No Barking
© 2021 by Walter Reimer

Thumbnail art by  dragonmelde, color by  marmelmm


“I said, are you lost, girl?” the oddly dressed canine asked. He was keeping his tone of voice low and pleasant.

The vir had immediately returned to the last saved point, and Varan smiled. “No, I’m not lost.”

“You look lost.”

“I’m headed for the Sacred Car Park.”

The canine adjusted his shin guards and chest protector before smiling behind the cage mask he wore. “You can’t get there from here,” he said, reaching into a pocket and taking out a small whistle. He started to blow it as Varan cast a sound-deadening spell.

The canine blew, paused, blew again, and took the whistle from his mouth. He hefted his net and stepped toward the mage. Varan backpedaled a step after casting another spell, and waited for him to come for her.

Obligingly, he did so, and promptly sank up to his waist in the soft mud that she’d transformed the sidewalk into. While he struggled, she casually strode up to him and kicked him in the head, rendering him unconscious.

A shriek, above and to her left, reminded her that the dog had had an assistant. She turned in time to see the juvenile bat swooping down at her. Varan flipped her mage’s staff end-for-end (no sense in damaging the crystal embedded in the head of the wooden pole) and swung hard. The makeshift club connected, and the bat went flying.

His ballistic arc sent him into the side of a nearby building, and after the impact he fell unconscious to the sidewalk.

“Good swing,” and the vir turned to see a short beaver wearing a natty suit said. “You oughta try out at the ball park.”

“I’m looking for the Sacred Car Park of el-Bo,” Varan said.

The beaver shrugged. “It’s near Lord Foad’s tower. Better hurry, though.”

“Why?”

“The fees go up the closer you get to sundown.” He nodded pleasantly at Varan and walked away, singing while his broad tail slapped against the backs of legs to keep time. The lyrics were interesting, and the tune was some kind of plaintive lament.

“Please Lord Foad, don't kill us
We beg for mercy
Your plumage is wondrous
It fills us with glee
Ottokar's a great city
Though we are not free
Please Lord Foad, don't kill us
We beg for mercy.”

Had she been Terran, Varan realized that she would have been shaking her head. She solidified the pavement around the still-unconscious canine and started going through his pockets, retrieving the keys to his wagon and approaching it warily.

There were assorted yips and barks coming from the cage mounted on the back of the vehicle, but the vir first went to the front and searched the driver’s compartment. In a small cabinet beside the driver’s position, she retrieved a map, a set of keys, and a mirror. Varan tucked the items away in her satchel and returned to the cage.

Three furs tumbled out of the back of the wagon when Varan unlocked the cage, and after removing their collars they changed shape, becoming a mink, a bear, and, interestingly, another canine. The trio shook their heads to clear them.

Finally the mink looked down and said, “Five Monkeys in a Phone Booth! I’m NAKED!”

“First time for everything,” the bear opined.

The canine blinked, looking up at Varan, who stood nearly a meter taller than him. “Hey, cutie,” he asked, “how’s the weather up there?”

The mage ignored the question. “Your clothes should be in a box between the cage and the driver’s position. Here are the keys.” She tossed the keys at the bear, who fielded them casually. The three former captives went to get their clothes back on, and Varan opened the map.

To her surprise, each block on the map started moving, in some cases too fast for her feline eyes to track, until things settled down and the word ‘UPDATED’ appeared. It also helpfully pointed out where she was in relation to various landmarks, and Varan noted that Lord Foad’s tower and the Car Park were at the exact center of the map.

Her ears swiveled as another vehicle pulled up and she smiled as Meredith called out, “Varan!” The mage and the paladin embraced, and Meredith said, “I’m so glad I caught up with you!”

“I’m glad to see you too,” Varan assured her. “How did you find me?”

“I got a ride from the postal carrier,” and the ermine behind the controls of the vehicle tipped his hat courteously. “He knows his way around.”

“If I want to deliver my mail, I have to,” he said. “I have the Knowledge, I have.” He engaged the engine and the vehicle moved off, turning onto the next block just before the bell sounded and each part of the city started to move around again.

Varan said, “I have a map now, that seems to update after each time the city moves.”

“That’ll be helpful.”

“How were you able to persuade the postal carrier to – “ Her eyes narrowed and she sniffed as the paladin’s ears dipped in a blush. “You didn’t.”

“He wouldn’t take money.” She rubbed a fingertip against a small area of matted fur at one corner of her mouth.

“That’s not going to do your Purity rating any good, you know.”