A customer service agent will be with you shortly. Please hold.

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So, I was listening to the Tetris (CD-i) level 0 theme, and couldn't help noting it sounded like hold music. A few minutes in Tenacity later, and I had this. Enjoy knowing that you're not actually stuck on hold and can go listen to a better version whenever you'd like.

If you want to know how I achieved this, the projects sample rate was set to 8000 Hz, I used the graphic EQ to cut out anything above 4 kHz and at or below 50 Hz, I used amplify to bump up the volume just enough for it to clip but only sometimes, then I exported it as MP3 with a constant bitrate of 24 kbps, though if my knowledge of phone systems is correct, you'd actually want to lower that. So, there you go. Now you too can turn music into a pale facsimile of itself.