FA+
Shop
348
Views
Views
2
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50
File Size 5.5 kB
Report this content
More from SombraStudio
Just a bit of venting...some thoughts I had to get off my chest so I can go back to drawing. It's not meant to be some nice bit of writing or whatever...Just some questions that seem to linger in the back of my mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If God exists, there is only one thing I want to know
'What is the definition of happiness?'
My peers have all found what they wish to protect
I envy them, yet I have nothing to be proud of
Right now, I don't have a place to return to
I can't find a reason for tomorrow
Hello Mr. My Yesterday, using the time machine
i want to tell the 'me' of that day
To you who talk about dreams, 'Can you see
What will happen to me tomorrow?'"
~Hello Mr. My Yesterday- Hundred Percent Free
In all honesty I only meant to come home from school and take a break from schoolwork and draw up some Detective Conan fan art that I've been thinking about drawing for a few days now. Just a simple scene from/based off of one of the ending sequences. So I watched the ending...but this time I actually paid attention to the translation of the song. After dozens of times of listening to this song I fell in love with the first time I heard it, I decided to actually find out what it was saying. And (once you get past the song title) it was one of the most poetic, emotional, and beautiful things I've read in a while (if not a tiny bit depressing). So now my desire to draw something has now been put on a small hiatus to vent a little about the feelings and thoughts those words above have stirred up.
So right now I'm feeling a bit stuck. I have no idea where I'm going. Right now I'm completely unsure of what I want to do with my life. I'm so close to graduating but I'm so unsure of whether I'm even doing the right thing. I don't really know if I want to be an animator. I don't even really know if I want to do art for a career. It's a little unfortunate but sometimes I just start hating art because the only time I have to work on art is for classes. This particularly rings true for this semester because I have all animation classes. I really don't have that much time to draw much for myself. I would really hate it if I just developed a complete hatred for drawing one day. And considering that I've been liking art less and less since high school, that possibility is very real.
I wonder if it is something I should just give up on. I'd make for a terrible animator anyways. I really don't like working with other people. I hate the constant planning of a project. If I could just work from an exposure sheet and thumbnail sketches I would be fine. I like winging things and I can't do that with animation...at least not for school. Perhaps if I were doing it on my own it would be a possibility. But the process of perfecting a story that everyone else has to be able to understand, doing thumbnail sketches, redrawing said sketches into a storyboard, doing concept art and character sheets, and so on and so forth...all that planning...it makes me loose interest very fast. I don't know if I could do it for the rest of my life.
"Hello Mr. My Another Way, using the time machine
I want to ask the 'me' of the future
To you who abandoned your dreams, '10 years later
Are you, the person who was once me, still smiling?'"
I have to say that I don't think any words can affect me more than these. When I read them, I nearly instantly start tearing up. You know, I can't that I haven't thought about it. About me in the future and what I would want to do. I'm a bit of a dreamer but everything just stops at dreams. I don't know how to make them a reality. I don't know if it's possible to make them a reality. So I suppose if I had to face the me of 10 years later I would hope she smiles more than I do. And if I could face the me of 10 years ago, I would probably tell her to keep art a hobby. The moment I told myself I wanted something more from it was the moment I began to hate it.
If I decided to give up art, would I really be abandoning my dream? Or would I be opening myself up to finding something I really could do for the rest of my life? And would it be wrong to throw aside school to work a dull, typical job and keep art to myself? Would it be selfish of me to keep my art for myself...to make it for me and me only and not for any sort of audience?
Sometimes I think people may use guilt tactics in order to keep me doing things like art. I'm not saying that they're doing it intentionally, but I do think that it happens. When people say "You love this" or hint at me being "too good" to be so pessimistic about what I draw I have to think to myself "Do I love it?"..."Am I really as good as people think?". To me the answer's no. No I don't love art as much as I though. No I'm not that good. There are plenty of people who are much, much better and actually have the patience necessary for a career as an animator. All I'm doing is just wasting time and money because I can't figure out what it is I want to do with my life.
I would hope that I could quickly figure it out so I don't waste anymore time doing stuff that I don't want to do, but the unfortunate thing is that I can't figure it out and the decision isn't as easy. I wish that I was one of those people who were born to do something and can do that task with all their heart and soul but I'm not. So I suppose until can figure it all out, I'll continue to remain confused and frustrated about the future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If God exists, there is only one thing I want to know
'What is the definition of happiness?'
My peers have all found what they wish to protect
I envy them, yet I have nothing to be proud of
Right now, I don't have a place to return to
I can't find a reason for tomorrow
Hello Mr. My Yesterday, using the time machine
i want to tell the 'me' of that day
To you who talk about dreams, 'Can you see
What will happen to me tomorrow?'"
~Hello Mr. My Yesterday- Hundred Percent Free
In all honesty I only meant to come home from school and take a break from schoolwork and draw up some Detective Conan fan art that I've been thinking about drawing for a few days now. Just a simple scene from/based off of one of the ending sequences. So I watched the ending...but this time I actually paid attention to the translation of the song. After dozens of times of listening to this song I fell in love with the first time I heard it, I decided to actually find out what it was saying. And (once you get past the song title) it was one of the most poetic, emotional, and beautiful things I've read in a while (if not a tiny bit depressing). So now my desire to draw something has now been put on a small hiatus to vent a little about the feelings and thoughts those words above have stirred up.
So right now I'm feeling a bit stuck. I have no idea where I'm going. Right now I'm completely unsure of what I want to do with my life. I'm so close to graduating but I'm so unsure of whether I'm even doing the right thing. I don't really know if I want to be an animator. I don't even really know if I want to do art for a career. It's a little unfortunate but sometimes I just start hating art because the only time I have to work on art is for classes. This particularly rings true for this semester because I have all animation classes. I really don't have that much time to draw much for myself. I would really hate it if I just developed a complete hatred for drawing one day. And considering that I've been liking art less and less since high school, that possibility is very real.
I wonder if it is something I should just give up on. I'd make for a terrible animator anyways. I really don't like working with other people. I hate the constant planning of a project. If I could just work from an exposure sheet and thumbnail sketches I would be fine. I like winging things and I can't do that with animation...at least not for school. Perhaps if I were doing it on my own it would be a possibility. But the process of perfecting a story that everyone else has to be able to understand, doing thumbnail sketches, redrawing said sketches into a storyboard, doing concept art and character sheets, and so on and so forth...all that planning...it makes me loose interest very fast. I don't know if I could do it for the rest of my life.
"Hello Mr. My Another Way, using the time machine
I want to ask the 'me' of the future
To you who abandoned your dreams, '10 years later
Are you, the person who was once me, still smiling?'"
I have to say that I don't think any words can affect me more than these. When I read them, I nearly instantly start tearing up. You know, I can't that I haven't thought about it. About me in the future and what I would want to do. I'm a bit of a dreamer but everything just stops at dreams. I don't know how to make them a reality. I don't know if it's possible to make them a reality. So I suppose if I had to face the me of 10 years later I would hope she smiles more than I do. And if I could face the me of 10 years ago, I would probably tell her to keep art a hobby. The moment I told myself I wanted something more from it was the moment I began to hate it.
If I decided to give up art, would I really be abandoning my dream? Or would I be opening myself up to finding something I really could do for the rest of my life? And would it be wrong to throw aside school to work a dull, typical job and keep art to myself? Would it be selfish of me to keep my art for myself...to make it for me and me only and not for any sort of audience?
Sometimes I think people may use guilt tactics in order to keep me doing things like art. I'm not saying that they're doing it intentionally, but I do think that it happens. When people say "You love this" or hint at me being "too good" to be so pessimistic about what I draw I have to think to myself "Do I love it?"..."Am I really as good as people think?". To me the answer's no. No I don't love art as much as I though. No I'm not that good. There are plenty of people who are much, much better and actually have the patience necessary for a career as an animator. All I'm doing is just wasting time and money because I can't figure out what it is I want to do with my life.
I would hope that I could quickly figure it out so I don't waste anymore time doing stuff that I don't want to do, but the unfortunate thing is that I can't figure it out and the decision isn't as easy. I wish that I was one of those people who were born to do something and can do that task with all their heart and soul but I'm not. So I suppose until can figure it all out, I'll continue to remain confused and frustrated about the future.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 5.5 kB
As someone who has been around for a bit and traveled somewhat and done a great many things in life i can only tell you this - you are the ONLY person you will have to be with for the rest of your life. doing what is the most rewarding to YOU and finding out who YOU are take precedence over all else. Keep your sanity intact and that future you will thank your past self for the effort. :)
It would take precedence over all else if life didn't have its own issues that need to be attended with. It would be a lot easier to take the time and slow down and try to figure out what it is that would be rewarding to me and what it is that I want to do with my life if life weren't in the way.
And sanity? Sanity's a bit overrated...^^;
And sanity? Sanity's a bit overrated...^^;
Life is just life - it takes no prisoners, it has no rules and it gives no quarter. I was just referring to the point that if it's you and you alone then you do what you can to make yourself the happiest you can be without worrying what others think or what they think you should do. and sanity is subjective - I speak of it in the purely ephemeral sense where it means what is right for you. :)
I wouldn't say life has no rules. Naturally, I need to do certain things to be able to survive. Being able to eat, drink and sleep are the basics of this. However the "rules" of life get complicated by the obstacles that humans have created. Money (to me) is one of the most confusing and unnecessary items in the world. But it's one of the most necessary things to get what is necessary to live (and by live I'm purely just speaking of staying alive, food, water, and shelter...mostly just food and water). It's just that that comes first and then comes everything else.
Not to mention that I have no idea what it is that would make me happy. Everything I thought that I would like doing, I don't want to anymore.
Not to mention that I have no idea what it is that would make me happy. Everything I thought that I would like doing, I don't want to anymore.
I identify on every level - i have been surviving (just food shelter and minimal accouterments) for most of my life. there have been moments of release from this grind here and there but in the end it's been paycheck to paycheck and moment to moment. The eternal search for a reason to continue to get out of bed while understanding the necessity of it if you wish to go on (although there are days I don't understand how I keep doing it) you must crawl once more to the shower. Finding what makes you happy is part of the riddle that you have to find the energy to pull apart and restructure within the limited means presented to you to find your "happy". Find a point, focus on it and proceed forward until everything else falls into place. If by just giving someone a person who listens to them I have found mine.
Comments