Art by
 fishyboner who was extremely patient and really came through with how this turned out. All I wanted was a sad gator and it became, really, so much more.

The hands/claws were really a central part of the piece. Both Fishy and I work with our hands a whole lot. Breaking my hand this summer really started this last bout with depression for me, and Fishy also had a tragic break that really hindered their art and livelihood. The hands and the water are symbolic of cleansing and healing.

I am empathetic, but also wounded. Seeing sadness I'm drawn to it and riveted by it. There used to be (back when I was released into the world of the fandom 10+years ago) lots of art out there that was emotional. I don't know. Cry art. Misery art. I was extremely drawn to it. But, many of the people creating it were my own age, dealing with the trauma of becoming adults.

The things that drive my sadness are my own, and I cannot pretend to understand what another person or character is going through. But seeing sadness through someone else's eyes and paintbrush brings what is in me to the surface. The pangs of sympathy and empathy and my own misery just rip through me. I wanted my own piece to help remind me of my own hard traveled road.

I used to cry quite a bit myself, in my formative years Not so much anymore. So many things are hitting at the same time. Relationships blossom and die. Things happen you don't even have time to think about and beautiful moments and places pass you by and and you don't know it happened, until maybe a random photo reminds. You have to be strong and have your shit together.

Sometimes, when you need tears, there's nothing but pain.