have yet to meet someone from the trans community. Kim acts as though she's been through this so many times, that its like water of a ducks back, but shows appreciation that Star, despite her blunders in these last few pages, shows willingness to understand. Kim has a very clever way of teaching!

What a naughty girl Star is being. Mommy's going to have to put a paci in your mouth to keep you quiet.

I have a few friends who are trans. I did ask them if they had the surgery. One said yes, and another said they would not have it. And that was the end of it. Neither was offended by the honest question and we are still friends. Simple as that.

I feel like the difference is that they are your friends, while Star just met Kim the same night this conversation is happening. I've asked my trans friends (and husband) about what their plans are for making themselves feel better in their own skin, but only after we were close enough for them to know why I was asking that question (curiosity and a desire for them to obtain said surgery if they want it.) When it's a near stranger asking, I can imagine it would feel very invasive and is very inappropriate.

I think this is where my head was trying to figure out, cheers for clarifying!

Precisely what I was going to say to a lot of these comments.
Especially the ones saying it's private and you shouldn't ask.

Really?? Someone's getting or has gotten gender reassignment surgery and your not supposed to
get at all curious about it?

It's like those people that say you shouldn't watch a woman breastfeeding.
Hey, it's being made obvious and out in the open.

People gonna get curious about what's going on and react accordingly.

Should be no shame put on it.

*just bursts out laughter*

Personally, I find it reasonable for Star to ask and be curious. The changes to plumbing are a huge part of being Trans, and so it's going to be a curiousity. It isn't important to know unless you're going to be intimate with the person (or if you're their doctor or something like that), but it *is* still a natural curiousity since being Trans generally revolves around A) brain setup, and B) plumbing setup. Most people have the plumbing you expect, so you don't usually think to ask, and if you're not sure you would probably either try to fund out or just ask if they're a boy or a girl (still tactless, of course, and sure to get an offended reaction). However, you don't know when someone is Trans, so even though it's rude to ask about someone's genitals, it's going to be a stronger question when you know someone is Trans. Star should have had more tact and patience, yes, but I still find the question to be fair.

I also would say that this is her first interaction with a Trans person, so I'd expect those sorts of questions. Personally, I'd have asked it more like "So, I don't know much about being Trans, but does it involve... changes... down there?" That could have been much more cleanly answered with "Well, it doesn't have to, but some people do choose to have those changes, and to varying degrees. Some have surgery, some have hormone replacement therapy, and so on." THEN Star could have asked the foot-on-mouth question of "So have you?" Again, while the question would be natural, it wouldn't have been appropriate to ask so early, which could have given Kim the chance to chide Star like this. (Even so, I think said second question could be asked in the form of "Is it OK for me to ask if you have?" To which Kim could have answered "I'll tell you when you're older.")

IMO, it's fair to be curious and interested, especially since this is her first question. But I think Kim did a great job in explaining why, even if she was curious, that was a rude and tactless question to ask just like you wouldn't ask of someone else you just met. There are people I meet that I get curious about with things, but that doesn't mean I have to ask after all. Though Kim is inviting her to ask questions, so that gives Star some relay there.

I like the way you rephrased the question there. That's a question a lot of people get confused about, including LGBTQ+ folk. Lots of people think you have to have surgery to be trans or at least want it but that's not necessarily true for everyone.

Well said.

This is very good.

It rises a question though. Maybe we really are all about the genitals as the super important thing, but we do not ask because it is often obvious, and we do not admit to ourselves that it matters so deeply?

After all, nature would kinda want us to care, it is just inconsistent with what a civilized society asks for.

And trans people really want to be perceived the way they feel about themselves. So I think it does matter, on a low, instinctual, sorta biological level people strive to overcome.

Also … man, panel 5.

^^ This!! for sure. She looks almost predatory!!! (as in actively hunting, not just passively being a member of a predator species)

Well drawn!!

And at the same time, how kindly and nurturing she is in panel 7. Love that. :)

foot in mouth moment for star still kim seems to really be level headed when people ask questions.

Kim has more patience here than I've ever had, cripes the "whats your junk" question drives me mad

But yeah, loving the way Kim let Star know it's not an okay question lol

Awesome reaction there! Very clever way to put it. I couldnt help but smile how you handled it.

Hey, Star was curious and wasn't thinking about any consequences, but she learned her lesson real quick and even had a little teasing thrown in the bunch. This is why I love this comic.

Seven whole seconds I was thinking......what's her butt have anything to do with....ooohhh. *facepalms*

This is such a good idea I’ve never though of before. Imma start using this if anyone ever asks

Kim played that one off about as perfectly as anyone could. Star's going to be red for a while, I reckon. :)

So is Kim normally like this, or has she just been asked these questions so many times that she has way too much practice at handling them?

Oh I though star was going ask them be thier baby giggle

Star make your next question about racecars so you don't end up with your bootie in your mouth again X3

Also you said Kim helped you write some of her character's responses for these pages? I like how she handled it, she's pritty smart.

How many more pages is this? I'd love to get back to the abdl part of this abdl comic.

Jajajaja dude savage

I love you, and when I grow up I wanna be just like you(?

No.

You've been misled if you think this is an AB/DL comic. This is a slice of life comic with some AB/DL elements to it. But to answer your question...3

Do you have any recommendations for abdl comics that aren't Shine then?

yeah feel free to go bug all the people on this list https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9914988/ Truthfully after 400 pages I would have thought you'd have cottoned on to what Shine is and isn't :)

You'd think, but when people only talk about shine as an abdl comic and never put in slice of life, yeah people can get confused. TBH I should have gotten the red flag when star slept through the party lol jokes on me I guess :/
Thanks for the list!

I guess because, IMO, it's an AB/DL comic but encompassing the whole life of an AB/DL person which is more than just that part of it. It's more a comic about people who are into AB/DL than just being about AB/DL itself if that makes sense.

So I see it as that, but not just limited to it.

I think the issue is while it is an AB/DL comic, it’s not an AB/DL fetish comic which while some people count as synonyms, they are not

Agreed that the two aren't the same, but more that this is a look at someone's full life, not just one section of it.

what the heck those first three panels XD

Those had me burst out laughing. Especially the 2nd and 3rd. XD

lol yes xD

I love these facial expressions

wow that was rude of it to be mean to star it was real question.

10 minute time out, and here you go a juice bottle for being a clever little girl

In fairness I didnt make Kim anything, Kim reacted the way she chose to and I drew her responses. So Everything Kim is saying in these pages are from teh real Kim herself So I cant really take any credit

I love how Star worded it as "plumbing", and Kim is the best person to be explaining this XD

I love that Kim kindly makes it a teachable moment, knowing Star is not trying to be offensive. I would sincerely hope to meet someone who did not take offense when none was really intended like that!

Well played on the reply

I am going to have to remember this one for next time people ask about my bits.

"Plumbing" lol

I like how she dealt with that question

Just reading everything on this page is making me laugh and its fun seeing star shrink like that realizing the obvious thanks for the amazing page star i will be back in these comments next week for the next amazing page

Oh I like Kim XD, I can see she is going to have Star so wound up she will explode :P

…hehehehehehehe. Penis.

Pardon while I send this page to everyone that asks about my genitals from now until the end of time, while crediting you of course.

Also, holy shit, Kimmy's face in the 5th panel is just pure perfection xD

Is it as rude as implied in this situation especially when sex may be involved in their relationship. In a normal friend circumstance this is inappropriate but in this case I feel star does have the right to know at least so she can be prepared. Hope i wasn't disrespectful to the trans community but i know i would be slightly annoyed if someone i was dating didn't let me know how i would've pleasured by him or her

I know it really isn't consensus, but usually, I'm pretty chill when it comes to personal trans questions like this as long it isn't meant to be condescending. I've actually had a couple of people ask me this before with good intent, I didn't really take it as "Did you get your genitals switched out yet?" I took it more of as "Have you completed your journey yet?".

I tend to see a lot of people are scared to even ask if I am trans or worried I might get upset at them for accidentally misidentifying me. I really do not see any problem in asking, it isn't going to hurt me even if they are asking for the wrong reasons. As for misidentifying me, In truth, my take is if it was an accident, one more brief second of being a male added onto the 20 something years of being one isn't going to hurt me. I feel like there should be a more established fine line of what should be okay to ask and what shouldn't be with consideration for different strokes for different folks.

Most people will see it as "Don't ask anything, don't say anything. It's too sensitive of a topic, they'll get offended." when I actually like indulging in my journey to others.

TLDR; This comic has a good point but I wish the fine line of what is appropriate to ask and what isn't in the real world was more established.

I suppose the upshot is, that every person is different when it comes to this topic. I have trans friends who pretty much gave me their life story the minute they stepped into the house, without any prompting, they wanted to share their journey. Ive also had another trans friends who borderline didn't want to even be considered in the trans community anymore and chose not to acknowledge any part of where they came from or the journey they took to get to where they got to, they just want to blend in with the crowd and not entertain those sorts of questions. They would have been super offended if Star blurted these questions out, whereas the first friend would be begging to get into the finer grislier details of all the surgeries.
I think in all approaches, respect and consideration are key. Star is being pretty inconsiderate. It's difficult to draw clear guidleines because as you outlined you would have been fine with that interrogation, but i def know others who wouldn't have been

It's a problem because it perpetuates the idea that trans people need surgery to be trans. A large percentage of trans folk never get any surgeries.

TLDR?

The problem with “where you are in the journey” indicates that there’s only one path or route and only one destination. Not all trans people WANT surgery.

I really appreciate Kim's patients with Star. Learning comes with plenty of mistakes, and it's great to have people like Kim to help you along instead of immediately getting angry with you.

Oh my God, this page had me laughing so hard. Kim’s face in the second panel actually tricked me into thinking that Kim was excited by this question for some reason. XD

But yeah, I love how Kim kinda messes with Star, just having fun, while also being very helpful.

God I'm loving this.

Aww, Star is a babbling lil baby, it takes a second for her to catch up to herself. XD

XD yeeeeeeah this page is super relatable. I never shy away from questions, but yeah o.o almost every person I meet offline tends to ask this or some variation of it at some point XD

Okay.

I'm going to be completely blunt here.

You should have consulted more Trans people for this and the previous page.

I'm now curious, as a trans person myself. What would you say is wrong with the last two pages? Because personally, I love them.

tldr, had a shitty day had that question asked of me way too often to dignify it with anything more then a fuck off response.
Perhaps it's because it's comic format i'm just treating this very raw, they've known each other, 45 minutes maybe totaly?

I think just Star asking the question was my issue, if she'd internalised this entire discussion and realised asking was dumb i'd have probably not reacted.

*shrugs* I've met enough people in RL, friends and people I pretty much just met, who asked the question. I know it's rude to ask, but people will be people. Now I just have fun with it and give one of two answers:

1. Want me to show you right here and now? (If asked in the toy aisle or somewhere else that's super public)

2. I don't plan on it, I'm ok with my outer ovaries and clit.

Hear hear! Surgery isn’t necessary for us to be who we are meant to be!

Whilst Kim wrote the words. I actually discussed this in depth with two of my other trans friends who I trust enough to tell me if I'm making bad decisions. I'm never gonna make everyone happy and everyone's gonna have their own opinions on how this should have been handled which is totally valid.

oooohkay.

I'll still love you if you let me draw a little blushy picture of Star suddenly realising she's seen Lure's wang whilst he was being changed.

Why? She is showing that Star's questions are inappropriate. Kim is being patient but making it very clear that it was not ok. Anybody who didn't already know that it before now knows that her questions are rude thanks to how well this comic was written.

Setting blindness, anyone currently asking this question is either incredibly innocent or "just asking questions"

But this can be a tool to help people learn that these questions aren't ok. The author is making it very clear that it's not acceptable.

I just thought of another context, unrelated to Shine, where one might ask about bottom surgery..... Again, clearly, not something related to this, but a person perhaps beginning his/her journey (or perhaps not, but)... curious about the process, wanting to know how far into the journey you can discuss things from experience and how much of what you tell him/her is "book learnin'".

I had a conversation with someone by phone one evening back in the late 1990s (long before it was anything close to widely accepted) and she was willling and able to discuss everything from the real-life test to the hormones to the process of the surgery to the regular and necessary dilations. I learned a lot from her and I hope she is well today, despite us losing track of each other. Miss you, Carla!

Good thing Google exists these days. There are so many forums, discord groups, and subreddits full of people who are ready to talk about this kind stuff that there is really no need to ask strangers these kind of invasive questions. I

while this is true, Carla was not a stranger, but the fact is that when you discover a lack of knowledge, I think it’s natural to want to increase your knowledge.. and if the other person is putting him- or herself out there, they don‘t mind answering.. if they do mind, they shouldRnt be putting themselves in as the topic of conversation.. too, sometimes it’s better to learn from someone directly rather than read it on a screen, ykknow?

Unfortunately, some people are painfully oblivious to tact. >_<;;;

I’m taking notes!!!

AWwww, Star learning a very important lesson ^^

Her expression in the 5th panel made me think she had something tricksy planned to pull on Star.

well Damn, I need to remember to use THAT next time . . .

Props once again to Miss Kimmy for being a good teacher. Socratic AND a bit sarcastic! I like it.

I was wondering if *that* question would come up, being that I've been asked said question at least 10 times so far. 🙃 I get that people are curious, and I totally understand, but holy shit, do I vibe with Kim's snark here.

rude or not, i think "how far have you transitioned" is still a valid question when the subject has been brought up for discussion

The problem that can rise with that, though, is that not all trans folk wish to get surgery or whatever.

that's kind of the point of the question. i'm not saying it isn't a tough question.
but it's definitely a logical question when the subject is brought up like this, while true that the end result doesn't matter i would say it's FAR from an unreasonable question given proper context

If I may. I don't really... agree that Star was entirely in the wrong here. In a casual conversation with a stranger, sure, not at all appropriate no matter the genuine curiosity. But if I understand the context right... they're laying the ground for a relationship, no? That might be something a person entering a relationship would want to be aware of early on, rather than be surprised later.

To be fair, I'm not sure Star's relationship with Kim will be simply Big/Little, or more intimate (or intimate teasing) like we've seen back at Manda's, so perhaps that's another solid point in the "not appropriate" side. But you don't ask this kind of question with other friends or even other potential partners when they're not trans because... they're not trans, they are not explicitly changing themselves to feel more comfortable in that manner.

I guess tl;dr, I think the question with strangers or even friends is quite rude, but when you're talking about entering a relationship I think it's fair to have some interest and ask for clarity regarding that area should the intentions of both parties be to take it there.

I think Kim is more making a point of the situation, as in this story Star hasn't met trans folx before, so Kim is trying to make sure Star wouldn't ask other trans folx about it in the future

Well said!

I think it is ok in a situation where you would ask about anyones body. If they have stds or scars or whatever and I don't think everybody needs to have this conversation, because some people don't care about anything as long as there are feelings and some do care and I think the main point of it being inappropriate in this caase is that star already didn't care in the past what someones genitalia was for the sexy parts, so why should it matter now all of a sudden?

they are talking about entering a relationship where those bits would potentially matter though. so the simple question of what to expect is a valid one to ask with the discussion having been brought up in the way it has.

Not this time. Star didn't mind having someone male play with her and she didn't mind someone female playing with her, she also clearly stated that Kim being trans is not an issue, so star would be fine with either genitals, which means it doesn't matter so she shouldn't ask.

some people get the surgery, and some don't, simply knowing how far someone has transitioned is a valid question when the subject has been approached in a context like this.
while true that the answer to the question is in all likelihood inconsequential, all i'm saying is that it's a logical question that most people would come up with in the situation.

pretending that "well you don't ask anybody else so it's inappropriate to ask me" is acceptable is a bit of a farce, considering in all likelihood that same question would be asked of ANYBODY in that situation.
if it was important enough for you to consider changing it, then it's important enough for someone to ask about it.


i'm not the best with words but hopefully i got my intention across here without coming across aggressive or argumentative

Don't worry I got your intention and I would agree under normal circumstances, but trans people face tremendous amounts of discrimination most of the time and I would not want to trigger someones trauma if the answer didn't matter to me anyway.
I have a friend who takes great discomfort when someone talks about navels and thus I avoid talking about that whenever he is present and I know that that doesn't come up a lot anyway, but the rare times it would come up, I just avoid it and I think that is the same thing in a way.

"borderline toying"

And you are "just" adorable

Sass lvl 100

I'm just shaking my head at all the folks defending Star asking something so inappropriate to a person she literally only met a few hours ago. Yiiiikes.

This is so cute

lol in the third panel star actually has little paws XD
Reject anthro, return to feral.
Glad to see everything kinda works out despite star stumbling through the conversation.

Oh Star. Such a charmer. (The character)

WOW. I have never ever thought about tabling the turns like that. Damn Kim you cold but fair, I'm using that.

Beautiful cuties 💕

that was a rather rude question, though I don't blame her for being curious.

'Hey how's your junk?' might be a somewhat reasonable(if strange and personal) question if someone you're close to had an accident and had to get medical attention below the belt but other than that, yeah, I can see being curios but that's not really something that you ask someone(especially someone you just met), trans or not.

TBF I think Star has seen lure’s genitals during his changing

When we're playing we don't need to know about such things. When I was playing young you just got on with that, no need go through any kind of checklist and I don't feel the need now when I meet mutual friends of BabyStar in real life to quiz them about such matters or for that matter points of view and that. It's unnecessary and rude.

All appropriate deference to those who are living this struggle. With respect, I see this a little differently. I'm open to discussion, nomex suit on.

Kim is putting herself out there and letting Star know off the bat that this is an area of concern for her. She did not specifically tell Star it was OK to ask questions, but at the same time, she isn't refusing them.... From this, I gather that she wants Star to be comfortable with her, probably as a Mommy-to-be, and thus is welcoming the questions, mostly. From a writer's perspective, Ms. Sammy is using Star's naivete as a teaching method.

Realistically, though, as common as this question (and the "dead name" one too) is, I don't think you can put yourself out there and not expect to be asked. You are figuratively and literally putting your sexuality on display as the topic of conversation. It would be like one of us going out for an evening, maybe with a new co-worker you were going to be really close with, possibly intimate, possibly not, in your thickest diaper, wearing obviously baby clothes, carrying a changing bag with your name on the side..... And then being upset when someone asked questions like, "Do..... do you use them?" or better yet, "Do you... like... use them.... for everything?" It's fair to say that they probably don't ask their other friends about their elimination habits.

I don't say any of this to denigrate or insult anyone.... not Ms. Sammy, not Ms Kim who is allowing her "Kim" character to be used in this story, not any of the other participants in the comment thread. I don't think that trans-people need to be given any more, *nor any less!* respect than anyone else, but rather should be treated as absolute equals.

I hope I have done so with this post. I don't want to try to count how many times I've used the backspace key to revise or rewrite it with consideration toward others' feelings.

*pulls on her nomex hoodie and waits for the firestorm*

Edit to my above post: Kim DID tell Star it was OK to ask questions. my error.

"You are figuratively and literally putting your sexuality on display as the topic of conversation."

Gender identity, not sexuality. Difference there.

Even then, I think it's valid for people to be confused/curious/what have you. But it's still a tactless question. Just because you're curious, doesn't mean you get to ask a stranger you just met about their junk. That's just rude, no matter the situation (unless about to literally go fuck). You shouldn't impose yourself on others unless it's welcomed like Kim is doing for Star here. That goes for your example there. If you go out to eat and you see someone dressed weird or something, you don't go over and ask them about it. You let them enjoy their dinner in peace. Otherwise you're imposing yourself on others and making your curiosity more important than their peace of mind when they are just trying to live their lives.

OK, valid point, but what I'm getting at, and I thought was obvious, is that the person who begins the conversation with "I'm trans" is putting *that* fact out there as the topic, whether it's gender identity or sexuality or whatever, and no, to continue the point, someone at another table would not be welcome in the conversation, but Star isn't at another table. She's not only part of this conversation, unless I miss my guess, she is the reason they're having it, because Kim and Martin want a new baby, and they want her to have blonde and light purple hair.

I do agree with you, the question is tactless. As common as it apparently is, though, it's hardly difficult to imagine what mindset it's coming from and harder to say it's unusual when everyone asks it. That doesn't mean the answer is fair game, but it does mean that when everyone else is going the same direction, they're not all wrong/ The other diners would be wrong to ask you about your use of your diapers, too, but the person you're wearing them for for that meal, not so much.

Again, I'm trying to keep a positive and respectful tone. I hope that this note has done so.

I agree that Star is being invited to talk about trans issues since Kim has disclosed that she's trans. But that does not include genitalia unless Kim herself opens up that topic. It's fair that Star would be curious, but not fair to actually ask about it. It would have been better to ask about how that works, in general, for trans people instead of making it about the specific person.

And I read your messages as respectful. :)

Is it not normal to ask about genitals? I start nearly every conversation with a check in on their genitals.

"How's it hanging bud"

I have serious doubts that anyone who wears a bra would take kindly to that question, unless she is young enough that they don't "hang".............. yet..... :-D

This got a laugh from me X3

that's a pretty good way to handle that question :P

Thankfully I haven't been asked about that stuff in person yet, I'm not sure how I would react if I did.

I too have asked these questions when first finding out about trans, I meant no disrespect but its one of those curious moments of wanting to find more because of misunderstanding. Not something you are taught growing up so at times you just blurt things out on your mind without really thinking it through.

I have been asked this question alot and always struggle with how to answer, i try to have compassion and understanding though

Boop

I'm adding this to my responses to these types of questions. At least she she didn't ask how Martin and Kim have sex like my warrant officer asked me.

Hush, i read that one multiple times.
Star, i admire your capability to convey emotions.

Kim REALLY nailed the sarcasm there!

There is only 1 situation where that question is appropriate outside of a doctors office: when you’ve been dating for a while and you to are ready to be intimate.

Is it hot in here or is it the entire comic? Definitely the comic! Kim absolute sweet and gentle about the situation which I can appreciate <3

Shes doing a very good job explaining things to Star in a non-hostile or confrontational way.

Welp, i now have a good answer when the question comes on the near future...thanks! xD

I've asked questions like this too, when I first started learning what "trans" even was. This page absolutely would have helped me realize how I sounded, and I'm certain other people will see this page and benefit from it! Thank you for this section of the comic, I'm sure it's been a bit scary to write since the reactions to this topic are very strong. You brave writer, you!

I just realized a page of Star asking Martin about his Penis would have been hilarious, but so inappropriate.

Star can counter by saying nobody else starts conversations by telling them they were dudes

Saying your gender identity is not an invitation to ask about genitals. O.O

Saying your gender identity isn’t exactly a conversation starter

It SHOULD be. And for me as a non-binary person it often is. “Hi my name is Em. I’m nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. Nice to meet you!”

The other person introduces themselves and shares their pronouns too. Quick. Easy. Painless. Normalize it!

We live in a world where you’re lucky to not be called an asshole. I’d like to be an honest to god wolf as many also would but I’m in the body given to me and accept it. How are we meant to accept these kind of people when they can’t accept themselves?

Actually, it's the opposite. By not trying to confirm to cis-normative measures, they are accepting themselves. It's other people who have a problem with it.

Also, why would you be an asshole for introducing yourself? That sounds like an asshole-y thing to do, IMO. O.o

I never said it was an asshole thing to introduce yourself. I said people get called things they don’t want to be called.

And though it’s true people have problems with trans people, trans people can’t be going around expecting people to call them what they want to be called. If being called something you don’t like upsets you, then you need to face facts. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Shouldn’t being comfortable with yourself be enough rather than trying to force people to your beliefs?

My apologies, I misread that. That makes more sense.

I mean, that is technically true but that shouldn't be something people just accept? Like, we shouldn't just be okay with a world where it's fine and expected for people to call each other names and be hateful. I feel like we should actively strive to make it better.

And it's not forcing beliefs onto people. THAT is definitely not okay. But being cis or trans isn't the same as, say, opinions or religious beliefs, or anything like that. That's like saying being your race, your orientation, whatever is about beliefs. People just want to be able to be without facing hate and I think that shouldn't be a strange goal.

I agree totally on that one. We should be able to say who we are without fearing repercussions. But sadly we don’t live in that world. Being judged is something humanity will never cease to do to another. Even communities that share the same ideals don’t all rub together.

Awwww that's such a abdl mom move too.

yes star i'm sure kim is fully transitioned

Whether it's your business or not depends entirely where the relationship is meant to go.
And usually that's not the first kind of thing you ask.

Yeah as of asking that right off the bat. Not right but I do believe if intercorse is every planning to he made it should be made aware.

If this was just a casual meeting for tea and crumpets, then I would totally agree with Kim's points here. However, I would think that if you plan to have sexual relations with someone then it is a valid question question to ask. Isn't that what this entire conversation is supposed to be about?

Don't get me wrong. Transitioning can be rather embarrassing for many people as...Ehem, it requires different "treatments" for different people that really shouldn't be discussed on public forums, let alone with people you barely know.

To use a slightly less sensitive example: My brother recently got a heart monitor installed into his chest. Now as his brother *I* don't need to know if he can still perform in bed, but I would think that his husband should. It is surgery after all. Heck, I got a little freaked out when I learned that a girl I was interested in had back surgery (something about installing a metal rod). Made me wonder, "what if I accidentally hurt her?" kind of deal. (No, I never pursued that particular crush.)

Point is: Most people don't need to know, thus most people wont ask the question. Star wouldn't need to have to ask of people who were presenting themselves as they were born (like Manda and Lure), as it's safe to assume that they did not get surgery. This isn't just a question of what Kim has down there. (aka: It's like comparing apples to oranges)

I would also think that pretending that it's offensive or rude to ask is in itself offensive. I like that Kim is being a good sport about the previous page, but this one feels a tad more vindictive. It also happens to be a logical fallacy that I'm quite tired of seeing. As well as happens to be a dangerous manipulation tactic (of which, I do not believe is what's intended to be happening here). How did the saying go?

“And if I could make you understand one truth, it would be this. Someone who manipulates your feelings through guilt isn’t loving you. That’s an attempt to control you. And that has nothing to do with love.” – JmStorm

Like I said, I don't think that's what's intended to be happening in this page, but it still looks and certainly feels like it.

I agree with you.

That's where I'm at, too. I feel like this is in the same vein as the "deadname" question, something that I feel Kim/Kim's character answered with more understanding and patience than this one; it's not something that comes up casually, but this is a conversation about her transition, and so has become a valid thing to ask about, as per Kim's own invitation. Star did not ask about anyone else's genitalia when she met them, she didn't ask about Kim's genitalia when she met her, and she didn't ask until after Kim 1) opened up about being trans and 2) opened up the conversational door.

Kim didn't and doesn't have to answer that question. And I'm sympathetic to how rude it would be to be asked that question just out of the blue. But that situation is not what specifically-Star did specifically-now, and I feel sorry that she's being taken to task for this.

You can ask about transitioning without asking about genitals, though. Especially since not all trans people wish or want to transition like that. There are better ways to ask about it. Plus, it's still an awkward and personal question to ask, even if understandable to why you'd be curious.

I actually really like Kim's way of handling. It better gets across to Star why you don't ask that question without a lot of consideration and thought. Plus, Kim kinda reassured her at the end. The way it was handled, Star won't make this mistake to someone that could cause harm to. This isn't just Kim answering the question, but explaining about the question as well.

Even if pursuing a sexual relationship, this isn't the type of thing you ask when first meeting them. That's more just before doing the deed, along with other questions such as STD status and testing, triggers, etc. It's not a first-meeting type of question. Plus, a lot of people (trans or cis) get wigged out by being asked about their junk by someone they met a few hours ago.

Last time I was in that situation, I didn't even ask. I found out when the deed was getting started. But I also didn't have a preference one way or the other. I feel like, if I did, it would be on me to present my own hangouts so that the focus is on me and not the other person.

It definitely is rude to ask, though. Like, you just don't do that to someone you just met. So I don't see it being offensive to present it in this way that makes Star realize it was a rude question.

I dunno. When you're in the act of doing it seems a tad too late to be mentioning it. Mostly because of (forgive me for the bad word, but there really is no other word that describes this particular scenario) "Traps". It's not really a good idea to spring it onto someone.

Of course, I also agree that the first meeting is not a good idea either, but (arguably speaking) so is bringing up the topic of being trans at this stage too. Even though Martin can vouch for her, Kim just met Star today. Then again, let's consider that this is a comic. We (as in the audience) don't really have the patience to wait a whole year of getting to know Kim better before they have this particular talk. Kim, understandably has her reasons, but she did bring up the topic, thus opened the door to the conversation. (See also the comment from  Balrighty just above your own)

That said, I do like the idea of talking about (as you've put it) your "own hang ups" so that you bear a bit more of the burden than your partner. However, it's also important to remember that "Respect is a two-way street". When I met my current Ex, I let her know right up front with our first date that I was an Asexual, that there is a chance that I may never get over my Gymnophobia (which is the main reason for my sexual status). Literally the very definition of the phrase, "It's not you, it's me."
We also (about a year later) had a talk about IF we were going to do it, what exactly would each of us be comfortable with.
As such, let me use a slightly more personal story that I'm going to hide behind spoilers to hopefully help get my previous point across.

Again this is something that I don't really share so, keep that in mind.
When I was about 10-11 years old, I lived in Connecticut with my mom and little brother. I also had a dog named Tac. Tac was a runt of a Rottie, but still a full grown Rottie. He was a wild child that didn't quite understand that he wasn't a puppy anymore. Well, this winter morning, we suited up so that we could go to school and as per usual, I had to distract him so that we could go out the front door. However, while I was slipping out the front door (Literally sliding between the door and the frame), Tac caught up to me and grabbed me by the crotch to pull me back inside. Yes, he grabbed that through three layers of pants and PULLED.

Now, if I end the story there, what's the first thing that you would want to ask me... other than "are you okay," of course, because I'm obviously still here. You'd probably ask about the damages. Thus how this is connected... how would you feel if while in the process of asking that particular question, I treated it in the same manor as Kim does here? That it's rude or (as one who is less kind than Kim might do) insist that it's none of your business. Pointing out that you're not asking about my brother's or mother's or so forth... That's kind of the point that I'm making here. By telling that story, I opened the door to such a question, but it would have been just as effective for both Kim and I (again remember Balrighty's comment) to say, "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with answering that." Would have had Star feel far less guilty about asking too.

...BTW, in case you are curious. some scars, but no real damage. It was like 20 years ago.

See, I don't see a problem with mentioning your trans a head of time. That's just part of who you are. Like if you mention that your an anime geek or like Golden Oldies or being a red head. People equate being trans to sex and sexuality, but gender identity is it's own thing and a lot of people can't and don't want to "pass."

I never said that you don't discuss it ahead of time. For my case, it wasn't a big deal. But for others, it may be. I just disagree that the burden needs to be on the trans person to go into what their junk looks like unless the other person is comfortable doing the same. Like, for your example, you had the concerns so you brought them up. Yes, the idea of someone being trans "springing" it on them is a problem, but that's mostly due to other people having an issue with it and it not following their assumptions in my opinion.

As for your story, sure I have questions. But I'm not about to ask you those because that's not my place. If you say or somehow let me know it's okay to ask questions, that's one thing. But until that point, my curiosity isn't more important than your peace of mind. (And actually, that wasn't my first questions. My first question was how on earth was that the easiest thing for the dog to grab and trying to figure out the positioning in my head because I'm not the best with abstract imaging. With the next question being why you shared that when it's only tangentially related since I feel like there should be better examples to go with. And third question of is that FA okay since FA is really weird and inconsistent with the rules. So your questions were, like, 4th and 5th on the list for me if I were to continue thinking on it. >_>;;;; )

I mean, I'm not sure that's the same thing. You're giving a story that explicitly concerned the genitals. Being trans doesn't. It may. It does for some. But it's also very personal. And honestly? Asking if you had any damages would be pretty tactless to ask so I wouldn't think that was okay either. It's not my business. Maybe if we were able to have sex, but that would still be on me and the emphasis should be that it's my issue, not yours.

Kim could have simply said that it was rude. But by leading the way she does, she got Star to better understand it so that she'd remember better. Other than, "oh. It's rude, for some rando reason, I guess." Kim did it in a way that gets her to realize how not okay it is so she doesn't slip up and do it again. And then immediately reassured her afterwards.

((I don't know how to censor things, but glad to hear you're okay. That definitely sounds scary and traumatic.))

"See, I don't see a problem with mentioning your trans a head of time."
Huh?.. OH, um, no what I meant about "springing on them" wasn't the fact that you're trans. Rather how far along you are /slash/ if you're planning more changes in the future. Mind you (pausing for a second) of course Kim doesn't have to answer. (unpause) Though, some people may be curious as to what to expect. (Seriously, such conversations should only really be for much later in the relationship. I'm glad we all at least agree about that.)

The thing that keeps coming to mind is the one (and admittedly only one that I saw) episode of a show called Degrasi. Where this transmale (Let's call him Joe) and a closeted lesbian (call her Sally) were dating. In this particular example Sally was actually the one in the wrong. Joe was looking forward to finishing his transition, but Sally kept insisting that he shouldn't because (as Joe would actually put it) "You don't want me, you want a girl". Frankly, I'm on Joe's side with that one. I mention it because it's a similar scenario, even though the roles are switched and obviously they weren't going to go quite *that* far.

" Yes, the idea of someone being trans "springing" it on them is a problem, but that's mostly due to other people having an issue with it and it not following their assumptions in my opinion."
Well, yes and no. The reason that I mentioned the "dirty word" was more-so on the lines of people who do it purposefully. It's these particular types of people that I do not (under any circumstances) consider as "Trans". For the very reason that they give the entire concept of being transgender a bad reputation as nothing more than perverts. I don't want that reputation to go onto people who are truly trying to be their best selves. Also (focusing a bit more on the "due to other people... following their assumptions"), that's something that's a tad unavoidable. Of course we're going to have assumptions, just like how I assume you assume that the chair you're sitting in isn't going to collapse or spring you twelve feet into the air. ... Okay, putting the silly and nearly impossible scenario aside, I do hope you get my point. We have assumptions for a reason. If we didn't/couldn't, then we can't really judge reality. Does that make sense, because I feel like I'm constantly overexplaining things?

As for my story... Yes, please don't think about it. (I'm seriously blushing at the moment.) However, I did "open the door" and I'm willing to suffer through it, for "If you don't actually want to know the answer, then you shouldn't have asked the question."
1st question: How he managed it? His head was just at that height and my body wasn't exactly halfway out of the door. Um... take your hand and kind of like claw pinch your thigh for a second. Might help you understand. 20 years later and I still don't know how he managed the scars... the pants weren't even ripped.
2nd question Why did I share? Like I said before, "respect is a two-way street". I guess, this would also include "never ask of others what you don't expect to be asked for in return." Thus, I thought it would be best if I made myself vulnerable, so that people can understand that I'm not taking this lightly or as a joke. Hoping that it might encourage you to do the same... I think it worked. Thus, I still don't think it to be rude to ask and this was my resolve.
3rd question: Is that okay with FA?... I think you sort of answered that question yourself. Also, we had sort of been talking about a similar topic anyway so... *shrugs* maybe?
4th or was it 5th question: How to do that "censor" thing? Oh, that's easy. You put the word "spoiler" within brackets.
So it might look something like this -> {spoiler}with what you want censored here{/spoiler}
Now, obviously not those brackets but these[] ones you can't see because FA automatically makes them go "poof".

" It may. It does for some."
Actually, that's kind of the entire point. I mean it is in the name. "trans-gender/sexual" as in to "change gender/sex" or to "transition". If there's nothing to change, then you're not trans. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you must get surgery before you can be considered as trans, but (speaking from my own mind personally after talking with a few transgenders who shared their thoughts) I hold that line of logic for people who are planning to in the future (like if they don't have the money or are just too scared to have it done just yet). As such, they should be respected (again in my opinion, though others may disagree). It's those who are clearly "trans-trenders" that I will absolutely will not consider as "trans" and neither do most Trans-individuals. Not for the same reason as the earlier mentioned "bad T word person", rather because they make the entire concept of being Trans a joke. People really are suffering from Gender Dysphoria and other mental issues and[full stop] I don't need to go on that rant, this comment is long enough.

" Kim did it in a way that gets her to realize how not okay it is so she doesn't slip up and do it again. And then immediately reassured her afterwards."
*Cringe* I know what you're trying to say... the problem is that it's still that manipulation tactic that I mentioned at the end of my first comment. Which, once again, I'd like to point out, I don't think was the intention of either BabyStar or Kim in the scene. Guilt and shaming... while quickly rewarding for what they consider as "good behavior". I've seen it happen and even experienced it. So much so that I no longer feel guilt from certain individuals I'd rather not mention.

"That definitely sounds scary and traumatic." Oh I'm sure it was... Maybe? And he's done worse later on in life. You should see the scars I got on my hands (that one was an accident involving his leg getting caught). He was a handful, but I loved him until the day he went to the farm in the country... I know what that sounds like, but seriously, we had to give him away. Slaphappy Tac thought he was a puppy until he died.

Agreed with the first paragraph.

For the second, with the show example, ew! Yeah, a lot of people view trans as "male/female" lite and it's a very gross opinion as well as super invalidating. Poor dude. :C

IMO, the number of men who are faking being a women is very minor. And the fact that people have views and thoughts based on them is so terrible because it causes a lot of transphobia. It's this line that people use for trans folk not being in the correct bathroom, because "they're just men in dresses." But that's such a tiny number in reality. As a note, I view that differently than cross-dressing. Gender expression does not need to line up with gender identity and it should be just as acceptable for a dude to wear feminine clothing (including dresses) as it is for women to wear pants.

I disagree. I find it problematic to make assumptions about someone's genitalia. It plays into transphobic ideas. That women have vaginas and men have dicks, so if you don't you're not a /real/ whatever. But that assumption is not helpful and does hurt others so I'd love to see it go away. If you have a preference, you have a preference. But treat it was you would, say, someone who has a preference for circumcised or uncircumcised wang or something.

I mean, I wasn't intending to ask questions. I only mentioned it because I was over explaining in how your assumption to what my first question was going to be was incorrect. And just because I'm curious doesn't mean you need to answer. Or that I /want/ to know the answers (there's a reason I didn't present them as anything other than rhetorical questions). It's already incredibly awkward to mention this story anyways when it has almost nothing to do with what's being talked about. So, just skipping that section entirely out of my own comfort and unrelatedness to the conversation.

Not the correct definition of transgender. And transexual is a dated term, one that may find offensive. Some still use it, particularly for those who have transitioned, but many hate it so you can't assume it's okay across the board. Transgender just means you are a gender that's different than your assigned one. That says nothing about desires to change it or not (as many do not for various reasons). They may just change their gender expression. Or change a name. Or whatever works for them. It's a stereotype people have of trans folk, even many other trans folk, but it's an incorrect one. Surgeries in particular are not needed or need to be desired to be trans.

First time I've heard of "Trans-Trenders" but the way it's used here, it just sounds like a way for some folk, trans or otherwise, to invalidate someone just because their journey and desires are different. And I don't believe there's any room for that kind of mentality. Just, ewww, gate keeping is gross.

I mean, you may disagree with the tactic but that doesn't mean it's wrong. IMO, Star /should/ feel a bit guilty for asking this question because it wasn't appropriate. And then Kim reassured her that it's understandable she messed up while not taking away from the fact that it was a mess up.

1st paragraph Cleared.

2nd sentence. I didn't really think of it quite that way, but yes there is that too. However... you kind of invalidate your argument with your third paragraph. Why? Well, if there is no standard to begin with then there is no argument for either side. People like Kim can't say "I am a woman" because it's about as meaningless as saying "I am human". You can't be Trans or cis because there is no difference between the two. Thus, you are invalidating Trans people even further than the people who are actually transphobic.

3 paragraph.... Okay, this paragraph of yours is actually two points. So, I'm breaking them up as those two separate points.

3a Well, unfortunately, it doesn't matter how "minor" it is. When Target made it a rule that you can't stop anyone from entering any bathroom, that didn't help Transgenders. That helped the actual perverts. And because those perverts were caught... again, it shines a bad light onto Transgenders as a whole. It's also not just those who haven't had surgery yet (Which, btw is also a very "minor" number, but I don't want to play that game.), but all women became victimized. If you want to stop this stereotype from being front and center, then stop allowing it. Most Transgenders had no issue about which bathroom they could use before. Those that do can have it addressed on an individual basis. It's not a perfect system, but if you can find a system that is, then I've got a bridge to sell to you. Yes, there are those who "don't pass", but so do some women... I think one of my aunts is one of those...

3b "Gender expression does not need to line up with gender identity"
As someone who actually loves "dressing up"... I have a problem with this view and so do quite a number of transgender individuals. It's bad enough that too many people assume that crossdressers are all either gay and/or trans. This opinion of your, however, is much worse. If everyone can wear everything then there is no such thing as crossdressing. If there is no difference between men and women, then there's no such thing as being trans either. In such a situation, one could ask "why should you care if I misgender someone?" Like I said previously, words like "transwomen" and "real women" becomes meaningless. As such YES, your gender expression does have to match up with your gender. If I put on cat ears and wear a orange monkey tail, add a bunch of feathers and crocodile gloves... then I don't think that I'm expressing that I'm a raccoon. (Calm down, I have worn dresses too. Filled out my mother's night gown better than she did.) The same goes for how we dress and gender. Why are you dressing as a girl if you don't want to express that you're a woman. Otherwise, what exactly are you expressing? Nothing. There are deep differences between males and females and most transgenders know and recognize that.

4th Paragraph, your argument is invalid right from the gate. There is a normality. And there is abnormality. Just as dreams reflect the reality, so too does reality reflect the dreams. If one is the dream than the other must be the reality. (Sandman and the Endless) This is a really long winded way of saying, "The exception is not the rule." Over 99.9% of people are this way, thus it's safe to make the assumption. It would be foolish to say that it must be put into question every single time rather than just make most logical the assumption. People may not like that, but it's the truth.

5th Paragraph It is the correct definition and Transexual is not outdated. Personally, I find the phrase "assigned gender" rather offensive. In fact, I know quite a number of people who find it offensive from all walks of life. Does that mean that everyone should stop using that "offensive phrase" now too? No one "assigned" my gender to me. I am what I am. Same can be said for those who are Transgender. The only people that term should apply to are the people who were born Intersex. (Again, the Exception is not the Rule.)

Now, the actual point that I was making was that the very meaning of the word "TRANS" is "to change". If you don't change anything, you're just pretending. Hence why the phrase "TransTrender" was created by Transgenders to describe those who think that it's "Trendy" thus will provide them with more views/Likes/clicks. It's a variation of what's known as Munchhausen's Syndrome. When we look back when the Transgender Acceptance trend really started, you'll find that the overwhelming majority of those who took on the title of "trans" either stepped back, admitted that they were just gay, or continued being crazy people doing crazy things (again in alignment of Munchhausen's Syndrome and even by Proxy). Very few were actually Trans.

6th Paragraph. Look, I can agree that it can be that way sometimes (Take Blaire White vs Riley J. Denis for examples), but it's not always "gatekeeping". It's recognizing that there are people who fake it. You can't say that you're a vegan, but still eat steak. Can't say that you're Asexual, but sleep with a new partner every week. Can't say you're into being an Adult Baby, if you don't be a Little. Can't say that you're a Gamer if all you just casually play candycrush. (BTW, I dated a gamer, there is a difference between someone who plays video games and someone who Games.) You do not get to change the definition of words to fit you (generally speaking) or your desires for those words. Otherwise (Just like how I mentioned in previous paragraphs) the words and actions will be meaningless.

Final sentence: I still disagree. Sorry... The more I look at it, the more it looks like a Kim is a Manipulator. And Again, you're confirming it to be so. I mean didn't you say earlier that you take some of the burden onto yourself? Look at what you just said and tell me that it's not a classic "Deflection" and "Guilt Trip"[/url]. (Again, I do not believe it to be Gem's intentions to express it as such, but It's still there. Even Martin Cringing only to be surprised by Kim's actions shows signs that he's been (as the phrase goes) "walking on eggshells" with her. The most subtle thing that Kim did was change the question that Star asked her. What Star asked was if Kim had surgery. What Kim expressed it as was "what do you got downstairs?" These are two very clearly different questions. Both of which did not need the passive aggressive response (earlier mentioned deflection and guilt trip). A healthy person who doesn't want to answer would say, "Sorry, but I'm not comfortable about answering that one", or... (as I do have some more "playful" friends) "Why? You wanna sneak peak?"

Also, aside from the timing, why is it wrong to ask this one particular question? I doubt that Star (or anyone for that matter) would need to be verbally punished for asking a simple question. To repeat my earlier shared quote, “And if I could make you understand one truth, it would be this. Someone who manipulates your feelings through guilt isn’t loving you. That’s an attempt to control you. And that has nothing to do with love.” – JmStorm

I have a friend named Tavi. She's actually in a polygamic relationship... though, technically it isn't because none of them are married despite being "together" and having quite a number of kids together (two sets of twins just last month. Tavi is so relieved about how healthy her pair are.) When she and Hoss met Savi, she had just come out of an abusive relationship... they did nothing to manipulate her. Everything they did was done at her pace and only ever done if she was comfortable with it. From what little I've heard, it's clear that they (all three of them) honestly do care about each other and are willing to address any wrongs that are committed in a loving way... Usually involving elaborate pranks on Hoss, but still lovingly done.

Wow. This is mostly transphobic ideas, and then an added dose of trying to invalidate some asexuals, gamers, etc just because they don't fit what you want. This whole thing was grossly transphobic and gatekeeping. Just admit that you don't get how some people are instead of trying to control them and dictate who people are or aren't based on your definitions. Because it's gross. (But at least this post didn't have more oversharing of dog-bitten genitals story. STILL confused by that one!) And no idea what your friend and her story has to do with it.

But I don't think it matters. You're one of those hateful people who wants to decide how others should live. My life and others don't matter because you believe you're right. So no thanks.

First and foremost. Before continuing, I think you need to listen to "Mayuri's Speech on Perfection" It's okay to be wrong. I am on occasion. Even experts in any given field can make mistakes. Recognizing that being wrong, means we can learn and grow. It's not something that invalidates me or makes me somehow less valuable as a person. Similarly, you really shouldn't take discussing topics as a personal attack on yourself. That's not a healthy way to view the world. The rest of the world isn't here for our personal comforts. You too, shouldn't take being disagreed with as a personal attack. I am not here to demean you, or anybody else. I talk about these things because I honestly care about the topics. Mayuri is a disgusting person, but this (his speech) is the one thing that I respect him for.

Second, facts are facts and there's always a chance that both of us are wrong, or both of us are right or even a combination of the two. Please be wary of the "Either/Or Fallacy". It's led to some of the most deadly results in recent history. Just because I don't think exactly like you, doesn't mean that I take on such an extremist view in opposition to you (or others).

Now, to actually address what you've said. "Wow. This is mostly transphobic ideas"
No, what you're reading is a balance between two extremes. No transphobic ideas here. It seems to me that you're trying to argue the opposite extreme to transphobia. It's those particular ideas that gave rise to comments such as, "I identify as an attack helicopter". It's not gross to have a standard to go by as the alternative invalidates the entire argument and everybody loses.

Case and point: Transwomen (aside from dealing with their Gender Dysphoria) worked very hard to express that they are women. What do you think happens when you still ask them things such as "what are your pronouns?" The first thing that crosses their mind isn't "oh how thoughtful of you." No, the first thought is "Um, hello? What do you think my pronouns are?" You invalidate them.

I've also met with a Transmale (mind you the reason for our meeting had nothing to do with Transgenderism, but it was still an enlightening experience.) He had expressed that the main reason for his transition was due to his fears of pregnancy. He's already have two children that he loves very much, but (due to the laws of where he lives) he cannot obtain the surgery to complete his transition. Do I (or others) consider him as not a real Trans because (as you put it) of Gatekeeping? No. He is still trans.

Who are is what Creates the terms, not the other way around. Blue is still blue even if we give it seven different names or speak in different languages. You don't walk up to someone while holding an apple and say "this is blue". Apples (typically) aren't blue. If you don't fit into the group, it's because you don't have the qualities that help you fit into the group. You don't walk up to them and demand that they change so that it will include you. (See also The Raven Paradox)

I'm a virgin because I've never had sex before. I'm an Asexual because I have an aversion to sexual relationships in a similar manor as a gay man has an aversion to women, or straight men have to other men. I play video games, but I (by no means) would call myself a "Gamer" as I make no dedication to any one game. (As appealing as it would be to call myself a "King of Games" I'm far closer to the Jack of Games, player of many, but master of none.).

Can there be some overlap? Sure. A person can be Asexual or Gay, despite they had a straight sexual encounter before.
However, this also means that there are things you can't say.
You don't say that a man is no longer a man, just because he likes the color pink. Or is a girl for liking MLP. So on and so forth. To go to such lengths is also "Gatekeeping".
And in a similar vein, one can't say that they're still a virgin after they've had intercourse.
This isn't "Gatekeeping", it's just a fact. One who ignores this fact, is one who can't accept reality.

TL;DR: This isn't "Gatekeeping" it's simply having a standard to go by.

"It's okay to be wrong, but I'm not so deal with it."

If you're against trans folk, it's transphobic. You are wrong in that too. Get over yourself. You are clearly not trans but think you know all about them. Or maybe are and dealing with your own internal biases. It can still fuck off. Because you have your definitions, you feel that it applies to everyone in that group (rather you are part of it or not) and that is gatekeeping.

Trans people don't have to transition or desire a transition.
Ace can have and even enjoy sex.
Gamers can play casual video games.
Gender expression does not need to line up with gender identity in anyone.

If you're okay with being wrong, then maybe do some more research on the community first instead of promoting transphobic ideas of "trans trenders" and such.

NW, you might express the view of "It's okay to be wrong, but I'm not so deal with it."

I, however, most certainly do not. By accusing me of it, you are (in turn) being guilty of it.
I also do not believe myself to be an expert. Frankly, if you want me to go into what would be considered as "advanced" knowledge, then you may want to stop arguing/rejecting what are the bare basics of the topic. I haven't even brought up things like Dr. John Money... Yet. Yes, that's the A-hole's actual name. and how that (unfortunately for his victims) helped us understand Gender Identities as not being Social Constructs (even for Transgenders As multiple (more ethical) experiments using MRI's have revealed).

First of all, your definition of the word "Gatekeeping" is obviously off. Gatekeeping is the idea that one can't join the group unless they meet certain requirements. Most of which have nothing to do with whatever the Gatekeeper is keeping the people from, be it Video Games, Comics, or Fandoms. Frankly, I'm not much of a Joiner so I'm not affected by Gatekeepers as much as you probably would be. However, "Your opinion doesn't match mine, so you can fuck off." I recall things like "You must like [this character here] or you're not a true [insert genre here] fan." being classic Gatekeeping behavior. As such, you seem to be taking Gatekeeping to the next level.

Of course I'm not trans. Frankly, it doesn't make me an expert in the field even if I was.
However, if you'd like for me to present examples of Trans-Individuals who will tell you the same thing. I will.
Remember how earlier I mentioned Blaire White vs Riley J. Denis? Well, Blaire has faced quite a bit of backlash over the years of being called, "Not really trans", when she clearly is. People also look to people like Riley who's openly admitted, "I don't exhibit any Gender Dysphoria and I have no intention of transitioning. You must accept me as a Trans-Lesbian". By Ridley's standards, I too am a Trans Lesbian... Wait, no I'm not. See the issue yet? Of course not, because I don't automatically accept that. It has nothing to do with Gatekeeping from me, nor me believing myself to be an expert.

Again. Who you are determines the words used to describe it. Not the other way around. Teal is a very difficult color to pin down as anything but Teal, though some may argue that it's blue and some may argue that it's green, No One would argue that it belongs in the Red category.

Trans people don't have to transition or desire a transition.
Then why are they called "Trans"? Let me guess: "Because you're right, so I have to deal with it?"
You don't call something "Aquatic" ​if it has nothing to do with the water. Same deal here.
I have already expressed multiple times that there are obvious exceptions to the rule, but that does not and cannot, negate the fact that there is a rule to begin with.

Ace can have and even enjoy sex.
Need I remind you that I am Ace. (which is short for "ASExual", not to be confused with say "an Ace Pilot")
A-Sexual has rootwords "A" (meaning "absent") and "Sexual" (obviously meaning the Act of Sex). When a creature reproduces Asexually, it's because Sex is not involved in Reproduction. In humans, however, it means that we simply don't have (if not have the aversion to) sexual activity. I am not an "Ace" because I say I am Asexual. True, I can have sex and can enjoy it (frankly all sex is Designed to be enjoyable), but it's that adversion that makes me Asexual, rather than Bi, Gay or Straight. (And before you go on a tangent about how many Genders there are, there are still only two sexes. Sex is not the same thing as Gender. Don't mix them up.)
​
Gamers can play casual video games.
That's not what I said, and you know it. I said you're not "A Gamer" just because you play games. If that were the case then everyone except for those who've never touched or played a game before would have the title of "Gamer". Of course Gamers can play casual games, but there is a difference between playing a game casually and dedicating to be the best at a certain (sometimes multiple) games. Just because you play Super Mario Odyssey, doesn't automatically make you a Speedrunner. Again, not Gatekeeping, just common sense.


Gender expression does not need to line up with gender identity in anyone.
Yes, it does. Otherwise what are you expressing? Now you can argue that people should be allowed to wear whatever they want. That's fine. However, once again, I must point out. If I want to express that I am a woman, I will dress like a Woman. I can't do that if there is no standard for how a woman can dress. Now if I want to be a DragQueen as opposed to being a simple Crossdresser, then I'll have to take on Gender Expression from the normal standard up to Eleven. As being a DragQueen is about the Exaggerating of the normal standard of Femininity. Again, can't do that if there is no distinction. Basic common sense.

there are not only two sexes lmfao. intersex ppl have always existed

Of course Intersexed Individuals have always existed.
Micro-organisms only have one sex.
Fungus has 36,000 sexes.
And Tacotacos have three. Those being the "Buri", The "Burito" and of course the "Taco". Technically, it's four if you want to include the one an only "Naga" in all of Tacotaco existence. However, they don't.
In humans, there are only two sexes. We call them Male and Female. Intersex is a (wide variety of) mutation(s) in a person that causes them to (in a variety of ways) not quite completely be one or the other. However, it is not separate from the Binary of Sex.

To use a metaphor: Being between the two is not a sex in itself any more than saying that a PB&J is neither a PB or J but a new dressing entirely. Especially since, unlike the Tacotacos or even Fungus, they are completely incapable of reproduction (aka Sterile).

To use a less silly example: Some people are born with more than five fingers/toes. Does that mean that these humans are a new branch of human evolution? Nope. It's just a random mutation. Same goes for those born with tails and multiples of other body parts. They're mutations, nothing more or less. Statements like, "Humans only have 5 fingers on each hand and don't have tails" is not debunked by the existence of such human beings any more that you can use Semantics to say, "2+2=5". (Which I can do, btw.)

However, if you'd like to point out what an "intersex genitalia" looks like or is even called, I'm all ears.
Also I have yet to meet an Intersexed Individual (outside of Cowboy Bebop) that Identifies as neither male or female. I'm not saying that one such person does not exist, but rather most seem pretty content being what they are. Most don't even realize it themselves (my favorite example is a man who turned out to have two genetic mutations that made everyone think he was actually a boy, but a girl. The truth wasn't discovered until late into his 40's. They offered to "correct it" for him, but he was perfectly content with being a man. Good on him.)

(And just like all things there are exceptions. There have been a grand total of 11 "True Hermaphrodites" becoming pregnant and giving birth. However, every case has resulted in a male and from what I've read... no "donner". Figured I'd mention that.)

How can 2+2=5 You see 2.4 rounds down to 2. And 2.4+2.4=4.8. 4.8 rounds up to 5. Thus "2+2=5".... but not really. Obviously we wouldn't use this type of "math" in the real world. It's 2.4+2.4 that equals 4.8, while 2+2 really does and only ever will equal 4.

“Transtrender” is a phobic red flag I only hear from people who wanna gatekeep who is and isn’t trans. It’s a way to dismiss the people that don’t fit their socially acceptable path.

I don't know about this one, chief. If I'm entering a strange, and, potentially sexual, situation with near strangers, I kinda want to know everything I'm getting into.

If the person in question is unable to provide that information, then I'm not really capable of providing informed consent. Definitely would not be comfortable with that.

This is going to sound so dumb of me, but whenever Star asks these questions, I get so anxious, I have to back out of the page for a bit before I can continue.
(Anxious is probably the wrong word, but I don't know of another word to use sadly...)
Kim is too good for this world, such a sweetie!

Great way for Kim to handle it, but kept so much to keep from screaming along with him and disturbing the mate's gaming. XD

Also, Kim's face there is best. <3

I think the dialog is really well done, mainly because I have the same snark as Kim does apparently. As I agree getting people to realize their own mistake in asking overtly personal questions when they shouldn't.

Oh my god, I love the third panel where she flips the script and trolls the hell out of Star. Absolutely precious.

Omg Star! Lol! Okay, so I hate to be that guy, but i kinda woulda said that the same way as Star, though for me its mostly do to a lack of social cues and understandings, even though I do know this is kinda rude. At least stars question came from a place of genuine curiosity and love, and not bigotrey.

To be fair I do ask that to my close friends a lot "hey can I see what's under your pants" but its only my close friends, my new friends would probably be like wtf so I avoid that but either then that I'm lewd and naughty, but star is innocent so she wouldn't know any better.

That is a good question that is VERY difficult to word. But. Has she? Now I'm curious.

man, this is the kind of snark I WISH I could give to creepy cis people when they've asked me this in the past. Kind of cathartic seeing star backstep and actually apologize, I'm more used to people getting super defensive and never apologizing for asking me invasive questions :') I'm glad the cis folks that read shine can learn from this!

Hear hear!

Sometimes it’s the framing you put your info in. As someone that has gotten asked more questions about my service dog and “what’s wrong with me” - I find that despite my instinct to play nice, if I clap back they either apologize or step off.

My personal favorite when asked “what’s wrong with me” or “what I need a service dog for” is to ask them the results of their last PAP smear or prostate exam, “since we are treading Into medical territory”.

LOL, man I'll have to remember that and use it next time, that's a great one

"(also 400 pages in and this is the first time I've typed the word Penis LOL)"
i KNEW something felt weird about seeing it in this page

Thank you for taking the time to make the point. Yes all of this should be obvious, gods know I have had similar rants. Unfortunately we live in a world rife with prejudice and it is going to take some time for people to learn, particularly if those of us who know better don't do what we can to educate.

That doesn't mean putting that burden on any of us is fair, in a fair world the people spreading all the hate would be forced to take back thier words. Sadly I am pretty sure all of us see the huge problems with that idea.

Star you missed a point in the last panel in kims speech bubble

I know I’m like really late here but I love Kim’s sass

I absolutely love that you're going through all of these bad questions in such a natural way and explaining *why* they're bad without making Star look like an asshole. This is really well written and I'm proud of you! :D

Also on an unrelated note, now that you're getting into the 400's, I expect and/or demand to see some characters toking up for page 420! xD
I know Star can't really partake as military personnel but you can't tell me Martin and Kim don't light up once in a while :P

Nice touch.. guess many people asks these kind of questions, not thinking it could be hurting the other

Sooooo, I just read this whole comic in a day, now I am sad as there is no more yet, it's so dam good!

Still really enjoying this set of interactions between Kim and Star, I've had to explain to a cis person about the whole questions about someone's downstairs and this is a great way of handling that. I told them it can come off as creepy and weird (explained this in a nice way, not just calling them creepy/weird XP) because no one asks anyone else about their parts like people ask trans people about theirs.

Scrolled through the comments and read a lot of them and feel like I should say as a real life human being in the real world there's no excuse in 2021 to not know what it's okay and not okay to ask trans people about - Google exists, you can learn this stuff before you've ever met a trans person. If you don't know you can go and learn it right now. Trans people are not obliged to be ambassadors for the community if they don't want to, we don't personally have to educate you unless we want to. It's frequently exhausting and emotionally draining.

Sometimes I've been Kim, sometimes I haven't. I imagine a lot of trans folks are the same. I'm glad the conversation is happening in the comic because it's fiction, and it's a great example of what not to do and why, which is informative. In reality no-one has infinite energy for education and self-advocacy and if you're a cis person realising that they're under informed on trans issues you can fix that yourself and every trans person you ever meet from now until the end of time will be eternally grateful that they didn't have to.

Well said!

YES THANK YOU 🙏

You know.... I'm taking Kim's reaction here and using it when I need to now. It's friking purfect at drawing the line when someone doesn't know they've taken a leap so they can swiftly walk back while they can and not go further😅.

Also talk about striking out twice. Literally two of the worst questions to ask......heavy secondhand embarrassment

"Clever little girl" I WOULD MELT AGASHSHHHEHEB

This will be interesting when I get to that stage in transition. Im still figuring out if i would move by then to avoid...family confrontation.

Ooooh owned. Star, insert foot into mouth. Swallow until thigh. ^o^

I've been reading this past few pages because I love the way Kim reacts, I luckily didn't had to go through this that many times but Kim is an example of how to stir the conversation, she doesn't gets mad she explains seriously and makes sure star gets the message so if she ever met another trans then she wouldn't make the same mistake although I think this question for some people is a one in a lifetime meaning usually you never ask the bad questions again once you learned that they are a source of discomfort

IDK about this Anymore.
Star Just Almost Looks Back On My younger Age.
Always Ask Anything. But, when She Looks Bad For the word... Really Need A lot of Sorry...

I'm Really Like it... Very Cute.
Hope for the best For the next

Coming up next on today's episode of "Stars's Ego Death!".. :D

you did a really good job at drawing the whole "oh kitten you just walked into my trap and you aren't even gonna realize it for a few more seconds" facial expression. XD

Kim is making Star feel guilty for asking questions that are completely normal. After all, it was Kim who brought up the fact that she is trans.
I understand that Kim might be a little insecure after her previous experience. But now that she gave the first step of opening up to Star it's a pity that she still has that self defensive and condescending attitude.

u shouldnt ask ppl, especially ppl u just met, invasive questions abt their genitals. its not "reasonable" and trans ppl dont owe it to anyone to indulge their "curiosity" abt our bodies

This. Just because you’re aware of a status doesn’t mean you’re entitled to all the details. If you see a person missing an arm, you’re not entitled to know “what happened to them”. If you meet someone in a wheelchair, you aren’t owed the explanation of “what’s wrong with them”.

Same goes for trans people. A person is a person, deserving of respect privacy and dignity regardless of whether you think they look like their assigned gender at birth.

If you meet someone in a wheelchair you should keep your curiosity for yourself to avoid hurting their feelings, that's absolutely true.
But if the person in the wheelchair comes to me saying "Look, I'm into a wheelchair!" I am not entitled to ask about it either?

Why are all you guys also trying to make Star feel guilty? It's obvious that she has no bad intentions.

I agree with you.

were not making anyone feel guilty, star reacted respectfully to being chastised gently by someone who she already trusts. if u feel guilty thats on u.

Don't worry about me, emotional manipulation doesn't affect me any more

That's a brilliant way to respond to that question

Star's beautiful as a brunette, but can't wait for her to get her cute blonde and PINK (😜) hair back

I'm at trans woman and I *STILL* have the impulse to ask enby people their assigned gender at birth. Our culture encourages a toxic level of curiosity and nosiness from such a young age and it can be really hard to unlearn

It happens and the fact that recognize and acknowledge it and are trying to get better - people see that and appreciate it. And even if you can tell our AGAB, we appreciate you not acknowledging it. 💖

Can't wait to see Manda and Lure again

I really don't like Kim. And not because of the trans thing. That's simply the wrong way to treat people.

luigi

I'm confused - within the given context why didn't that question deserve a straight to the point answer when the concerned party wanted it known right out of the gate to avoid the drama they had previously experienced . . . ?

. . . and then immediately proceeds to use that question as a springboard to start drama over what likely ended the previous relationship ?

'Why wasn't it important for my other friends?' - Because they aren't trans. and the social norm is not *needing* to ask.

'Why should it be important for you?' - Well, you're the one who sat us down and wanted to put this out in the open in the first place . . .

Star's genuinely curious and trying to work with it , why treat a question like that and risk pushing them away.

Why is the genital thing impostant. You can say "hey im trans" without suddenly needing to discuss your nether regions. This is their first meeting/proper sit down discussion. Admittedly if the relationship moved to the bedroom then that discussion would probably be brought up, but not in a "hey whats you name, oh thats nice, do you have a wang?" Thats not really appropriate

"This is their first meeting/proper sit down discussion. Admittedly if the relationship moved to the bedroom then that discussion would probably be brought up"

EXACTLY the wording that makes this make the most sense.

You don't ask random people on the street about their danglies, unless you're about to get dirty.

Right. If a random person is trans and, as much as I loathe the term, is “passing”… you don’t ask their genitals because it’s not something that you casually would ask people nor do you need to know it of acquaintances. It doesn’t make it more okay to ask if they “don’t pass” or you figure it out or they trust you enough to tell you.

Obviously the only reason Kim brought it up is because this became a problem in a previous relationship and she wants to avoid unnecessary hurt for both parties. She’s not looking to be Sexual with Star but doesn’t want hurt if Star turned out to be a hateful bigot either.

The joys of having little to no filter xD

i can remember sitting in therapy with my mom, seeing the word "substitute" on the wall and taking that word apart.
"HEY MOM! THAT WORD HAS THE WORD 'TIT' IN IT!" xD

Gottum

I love the way Kim handled this. And while it's perfectly fine and understandable to be curious, it's something I would think is not relevant unless and until you and the person you're talking to might be getting serious. Still, I think it's good you did this page and it is definitely handled well.