just needs to be separated into paragraphs so it's not a chunky block of words. other than that I loved it so far x3

but that's just me.

You have superb description and details with nice action flow that helps bring the work to life.
The characterization is also in form of good foundation. A beginning is a very important thing, as it is where the audience is drawn into a work. The short opening narrative despite nice, does not have much form do to lose of narrative speaker. However, is such was expanded with depth, or such narration will be common throughout the work than it is acceptable towards your rhetoric. This is due to the strong nature of the beginning of the paragraph itself which draws the reader directly into the work through action and dialogue. Characterization is slightly skeptical to some common archetype traits towards a protagonist, however this is only the first glimpse and it may prove as you continue to build the work such will be expanded on in your rhetoric. You don't see many unicorn anthropomorphic stories nowadays. I believe it could have potential. Best of luck with the rest.