You are now Maria. It’s been a little time since the A team left the box, and since then, another Lopunny entered. This Lopunny is the Colt that the confederate vampire spoke of earlier. They came in order to show everyone how to create within the box. They built houses, created a landscape that took over the blank room, and basically made it so that everyone got their own box-room, or chose one to share. That being said, Claire, Donut, and you decided to share a box, in order to keep your alliance strong, and to not get lonely. Everyone else pretty much took their own box, with the exception of Lucifer and Rick, which seems odd because of Rick’s personality. Clint thinks they did that to fuck in private, and you think he’s correct.

Your box consists of three houses, one for you, one for Donut, and then one for Queenie and Claire. The place looks abhorrently suburban, but considering how fucked everything else is right now, every one likes it better that way. You didn’t really know how to decorate this house, nor did the rest of your alliance, so you ended up with the house from American Dad, Claire and Queenie get the Family Guy house, and Donut took the one from the Simpsons. You’re currently in the box, playing cards with Donut and Claire.
“So, what do you think they’re doing out there?” Donut says
“Hopefully nothing too dangerous.” Claire replies
“Don’t worry, he’s out there with two soldiers.” you add
“They didn’t bring their weapons.”
“That’s kinda gay, like, I can see why Sandler doesn’t want them to kill a bunch of the people, but, like…” Donut says
“I’d feel better if they were armed.”
“Claire, don’t worry, he’s good. Nobody ever dies in pokemon.” you say

“That’s a game though. This is real life.”
“Still, they’re tough bastards, they’ll be fine.”
“So when does Uno come out again?” Donut says “cause this is pretty fun.”
“Don’t know off the top of my head, but I don’t think it’s too old.”
“I think it exists for you, Donut.” Claire says
“Is it just not as popular?” Donut replies
“I don’t live in the eighties.”
“Well, I h-” Donut begins but stops as everyone is moved into the main box again. Because all of you were sitting in chairs, you all fall over.
“Could you have picked a worse time, Billie Fucking Madison?” Rick says, butt naked, with Lucifer’s head over his junk.
“Jesus, I guess I couldn’t have. Wow!” Adam says, covering his eyes “If I fucking knew, I’d- p-put it away, already!”
“Do you see pants around my ankles?”
“Go put them back on!”
“PUT ME BACK IN MY FUCKING HOUSE!”
“What house?”
“You’re… oh yeah, you don’t know, so…” Rick says, removing his dick from Lucifer, letting out an audible pop noise “we had some interior decorating.”

“That’s cool, go put pants on.”
“You called me here, so, present what you’re going to present.”
“No, put on pants, I’m not giving a serious talk with a naked cat man in front of me.”
“Just pretend it’s like your movies.”
“This is real life, and this is serious shit, ok?”
“I mean, allegedly this is real life. Like, it’s not Farfetched to say this shit might not be real, I mean, come on, we’re a bunch of children’s game characters, and Adam fucking Sandler is just standing there, admiring my cock.”
“I wouldn’t say admiring.”
“I mean, come on, Lenny, you seen a piece of meat like this before?”
“No and I don’t want to again, would you just- can someone give him something?”

“Hold on.” Lucifer says, wiping his mouth off on his/Rick’s spare jacket and wrapping it around Rick’s waist.
“You know, I’d probably beat your ass for getting shit on my good clothes, but it’s my own pre-“
“Would you just stop!” Clint says
“I’m just saying.”
“Stop saying stuff. Fuck” Adam says “ok, can you not just show up with no pants in the future?”
“YOU PUT ME H-”
“Peters walks around pantsless all the fucking time!” Lucifer butts in
“I- wait…” Adam says, then looks at Peters, who’s wearing a jacket, a hat, and that’s it “why aren’t you wearing pants?” Adam asks
“Don’t fit over the skirt, ‘sides, none of y’all noticed till now, so I don’t see a problem.” Peters says quietly
“No, you wear pants too.”

“I FUCKING CANT!”
“Peters!” Spear Mint yells
“It’s like a kilt, think of-“
“Put on-“
“IT DOESN’T FUCKING FIT!”
“Honestly, I kinda thought it was some Sabrina Online stuff.” You say “Where he’s wearing pants that look absolutely identical to his legs.”
“What the fuck?” Peters says “Why the hell would I have something like that?”
“Idk. Why is a wwii guy pantless?”
“I CAN’T PUT PANTS ON, are you people deaf?”
“What do you mean by you people?” Rick asks, doing a poor impression of a black voice
“What?”
“Rick, he’s from the 40s and the south, he’s probably more racist than you.” Violette says
“Surprisingly no.” Queenie says

“Peters, pants-” Adam begins, then gets slugged in the guts by Peters. Adam hunches over, and Peters puts his hand on his shoulder, and begins to speak
“My pants DO NOT FIT OVER THE FUCKING FUR SKIRT! HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO PUT ON PANTS?!”
“Fine.” Adam says, in pain
“If Peters doesn’t have to wear pants, why do I have to?” Rick asks sarcastically
“Don’t fucking start, dude.” Spear Mint says
“So you’re fine with Vixen Pussy feeling the breeze, but not cat cock?”
“Bro, there’s no breeze, it’s Iraq.” Muscle Mon says
“The fuck did you just say, you-” Peters says, trying to lunge at Rick, but get’s grabbed by Nikita instead
“Listen, yank, think of it like, a handicap spot. They get the close spots cause they don’t always have the ability to make it from the- you know what I mean. This is disability based privilege.” Nikita says
“I park in those blue spots all the fucking time. NYC is majorly retarded with it’s parking systems. Shit, half the fuckers park on the sidewalks cause our city planning morons turned our street parking into bike parking, and no one uses that shit cause it don’t get plowed ever.”

“How do y’all function in that city?” Clint asks
“We don’t, well, not without violating a slew of retarded laws. In this city, you’re either braindead, a criminal, or both.”
“Which are you then?” Spear Mint asks
“Just a criminal. You’d agree with that if you knew how hard I was playing all of your cards right now.”
“What are the Impractical Jokers?” Muscle Mon says
“The rare exception to the rule. I fucking love that show, it’s genius.”
“Yeah.” Clint says
“Agreed.” Spear Mint says
“Oh 100%, shit’s fucking funny, and Staten Island looks more like NJ anyways” Nikita says
“I love those guys.” You say
“Have to be my absolute favorite white people.” El Toro says
“God, I love that show.” You say
“That shit, is like, the best show, for real.” Daren says
“They’re not that funny.” Violette says
“Neither are women. Now shut your whore mouth.” Rick says
“What the fuck is Impractical Jokers?” Peters asks
“Imagine schoolyard pranks, but with a massive budget, shown to anyone who wants to watch, and played on random strangers, enjoyed from your living room.”
“Sounds great.”

“Oh, it is, Foxtrot, it is.”
“What the hell are your nicknames?” you ask
“Don’t worry about it, my funny bunny lopunny friend.”
“Oh God, that’s- just, never call me that again.”
“Oh, but-”
“Ok, everyone, shut up!” Adam says “We just killed people, and I have announcements to make.”
“Oh shit.” Clint says
“Yeah. We got ambushed by terrorists and Muscle Mon, unintentially turned their bombing into a suicide bombing.”
“I kicked a voltorb into a building and it made Al Qaeda pancakes.” Muscle Mon says
“My favorite item from Ihop.” you say
“Yeah. Then we went to a mosque nearby, to use as a waypoint to find a pokecenter, or whatever it’s called.” Adam says “We thought we’d have to fight a bunch of the terrorists on the way there, but ended up finding a pokecenter before getting there, so we didn’t fight anymore.”
“Pokecenter was located in a hospital that got blown up when I was stationed in Iraq.” Nikita says “I guess it’s still here now.”
“Yeah, so now that we got that out of the way, we also found out the moves that our current team has, so, we’re here to tell everyone here, yours.”
“Sounds good.” you say
“Maria, would you like to go first?”

Would you like to figure out your moves first, or let someone else?

PAGEBREAK

“I don’t really care if I go first or not.” you say (you who vote for stuff on this tied these things three times in a row. By God!)
“Alright, you’re going first anyways because I already pulled it up.” Adam says, pointing a weird phone at you “Ok, so you have Bounce, High Jump Kick, Headbutt, and Strength.”
“By the sounds of that, it doesn’t seem like you’re gonna be the HM slave, Potato boy.” Rick says
“Fuck off man.” Clint says
“I don’t know about that.” Nikita says, looking over Adam’s shoulder “Says here that potato boy has- wait I called him potato man”
“Potato boy is funnier.” Rick says
“Alright, so, potato boy has dig, cut, rock smash, and strength.”
“MOZHER FUCKER!” Clint yells
“Lucifer next!” Lucifer says
“Why are you speaking in third person?” Adam says “And why are you” Adam says while moving away from Nikita “being so dang nosy, and impatient? I’m the trainer, or whatever, you’re supposed to do as I say.”


“Your Authoritarian side is showing Adam, you’re like an hour into being in charge and already you’re a dictator, them dipshits in Cali knew what they were talking about.” Nikita says, chuckling
“Typical of (((them))).” Rick says in a yell-whisper
“What the fuck are you two talking about.”
“I’m referencing the Sanford prison experiment-” Nikita begins
“And I’m just being racist.” Rick says
“Ok… Anyways, Lucifer, you have wild charge, charge, discharge, and swagger.” Adam says
“Almost had a thing going with all the charge.” you say
“He needed to have the exaggerated swagger of a black teen.” Rick says
“I’m not black.” Lucifer says
“Well yeah, you’re blue, but like-”
“I was white before this.”
“Really? That’s actually surprising.”
“Why’d you think I was black?”
“Studied you and personalities added up. Anyways, so what’s mine?”
“You have foul play, plasma fists, discharge, and fake tears.” Adam says
“Reminds me of last friday night, heyo!”
“Sounds like domestic violence.” you say
“Or just violence in general- why’s it gotta be domestic?”
“You just seem like the type.”
“I’d need to have a living family for domestic violence.”
“I can be your family.” Lucifer says seductively

“I’m not getting married after one blow job. I mean you have skill, but-”
“Would you two shut up!” Adam says, annoyed
“Homophobic much, Davey?”
“Davey?”
“Eight Crazy Nights- how the fuck do I know your movies better than you do?”
“I just assumed you didn’t watch a movie about a Jewish holiday.”
“To be fair, I thought it was a Christmas movie at first.”
“Are you braindead?”
“No, I’m just a sociopath. But, I gotta say, beautiful movie” Rick says, making the Italian hand thing, kissing it, and then throwing his hand out, in a dramatic fashion “Oh, and the songs- the songs. Technical Foul is a gift from God, and… the other one, with the bom diddy da da- that song too.”
“Thanks… ok, so who wants to go next?”
“I’ll do it.” El Toro says
“Ok, you have thrash, take down, tackle, and horn attack.”
“Again, almost another name thing with the Ts.” Rick says
“That’s called an alliteration.” Violette says
“ThAt’S cAlLeD aN AlLiTeRaTiOn- shut the fuck up.”
“Violette, you next?” Adam asks

“Fuck no.” Violette says
“Why?”
“Does it matter?”
“You’re giving me more sass than my daughters- why don’t you-”
“I just don’t, ok?”
“Oooooh, Feisty thang!” Rick says
“Shut up man.” Adam says
“She’s being feisty, but stop pissing off Mr. Sandler.” Donut says
“Fuck all of you.” Violette says walking more into the corner of the room
“So… Donut, you next?” Adam says
“Sure.”
“Dark Pulse, Screech, Confuse Ray, and Assurance.”
“Ooooh… what does that mean?”
“I’ll give you a more in depth explanation after everyone else gets theirs.”
“Ok.”
“Alright, so Cristobal? Right?” Adam says to the soccer rabbit, who’s standing in the corner, talking to El Toro
“Que?” Cristobal says, barely looking at Adam
“Can you speak English?”
“Si.” Cristobal says, with his (or you assume his, as they’re named Cristobal, but have boobs) head cocked to the side
“Let me say this again, can you SPEAK ENGLISH.”
“No.”
“Fine. You have Pyro Ball, Flame Charge, counter, and feint.”


“Ironic that the soccer player has feint, considering you guys tend to get breathed on, then act like you got dismembered, and pop back after the penalty is dealt and you get sprayed with the magic water.” Rick says smugly
“Fuck did you say, Yanqui?” Cristobal yells, and then begins screaming in spanish. You took Spanish in highschool, so you recognize a few words, but most of it is too fast for you
“I kinda agree with that one.” Claire whispers to you and Donut, and you hold back a chuckle.
“Again, Rick, can you please behave?” Adam says
“Si, Papi!” Rick says
“Alright, so who’s gonna go next?”
“I would like to volunteer, if that’s quite alright.” Edgar says “I’m rather fascinated by the idea of special abilities, and would like to know mine.”
“You have rock tomb, stone edge, stealth rock, and crunch.”
“A lot of stone related things, is that a pattern then?”
“Sure.” Rick says
“Fascinating.”
“Yo, Mr. Sandler, can I get my shit?” Daren says
“Sure.” Adam replies “You have leach seed, leaf blade, last resort, and giga drain.”
“Woah, so like I’m a whole mosquito or some.”
“Well, you were a useless member of society that drains resources and provides nothing, before you were a parasite, as well.” Rick says
“RICK WOULD YOU SHUT UP!” Adam yells, and Queenie walks over to Claire

“How’s it going with you guys?” Queenie says
“Good, so what are the moves?” Claire says
“They’re attacks, but we can use like regular fighting too, cause Muscle Mon did some WWE stuff, when we got into combat.”
“Did you get hurt?”
“No, well sort of- it’s a long story, and it was just my self esteem.”
“What happened?”
“Well… I don’t like being this short, and light, and… he sort of just picked me up with one hand… and… You know what, never mind.”
“Hey baby-” Claire begins
“Can you not call me baby, at least for a while?”
“So you have belch, bullet seed, body slam, and rest.” Adam says to Dakota, who begins to cry in the background
“I’m sorry, Ch- um…” Claire says
“You can say my real name with this group, cause I think only one of you doesn’t know it.” Queenie says
“Yeah, I don’t know it.” Donut replies
“It’s Chris, but it’s Disaster Queen for everyone else- Also, sweet, at least one of you isn’t taller than me.”
“Yeah, I kind of hoped I’d get taller, but nope. Well, at least I think I’m the same height. If I get a reference, I can do the math.”


“Sandler is 5’10.” you say
“And you just know Adam Sandler’s height off the top of your head?” Queenie mutters
“He’s my favorite actor, so yeah.”
“Ok, so if he’s 5’10, I should still be 4’10.” Donut says
“You’re fucking 4’10?” Queenie says distressed “I’m barely taller than you.”
“Yeah. you’d probably be 5’0 or something.”
“Fuck…”
“Chris it’s ok, we’ll turn back after this, or something like that.” Claire speaks, hiding her own doubts, poorly
“Yeah… this is only temporary. We’ll all go back.”
“Hey!” Adam yells towards your group “The angry pink one-”
“FUCK OFF!” Violette yells from the corner
“Yeah, she’s still refusing to learn her moves, and Claire, you’re the last one to hear their moves besides her.”
“Oh. Sure, this isn’t the best time, though.” Claire says
“I’ll leave you and your… boyfriend?”
“Yes, boyfriend.” Queenie says
“Yeah, I’ll leave him in the box for now, so you can chat, or do whatever, and take Clint with, so I can figure out why I’m supposed to have an HM slave, or whatever it’s called.”
“Thank you.” Claire says
“Ok, so you have flame thrower, night slash, shadow claw, and toxic.”
“I have a flamethrower?”
“No, I think you shoot fire from somewhere. I don’t know if it would be from your tail or from your mouth like a dragon.”
“I hope it’s like a dragon.”
“It’s the tail.” Queenie whispers
“Damn.”

“Alright, so, Violette. Your moves are wish, protect, hyper voice, and moonblast” Adam says
“I don’t care.” Violette mumbles
“Listen, I don’t like having to force you guys to fight, but you may need to. I have our main volunteers here, and then we have our reserves, and then theres some of you who don’t want to fight, or I agreed to not have fight unless there’s an absolute need to, but at the end of the day, I don’t know how this is going to go, and you may have to.”
“I’ll fight when everyone else is dead, how about that?” Violette says, and Adam stares at her for a second before speaking
“Fine. When people start dying, I’ll put you in.”
“No when-“
“If people start dying, you’re automatically in the running cause then it’s a matter of when you’d die, and the more people fighting at once, the longer the time before we all croak.”
“Whatever.”
“Oh my God, how are you more infuriating than the dude who makes a joke about my race every five minutes?”
“It’s a religion, not a race.” Rick says
“It’s both cause of incest, kitty!” Adam yells in his distinct voice, and Rick begins to chuckle “listen Violette, if you’re going to be a bitch, you can at least be funny.”
“Thanks for saying I’m funny.”

“Yeah, Violette, you made it to the bottom of my favorites list-“ Adam begins
“Who’s at the top?” You ask
“Muscle Mon, at the moment”
“EAT IT, LOSERS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Muscle Mon yells
“But yeah, anyways let’s get a move on. Anyone else want to go into my party to explore? Or are we just switching the Queen to Clint?”

PAGEBREAK

You don’t volunteer because you can’t decide (TIED AGAIN! FUCK!), but Adam leaves with Clint, El Toro, Nikita, Edgar, Adad, and you anyways. You follow them out the door, and wave goodbye to your friends.

You are now Claire again (I switched for reasons I will not explain). You just watched the group leave again, and now have time alone with your boyfriend, relatively.
“So, what’s this about houses?” Chris says
“Oh, so- Just let me show you.” you say, and walk towards the opposite wall of the box, from the door out. It opens automatically, to show a white light, and you grab Chris’ hand and pull him through it. You get to the other side and see your unholy suburbia. Chris stares at everything, completely baffled by it.
“What?” he utters
“We’re gonna be living here for the time being. Maria has one house, Donut the other, and we have the last one, can you guess which one that is?”
“Shit… maybe- wait is that the fucking Simpsons house? And that one… is that the family guy house?”
“Yeah and yeah, and I don’t know the last one, that’s Maria’s cause that show hasn’t come out for us yet.”
“Do we have the Griffin household?”
“Yep!”

“That’s… I don’t know how to feel about that.”
“We have a house, and that’s what’s important. We have a house together!”
“But, like why Family Guy?”
“Couldn’t really think of what I’d like our house to look like, and I remember you said you’d love to spend a day in the Griffin household, so…”
“Does it look the same inside?”
“Oh yeah it does!” you say and pull him up the walkway. You open the door and hold out your hand to present everything. Chris’ eyes light up with childish wonder
“How did you- how- what?” He says in amazement
“We talked with Colt, the other bunny, like Maria, and we asked them about what we could do with our box, and they said they can make anything for us, basically. I don’t know, it was a speech to everyone, and when he got to us, we wanted to have our alliance in our own box, but with some privacy, and he suggested a neighborhood, and so we just used houses we were familiar with, but ones that were also exciting, and, and yeah.” you say, very excitedly
“Breath Claire! God damn.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m just excited. We have a house together.”
“Yeah, we got it under the most bizarre fucking circumstances.”
“Yes, but we have a house.”

“Yeah…” Chris says a bit solemnly and then brightens up again “Yeah we do.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Yeah. All of this is so wrong- but this, this is the only thing that feels right. You know?”
“Well yeah, we gotta make the best of these situations though, right?”
“We do… Yeah, we do.”
“Hey, after this is all over, we-” you begin, but see movement outside the window, in the corner of your eye. You turn your head and see Donut looking at Maria’s and your cards. “HEY! BACK OFF YOU CHEATING BITCH!” you yell and Donut jumps, before walking away laughing. You then turn back to Chris, and find him bracing himself against the wall, laughing maniacally. “You ok?” you say concerned
“Heh, no.” he says, staring at the floor “Just really stressed by all this.”
“It’s alright. I can’t imagine what you’re going through here, but I can try to help, if you let me know.”
“I’ll let you know when it’s something I think you can help me out with.”
“Please let me know, even if you don’t think I can help. I’m here for you, and you’re here for me, right?”
“Yeah.” Chris says and then thinks for a second “So, how do you think I should adapt to my cock disappearing, and stuff like that?” he says sarcastically
“Hmmmm. I gotta say, that’s more a question for Nikita, or N, or whatever they’re calling themselves.”
“Yeah, I’m wondering something, what do I refer to them as? A guy, a girl, neither, both?”
“We could always ask.”


“We could, sure, but that just seems really rude, and I don’t want to get on the bad side of the person who destroyed a dragon warrior, that’s twice their size.”
“They don’t seem like the type to fight you over something like that.”
“I’ve known people who’d kill for less.”
“But, the circumstances-”
“I’m still not going to risk it.”
“Well, you could probably ask Rick to ask, and he’ll ask in the least graceful way possible, and probably get yelled at.”
“Hmm. Sounds like a good idea.”
“Plus, it would be-” you begin, but see Donut back at it again “DONUT! YOU FUCKING DWEEB! BACK AWAY FROM THE CARDS OR…” you yell, and then look at Chris for guidance
“Threaten to swirly them.”
“OR I’LL SWIRLY YOU!” You yell, and hear Donut laughing outside
“Oh, she thinks that’s a joke, does she?” Chris says, grinning
“Isn’t it?”
“Maybe, but let’s make it a realistic one.”
“Chris, we’re not swirling a friend.”
“Cheaters got to pay. Besides, remember Trish, Jake’s sister?”
“Yeah.”
“She asked me to swirly her once, and so I did.”
“Yeah, but she- wait why?”
“She said she wanted to know what it was like.”
“That’s retarded.”
“Still, she asked, didn’t she?”
“But, Donut isn’t-”
“We don’t have to swirly her, we just have to make it look like we will.”

“Fine.” you say and walk out to Donut, who’s still checking cards on the porch. “So.” you say
“So?” Donut replies without looking
“I did say.”
“Say what?”
“That if you keep checking the cards, I’d swirly you.”
“What’s that?”
“Let us show you.” Chris says, and ushers her over, into your house. Chris walks up the stairs, into the bathroom and you follow. Once everyone is in, he closes the door, and begins to speak “Now, Claire, do you know what to do?”
“It’s not rocket science.” you say
“Good, then continue.”
“So, do I just…” you say, bending down and grabbing Donut’s ankles.
“Yeah- actually, hold by the knees and- actually, you know what, height ratio isn’t the best for that… just… I’ll do it. You just do the thing once I do the thing.” Chris says
“Uhh, are you still ok with this Donut?”
“Ok with what? I don’t know what’s going on.” Donut says
“Well, you’re about to find out. Take a deep breath.” Chris says, so Donut does, and then Chris shoves her head into the toilet, and you flush it.

Donut doesn’t stay in the toilet for long, and manages to elbow Chris in the face, and throw him against the wall, then yanks her head out, and lies on the floor, angrily staring at you two.
“Damn.” Chris says, wiping blood from his nose “You’re way stronger than you look.”
“You’re way weaker.” Donut says “That took no effort at all. Fucking bitch. And you call yourself a man.”
“The fuck did you say?”
“I said, and you call yourself a man?”
“Say it again-”
“You deaf or something? You have the strength of a fucking infant. I’m a tiny Chinese girl, and you’re getting thrown around like a fucking stuffed animal.”
“Fuck you!” Chris says, starting to get a little teary eyed
“Gonna cry?”
“That’s enough!” You yell. Should you yell at Chris and comfort Donut, Yell at Donut and comfort Chris, Yell at both, or comfort both?

Pagebreak

You decide to reprimand Chris and Donut.
“This was supposed to be an empty threat!” you tell at Chris
“Oh really?” Donut says, passive aggressively
“Shut the fuck up, with your stinky turtle neck! I’ll get to you in a bit.” You yell at Donut, then turn your attention back to Chris “That’s not even a swirly, that’s just drowning someone in a toilet.”
“There’s more than-” Chris begins
“Don’t care. I never intended to actually do this.”
“You sure-” Donut begins
“I swear to God, if you pipe up one more time, I’m gonna shave that stupid bowl cut off your head.”
“It’s not a bowl cut, nor is this how my hair was styled before this shit! I don’t fucking like it either, but point me to a fucking barber, and I’ll fix it, untill then, deal with it.”
“Whatever. I didn’t want to actually do this, but decided that I’d go along with it anyways, and that’s my fault. But, we are all friends here right? And even though you two have barely talked, that’s not an excuse to be so nasty with each other.”
“Claire, you know I don’t make many friends.” Chris says
“Yeah, you have trust issues, but who here isn’t living a lie right now? Like, none of us are human, you’re going by some drag name, and bullying someone named Donut, who lives in the Simpsons house. You can trust the fact that everything is bs, and can also trust that there’s nothing you could be backstabbed for, or whatever because we’re all in the same boat, all in the same amount of danger, and all need each other to make it through this.”

“Easier said than done.”
“Making friends with people, with common struggles and goals, is the easiest shit in the world. You can be the most pessimistic asshole and they’d agree cause you’re both as equally fucked. Chris, of all the things you have to adapt to right now, making friends should be the biggest cakewalk of them all. You’re hunting terrorists, how hard is it to be nice to your fellow hunters?” you say, and Chris sort of stares down at himself in shame
“I’m sorry Claire. You’re right about all that.”
“I’m not the one who you need to apologize to.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry Donut-”
“It’s alright, you’re way less nasty than the bitches where I’m from. Besides, you had the generosity to warn me before you tried to drown me.” Donut says sarcastically
“Alright.” you say “And now it’s your turn Donut. Why the fuck are you so… insistent, about checking all our cards. I tell you three times, three fucking times, to stop, and you just do not listen. I half expected you to pull your head out of the toilet and go right back to peaking.”
“Why does it matter? It’s not like we’re gonna pick up that game again, Maria is gone, for who knows how long-”
“SO WHY DO YOU KEEP CHECKING THEN?”
“Because I wanted to know what I could have done, if my plans would work, if I would have won, had the game kept going- why does it matter my reasoning? Why does that matter, when you two just tried to drown me?”


“Oh my God. Look, I fucking said that I’d swirly you, and you just ignored that warning-”
“I didn’t know what that meant.”
“So you decided to chance it, and it didn’t pay off.”
“How was I supposed to know?”
“You gambled with fate and got pissed about it. How were we supposed to know that you didn’t know?”
“And why would I have agreed to it, knowing what it was?”
“You could have thought the risk was worth the reward, could have thought I was joking-”
“Could have wanted her to do it.” Chris cuts in
“Who the fuck would have wanted that?” Donut yells
“You’d be surprised.”
“Shut your mouth, Gweilo!”
“Anyways!” you pipe in “Besides the cheating, why the fuck were you being so mean to Chris?”
“He tried to fucking drown me!”
“You were warned.” Chris says
“Chris shut the fuck up!” you yell “Donut, it’s still uncalled for, and you said it yourself, he warned you of what was happening, he waited for you to hold your breath, and you at no point decided to question it.”
“And now you’re blaming the victim.” Donut says, pissed
“NO! You’re both guilty and you’re both the victim! You two need to hug and make up, and that’s final.” you say

“She looks like a dude, and that’s-” Chris begins
“Gay? You don’t look like a dude to me.” Donut says “By the way, that’s a nice rack you got there, really goes with your little bitch personality.” Donut finishes, and Chris brings up his fists.
“ENOUGH!” you yell, getting in between them and grabbing them both by the collar of their shirts. However, in doing this, you missguessed your own strength. Expecting to barely be able to stop them, you ended up using everything you had at your disposal, and lifted them both off the ground. All three of you were in shock at this, and you released them both, with Donut landing on her feet, and processing what just happened, while Chris collapsed to his knees in defeat. You rapidly start to apologize to Chris, and he walks by you with a vacant look in his eyes, only uttering that he ‘needs some time to think’, as he walks out of the restroom.
“Well, that was dramatic.” Donut says
“Fuck you! He’s obviously going through some shit right now-” you begin
“We’re all going through some shit. Oh no, his gender got switched on the fly, he’s so fucking special for that. Boo hoo. I am going through the same thing.”
“He’s obviously not taking it as well- no, you can show a little fucking compassion for someone going through the same shit as you.”
“He tr-”
“If you don’t shut up about this ‘drowning’ bullshit, I’m doing it again, and you’re not walking away from it that time.”

“Why are you siding with him so much? I’m the fucking victim here.”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve known him since I could remember, and I mean that literally. My very first memory was my 3rd birthday party, and guess who’s there, yep, it’s Chris. How long have I known you Donut? A day? Less?”
“Knowing someone a long time, or not, there’s a right or wrong here.”
“You got warned three times, and something happened.”
“You tried to kill me.”
“Oh my God. no I fucking didn’t- dude, I’ve known you for a day and you’re already trying to break down my boyfriend.”
“That is not much to break down.”
“What is your God damn problem, and before you bitch about drowning, or whatever, know that I don’t mean that. You got issues.”
“And you don’t?”
“Can you stop fucking deflecting everything for five minutes? Jesus.”
“You two suck.”
“We all suck, we’re all stressed, we’re all assholes, and you’re no exception to the rule, you are it. You don’t know our backstories and we don’t know yours, and I’m sure if we all knew, we’d act differently, but we don’t, so fuck off.”
“And you decided to date the biggest piece of shit of the bunch.” Donut says, smiling as she sees how much that pissed you off
“No. That’s it, you’re done. Get the fuck out of my face, and get the fuck out of my house. Now!” You yell, grabbing Donut and yanking her out of the bathroom, then nearly shoving her down the stairs.

“Oh, so that’s how it is?” Donut yells “So you’re gonna pick him over me, when he’s being the piece of shit?”
“He isn’t doing shit, you’re just picking on someone who’s down on his luck, like a fucking vulture. Now get your ass down my fucking stairs before I kick you down them!” you yell, and Donut walks down the stairs. She gets to the bottom, and walks out the door, and so you follow. You walk over to where the Uno game was set up, pick it up, and then hurl it at Donut. It doesn’t really hit, but you get your point across. You stand there and watch her go into the Simpson’s house, and slams the door. You then do the same, and go into your own house, and slam the door behind you. You begin to walk up the stairs, but then hear “thank you” from your right. You look, and see a door there. You open it up and see a sun room, filled with an assortment of patio furniture. Chris sits on an old couch in there, and he can see the confusion in your eyes.
“You haven’t seen this room before, either, have you?” he says, rubbing his eyes.
“No. I haven’t.” you say “Could you hear all that?”
“You guys were loud enough, I think all of Iraq could.” he says, chuckling, but then turning back into a depressive state “Am I weak?”


“No, no, you’re not weak. I’m just way stronger than I was, and I think it’s the same for Donut.”
“But that means I’m weaker than you guys, right?”
“No.”
“How am I not?” Chris says, and you try to think of why, but can’t manage to think of something.
“You’re…”
“It’s ok Claire. I know. I’m the one who needs protection now, and now I’m even more useless for you.”
“You’re not useless, you’re- you’re tired, I’m tired. Lets just sleep, together, in our own house. Ok?” you say
“Ok.” he says and the two of you walk into the master bedroom. Neither of you decide to get changed, and just go to sleep in your clothes, holding each other.

PAGEBREAK

You wake up, and it still looks like day outside, either because you didn’t sleep long, or because there’s no night in the box. You still have your arms wrapped around Chris, with him still seemingly sleeping. You think to yourself that you should have woken up, thinking everything that happened was a dream, but you didn’t, and whether it being emotions, stress, or waking up to your lover’s new face, you had no thoughts of there being a sort of dream to wake from. You both want to get up, and stay here for ever. You don’t want to go out and face the world, as the only world you can face right now is one of pain and suffering, for you, and others, and likewise, this moment of embrace that you’re having is one of the only things good right now. You want the moment to last forever, but know it won’t and that there’s a slim chance that you’ll have it again soon, based on Chris’ position within the team. However, you want to get up, mostly because your arm has the pins and needles feeling, from Chris sleeping on it, and you need to pee, but also because the sooner you face the world, the sooner things can go back to normal, or as normal as things can get, you guess.

You decide to try to get up without waking Chris, but fail and stir him awake.
“W- what are…” Chris says, barely opening his eyes
“I’m sorry Chris, I gotta take a leak.” you say, hopping out of bed
“Ok… wait- why… never mind.” he says, depressed. You guess he may have felt everything was all a dream, or hoped so. You leave the room, go to the bathroom, and then come back. Once back, you find Chris has sat up in bed, and is staring at the ceiling. He notices you come in and gives you a smile, and you go to join him on the bed. You wrap your arm around him and sit silently for a little.
“So, do you want a little distraction from everything?” Chris says
“Sure, what do you have in mind?”
“Well, we have a nice looking tv in front of us, so, let’s use it while we can.”
“Sounds good.” you say, and Chris turns on the tv. You spend a little time navigating it, as most of the regular channels are in Arabic, and you want something in English. After a while, you end up finding the stuff that the vampires left for you, called Zulu ‘a copyright free Hulu (other vampires own that shit, sorry)’, and find many shows and movies you’ve never seen before on it. You browse for a little before finding a show called Regular Show, which Chris decides you have to watch. You ask why, and he says that’s where Muscle Mon’s persona comes from, and he needs to know what the hell everyone else is talking about.

You watch the show for several hours, and quite enjoy how random and silly it is, while also being very serious at times. It would feel like a massive fever dream if everything else didn’t feel like a bigger one. At one point, Chris says he needs to go to the bathroom, and says that he’ll try to get help if he can’t figure things out on his own. He doesn’t need to get help, you find out, and just says pissing is just like pissing, and that it was easier than he thought. However, he was there for a while, and when you ask why, he said he didn’t just have to piss. Eventually, both of you get tired of watching tv, and decide it’s time to leave and return back to the main box, or check out someone else’s. You leave the cursed suburbs, and then get into the main box, seeing no one around but Violette, but don’t talk to her, cause she’s a bit of a bitch, and getting another bitch fit is at the bottom of your list for wants. You also see a table in the middle of the box, with a note on it.
“Got tired, sleeping in a motel with Nikita as look out” was what it read, signed by Adam. The note also had another side, saying “I let everyone else come back here, so they could get homey. Do not worry about Nikita, she says she goes weeks without sleep, as part of her Soviet soldier stuff”

“So, I guess that answers that.” Chris says
“What?” you ask
“Nikita is a she.”
“Or Adam just wrote that.”
“Maybe.” Chris says, and you see Spear Mint walk in from another room. She stares at the both of you for a second, and then hurriedly walks over.
“Hey, you guys, how’s it going.” she says, elongating every word
“Could be better.” Chris says
“Cool, cool. Look, I’m not going to give you any bullshit or anything, but I can’t do shit without hands and I need major help dressing and undressing.”
“Ok. Do you want me, or C- Disaster Queen, or both of us?” you ask
“I’m sorry DQ, but like, I’d rather have a woman for this, like an actual woman.” Spear Mint says
“No problem.” Chris says, smiling pridefully
“Ok, cool. So… Claire, was it?”
“Yeah.” you say
“Ok, let’s go.” she says and leads you to her box. Hers is significantly smaller than your own, and is basically just a cramped apartment. This place doesn’t look like much, and is kind of filthy, and you can tell that this is just her real life apartment.
“So, nice place.” you say sarcastically
“Yeah, not really expecting visitors or anything, it’s just home.” Spear Mint says


“You know, you could have had anything as a box, right? We made a whole neighborhood-”
“This is where I feel comfortable. Nothing feels more like home than home. And I just want to be home, ok?” she says, somewhat passive aggressively.
“Ok, sorry.”
“Anyways, it’s that time of the month, and I have one pair of clothes, can you please-”
“Yeah” you say, and help her undress, and after around an hour, she had showered, used the bathroom, and other stuff, and you help her dress again. After a while, you exit her apartment and go back to the main box. Chris is still waiting there and is now talking to Peters, who has a gun again. Chris sees you and calls you over, and so you and Spear Mint approach.
“Claire, you’re the one with hands, how’d it take you an hour to help her change?” Chris says jokingly
“I’m sorry, I made Claire bathe me too.” Spear Mint says
“Wait what?”
“No she didn’t, she just had me wait.” you say “Which is really boring cause she has nothing in her box besides filth.”
“Speaking of which, what is her box?”
“My apartment.” Spear Mint says
“We have a whole neighborhood-”
“With the family guy house, and that shit. I know, your girlfriend told me.”
“Peters, what’s yours like?” you ask

“Family farm.” Peters says
“Nice.” Spear Mint says “Can we see it?”
“Why?”
“You told us a bunch of stories about it.”
“We want to see where you shot your dad.” Chris says
“Where he what?” you ask
“Second time wasn’t at our farm.” Peters says
“Yeah, like the woods nearby?” Spear Mint says
“No, that was at my cousin’s place, round six miles west of Fort Worth.”
“Where are you in Texas?”
“Rolling Plains, with the closest town being… fuck, was it Putnam or Cisco? Well it’s in between the two. But the closest big city is Fort Worth, or Abilene, or… one of the two.”
“I only know of Fort Worth, out of all the names you said.”
“It’s a farm in the middle of nowhere, and I don’t travel around much, ‘cept for now, I guess.”
“Can we see your farm?” Chris asks
“Sure, why not.” Peters says and leads you to a door in the wall. He opens it and it’s a snowy city. “That is not mine.” He says under his breath, then opens the one next to it. In this one, all you can see is a vast field of wheat, and a small farm house up on a hill. “Yeah, this is mine.”
“Very quaint.” you say
“Heh, you’d say that, but y’all didn’t live here. Feels bigger now, cause there’s no animals, and no family around… this shit ain’t bring the closure I’d hope it would have. It’s some sad shit, cause I ain’t gonna see my family again.” Peters says, gaining a bit of sorrow in his voice at the end

“Hey, you’ll see them again soon.” you say, to try to chear him up
“Sorry miss, but even though I ain’t a college kid like yourself, I ain’t dumb. We’re fighting a war here, that we gotta survive, and after that, I know I got another war to finish, and who knows how long that’ll take-”
“Less than a year.” Spear Mint says
“Well ain’t there another war with the Soviets right after?”
“No. That’s the Cold War, and that’s more metaphorical.”
“Still, I got two wars ahead of me, that I gotta survive, and then maybe, maybe I can go home. Problem is, that’s only if I change back, which I don’t think is the case-”
“Nikita said the Pimp would-” Chris begins
“Nikita said that’s for folks who get turned to avoid death. She also says that the fruitier blood sucker don’t like changing folks back and also has a thing for toying with folks. But that shit still deals with maybes, and if it were just all that, I’d still have faith that there’s a chance we turn back. Problem is, Nikita says she knows some of us from before here, for her, which would be after all this for us. Now, I think that means she could spot us fast, and that probably means we ain’t human again.”
“Wait so Nikita’s a girl?” Spear Mint says
“I think.”
“But Nikita is a dude’s name.”
“Is it? I thought it’s something like Ryan or Alex, or some shit where it’s both.”


“I think it’s just a guy thing, or Nikita could be non binary or something like that.”
“The fuck is a non binary?”
“Wait Peters, so did Nikita just say that they knew some of us from before they were sent here?” you ask
“Yeah.”
“That could mean that they just know our names, and stuff like that. We could still be human there, right?”
“Listen, if Nikita knew us by name, she’d know me, and that’s it. However, by the time she’s living in, Adad is dead, and I’m gonna be barely functional, if not dead, probably the latter cause she said the world went to shit. That leaves 3 others, cause she said she knew someone on our team, specifically. This means that we have Spear Mint, Disaster Queen, and Muscle Mon, who she doesn’t know the human names or human faces of. So, how would she know us?”
“Maybe… maybe we recognized her… and…”
“She never said she knows how this thing ends. That being said, I don’t think one of ya’ll went up to her and said ‘hi, you don’t know me, but we killed terrorists together, with a Hollywood man comanding us like fighting dogs, so, as much as I don’t like this either, I doubt we’re changing back.”

“We could ask if we change back, right? Have we done that?”
“She ain’t said. Listen, even if we do go back, I think it’s best that we get used to our new selves, it’ll be easier that way, if we don’t go back.”
“So, you’re just giving up?” Spear Mint says, a little bit pissed
“Nope. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t get our hopes up, is all.”
“No, you are giving up!”
“I’m just accepting what type of shit’s gonna come at me, is all. I ain’t smart, but I ain’t dumb, and I ain’t one of those fucks who think everythig is shit, and I also ain’t one of them who think everything turns out right. I believe in God, and I think he’ll make this work for us, but I also know that we got demon’s here and now.”
“That sounds like a whole bunch of bullshit to me.”
“Listen, you ain’t look like the type to have dealt with death before. Am I right?”
“Well, sort of. I lost my great grandparents at an early age, but it didn’t really effect me. I’ve had pets die-”
“But what’s happening right now is probably the first time you’ve been fucked to a point where you’re powerless?”
“Maybe?”
“Thing is, shit’s not good in the world all the time. You seem like you were always ok, or mosty, till now. But I’ve been through a long period where it won’t get better or it will get worse, and you just gotta brace the hell that’s thrown at you, and keep a level head. Can’t dream, cause if you take your mind off the now of what’s happening, someone takes your life… It’s been a while since I’ve gone a day without a friend dying, till yesterday. This ain’t bad right now, and I just gotta keep my focus on having it stay that way, until I know how to make it better.”

“Jesus.”
“Yeah. War ain’t fun. And, I ain’t trying to kill your dreams, or anything like that. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t count on a future that might not happen, and instead focus on what we can do now. The planning for the future is for Adam to do, that’s his job, he’s the general and has to plan nine steps ahead. We just gotta take those steps as they come.”
“I’m sorry Peters-”
“Don’t be. Futures are uncertain right now, but the present is good. Let’s just live the moment right now.” he says and begins walking through the wheat towards his house. You all follow and once he reaches the door, he invites you all in. The house is small, but you can tell every inch of it is put to use. It’s cluttered, but not in the way Spear Mint’s is. The house smells old, worn, and raw, and reminds you of a friend’s house. He is second generation Mexican immigrant and had a large family in his small house. You’d visit there often when you were around 12, and remembered how friendly everyone was there, but also how noisy it was. This feels like that too, but not noisy. The silence is deafening, and you can tell this house wasn’t even quite when everyone slept.

“It’s too quiet.” you say to yourself
“Yep.” Peters says “I feel the same. It’s home, smells like it, looks like it, but it don’t sound like it, and it don’t feel like it.”
“You ever feel like it’s too quiet, you could come to our neighborhood.” you offer “Everyone has their own houses and all, but we all have extra rooms- well maybe Maria doesn’t, cause I don’t know her house.”
“Thanks, but ain’t no way in hell I’m living in a city house.”
“It’s suburbs.” Chris says
“What’s a suburb?”
“They’re like mini cities specifically made for families that started after wwii, cause there wasn’t enough housing and shit to make way for everyone who came back.” you say “So, if all this didn’t happen, you’d probably live in one.”
“Hmmm… maybe then.” Peters says, and then everything turns white. Everything fades back in, and you’re back in the main box, everyone is. Adam stands in the middle of everyone with Nikita. Nikita looks normal, but Adam looks like shit
“Good morning everyone, how’d you guys sleep?” he asks “Cause part of the hotel I slept in blew up in the middle of the night.”
“Are you ok?” Maria asks, wiping the sleep from her eyes
“Yeah, cause thankfully N here wasn’t lying about her killing abilities.”
“We left before the explosion and I put down 3 of the salafis.” Nikita says. You see Chris talking to Rick out of the corner of your eye, and then Rick speaks
“Ruski.” Rick says “If we fucked, would it be gay?”
“If you’re asking if I’m a dude or a chick, I’m a chick. If you’re requesting sex, that’s a hard no.”
“Was mostly asking the first.”
“You already have a personal whore, is that not enough?”
“I’m the embodiment of greed baby, enough is never enough, and that’s how you make it in this industry.”
“Too bad that industry didn’t make it.”

“Not really. The industry sucks, people suck, what it does sucks, all of it sucks. It’s like gambling but it’s at everyone else’s expense as well as your own.”
“Ok, glad we agree on that then.” Nikita says, smirking
“Anyways.” Adam says “New day, and I think it’s time we check out that Mosque, maybe get some idea of what’s happening there. A Team, get ready, we’re going to check it out. I hope you all rested.” Adam says. And like you had already accepted, you’re being separated from Chris again. Hopefully things turn out alright for everyone.

copyright:
pokemon: gamefreak/nintendo
Muscle Man: Cartoon network