*L* oh gawd the hilarity!

Lies are fun, but the truth can be sooo much more scathing don'tcha think? and she's stealin' the show to boot!

I need to read up on some stuff so I can do a few of these!

You better believe it. I'm coming up with gags for each of the scums

O.o gotta let me in on some. I so wanna do some of these.

I have an idea for Ramus and one of the others... more likely Mose... doing a thing about *drumroll* the egyptian opression of jews!

I'll note ya some inspiration.

You know, I actually at first was appauled, but reading it again, it made me laugh because it IS accurate. It also should remind anyone that any religion has this stymie.

Human's, first and foremost, are imperfect, illogical, hateful, spiteful creatures. The result being a mixture of sour and sweet.

Sides, half the suckers, if not all, I've run into in life who practice religion only do so in name only; it's rare when you find one who practices what they believe, and you certainly know when they do.

One of the most important lessons I learned in life is to never put someone on a pedestal. No matter who they are, their shit still stinks.

If anyone has a problem with this view, then they should "turn the other cheek."

I'm glad you got the joke and could see the humor I'm playing with.

I'm stubborn about my beliefs, but not so closed mind that I can't appreciate the humor used. Sides, if anything, she's likely going to rape him screaming "BECOME ONE FLESH" in a few moments after the camera closes off.

You're thinking of Delicious, another Kingdom Scum.

That's silly. How do you rape the willing? If memory serves, David was a horn dog while he ruled.

Sounds like an old saying I heard once. "Do not make monuments to the living, for they can still disgrace the stone."

Yay! More Kingdom Scums! =^_^=

Staring the cute mousie.

Of course, David's misdeeds led to God punishing him for it.

But I usually stick to the teachings of Jesus because they're more consistant.

From 4 different sources.

Eh, if you sum it up, it all evens out to "don't be a douche."

That was actually my favorite part of the Kingdom Chums cartoon too. They say the point of the "Top 10" is to 'love one another.'

Despite all the negatives you find in the bible, the over all message is respect your fellow man, because we are all one big dysfunctional family.

I...dont get it

Poking out the holes in the story of King David that you hear in church.

funny ^__^ an yes very cute Mouse there

Careful. She is a naughty little liar.

thats ok i've delt with worse

Judy's totally adorable saying that last line. :)

And she hasn't even started on all the pervy psalms he wrote.

Or how Lot, the most virtuous man in Sodom & Gomorrah, offered up his daughters to a rape-hungry mob. Yep, real virtuous. Also, apparently that story's in the Bible three different times. They must've felt it was real important.

There is such a lot of things screwy with the bible. Things you can point at and just say "Cult moment." Things you can point at and say "Damaged text or incomplete story."
Heck, you could make an entire page about people trying to figure out if they're in Egypt or not. With some of the 'books of the bible' either they were getting things down in pieces (and digging up the relics of them in fewer pieces!), telling older stories, or they kept going back to Egypt.

Let's see --- David had Uriah killed by Joab allowing the enemy at him -because Uriah was totally NON-cooperative in David's scheme to have him think he was the father of the unwanted child. David couldn't tell Uriah WHY he wanted him to have relations with his wife. He had him killed out of sheer frustration and desperation.

God punished David first by killing the innocent child , then by family troubles (AmmonXTamar, Absolon...) and Shimei heckling him and Solomon calling him to account for that years later. According to Calvinists God had prechosen David to salvation no matter what his sins and thus didn't just slay king David . The same argument is used by the Eternal Security heretics.

Christians argue that just about every major figure in the Bible - EXCEPT JESUS- failed miserably at some point or another, tho they straightened themselves out. Abraham, Moses, Samson, David, Solomon ... Even the Apostates -Apostles- floundered in trying to work with Jesus. Peter, in particular. In contrast, the heroes of the heathen books (Vedas, etc.) were superhuman paragons of virtue and unexampled champions of rectitude. I have tried to avoid doing that with Casper in contrast to Spooky, but I don't think I really succeeded.

Well, the Bible IS unique in that it's superheroes have feet of clay.

David, who was already married, lusted after Bathsheba and bedded her one night. Then he tried to cover that up by having her husband come home from the front to sleep with her, so the baby (pre-contraceptive times) would be considered his. But he would not co-operate. Unable to tell him why, David in desperation and exasperation had him KILLED. That's when God meted out bizarre "justice" (kill the innocent baby, stir up mortal trouble with the royal family -who were also not involved, etc.)

That insane preacher, who said the world would end on 5-21 (now 10-21),said that David was elect and his sins all pre-paid and pre-atoned for, so his salvation was a given, so the 3-headed God did not kill him for killing the un-co-operative husband. Still, a prisoner on death row could repent and be baptized, etc., but that would not cancel his date with the lethal injection. So God COULD have killed David for his crimes.

Well, the Bible IS unique in that it's superheroes have feet of clay.
Nah. Even the Greek/Roman gods had faults. Apollo's love life was in the crapper, and Hera was the poster child for the angry house wife. Herc was a murdering drunk, and lets not get on the subject of that guy with the heel.

The Norse gods were loaded with faults. Mostly of bragging and pride.

But he would not co-operate.
He actually said not until he wins the battle for David (extra twist on that ol back stab.)

So God COULD have killed David for his crimes.
True. Instead he had to live through the death of his kid at god's hand. The rape of his daughter by his son. The civil war that resulted from it and the deaths of his kids as a result..... I think that was even more cruel than to just get a godly execution.

All innocent third parties. Since this is the same God who now asks us to worship Jesus, and worship him the "Right WAy" -whatever THAT is, I long ago decided to reject the bible.

One tract spoke of hell being an actual place, that is a place of torment and that the torment is eternal. The tract, however, gave NO proof of hell's exietence , just a bunch of bible quotations. Also the dying testimonies of the "unsaved" may have been faked by malicious people to defame them. Voltaire did NOT die screaming about hell like the Jesuits insist he did. All the so-called Protestants parrot and bugle this. Hogarth said that a protestant preacher is a closet Catholic.

If there's one thing the bible tells us it's that sooner or later *everyone* screws up. At least David got crap for his... indescretion.

True, but sunday school never tells you about that. You gotta wait for bible study, and even then if they can avoid it they will.

Hah! Our Sunday school did. We had a special month of study on how every King from Saul onwards messed up. (Would've liked to see an episode covering all the many times where Saul tries to murder lil' David there.) One day someone will make proper bible movies with less holy and more 'And then we killed everyone' seriously,t here's so many damn good stories there!

I wanna see a story about the only female in the book of judges, Deborah. She was the freaking Xena of her time! All we ever talked about was Ruth (who I found out later tricked Boaz into marrying her. So much for true love.) and Ester (Beauty contest = Orgy in Persia. Who knew?).

I dunno, Ruth and Ester are pretty cool, they'd make good movies and Dinah's been the subject of a few books, but yeah Deborah! It's a pity so many of these tales are so short (but that would just give space for the 'based on a true story' crap movies love.)

But seriously, so much awesome in that book.

Also I want a Marie Curie movie just because.