Many years ago on DA, I tried to do a "ten sketches for others" thing because it was the trend at the time. I figured I could make some watchers smile with that since they enjoyed my At Home comic so much. Sadly, I could never complete it due to the fact that drawing others' characters was more difficult than I had thought and I began to question my limitations. That actually led to my eventual decline in drawing as often as I used to, but that's a story in and of itself. That said, this was a neat little growth comic illustrating how you've been feeling about art. I wish I could draw my struggles as a fun growth comic.

If you have a backlog, you could always upload it for fun. It's your gallery and you should update it how you please.

That's one thing I'm going to do, is take the things that are done enough to post and get them off my plate. There are a lot of sketches that I intended on inking, that if I post I can say they are done, be happy they are out there for folks to enjoy, and a reduction of the queue. I have maybe a hundred files in "In Progress". Clearing that out will help.

I wish you much success with that. ^^

I don't have a solution, but I can offer a hug.

*HUG*

Thank you!

This sequence is CUTE, and awesome! Great job on it!

This aside: I once had a RP story with a friend of mine. We enjoyed it. but it eventually got bland, or just felt not accurate. We ended up rebooting it twice, just to finally get it in right...

It is NOT a bad thing to change your character at all. Should you feel the desire to change such ways. If it doesn't feel right, or Just does not fit in. You are welcome to change it a bit. Or totally change it all!

I am no artist sadly. However. I can feel your issue. For Alan supposed to stay tiny for all eternity. Is a character thing. But again. You are welcome to change it, should you feel that it is NO LONGER desired.

One suggestion. Tho this is ONLY OPTIONAL friend. Is maybe he gets a, rare...special item that only has a charge every week, for a max of a set charges. like 5-10 charges. Making him able to get huge and mega obese like he wants. Only for a set time of an hour to 6 hours. (What ever floats your boat.)

Again. Just a suggestion should you DESIRE change. instead of sticking true to your Original concept. I once had this Creature created. https://www.deviantart.com/shinyrea.....akia-746922519 I once liked it. But over time. It felt off....or Just not 100%. so I commissioned my friend for a remake. https://www.deviantart.com/mrboomhe.....gned-848096147 The redesigned, felt much, more alien. But also WAY MORE ORIGINAL!!

This is my 2 half-dollars in what I put in.

Thanks for the input. A writer friend of mine came up with a few ways that Alan could get at least a taste of some of magic's effects. So I got a few ideas to play around with. That said the characters are evolving; Alan's been made less magically powerful, and nicer. BLK is a little more inclined to the effects of magic (showing he enjoys it a little more at least). I do need to express some of this better when I'm not being lazy.

it's good to balance personal time between work. After I complete a set of commissions, I tend to usually make a few things for myself in between, that way it feels more rewarding to get things done! It also helps when my commissions are of things I enjoy drawing.

That's another thing. Part of me wants to get back into commissions as it does stretch out the subject matter I work on, so long as it isn't something that I really don't want to work on, and the funds would help things like house repairs. It can be a lot of stress though, so I have been wary.

I feel like it's important to only do as much as you can handle at a time. For your own mental health.

Let me say this. As a writer with like a dozen artist friends: If you're not having fun with something, you have the right to drop it, full stop.

I understand the feeling of wanting to do fun things and wanting them to be super good. I understand the feeling of like you owe others for their kindness multiple times over. But you know what else you owe to someone? You owe yourself to have a good time with your work. So don't be afraid to speak up or slow down or take a break if you think you're not having fun with something. Nobody is going to have fun if you don't.

Makes sense. Simplifying the things I feel I owe folks is at least a start through those feelings. I do want to do a lot of stuff for myself, but I don't want it to shift too far that way unless I'm making something overall meaningful like a comic. I'll see if I can balance things out.

You poor thing, I know how it feels

I think it's all self-imposed on my side. If it's the same on your side, I hope you can break the same mental blocks.

Alan and BLK would have a lot of fun being Sumo Wrestlers! Just gotta adjust their heights some to level out the playing field... ;)

Could be fun. It would take Alan a lot of work to match BLK though.

I think the Size Difference would be fun though! He might not match him there, but I can see him having a bit of strength to make up for it, magic pending... ;)

You question who cares about BLK & Alan, and I say that there are tons of people who do. I myself absolutely love hearing about other people’s characters and their stories, and both Alan & BLK do sound like intriguing characters!

I understand wanting to draw something nice for those you care for, too.
I myself usually try to make sure that I have an Image for my friends for their Birthday! I even remind myself a week in advance, so I have time to work on them, too.
Though, I am absolutely certain that your friends would be perfectly understanding, even if it is just a sketch, as they shall recognise the large work load you may have.

As for the backlog of work you have, I would recommend uploading them!
As this comic shows, even your sketch work looks really good!

I did see someone suggest here doing a balance, like work on couple of commissions and then focus on a personal project? Kind of like the sweet treat after a meal, or something?
May need to think more on this, but your concerns are understandable.

Awesome Comic, too.
I look forward to seeing more from you.

I hear ya, I've owed someone a commission for several months now, but I have had a hard time pushing myself to do it in-between IRL stress and responsibilities.

It's gotten to the point where I feel I can't do any other art projects because then I'd feel like I'm cheating the client out of work that should be going towards his product. I've strongly considered simply issuing a refund at this point, but he's been super cool and patient about it, that I'd feel even worse for backing out of it after all this time.

Sigh.

I can tell you buddy, my Mate  xaviermaldonado1 has got THE SAME or at least super similar problems. You go look at his profile here, it's a ghost town, but that's cause he's let himself fall into the "I have to post finished things, and only when i have something WORTHWHILE to post" trap. I keep telling him and I'll tell you, YOUR SKETCHES ALONE ARE AWESOME AND AMAZING AND WORTH POSTING! I KNOW You wanna post finished stuff and that posting less than that makes you feel like a lazy half-asser, but that completely neglects the fact that you picked up the pencil (or metaphorical pencil) in the FIRST PLACE! YOU DID A THING! Regardless of how much polish it has, GET your ideas OUT of your head, onto paper, and SHAE them with the world, and don't be afraid to be self indulgent either!

Cause that fear of being self-indulgent, if you let that fear restrain you, you end up never posting anything you actually LOVE, and it's gonna kill your motivation when you feel like "Ohhhh I can't do THAT again..." Because who CARES if you do that again??? I mean hell, Everyone KNOWS Togepi as the Macro Starfox guy, but that's not a negative perception, just nuetral! "Oh! He uploaded another Macro Starfox pic :P Ok :) I wasn't into that so I'm skipping over it" orrrr "OH! He uploaded another Macro Starfox pic! I'll check and see if it's a good one cause it's not my main thing but it's kinda nice." orrr "Oh! He uploaded another Macro Starfox pic! SWEET! I love that stuff! GIMME MORE!" Two out of three possible reactions are positive, and the other is just passive, that's what everyone is, merely PASSIVE. Nobody is gonna think LESS of you for being "the guy that does that same subject matter all the time", cause EVERYONE is like that deep down!

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Anyways, I'm rambling and getting less helpful as I do. So lemme give you my secret to success :P cause I struggle with motivation too and my projects getting out of hand too. Scheduling. And I know that's an icky sounding word, but let me explain. My goal/directive is to post at least 1 finished thing a week. THATS IT. It doesn't matter how SMALL it is, or how SIMPLE and CHEATY it is. ONE THING. EACH WEEK.

Now, how is this helpful? It's a CLEAR directive to myself, and as long as I keep to it, I've got a ball rolling and can keep up the momentum once it's started. It's also a goal that doesn't feel too hard to hit. For you or Xavier, I would suggest an even easier one, of post one thing a week, even if it's unfinished. Hell, my own goal has come close to that too. During times when I've struggled, I've done stuff like take a free belly base or just a headshot sticker and colored that and uploaded it, it taking like, twenty minutes to do that piece XD The important thing is to keep the ball rolling, regardless of "quality", because quality isn't part of the directive. The quality and size of projects will ebb and flow all the time, as does your motivation, which is where I share my secret for HOW to achieve this goal.

KEEP A POSTING QUE. Yeah, you know how many finished pics I am sitting on at this very moment waiting to be uploaded to FA? FORTY NINE. That's just finished 2D art, not including my recent 3D animations I've been learning to do and making a que for as well, nor does that include other things I COULD upload but don't for the sake of not flooding my gallery like screenshots of silly VRchat hangout things, or just 3D rendered pics, or preview images of Vrchat avatars I've made (commissioned to make or personal). I could hit a dry spell today or decide to spend the next month focusing entirely on a single 10 page comic and my posting activity won't go down at all. That's the beauty of a posting que :)

The thing is though, how to keep that que full? Well this is where the challenging and novel stuff that's interesting comes in. You do it in a number of ways. Like I said before, when your que is a little thin, you could just do tiny tiny stuff that you can knock out easily, like headshots, sketches, stickers, hell I've been trying to push Xavier to upload his doodled anime weapon designs :P Or you can make a themed event like you see all the time, like Smaugust, or Kinktober, or any number of event things. I do one myself I call "Pic-a-Day-May" Where I dedicate the month of May each year and no matter what else I'm doing that day, even if it's aa work day, I won't go to sleep unless I've FINISHED at least 1 piece for upload. I do it to help build up my que and it's worked wonders for me, especially because I can cheat it too by either completing, again, something dead easy like a sticker or headshot and say "Righht! That's done! Quota fulfilled!" and still get the food feeling of having finished something, or I can cheat it by downing an energy drink and finishing MULTIPLE things on one day, then I have room to skip a few days in the project without falling behind! There's lots of tips and tricks and ways to keep the posting que full you can use and they're all novel and interesting and clever and will make you feel accomplished and clever.

And Let me tell you, Having that padding makes it a whole lot easier to go "Ahhh, now I don't have to feel as bad doing X because I'm not doing Y instead, because I like doing X!" Because you know that you are getting stuff done, are keeping up, and have the freedom still to do stuff you wanna do.

In short, worry not so much about quality, but about REGULARITY. Get into a rhythm and let it's momentum carry you, and a lot of your issues will get smoothed out.

---

Also, I WOULD NOT MIND ONE BIT IF YOU POSTED NOTHING BUT SKETCHES OF GROWTH AND FATNESS :3 SO DON'T BE AFRAID TO INDULGE YOURSELF AND DO NOTHING BUT THAT.

I can speak to the issue of neglecting other things that need to be done to work on a project. I do that all the time. As long as you eat, and shower, and pay your bills, the other stuff doesn't matter. I often feel guilty about having a messy house or poorly manicured yard, but nobody's perfect. The satisfaction from working on personal projects is something that nobody else can give you. It's not something that should be given up in exchange for having everything else in your life perfectly organized.

And to speak to the "who really cares about us besides me", well I do! I like you characters and I like your art in general! I don't mind seeing the same characters over an over again!

If you need help, I am always here for you buddy. ^w^

And you know I care about your characeters and care about you (as I have told you in our Notes here on FA). ^^
And look at all the other people here on FA that read all you had to say and are here to support you as well. ^w^
Just reach out to us more often when you begin to feel guilty or anything, and I am sure that one or more of us can help you over come it. ^w^ *giant huggies for you; Alan & BLK*

Maybe try some professional aid or look into what smart people books think? Just the first idea this whole 8 part series gives me that might be a wise move.

I actually also Absolutely Adore Big-Soft Alan, and always am enthused to see him getting embiggened and somft. Even if it's against the rules? Thank-you for the sight. <3

There's always science for enlarging Alan.

We are here watching you because we enjoy your work and your characters, not just the situations you put them in. I, personally, love silly size-changing weight-gain shenanigans all the more when they're happening to characters with distinctive personalities who live in a well-developed world. If you want to draw scenarios that go against your established rules, maybe you could have rules for when "The Rules" can be broken.

What should you do with the backlog of sketches? POST THEM, PLEASE! Your sketchwork is vibrant and lively, and I know I am not the only one who would be happy seeing more of your "unfinished" pieces.

Believe me, I understand how the need to have everything polished and flawless can lead to creative paralysis. Perfect is the enemy of good, as they say.

Sometimes it’s best to bend the rules that you make. The things that work for you in the past won’t always be what works for you. So, if big Alan makes you happy, it’s the right call for you :)

I know you don't really know me at all but....for what it's worth, you've got friends and supporters willing to lend an ear and support shoujld you ever need it :3 My DMs are always open if you need to let off steam or air concerns. I know a lot about where you're coming from honestly (being a writer in a fandom where no one cares about writing is so fun T.T) and sometimes you get buried under ambitions, but you also rate your own enjoyment or worth off of how OTHERS will see it compared to you (I don't tend to write much because well...no one cares. so...yea, my drive to write stories that draw people in and make them want to read more is kinda....gone)
but yea short version, I'm here if you ned an ear :3

This sequence definitely does help illustrate what you seem to be going through, being torn between having more serious character interactions and just having silly toony fun. At least it's good that you're talking about it in a way.

Well "rules" only matter as much as you decide they matter. Your characters are your own; if you want to change them for any reason, even just temporarily, do so. Most art I get of my characters isn't tied to any static "canon" story. Not everything needs to be serious; if you want to go off of a set story or established character traits for something just for fun, do it. No reason to feel guilty about it; your art should entertain yourself first and foremost.

As for "problems" just well, do what you want. Want to make your own art, do it. Want to make art for others, do it. Want to do one and later do the other, do it. You don't owe anybody anything (unless someone's paid you actual money for something, in which case you do).

As for sketches, post them if you want. I'm sure a lot of people would like to see them, and if public input helps you decide which are worth taking to a more finished state, all the better.

Sometimes it's fun to go off the rails. Alan looked really cute when he chubbed up, we don't have to rely on Magic to make that happen though! Any other rules going on behind the scenes?