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Cinnamon Hot Air Balloon [0.1]
by vivikun
Watcher
15 years ago
In my Cinnamon Hot Air Balloon I fly
I keep looking from the high
Watching people through that sky
People that is just passin' by...
Always carried by the wind
I keep searching for my other half
The person who will calm my mind
The person who with me will laugh...
Then I see something that deserve to mention
A person really got my attention!
Too bad he is busy on that otakon convention
I dont even have to think twice
I want him with me on this flying device
'cause Cinnamon without my Sugar is not nice ~~<3
____________________________________________________________________________________
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯I was bored and sad, then I did this to remember some good old times to try to cheer up...
Also, I needed a new walpaper.
The original image http://www.hakatours.com/images/UpU.....lloonEmail.jpg
The original poem http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4246812/
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The 1st stanza establishes the setting,
the 2nd stanza details the speaker's dilemma,
the 3rd stanza conveys a revelation,
and the last stanza gives a cute (ongoing) resolution. =D
I do question the purely (A) rhyme scheme in the first quatrain though. Is there any reason why you chose to have all four lines rhyme?
Also, I take it you're aware of the sight-rhyme you used in the 2nd stanza: (wind/mind)? The two words (in this case) don't rhyme, but it's not too serious of an issue, especially since within that same stanza you rhymed "half" with "laugh." =)
A few grammar issues aside, it's a solid piece, Vivi. =3
Grammar is my worse enemy, and not being american too xD, I lack knowledge of how to say some words properly >.<
However, just be careful with having a one-type rhyme scheme going past a certain number of lines; it can grow stale, dampening the power of the poem. =O