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Arkinone Origins
Prologue:
A young alchemist wades through a raging blizzard looking for shelter to get out of the storm. He walks through the ever deepening powder, when he sees what looks like a small outcropping ahead. He smiles with relief when he sees it and starts walking towards it.
Each foot fall gets him one step closer to his goal, he makes it to the outcropping after walking a distance. He looks underneath it to find it actually expands out into the cave. He slowly walks forward into the cave, and pulls a small orb of tinted glass filled with a mysterious liquid, and shakes it. It suddenly gives off a bright glow that fills the rest of the cave. As the glow slowly fades away he gets to work setting up a fire.
A dragon pads through the snow towards his cave when his nose picks up a smell. With a big inhale through his nose he identifies the smell as human. Humans always were a problem, but they still had as much use as any other prey did, they could fill a dragon’s belly. So he walks with a little more eagerness in his step, until the smell gets strong enough that he crouches down and silently stalks towards the source of the smell.
The dragon is a little surprised at first that the source of the smell is coming from his cave, but then thinks it’ll be all the better that he’ll get to eat in the comfort of his own home. He slowly and silently steps closer and closer, until he makes a dash for the human jaws wide open to catch his prey
The alchemist smiles at the dragon’s action, covers his eyes and drops the glowing orb out of his hand onto the cold stone floor. A blinding flash fazes the dragon from his prey and looks wildly for the meal escaping him. He shakes his head and blinks a few times, to see the human rushing towards him with a strange glowing sword raised.
The alchemist swings at the dragon with his sword and the dragon jumps back and sucks in a deep breath. The dragon exhales a fiery maelstrom from its mouth, thinking with glee about the small pile of ash that was left from the human. The alchemist holds a citua to the flames, and they all suddenly flood into the crystal.
The dragon stops his breath to look for what remains of the human to find it still standing on two legs not fazed in the slightest bit. The alchemist reaches up and dusts a little ash off his shoulder and returns his attention to the dragon. The dragon shakes itself out of shock and leaps at the human. The alchemist quickly throws the citua at the upcoming dragon. The dragon is launched with an explosion of his own compacted flames, and hits the far wall of the cavern. The alchemist leaps into action and rushes to get to the dragon before it can get up. The dragon looks up to see the uman standing over him prepared to make the final blow.
“Who are you?” the dragon asks, and the reply he gets is one that makes him wish he never asked. “Arkinone, an alchemist, anarchist, and dragon hunter.” and with those words Arkinone thrusts his sword through the dragon's scale armor straight through its heart. He cuts one of its horns off as proof of killing it and walks back out into the storm.
TO BE CONTINUED:
Prologue:
A young alchemist wades through a raging blizzard looking for shelter to get out of the storm. He walks through the ever deepening powder, when he sees what looks like a small outcropping ahead. He smiles with relief when he sees it and starts walking towards it.
Each foot fall gets him one step closer to his goal, he makes it to the outcropping after walking a distance. He looks underneath it to find it actually expands out into the cave. He slowly walks forward into the cave, and pulls a small orb of tinted glass filled with a mysterious liquid, and shakes it. It suddenly gives off a bright glow that fills the rest of the cave. As the glow slowly fades away he gets to work setting up a fire.
A dragon pads through the snow towards his cave when his nose picks up a smell. With a big inhale through his nose he identifies the smell as human. Humans always were a problem, but they still had as much use as any other prey did, they could fill a dragon’s belly. So he walks with a little more eagerness in his step, until the smell gets strong enough that he crouches down and silently stalks towards the source of the smell.
The dragon is a little surprised at first that the source of the smell is coming from his cave, but then thinks it’ll be all the better that he’ll get to eat in the comfort of his own home. He slowly and silently steps closer and closer, until he makes a dash for the human jaws wide open to catch his prey
The alchemist smiles at the dragon’s action, covers his eyes and drops the glowing orb out of his hand onto the cold stone floor. A blinding flash fazes the dragon from his prey and looks wildly for the meal escaping him. He shakes his head and blinks a few times, to see the human rushing towards him with a strange glowing sword raised.
The alchemist swings at the dragon with his sword and the dragon jumps back and sucks in a deep breath. The dragon exhales a fiery maelstrom from its mouth, thinking with glee about the small pile of ash that was left from the human. The alchemist holds a citua to the flames, and they all suddenly flood into the crystal.
The dragon stops his breath to look for what remains of the human to find it still standing on two legs not fazed in the slightest bit. The alchemist reaches up and dusts a little ash off his shoulder and returns his attention to the dragon. The dragon shakes itself out of shock and leaps at the human. The alchemist quickly throws the citua at the upcoming dragon. The dragon is launched with an explosion of his own compacted flames, and hits the far wall of the cavern. The alchemist leaps into action and rushes to get to the dragon before it can get up. The dragon looks up to see the uman standing over him prepared to make the final blow.
“Who are you?” the dragon asks, and the reply he gets is one that makes him wish he never asked. “Arkinone, an alchemist, anarchist, and dragon hunter.” and with those words Arkinone thrusts his sword through the dragon's scale armor straight through its heart. He cuts one of its horns off as proof of killing it and walks back out into the storm.
TO BE CONTINUED:
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Western Dragon
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 55.1 kB
Listed in Folders
Welcome to the larger world of writing.
You have powerful start here that engages with its mystery and combat.
So some habits and area to improve on.
1. Using past tense over present tense. Past is a form of happening in the audience. Present requires a difficult technique called framing. You are not framing here and the present is hurting your action flow as it is coming out more like telling instead of showing. In past tense most verbs end in ED, is is was, etc..
2. Keep practicing and learning about style. The only way to keep improving and learning is to write. Writing also is a lot of learning about the self. It is a hard but rewarding road
Small stuff:
"citua" What is this this? If it is unique to the world then it should be described. If it is a crystal put crystal after the first citua.
" they all suddenly flood into the crystal." ~ Suddenly is a temporal and they are hard to grasp right and often lead to telling that interrupts flow. There is usually a better way to show things through natural description. There is a concept in writing called thick description which takes practice and time development. Showing through imagery in this scene of the flames being sucked or flooding into a crystal can be very powerful in the eyes of the audience. Character description and place description go a long way to help build scene, but that comes with practice.
"cold, stone" adjectives that interchangeable always get a , between them.
"and with those" Starting sentences with and and but lead to clause issues. I recommend starting out to avoid doing so to avoid those grammatical issues.
The nature of prologues: Not every story needs a prologue. This is short and could be debated as part of the first chapter. A prologue serves to show events before a story actually begins. That is not be scene.
Don't put To be continued when a story ends unless the work is a incomplete draft which instead put that is is a incomplete draft. It is better to led chapter ends end naturally as the audience understands this without needing to be told so.
Still a great start iwth a lot of action and imagination things that can take many stories to great places.
Good luck.
You have powerful start here that engages with its mystery and combat.
So some habits and area to improve on.
1. Using past tense over present tense. Past is a form of happening in the audience. Present requires a difficult technique called framing. You are not framing here and the present is hurting your action flow as it is coming out more like telling instead of showing. In past tense most verbs end in ED, is is was, etc..
2. Keep practicing and learning about style. The only way to keep improving and learning is to write. Writing also is a lot of learning about the self. It is a hard but rewarding road
Small stuff:
"citua" What is this this? If it is unique to the world then it should be described. If it is a crystal put crystal after the first citua.
" they all suddenly flood into the crystal." ~ Suddenly is a temporal and they are hard to grasp right and often lead to telling that interrupts flow. There is usually a better way to show things through natural description. There is a concept in writing called thick description which takes practice and time development. Showing through imagery in this scene of the flames being sucked or flooding into a crystal can be very powerful in the eyes of the audience. Character description and place description go a long way to help build scene, but that comes with practice.
"cold, stone" adjectives that interchangeable always get a , between them.
"and with those" Starting sentences with and and but lead to clause issues. I recommend starting out to avoid doing so to avoid those grammatical issues.
The nature of prologues: Not every story needs a prologue. This is short and could be debated as part of the first chapter. A prologue serves to show events before a story actually begins. That is not be scene.
Don't put To be continued when a story ends unless the work is a incomplete draft which instead put that is is a incomplete draft. It is better to led chapter ends end naturally as the audience understands this without needing to be told so.
Still a great start iwth a lot of action and imagination things that can take many stories to great places.
Good luck.
A a third thing I forgot to discuss is repeating sentence structure. Just a habit to become aware of. Notice how Many sentences back to back starts with the. Those are places you can use adjectives and verbs or other noun uses to start. Places were you can lead with description. It will take time to break though.
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