
Top 10 music videos of all time
1. Kool and The Gang-Get Down On It
Never before has there been a better representation of a Ketamine induced stroke until this music video was conceived. Clearly this is Dede Allen’s finest work in the editing booth yet. The non-stop use of the Ghosting effect really stimulates my Occipital lobe, to the point of burning the nerves to smithereens from the amount of brain capacity necessary in processing all of the Kool’s on the screen at once. Remember back in the day when they used to say “but can it run Crisis?”. The real question is, can your Alienware Radeon AMD 128 GB RAM gaming PC run this many J.T Taylor’s at once? The truth is, no computer could complete such a herculean task, not even Bill Gates’s secret Quantum Bat computer that he uses to simulate his waifu pegging him, which is why the music video we see today, is only 2% of what the original video required to be ran. We will never be able to see the original video, because the human mind does not possess the amount of brain power necessary in seeing J.T Taylor duplicated to infinity, there isn’t a number that we have discovered yet to tell you how many J. T’s were in the original cut. Legend says the first editor for the video drove himself mad after using the Ghost effect so much that he eventually wrote 500 pages of the sentence “Get Down On It” before performing Shibari on himself somehow and starving to death in the editing booth.
2. M.I.A-Born Free
FINALLY, MY SEXUAL FANTASY HAS BEEN FUFILLED. For years I dreamt of being rounded up and murdered for being ginger. I’m not actually ginger, but I am ginger kin. I feel very connected with those of the ginger ethnicity, so to see my people be rounded up and systematically executed in cruel ways, just gets my rocks off. The explosions that rips apart the gingers by the end of the video, mirrors the explosion in my pants while watching it. I was disappointed at the lack of creativity at the execution methods used in the video, however being forced to run through a mine field is definitely in my top 10 ways to kill a ginger. They could have absolutely used death by inflation to murder those ginger children, it would have been 10 times more disturbing and sexier. Whenever I feel down, I just open up this music video, close my eyes, and imagine being shot in my red-haired dome for the crime of being ginger. Always brings a smile to my face.
3. Death Grips-Double Helix
I had a nightmare once that MC Ride was fucking my Mercedes-Benz C-class automobile, and when I woke up the next morning this video was recommended to me. As soon I saw that greasy homeless crack addict’s face on my screen, I shit, pissed, came and cried all at once. I entered into a fugue state and did not come out of it until a month later. When I was discharged from the mental institution, I walked to the car park to have a nice drive home while listening to my favourite rapper, Vanilla Ice. You ever see that film, Candyman, well all of a sudden, I start hearing Helen being whispered in my ear, “that’s not my name” -Katie White. When I turned around there was no-one to be seen in the entire car park, only some shirtless black guy in the distance but I think didn’t anything of it. I got in the driver’s seat and turned the key, only as soon as the car came on, the “check surroundings for safety” alarm came on immediately. I checked the rear-view camera to see my worst nightmare, MC Ride fucking my exhaust pipe. I revved the engine, but it shorted out due to MC Ride’s cock blocking the exhaust. I was trapped. He then began to climb onto the roof, and puncture holes through it with his cock, penetrating the metal exterior as though it was paper. I narrowly dodged his throbbing member and escaped with my life. Thankfully, another naked homeless man who happened to be high on bath salts, tried to also fuck my car, only MC Ride ripped his throat out due to this homeless man being on his territory. I haven’t slept, nor left my house in 3 weeks, last time I checked, he was still fucking my car, only now it has been reduced to the chassis.
4. Björk-Triumph of a heart
I didn’t think Iceland existed before seeing this music video, but within milliseconds of this video starting, I immediately understood that I had been so ignorant. To be so unaware of this interspecies lovemaking, jenkem infused, beatbox communicating, domestic abuse filled, alcoholic culture, is a true crime in and of itself. As black cats ourselves, we were so pleased to finally see a celebrity that is not afraid to put their controversial love on display. Normally musicians that want to reveal their secret love affairs with an alternative species, pussy out and use furries, like that Taylor Swift bitch, but not Bjork. She is brave enough to show a day in the life of her interspecies marriage that is on the brink of falling apart, because Bjork can no longer feel her meat curtains from the constant penile spines on her feline husband’s cock pulling out of her gash. She runs away to communicate in yodels and beatboxing with some locals, as any Icelandic person would in times of marital upheaval, and then returns home to dance with her macro cat husband. Furries have a lot to thank Bjork for. We wish more musicians snorted jenkem before conceptualizing their music videos just like Bjork, but she doesn’t even need to snort it anymore, since her blood is probably 50% jenkem at this point, just like any Icelandic person really.
5. Fatboy Slim ft. Bootsy Collins-Weapon Of Choice
Christopher Walkin? More like Christopher Dancin.
6. William Shatner-Rocketman
It used to be the case that every gay white nerdy boy that watched Star Trek: The Original Series would whack off to William Shat in her, however now times have changed. In this music video we observe Willy sitting by his lonesome smoking a ciggie on a stool after his 5th divorce with his beautiful wife, Sir Neil Patrick Stewart. William obviously can’t process the divorce, so he spends the next 4 minutes and 22 seconds trying to find every possible way to say and pronounce the word Rocketman. There’s Rock it man, Rock kit man, Rock hitman, Rock ket man, Rocket………man? Every time the second William emerges from the background, we collectively cheer, and then when the third appears, we shed tears of joy, every single time. We think Elton John originally intended the song to be performed this exact way, but he wasn’t gay enough to do it.
7. Culture Club-Karma Chameleon
Ridley Scott wishes he could create this level of a cinematic science fiction masterpiece. No crowd in the 1800’s would gather to listen to Boy George, the androgynous alien fuckboy himself. For many years I used to believe that Boy George was a woman because of this music video, much like how I believed Johnny Depp had a vagina because of his bob haircut in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. Just think of all those young men that thought they were whacking off to a woman in a technicolour blouse and makeup ripped right off the drag queen Divine’s face, but that’s exactly what Boy George wanted you to think so that later down the road in your life, you would realize all those wet dreams you had, were actually for a man, and then they’re forced to marry a man since their heterosexual privileges are revoked. Some people estimate that half of all gay men today are only homosexual because of this music video. Thank you, Boy George, for your contribution to the LGBT community, and to my sexuality.
8. Robin Thicke-Blurred Lines
The combination of tits and #THICKE being plastered all over the screen makes this the most successful MK Ultra project that the CIA every produced. Richard Nixon himself wrote the script for everything that happens in this music video, the goal being to turn all the gays straight. His hope was that if the women in the video were in the nude, then the gays couldn’t hijack the female fashion industry any longer. The video would also lobotomise anyone that watched it, due to the constant #THICKE being flashed on screen every 5 seconds, in tandem with perky breasts. Sadly no man had such little dignity to do this music video for Dick Nix, until Robert Thicke got ahold of the idea and immediately paid 4 prostitutes so that he could lock them in a warehouse to lick their feet and chase them around with second hand heroin needles for 3 hours. Sit down kids, lemme tell you a story. Back in the dark ages of 2013, porn didn’t exist, so your only option for finding good material to choke the chicken to, was either the Kim Kardashian ass photoshoot, or the Blurred Lines music video. Many old men, unaware of PornHub’s existence were saved from having chronic blue balls. The inclusion of Pharrell Williams really helps everyone watching though, since he is a good contrast to the rapist vibes coming from Robert. Pharrell holds the expression of a child that has been brought to a geriatrics home by his mother and now does not know what to do with himself, while saggy tits surround him.
9. Crispin Glover-Clownly Clown Clown
Some people like to say the IT movies scare them cause it has a clown, other people like to say the 1990 IT mini-series scares them cause it has a clown, however the Crispin Glover-Clownly Clown Clown music video makes us shit our pants every time we have to watch it. Crispin Glover is the scariest clown, and he doesn’t even have any clown makeup on, but he does wear those hilarious oversized clown shoes. Those big shoes really make me bust a gut every time I see them, cause they’re not regular sized shoes, do all clowns have like some sort of excess foot growth? Maybe clowns are actually the next step in human evolution, but we normal folk are not ready for their gigantism feet, inflamed red noses, constant smiling lips, balding heads, pasty white cracker complexion and over 30 young boys buried underneath their floorboards. There is nothing scary about clowns now that we think of it, they are actually really funny and cool guys, my tuition to clown college is actually really cool, I SWEAR! MY CLOWN COLLEGE DEBT IS HILARIOUS, I CAN’T AFFORD TO LIVE!!
10. David Hasselhoff-Passenger
This music video is a better tragedy than anything Shakespeare hoped to write. David Hasselhoff used to drive the K.I.T.T, Knight Rider car, but now he rides a bus because he is a senile geriatric man with a transit pass. It’s a truly sad sight to see, this man single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall and brought about the collapse of the Soviet Union, because he sang a song titled “Looking for Freedom” on a crane wearing a light up leather jacket to conceal his breasts. Oh how times change. He’s still got the leather jacket, but all the leather jackets in the world can’t cover up those sagging moobs of his. The video shows us David losing his grip on reality, as he becomes confused by what a window is and then hijacks a bus. His dementia obviously kicked in halfway through the video and he forgot the song was called “Passenger”, not fucking “Baby Driver”, but he’s far from a baby, maybe “slowly rotting living corpse with tits, driver”. All we can hope, is that he gets the help he needs, stops making music, and brings back that French concierge pencil moustache, to go along with his pencil dick.
1. Kool and The Gang-Get Down On It
Never before has there been a better representation of a Ketamine induced stroke until this music video was conceived. Clearly this is Dede Allen’s finest work in the editing booth yet. The non-stop use of the Ghosting effect really stimulates my Occipital lobe, to the point of burning the nerves to smithereens from the amount of brain capacity necessary in processing all of the Kool’s on the screen at once. Remember back in the day when they used to say “but can it run Crisis?”. The real question is, can your Alienware Radeon AMD 128 GB RAM gaming PC run this many J.T Taylor’s at once? The truth is, no computer could complete such a herculean task, not even Bill Gates’s secret Quantum Bat computer that he uses to simulate his waifu pegging him, which is why the music video we see today, is only 2% of what the original video required to be ran. We will never be able to see the original video, because the human mind does not possess the amount of brain power necessary in seeing J.T Taylor duplicated to infinity, there isn’t a number that we have discovered yet to tell you how many J. T’s were in the original cut. Legend says the first editor for the video drove himself mad after using the Ghost effect so much that he eventually wrote 500 pages of the sentence “Get Down On It” before performing Shibari on himself somehow and starving to death in the editing booth.
2. M.I.A-Born Free
FINALLY, MY SEXUAL FANTASY HAS BEEN FUFILLED. For years I dreamt of being rounded up and murdered for being ginger. I’m not actually ginger, but I am ginger kin. I feel very connected with those of the ginger ethnicity, so to see my people be rounded up and systematically executed in cruel ways, just gets my rocks off. The explosions that rips apart the gingers by the end of the video, mirrors the explosion in my pants while watching it. I was disappointed at the lack of creativity at the execution methods used in the video, however being forced to run through a mine field is definitely in my top 10 ways to kill a ginger. They could have absolutely used death by inflation to murder those ginger children, it would have been 10 times more disturbing and sexier. Whenever I feel down, I just open up this music video, close my eyes, and imagine being shot in my red-haired dome for the crime of being ginger. Always brings a smile to my face.
3. Death Grips-Double Helix
I had a nightmare once that MC Ride was fucking my Mercedes-Benz C-class automobile, and when I woke up the next morning this video was recommended to me. As soon I saw that greasy homeless crack addict’s face on my screen, I shit, pissed, came and cried all at once. I entered into a fugue state and did not come out of it until a month later. When I was discharged from the mental institution, I walked to the car park to have a nice drive home while listening to my favourite rapper, Vanilla Ice. You ever see that film, Candyman, well all of a sudden, I start hearing Helen being whispered in my ear, “that’s not my name” -Katie White. When I turned around there was no-one to be seen in the entire car park, only some shirtless black guy in the distance but I think didn’t anything of it. I got in the driver’s seat and turned the key, only as soon as the car came on, the “check surroundings for safety” alarm came on immediately. I checked the rear-view camera to see my worst nightmare, MC Ride fucking my exhaust pipe. I revved the engine, but it shorted out due to MC Ride’s cock blocking the exhaust. I was trapped. He then began to climb onto the roof, and puncture holes through it with his cock, penetrating the metal exterior as though it was paper. I narrowly dodged his throbbing member and escaped with my life. Thankfully, another naked homeless man who happened to be high on bath salts, tried to also fuck my car, only MC Ride ripped his throat out due to this homeless man being on his territory. I haven’t slept, nor left my house in 3 weeks, last time I checked, he was still fucking my car, only now it has been reduced to the chassis.
4. Björk-Triumph of a heart
I didn’t think Iceland existed before seeing this music video, but within milliseconds of this video starting, I immediately understood that I had been so ignorant. To be so unaware of this interspecies lovemaking, jenkem infused, beatbox communicating, domestic abuse filled, alcoholic culture, is a true crime in and of itself. As black cats ourselves, we were so pleased to finally see a celebrity that is not afraid to put their controversial love on display. Normally musicians that want to reveal their secret love affairs with an alternative species, pussy out and use furries, like that Taylor Swift bitch, but not Bjork. She is brave enough to show a day in the life of her interspecies marriage that is on the brink of falling apart, because Bjork can no longer feel her meat curtains from the constant penile spines on her feline husband’s cock pulling out of her gash. She runs away to communicate in yodels and beatboxing with some locals, as any Icelandic person would in times of marital upheaval, and then returns home to dance with her macro cat husband. Furries have a lot to thank Bjork for. We wish more musicians snorted jenkem before conceptualizing their music videos just like Bjork, but she doesn’t even need to snort it anymore, since her blood is probably 50% jenkem at this point, just like any Icelandic person really.
5. Fatboy Slim ft. Bootsy Collins-Weapon Of Choice
Christopher Walkin? More like Christopher Dancin.
6. William Shatner-Rocketman
It used to be the case that every gay white nerdy boy that watched Star Trek: The Original Series would whack off to William Shat in her, however now times have changed. In this music video we observe Willy sitting by his lonesome smoking a ciggie on a stool after his 5th divorce with his beautiful wife, Sir Neil Patrick Stewart. William obviously can’t process the divorce, so he spends the next 4 minutes and 22 seconds trying to find every possible way to say and pronounce the word Rocketman. There’s Rock it man, Rock kit man, Rock hitman, Rock ket man, Rocket………man? Every time the second William emerges from the background, we collectively cheer, and then when the third appears, we shed tears of joy, every single time. We think Elton John originally intended the song to be performed this exact way, but he wasn’t gay enough to do it.
7. Culture Club-Karma Chameleon
Ridley Scott wishes he could create this level of a cinematic science fiction masterpiece. No crowd in the 1800’s would gather to listen to Boy George, the androgynous alien fuckboy himself. For many years I used to believe that Boy George was a woman because of this music video, much like how I believed Johnny Depp had a vagina because of his bob haircut in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. Just think of all those young men that thought they were whacking off to a woman in a technicolour blouse and makeup ripped right off the drag queen Divine’s face, but that’s exactly what Boy George wanted you to think so that later down the road in your life, you would realize all those wet dreams you had, were actually for a man, and then they’re forced to marry a man since their heterosexual privileges are revoked. Some people estimate that half of all gay men today are only homosexual because of this music video. Thank you, Boy George, for your contribution to the LGBT community, and to my sexuality.
8. Robin Thicke-Blurred Lines
The combination of tits and #THICKE being plastered all over the screen makes this the most successful MK Ultra project that the CIA every produced. Richard Nixon himself wrote the script for everything that happens in this music video, the goal being to turn all the gays straight. His hope was that if the women in the video were in the nude, then the gays couldn’t hijack the female fashion industry any longer. The video would also lobotomise anyone that watched it, due to the constant #THICKE being flashed on screen every 5 seconds, in tandem with perky breasts. Sadly no man had such little dignity to do this music video for Dick Nix, until Robert Thicke got ahold of the idea and immediately paid 4 prostitutes so that he could lock them in a warehouse to lick their feet and chase them around with second hand heroin needles for 3 hours. Sit down kids, lemme tell you a story. Back in the dark ages of 2013, porn didn’t exist, so your only option for finding good material to choke the chicken to, was either the Kim Kardashian ass photoshoot, or the Blurred Lines music video. Many old men, unaware of PornHub’s existence were saved from having chronic blue balls. The inclusion of Pharrell Williams really helps everyone watching though, since he is a good contrast to the rapist vibes coming from Robert. Pharrell holds the expression of a child that has been brought to a geriatrics home by his mother and now does not know what to do with himself, while saggy tits surround him.
9. Crispin Glover-Clownly Clown Clown
Some people like to say the IT movies scare them cause it has a clown, other people like to say the 1990 IT mini-series scares them cause it has a clown, however the Crispin Glover-Clownly Clown Clown music video makes us shit our pants every time we have to watch it. Crispin Glover is the scariest clown, and he doesn’t even have any clown makeup on, but he does wear those hilarious oversized clown shoes. Those big shoes really make me bust a gut every time I see them, cause they’re not regular sized shoes, do all clowns have like some sort of excess foot growth? Maybe clowns are actually the next step in human evolution, but we normal folk are not ready for their gigantism feet, inflamed red noses, constant smiling lips, balding heads, pasty white cracker complexion and over 30 young boys buried underneath their floorboards. There is nothing scary about clowns now that we think of it, they are actually really funny and cool guys, my tuition to clown college is actually really cool, I SWEAR! MY CLOWN COLLEGE DEBT IS HILARIOUS, I CAN’T AFFORD TO LIVE!!
10. David Hasselhoff-Passenger
This music video is a better tragedy than anything Shakespeare hoped to write. David Hasselhoff used to drive the K.I.T.T, Knight Rider car, but now he rides a bus because he is a senile geriatric man with a transit pass. It’s a truly sad sight to see, this man single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall and brought about the collapse of the Soviet Union, because he sang a song titled “Looking for Freedom” on a crane wearing a light up leather jacket to conceal his breasts. Oh how times change. He’s still got the leather jacket, but all the leather jackets in the world can’t cover up those sagging moobs of his. The video shows us David losing his grip on reality, as he becomes confused by what a window is and then hijacks a bus. His dementia obviously kicked in halfway through the video and he forgot the song was called “Passenger”, not fucking “Baby Driver”, but he’s far from a baby, maybe “slowly rotting living corpse with tits, driver”. All we can hope, is that he gets the help he needs, stops making music, and brings back that French concierge pencil moustache, to go along with his pencil dick.
Category Story / Abstract
Species Dinosaur
Size 120 x 74px
File Size 11.7 kB
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