FA+
Shop
176
Views
Views
4
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 101 x 120
File Size 34.1 kB
Report this content
More from ConnorCat
Okay this is long overdue but here it is finally. Thank you all for your patience and hope you enjoy this. Trying to figure out how I'd like to wrap up this short story series but I want to do it right.
In this chapter, the different motivations of the Captain and Peters becomes clear and a little insight into how the crew feels is shown as well.
=====================================================
There was a faint, glowing light in the distance, easily seen in the darkness. As the ship drew closer, the crew could see the flames clearly. The destruction of the ship was fresh, no longer was it smoldering remains as they had come upon before. They were gaining on the Ship.
The Captain had not slept for the longest time, nor did he show the slightest hint of fatigue. He had an eerie, frightening new kind of vitality in him. Something sinister was indeed fueling him.
“Let me guess. You want to stop and help, am I right Peters?” he said without even having to turn and see him standing there.
Peters stayed silent for a moment, his eyes focused on the destruction.
“No. If we stop to put out the flames and search for survivors, we will lose our quarry.”
A slight expression of shock struck the Captain’s face. His mouth then curled into a twisted grin. It seemed that Peters was very intent on learning the mystery surrounding the Ship now as well. The Captain, however, was not intent on sharing. This was his quest, his fascination, his obsession! It was his and his alone, but he would need some help getting there.
The younger wolf’s gaze was on the Captain’s back. Peters’ thoughts echoed his. He was now intent on getting to the Ship. He needed to find out what was going on...And he needed to find out how to put an end to it. Nobility was not one of his most well-known traits, but this would drive everyone else on the ship mad and maybe even more people than that.
The crew soon stirred. Some of them had fallen ill from either lack of sleep or too much because of the absence of daylight. They had lost all sense of time. There were no stars and no moon could ever be seen. It was like they were on a completely different world.
“What the hell?!”
“We must be gaining on them! This madness is almost over!”
“I just want to go home…”
The Captain ignored them all, as did Peters. Soon their petty sniffling would not matter. After he caught up with the cursed vessel, he would be rid of all of them and this…This horrible, awful world that everyone else loved so.
“Silence everyone, get to your posts!” yelled Peters.
They quietly did as they were told, foolishly either longing for the day this Hell would release them or remembering the days of light and happiness. Some thought of families, others thought of friends. All were willing to forsake the Captain to get back but they no longer knew if they would even be able to get back to the places they called home. Despair was quickly setting in.
Despair, however, would be a fond memory compared to what was to come.
In this chapter, the different motivations of the Captain and Peters becomes clear and a little insight into how the crew feels is shown as well.
=====================================================
There was a faint, glowing light in the distance, easily seen in the darkness. As the ship drew closer, the crew could see the flames clearly. The destruction of the ship was fresh, no longer was it smoldering remains as they had come upon before. They were gaining on the Ship.
The Captain had not slept for the longest time, nor did he show the slightest hint of fatigue. He had an eerie, frightening new kind of vitality in him. Something sinister was indeed fueling him.
“Let me guess. You want to stop and help, am I right Peters?” he said without even having to turn and see him standing there.
Peters stayed silent for a moment, his eyes focused on the destruction.
“No. If we stop to put out the flames and search for survivors, we will lose our quarry.”
A slight expression of shock struck the Captain’s face. His mouth then curled into a twisted grin. It seemed that Peters was very intent on learning the mystery surrounding the Ship now as well. The Captain, however, was not intent on sharing. This was his quest, his fascination, his obsession! It was his and his alone, but he would need some help getting there.
The younger wolf’s gaze was on the Captain’s back. Peters’ thoughts echoed his. He was now intent on getting to the Ship. He needed to find out what was going on...And he needed to find out how to put an end to it. Nobility was not one of his most well-known traits, but this would drive everyone else on the ship mad and maybe even more people than that.
The crew soon stirred. Some of them had fallen ill from either lack of sleep or too much because of the absence of daylight. They had lost all sense of time. There were no stars and no moon could ever be seen. It was like they were on a completely different world.
“What the hell?!”
“We must be gaining on them! This madness is almost over!”
“I just want to go home…”
The Captain ignored them all, as did Peters. Soon their petty sniffling would not matter. After he caught up with the cursed vessel, he would be rid of all of them and this…This horrible, awful world that everyone else loved so.
“Silence everyone, get to your posts!” yelled Peters.
They quietly did as they were told, foolishly either longing for the day this Hell would release them or remembering the days of light and happiness. Some thought of families, others thought of friends. All were willing to forsake the Captain to get back but they no longer knew if they would even be able to get back to the places they called home. Despair was quickly setting in.
Despair, however, would be a fond memory compared to what was to come.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 101 x 120px
File Size 34.1 kB
Interesting. You eep the story masterfully wrapped in mystery and suspense and continue to reveal just enough to keep us all hooked in. If you plan on ending this in the next installment, I will be looking forward to see how you do it. It sounds like we'll all be in for a very compelling ending!
~Adrik
~Adrik
Very nice! You could really feel the insanity building in the Captain's mind.
I realize this is a year old and I have no place but I do have on piece of criticism. I won't post it until you say it's cool though. I realize that sometimes writers just want to write without fear of critique so it's totally up to you.
I realize this is a year old and I have no place but I do have on piece of criticism. I won't post it until you say it's cool though. I realize that sometimes writers just want to write without fear of critique so it's totally up to you.
I do welcome constructive criticism but do keep in mind that this particular part is not a stand-alone story. It's part of a series that I did mostly for a writing exercise. "The Ship" is the beginning and any submissions you see with the same thumbnail is a part of the series. In retrospect, I probably should have numbered them but they are in chronological order.
I get that, it's nothing to do with the actual story itself. It has to do with you use of ellipsis.
"...of them and this…This horrible, awful world that everyone else loved so."
"This" should not be capitalized after the use if the ellipsis. If it were the start of a new sentence it would be fine. I looked at a few of your other writings to be sure it wasn't a one off mistake. I'm just being picky really, please don't think poorly of me because of it.
"...of them and this…This horrible, awful world that everyone else loved so."
"This" should not be capitalized after the use if the ellipsis. If it were the start of a new sentence it would be fine. I looked at a few of your other writings to be sure it wasn't a one off mistake. I'm just being picky really, please don't think poorly of me because of it.
Comments