Underbox: Fifteen
© 2021 by Walter Reimer

Thumbnail art by  capt_hairball


Hamo stood blinking for a moment before Feeler’s words sank in. They shook themselves and said, “I’m not planning on hurting anyone. What’s going on here?”

“Fucking . . . fucking cops,” Stranger murmured.

Feeler bent over and kissed the rabbit on his forehead. “Hush, darling. You rest easy.” She straightened up and glared at the two detectives. “Klaus?”

“Yes?” the wolf asked.

“Go back to the club and keep an eye on the door,” Feeler said. “I’ll talk with these two.” Klaus looked doubtful, but obeyed. “Now, you two. Let’s step into the next room and let him rest, okay?” She made shooing motions with both paws, and the cross-fox and the boar headed for the door as Stranger mumbled something indistinct and lapsed into a fitful doze.

“You’ll have to forgive him,” Feeler said when she closed the door. “The chemo always does that to him. Fortunately, I can overrule any orders he gives when he’s getting his therapy.”

“Therapy?” Hamo asked, a concerned look on their face. “What’s wrong?”

The cervine doe sighed. “Ma – he’s got brain cancer. The prognosis isn’t good, so I’m taking him with me to China. They’re doing good work there with cybernetic implants to replace damaged brain tissue, and the hospital’s chief surgeon thinks they have a good chance to help him.”

The transgender vulpine blinked at her before snapping their fingers. “That’s why Gerstein was learning Chinese and computer science!”

A resigned nod. “Stranger and I were grooming him to take over after we moved to Shanghai. After Stranger gets well, we’re out of the life, Hamo. We’re both too old for this any longer.”

“Believe me, I sympathize. This is my last case,” Hamo said, causing Joachim’s ears to perk.

“You’re retiring?”

They nodded. “Karin and Margot need a husband and a father.”

Before Hamo could react, Feeler was nose to nose with them, her paw pressing against the fox’s crotch and the fake genitalia they wore. “What’s she feel about this, huh?” the doe asked in an insinuating tone.

“She’s actually quite comfortable with me not having a cock,” Hamo replied, stepping back from the woman. “Now, are we going to talk business? I don’t want to keep you away from Stranger.”

Feeler huffed. “All right, talk.”

“Our IT people have figured out that the fake cyberway was built here, in the Underbox. They think that we should be looking for a hacker.”

“A hacker? Down here?” The doe barked a laugh. “I’ll bring up a directory. We can start with the As.”

Hamo smiled. “I know, right? No, they think this guy’s not local talent.”

“Why do they think that?”

“The software in the cyberway’s – “ Hamo’s ears dipped and they cocked an eye at Joachim.

The boar thumbed back a couple pages in his pad. “Using the Ministry of Transport’s traffic-control software as the basis for the interface,” he read from his notes.

Feeler’s jaw and ears dropped. “That – that’s stupid.”

“Which is why the IT crew think it’s not local.” Hamo stuck their paws in the pockets of their overcoat. “Look, Feeler, I know that we didn’t exactly endear ourselves to you by barging in like this – “

“I’d have you over my knee, Chrysalis, if you’d done that back when you were in the life.”

“And I did ask – politely – for you to stop calling me that,” the cross-fox growled, “but I need help. You going to turn your back on a member?”

The doe’s jaws worked as her ears swiveled. Finally she lowered her eyes. “No. What do you need?” she asked, looking back up at Hamo.

“Spread it around to everyone that we’re looking for a hacker, not from here – probably not even German – who’s hawking knockoff cyberways,” the cross-fox said. “I’ve made contact with a few of Gerstein’s fellow prostitutes, so I’ll pass the word to them too.” They cocked their head, studying the doe. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Feeler said. “I’ve got to get back to – “

“What’s his real name?” Hamo asked.

She closed her eyes briefly. “Mark.”

Hamo reached out and placed a paw on the deer’s shoulder. “Tell him that we’re sorry for disturbing him. I hope – I hope the Chinese can help him, Feeler.”

Feeler lowered her head and said, “Elizabeta,” in a strained voice. Hamo drew her into an embrace, and for a moment the doe cried on the detective’s shoulder, Hamo making soothing noises as they stroked the deer’s ears and headfur. The deer and the transgender vulpine exchanged a few soft words before Elizabeta stepped back, sniffling as she composed herself, and said, “You know the way out. Tell Klaus to come talk to me.”

Joachim started to say something, but stopped as Hamo’s brush waved. “We will.” Hamo looked back at the boar. “Let’s go.”

The wolf turned as Hamo said, “Oi, Klaus. Feeler wants you.” Klaus held the door open for the boar and cross-fox, but when Hamo tried to leave he held out his paw. “What?”

Klaus looked at Joachim before looking up at Hamo. “I’m – I’m sorry about that earlier.”

Hamo smiled and rested a paw on the wolf’s shoulder. “Just don’t do it again, okay? Some people aren’t as patient and nice as I am. Now, Feeler wants you,” and they joined Joachim outside the club as Klaus closed the door.

“Would you have really broken his nose?” Joachim asked as the two detectives headed down into the next level’s shopping area.

“I actually did it once – not to him,” Hamo replied, “but to some stupid bastard – “

“Andreas?”

Hamo chuckled. “He never used that pronoun on me. One of the only points in his favor.”

The shopping area was notably more squalid than the arcade where the murder had taken place, and for a moment the two detectives just stood aside and watched the ebb and flow of the crowd as shoppers moved from one store to the other.

Joachim was looking in one direction and turned when Hamo tapped him on the shoulder. “There’s who we’re here to meet. Keep an eye on me, okay?” the cross-fox asked, walking off without waiting for a reply.

“Hmmph,” the boar grunted, but put his back against a wall and watched as his partner wove through the crowd towards another fox, this one with red fur and wearing a metal skullcap.

The tod twitched as he felt a paw slide around his hip and rest on his crotch. Grinning at the prospect of a customer, he turned and immediately frowned. “Oh, it’s you. How’d you find me?”

Hamo smiled. “I’m a cop,” and their tail pointed at the surveillance cameras overhead.

A sigh. “What do you want?”

Hamo smiled. “We have a possible lead,” and the cross-fox slipped a paw into a pocket of his overcoat, “and I’m asking you and your three friends for a little help.” The tod frowned, but his eyes widened as Hamo opened their paw to reveal four syrettes of Bliss. “For proper consideration, naturally.”

“Sure.” The prostitute reached for the contents of Hamo’s paw, and stopped when the detective closed their paw. “What?”

“You don’t even know who you should be looking for yet,” Hamo said. “Maybe I should find someone more attentive.”

“No,” the red fox said, trying hard not to sound too eager to get his paws on the Bliss. “Who are we supposed to look for?”

“Good boy,” Hamo said. “Start looking around for anyone trying to sell fake cyberways. If you or your friends hear or see anything like that, you call me, okay?”

“Just call you if we see anyone trying to sell fake cyberways? Don’t you want us to – “

“No, I don’t,” the cross-fox said firmly. “You’re not cops, and this guy could be armed. Leave it to people like me, okay?” They moved their paw. “Easy deal, isn’t it? Eyes and ears open, no risk and a reward at the end of it?”

The tod studied the cross-fox’s face for a moment before he nodded.

“That’s a good citizen.” Hamo pressed closer to the tod, and the man felt the syrettes deposited in one pocket. “I might talk about some other business, but you’re not my type, sorry.”

The prostitute smirked, and Hamo stepped back into the crowd.





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