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Just a few facts about vampires for the novel I'm writing. These aren't certified facts, just ones that I've come up with. My vampires are DEFINATELY NOT the Anne Rice vampires. My ones like to get down and dirty.
Critique: Anything needed adding?
Critique: Anything needed adding?
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 99 x 120px
File Size 24.5 kB
First things first, what happens in sunlight? Seriously, you need to add something about that, otherwise serious vampire fans aren't going to look at it for fear that they'll sparkle, and the moment everyone else realizes they don't suddenly you'll get no readers. And then MAYBE the real vamp fans will come back. Maybe.
Second, inclusion of the hierarchy and their enemy is good, gives us a way to figure out who is where in the vampire world. But they have a deadly enemy, and while you explain that they're evil spirits and corrupted vampires, explain more about it. How does a vampire go bad? What is an evil spirit? What can they do? And, most importantly of all, how can they be killed?
Speaking of killing things, the vampires themselves. What weaknesses do they have? What strengths? You mention the fingernails, that's good, they have claws for weapons. But what else? How can a vampire be slain, since it's bound to be possible. Are they naturally adept with one form of weapon or another, or are they able to learn new ones as they go along? For that matter, how long can they live, naturally? Are they immortal, do they have eternal life, eternal youth?
Are there laws on turning humans? Is there a minimum or maximum age required, do they need to be given permission to turn a human, is there a limit to how many number of fledglings a vampire is allowed to turn during his lifetime?
Don't get me wrong, you don't necessarily need to add these things to your notes, but... make sure you keep them in mind while writing. Don't mean to sound harsh, but... I like reading vampire stories. Anne Rice was good, she made hers people. Well. Before she recanted all of her works. And I'd like to see you do well. Like to read another good vampire story. There really aren't enough of them.
Second, inclusion of the hierarchy and their enemy is good, gives us a way to figure out who is where in the vampire world. But they have a deadly enemy, and while you explain that they're evil spirits and corrupted vampires, explain more about it. How does a vampire go bad? What is an evil spirit? What can they do? And, most importantly of all, how can they be killed?
Speaking of killing things, the vampires themselves. What weaknesses do they have? What strengths? You mention the fingernails, that's good, they have claws for weapons. But what else? How can a vampire be slain, since it's bound to be possible. Are they naturally adept with one form of weapon or another, or are they able to learn new ones as they go along? For that matter, how long can they live, naturally? Are they immortal, do they have eternal life, eternal youth?
Are there laws on turning humans? Is there a minimum or maximum age required, do they need to be given permission to turn a human, is there a limit to how many number of fledglings a vampire is allowed to turn during his lifetime?
Don't get me wrong, you don't necessarily need to add these things to your notes, but... make sure you keep them in mind while writing. Don't mean to sound harsh, but... I like reading vampire stories. Anne Rice was good, she made hers people. Well. Before she recanted all of her works. And I'd like to see you do well. Like to read another good vampire story. There really aren't enough of them.
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