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My very first short story! XD
I'm really happy to have done this. The story is based off of this submission of Eddie the Wolf and Lucy Martinez. After I did the piece, I felt a bit inspired to create a short story, and here is the result. :)
Anyway, it's a bit comical and cute. If anyone chooses to read it, please give me some constructive feedback. I would really appreciate it. :)
Have fun reading it!
Short Story (C) -
sonichomeboy
I'm really happy to have done this. The story is based off of this submission of Eddie the Wolf and Lucy Martinez. After I did the piece, I felt a bit inspired to create a short story, and here is the result. :)
Anyway, it's a bit comical and cute. If anyone chooses to read it, please give me some constructive feedback. I would really appreciate it. :)
Have fun reading it!
Short Story (C) -
sonichomeboy
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Mammal (Other)
Size 120 x 100px
File Size 25.6 kB
Nice job. You seem to have chosen an omniscient narrator, which I always have trouble with. There are a few minor things here and there, but it was a fun romp. ;)
Just in case you are curious... (This of course is just writing advice I have picked up)
1. Avoid adverbs. These are the ly words. Often they are used in a way such as this 'she ran quickly', which can be better said 'sprinted' or 'dashed'. Such words can usually be removed without much loss, often times they make the story stronger.
2. He thought to himself is extraneous. Unless he is a telepath, just go with 'he thought'. Otherwise you are suggesting he has mind powers. :)
Just in case you are curious... (This of course is just writing advice I have picked up)
1. Avoid adverbs. These are the ly words. Often they are used in a way such as this 'she ran quickly', which can be better said 'sprinted' or 'dashed'. Such words can usually be removed without much loss, often times they make the story stronger.
2. He thought to himself is extraneous. Unless he is a telepath, just go with 'he thought'. Otherwise you are suggesting he has mind powers. :)
I did!
Yeah, it is something I see in my own work that I'm like, dude, I knew I wasn't supposed to do that. ;P Adverbs... From many sources I hear they are risky. I do see them used in a lot of writing, but if you use one, read the sentence without it. If it means the same, cut it. If it doesn't, you can reword it so it is clearer.
You are welcome, critiquing other's work helps me as much as it helps you. I may offer critiques to help my skill improve.
Yeah, it is something I see in my own work that I'm like, dude, I knew I wasn't supposed to do that. ;P Adverbs... From many sources I hear they are risky. I do see them used in a lot of writing, but if you use one, read the sentence without it. If it means the same, cut it. If it doesn't, you can reword it so it is clearer.
You are welcome, critiquing other's work helps me as much as it helps you. I may offer critiques to help my skill improve.
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