A Christmas present from me to me.
Wanted to make some cool art for myself.

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I'll be honest with you,
This is probably the shittiest Christmas I've ever had. I'm broke, I haven't been paid regularly, in fact I haven't been paid at all in over two months. If you're wondering why that is it's because I'm working for in-laws who decided to take advantage of me and break up my marriage. Actually it's just one cunt-in-law and now she just won't pay me. I live in a fucking shed that is freezing and I have to piss and shit outside. The shed is on the in-laws property (come to find out it's technically not hers at all but that's a whole bunch of other bullshit for later) and said in-law ever tried to accuse me of taking advantage of her even though she's the one who pays me and my husband nothing. When she was paying us it was maybe 150 dollars every couple of weeks. She fucking lied about everything just to get us to her place and support her business. I can't even sue for cheap labor because she never put anything on paper (always cash).

So now I'm trying desperately to escape but I have no money and no where to go. I can't even afford my own food. I have to get food from any nearby charity I can find. And the only reason my internet and phone service is still on is because it's under my mom's name. To make things even worse I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant and constantly sick or in pain because of the baby. I know I said I wasn't going to try for another and I didn't. But unfortunately I had no clue I was fertile so soon after my last miscarriage so this is a back-to-back pregnancy. I started doing porn in order to make some money but it's just homemade videos of me and my husband so I'm not going to make much money off of it.
I hate myself and I hate where I am in life. I just want to curl up and die. I can't even drink or smoke my problems away because I'm fucking pregnant. I feel so alone. If you think married people and those in long term relationships can't feel lonely think again. It's very lonely when you're in an unhappy relationship.
I can't even find a job out here so I have to sell my body. And there's none of my pets with me to ease the pain. My pet bird died about a month ago, I couldn't even be there with him during his last moments. I miss my cat so much. I promised her I'd never leave her for anything or anyone and I made that exception with my husband. What good he's done in my life! I'd be better off single with a cat. No I can't say such harsh things about him. He was naive and lured in by someone he thought he could trust.
I just want to die. I just want to fucking die already. Why does it seen like everything bad happens to me? Everyone abuses me. Everyone takes advantage of me. No one likes or respects me. I'm just a fucking burden in everyone's eyes.
And now I'm cold and crying on Christmas eve.

Anyway that's how my life's been going. Merry fucking Christmas. I may kill myself or start an Only fans. Maybe both.