Silence.

Not even the idle hum of an engine, that he was so used to. No animals, no rushing water, barely a rustle of the wind, not that there was much to rustle. Felix had set his airship down on a small island, suspended in midair miles above the ocean below, a piece of Terra firma stuck in the firmament. It wasn't an unusual sight, after all he'd grown up on an archipelago of floating islands, yet this one was small, barren, and further up than most. His ship almost always had it's engines running, either flying or landed and ready to go, but for once, he'd taken the time to spin the engines down. Not for fuel efficiency, nor maintenance, but just... Quiet.

This far up, and this far away from civilization, the sky was beautiful, not tainted by light pollution or smog, barely even the atmosphere itself from the altitude. And here in the dark, he could see every single star in the night sky as if he were among them. Yet for the moment, his eyes were closed, his mind wandering, running a mile a minute. Usually he could keep himself distracted, but here? Nothing to focus on, except himself. His past, his present, his future. Everything he had done wrong, and all the times people had wronged him in turn. Regrets, love, loss, triumphs. Every stumble, every recovery.

His life usually moved so fast, with so much purpose, he had no time to dwell on these things. Learn a bit, sure, but move on without second thoughts. No time to doubt the past when you're forging the future. Your own, and the future of those counting on you, friends and family. Have to make a living, have to keep up with the people he cares about, has to take time to relax, has to sleep, eat, endless responsibilities.

But right now? A moment of peace. No cargo to move, no chores undone, no distractions. Yet peace comes with its own burdens. He couldn't just think of nothing, and with no distractions, most topics, most lines of thought, just bounced, not interesting enough on their own to keep his mind sated. Of course it would settle on the heavy stuff. There was more to reflect on, more to learn, ways to improve, do better next time. But not without him beating himself up. Using the knowledge of the present to correct the past, it felt almost impossible to not find himself thinking he should have done better. Info he could have never had solving issues he didn't even realize existed.

Thinking of possible futures not just from the present, but from back then. Potential forever lost, though whether or not it had ever been in reach in the first place was arguable. A hollow comfort. His eyes opened, gazing upon the stars above, tracing along constellations in an attempt to distract himself. Tonight wasn't going to be productive, there was nothing here to learn. Tonight he was going to grieve. Every life he could have had that was now out of reach, every relationship he could have saved that was now lost, wasted opportunities, time and time again a lack of confidence to stand up for himself.

He didn't want anyone else to feel sorry for him. He was strong, he'd make it through, he always did. And there were many futures yet to seize. But for now, a twinkling constellation formed in his own eyes, the silence broken by a gentle sob.

---

Lines by  Hoot
Flats done by myself with permission.