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Random fact! I hate drawing hands! XD
Now I'm going to say thanks to everyone who still continue reading this comic and loving it. If you feel like I'm lack of update and decide to stop reading it, for that I shall apologize. It's understandable. Nevertheless thank you. :)
Now who will save this poor guy?
Grammar check by
connor.drake
[edit] another check by
MuffinPaws
<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Now I'm going to say thanks to everyone who still continue reading this comic and loving it. If you feel like I'm lack of update and decide to stop reading it, for that I shall apologize. It's understandable. Nevertheless thank you. :)
Now who will save this poor guy?
Grammar check by
connor.drake[edit] another check by
MuffinPaws<<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Category Artwork (Digital) / Comics
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 800 x 1050px
File Size 265.2 kB
Listed in Folders
Alrighty, well "Just because your life is difficult, doesn't mean that you can take advantage of other people and nick their stuffs" doesn't need a comma, I believe, and I don't know if that's a british thing or what but I've never heard anyone say "stuffs" before. Stuff is a collective so it doesn't need to be pluralized.
"Forgiveness is not something you can ask for it" shouldn't have the "it", and the rest of that dialogue box is pretty awkward. The rest of it is technically correct but it would sound better in the conditional tense: "Do you think he would be proud to see you like this? I don't think he would love to see his brother risking his neck for him." Those two sentences are also a little redundant but I'm not sure how to change it without affecting your style or intended tone. Also "You'll have to earn it, son" would sound better as "You have to earn it, son". This is just my opinion though, as far as the awkwardness and redundancy.
The last thing is "And now you shall face with the consequence" doesn't need the "with" in it, and would probably sound better as something like "And now you shall face the consequences." Again, my opinion, but "consequences" sounds better than "consequence".
"Forgiveness is not something you can ask for it" shouldn't have the "it", and the rest of that dialogue box is pretty awkward. The rest of it is technically correct but it would sound better in the conditional tense: "Do you think he would be proud to see you like this? I don't think he would love to see his brother risking his neck for him." Those two sentences are also a little redundant but I'm not sure how to change it without affecting your style or intended tone. Also "You'll have to earn it, son" would sound better as "You have to earn it, son". This is just my opinion though, as far as the awkwardness and redundancy.
The last thing is "And now you shall face with the consequence" doesn't need the "with" in it, and would probably sound better as something like "And now you shall face the consequences." Again, my opinion, but "consequences" sounds better than "consequence".
I agree that you do hands very well, especially considering how hard they can be to draw even with using your own as models (Can be a bit tricky when you are drawing with the hand you're trying to model XD). I'm really loving how this story is coming along, your work with perspective and expressions is wonderful, and Smoke is just such an interesting character, keep up the great work :D
I can not imagine anyone dropping away from reading/watching your comic, Delago. It is a good story with excellent grapihics. Your hands are much better than mine and your English -- I can accept that in the world where Mister smoke lives the English that is spoken there may not be the same as it is spoken here on earth.
Each page of your comic is a treat and well-worth waiting for. I only hope that you are enjoying creating the comic and puttig in the hours that it certainly must require.
Each page of your comic is a treat and well-worth waiting for. I only hope that you are enjoying creating the comic and puttig in the hours that it certainly must require.
Grammar correction:
Panel 1:
"...something son." -> "...something, son."
"...an example to your sibling." -> "...an example for your sibling."
Panel 2:
"Do you think he will be proud of you like this?" -> This sentence is just awkwardly constructed. I suggest: "Do you think he would be proud of this?"
"I don't think he'd like to see his brother risking his neck for him." This isn't grammatically incorrect, but within the context it seems kind of odd and out of place.
Panel 1:
"...something son." -> "...something, son."
"...an example to your sibling." -> "...an example for your sibling."
Panel 2:
"Do you think he will be proud of you like this?" -> This sentence is just awkwardly constructed. I suggest: "Do you think he would be proud of this?"
"I don't think he'd like to see his brother risking his neck for him." This isn't grammatically incorrect, but within the context it seems kind of odd and out of place.
I really like the perspective in the top panel. ( And is that a ceiling fan or something? - Nice touch. ) And the close-up on the hand in the final panels has a very dramatic effect. The hands are actually quite well drawn, too. If anything, you could try making the fingers a bit thicker/ stronger, since that tends to add to the sense of physical power and masculinity in the character.
Oh, and don't worry -too- much about your English. It's great that you're trying to improve the quality of the writing, and your English in general, but unless you're actually going to get your comic professionally published, there's no need to go back and correct things over and over. I'd rather you spend the time doing more pages of the comic instead.
Also, no offence to the people offering corrections, but keep in mind that they may not be 100% correct, either. Sometimes there's different ways of wording things, neither of which are necessarily wrong - And then of course there's the differences between British and American English and all that... ( Although I still firmly believe there is no such thing as "American English". )
Oh, and don't worry -too- much about your English. It's great that you're trying to improve the quality of the writing, and your English in general, but unless you're actually going to get your comic professionally published, there's no need to go back and correct things over and over. I'd rather you spend the time doing more pages of the comic instead.
Also, no offence to the people offering corrections, but keep in mind that they may not be 100% correct, either. Sometimes there's different ways of wording things, neither of which are necessarily wrong - And then of course there's the differences between British and American English and all that... ( Although I still firmly believe there is no such thing as "American English". )
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