It's me again;
It's Mother's Day; which is in my opinion such a weird concept. A special day to celebrate your mother... I do that everyday...

I could only think of two characters for this, those being Chandana and Gayza, two characters I made when I was 14 years old. Quite fitting, because even today, I still feel like that kid at times; confused, scared, unsure on what to do and who I am. And just like back then, I still have a lingering fear, one that have gotten more present as of late. That is, losing you.

For you're sick, your body isn't keeping up with you as it used to do, and your mind is fractured in tiny shards, after decades of endless fights with it, a feeling I am all to familiar with, for I too am burdened with it. I'm here to help you pick up the pieces, as you've done countless times with me. Times where I fought myself late at night, dreaded going outside and build walls hardly anyone could go through, aside from you. You where, and still are, my safe haven. And I wish to return the favor. We've had hospital visits, scans and more, one day we'll get the answer, and one day, we'll get the help you need. In the hope, that you can remain being my mom, just a bit longer.

You're an exceptional mom, we're all grown adults, and I know that wasn't an easy task;
A task you've done exceptionally, left alone with five rowdy kids, and a world that turned it's back on it. We're here, because of you. Yes you've slipped, made mistakes, It was to be expected. But through it all, you've carried yourself with pride, and a fierce want to protect us from the world. And the world was cruel mom, we all got bullied, for being poor, fat, weird or simply because our dad was dead. Kids will be kids, and as the years have gone by, we've learned to block out the noise, and licked our wounds. I know some of us still struggle with the void he left, for we weren't allowed to mourn, not because of you, you wanted us to mourn, grief and give it a proper place, but we all kind of screwed up on that. The world never allowed us, and now, as adults. We all cave by the sound of his name. A hard thing to admit, we all rather avoid speaking about him. Even though he was your husband, the father of all of us. The love of your life. I wish I was more comfortable hearing about him, so you could speak freely about him, help keep his memory alive, but like the others. I'm afraid to cry.

You've done your best, and reminded us how much you loved us. How much you cared for us. We've seen how hard you'd had to fight for us. Which in turn, made us fight for ourselves.
A lot of our shortcomings and failures, where blamed on you. Because you where a -single- mom, raising to many kids. Truth be told, most of those where and are our own faults and shortcomings. When we where young, it was easy to point the finger at you, we've learned to bite back though, so they quickly pointed elsewhere. You taught us to be kind, and giving, even though we grew up without a lot, there was always enough for everyone and more, to come sit at our table. We've learned to be financially responsible early on, because you never wanted us to make the same mistakes. We learned to build on one another, as one big unit, we plowed through all that life threw at us. You taught us self-love, knowing that there will come a time, there wouldn't be anyone around to receive it from. You taught us to be creative, competitive, considerate of others, but also never letting our guard down. To trust carefully. And if needed, biting back at people who've wronged us. You taught us to be ourselves, and not be ashamed of who we are. You taught us to be proud....

But when was the last time you've heard someone say they're proud of you, mom?

Because...
I am.
I 'm proud to call you my mom.
I'm proud of who you are, proud of our silly jokes, stupid humor and the quirks I've gotten from you.
I'm proud when I can openly talk to you, about whatever it may be. Because I know I'm lucky in that regard.
I'm proud of you, as a person, the kind-hearted, wise beyond years, loving mother that you are, not only to me, but to the others.
I'm proud that you've accepted all of us, as who we are. Not once have you tried to push us away from the things we love. You've encouraged us, through and through.
And last but not least...
I'm proud, that after so many years, you've finally decided to do that scary thing, called self care.

Mom.
I love you, I am proud of you.
Thank you, for never giving up on me.
For letting me be me, and you be you.
For always being there, with a warm cup of tea.
For watching Arcane with me.
For, being my mom.
♥



Yeah I got sappy, I love my mom okay.. and I'm told to write down my feelings more often to get more in touch with em. Enjoy my therapy I guess?
Prolly the most personal I've gotten with ya'll???
Might close the comments on this, idk, I'm torn. I'm not always comfortable sharing personal stuff, we'll see.
It's a mystery! : O

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